How do you deal with other people making kinda racist comments?

[melanieeeB]

Man today at work I was hanging out with those two girls and well both expressed their fears of uhm black people.

Like we are all withe chicks and I tried to understand where they were coming from and tried to take their fear and talk with them.
(One was robbed in the past from a group of black guys, in the middle of the night and like I understand her fear in that case and the other one comes from another country and always only interacted with withe people and has prejudice)

But I never had a situation like that and I was really overwhelmed.
I have a few childhood friends who are black and when I'm hyped, giirl you will see what I'm talking about but like even when hanging out with them, I actually never really encountered a racist situation.
Or even going out with my ex (he was latino but on dark side lol) once someone said something to him but it was for him so easy to just dismiss the situation and so I didn't see a problem, you know.

How do you all do it?

Updates

+1 y

Or I have a friend who is Asian and I had more racist situations while being out with her but we would react with humor to it or I would nearly start a fight. But that's that lol

Updates

+1 y

Okay I have already talked with both of them and tried to take away their fear a little. My Question here is not for advice for that situation, but more an overall question on how you all deal with ignorant and kinda racist/racist comments, cause I haven't really experienced situations like that.

[wheresmrcunnunglis]

Hm, back in my earlier years when I used to be a people pleaser. I used to ignore it as people felt comfortable around me making microaggressive comments based in prejudice as a result of that. But when once i got rid of that toxic trait, I started pumping myself to call people out on it then and there or the very next day after I would write down what I want to say. I would educate them on why it's wrong and try my best to refrain from actually calling them racist and only use it as a last resort. Since I understand how it feels to be called racist when one simply makes an ignorant comment due to lack of exposure and it gets mistaken for racism. Hurts like hell and I feel is one of those rare instances where being called that can feel like a frigging punch to the gut.

From the instances you shared. The ladies sounds like people who are making ignorant comments as a result of their lack of exposure to people who don't look like them or come from a different upbringing. This should become aware of this. It's frigging 2022 and very naive to still base a whole race of people based off a singular or couple of instances with them. Especially as an adult.

TlDR; I inform them of why the comment made was ignorant. Ask them the reason behind their notion to get a better understanding of it which majority of the time is lack of exposure to different ethnicities or races. Then tell them if they continue with those type of comments I'm going to label them as racist and keep my distance to protect my integrity.

[melanieeeB]

Thank you for your insight, yeah I have already had a conversation with both and tried to comfort them and explain that the robbery situation is just an exception and the other should maybe try to talk to her neighbor and see for herself if this woman is nice or not and etc

[wheresmrcunnunglis]

@melanieeeB anytime and thanks for reading my take on this despite the unfortunate typos. 😆

Thats great that you talked to them about it. As that can be an intimidating thing to do as we as people generally like to avoid any potential confrontation especially in the workplace.

[melanieeeB]

Yeaah i feel you on that, I was also a people pleaser but I'm really proud of myself that I also learned to confront others.

[DizzyDesii]

I call them out on it. In college, one girl sat at the table with me and her white friends. She kept saying the N word and they looked at her and were like “Omg why are you saying that word, you’re probably making Desi uncomfortable.” She was like “Desi isn't the typical black girl. I doubt she's bothered by it.” Then i cut in and changed my whole sweet facade and was like “Nah i think you sound dumb as hell and i may not be the stereotype, but one day you’ll say it around the wrong black person and they gone beat dat ass.” Then i got up and walked away. The following day, i was sitting down and they all came and joined the table where I and another black girl sat. The girl continued to say the N word (her way of referring to her friends), and the new black girl at the table said “I know this dusty bit— didn't just say Ni— like it wasn’t a problem.” She then jumped at her and i held her back and said lets go. After that, that little hoe didn't say the N word again from what I heard. I wouldn't know for sure cause i walked off anytime she came near

[DizzyDesii]

So long story short, you deal with it by calling them out, and distancing yourself from them and their ignorance. I dont think the girl in my story was racist but she was a disrespectful little ass hoe who needed to be dealt with

[melanieeeB]

Yeaah she does sound disrespectful tho Good that she at least stopped saying it afterwards

[DizzyDesii]

@update they’re not afraid of black people. They just have a problem with them and you’re excusing them by helping them fight this invisible fear. You need new friends

[melanieeeB]

Well they're not my friends, just work colleagues but yeah I don't know I was overwhelmed with it all lol

[skytatoe]

Well if you've had a direct bad experience like that, its gonna stick with you. Add to that that she probably doesn't have any black friends herself, or very very few, it'll make it much easier for her to see them as the unknown group of people, different from her in some way. If she was assaulted by a bunch of white guys, she'd say something way different, she might be scared of guys now, or frat boys, or bad people or whatever category she could slot them into.

Its natural to try and label and categorise people when we experience something traumatic, cause you wouldn't want that happening again right? So avoiding those kinds of people makes perfect sense. Its just she's probably just stereotyping wrong.

Be honest with you though, some stereotypes do serve you well. I haven't ever been mugged, beaten up or stabbed. And its not because I just stay huddled at home scared of everybody. I have seen it happen to other people quite a lot. Its just I trust my instincts and I can tell almost 90% sure who is dodgy where I live by just looking at them and listening to them. I've avoided them every time. Its not about colour, its about demeanour, how they talk, walk, what they say, how they carry themselves, their energy etc... If you get a bad vibe from someone or a group of people, just move away, no need to risk it to appear politically correct.

That being said, she can't go generalising to 'black guys are scary' because that IS racist and ignorant.

[joesheks]

Blacks guys cause many times their proportion of crime in any community in every country. But to notice this is racist. Interesting how noticing is a bigger crime than murder or robbery

[skytatoe]

@joesheks I dont know how accurate that is. Statistics could be helpful if you wanted to support a claim like that. Meantime sounds like just an opinion which I'm not convinced is correct ^^

[joesheks]

@skytatoe I’ll rely on FBI crime statistics. Have you ever taken a look? Black guys are 6% of the population and cause about 50% of murders and robberies … they are literally overrepresented in nearly every crime. And not matter what country I go to, they are overly involved in criminal enterprise.

I do not use emotion when it comes to these issues. I have had very good friends who are black and I am not making value judgments.

But they are very destructive and cause an enormous amount of crime and cost a lot of money to maintain.

[PhenomenalQueen]

You’re literally like the girls she’s talking about, who are you to say who doesn’t belong in a neighborhood… People judge me all of the time and when they finally greet me they tell me how nice I am.

[Ghostluck]

There is a huge difference between racism and prejudice. They are not racist, but rather prejudiced. There is no "kinda racist" you are either racist, or you are not racist. One has developed a fear based on her personal experiences. It is human nature to feel more comfortable with members of society who are more like you, humans feel safer when they are a flock of the same feather. This is deep rooted in humans dating all the way back to hunter gatherer times. You could even say that it is in our DNA to be this way, because it is a defense/safety mechanism. Outsider represent a threat. Many people still have this today, it is only through education of desensitization that we learn to move away from such notions and open out minds. However, if somebody has had a scary experience that has reaffirmed their natural fears, it will be much harder to get them to open up towards people who they don't relate to. In other words, there is not much you can say or do to change either one of them. They change has to come through further life experiences to get them to release their fears. It does not make them bad people, they are just dealing with life in the way they currently know how, and that is sticking to people they feel comfortable with and avoiding those that they do not.

[Anonymous]

I was at an art museum and a white guy walked laterally towards me and stopped about two feet from my right. I was quietly studying a Rothko. I could see him turn his head towards me through my peripheral vision. He said out loud, "Really very cute". I was distracted so I was mildly shocked by his weird, awkward words. Was he calling the Rothko cute? Well. No sooner than he said this, a skinny white chick appeared at his side. She must have been close by cuz she appeared almost in an instant. She said: "Like a monkey?" I turned my head to look at her. She was looking up at this guy. I looked around me. These two were in my space talking smack. No one else was nearby. So. Apparently, they were directing this slick, racist, sexist commentary at me. If I had gone off on them, I would have looked crazy, and, they knew it. So, I said nothing, but, I quickly moved away from these two losers. Had they pulled this act with someone who was used to the inside of a jail cell, both of them would have been Joan Crawford bitch slapped. Anyhoos, I truly believe that what others say about you is really a reflection of what is and what isn't going on in their own minds and has very little to do with anyone else.

[joesheks]

Someone is oversensitive and they probably didn’t even see you

[CrazyGirl2]

I just tell them to please don’t use that racist language in front of me. I have never had to find out what happens if they don’t stop!
In the case of the girl who got robbed. I’d mention that she was robbed by a thief, not all black people are thieves, and what if she was robbed by a white person, would she suddenly become a self-hating white girl?
I was raped by a middle aged white guy when I was 13. Should I be afraid of all white people, all middle aged white guys, or just the middle aged white guys who also happen to be MY uncles? Not only was her racism not warranted, I’m baffled by how you “understand” her racism based on her being a crime victim?
I think racism is simple math. It’s just, Ignorance + Fear x Preconceived Notion’s!

[melanieeeB]

Yeah well I did tell her that I understand that the robbery was scary but those dudes were just assholes and a exception

[CrazyGirl2]

Clearly! Actually, regardless of race, one is more likely to be a victim of violent crime committed by a person of one’s own race!

[yucel_eden]

At work I don’t tolerate it… I’m sacking them, or if they don’t work for me I’m getting them sacked.


In life it depends on the severity, if I have to deal with them constantly I let them know it’s not ok and convince them why it’s wrong. There are bad black people, good black people, there are bad foreigners, good foreigners, there are good Kurdish people, bad Kurdish people. Teach them to judge individuals, not a race.


But usually, I just walk away, don’t deal or engage with that person again, Life is short, arguing or fighting I ain’t got time for. Ain’t wasting time on people like that

[joesheks]

There are bad snakes and good snakes. Good alligators and bad ones. But to form an opinion about alligators is just speciesist and must be stamped out.

That how stupid people get themselves killed. I wish you could go in a Time Machine to year 2120 when white people are extinct and see if your ideas were all that great …

[yucel_eden]

Was your mother fucked by coloured people?

[yucel_eden]

Awwww seem a little butthurt?

[NotYourCinderella]

If people are racist or derogatory around me they're certainly not company I entertain nor keep around me. I don't agree with any of the stuff racists like to spill. If I'm in a place I can't get away or forced to interact with a person who is being this way (at work for example) then I like to say nothing and pretend to ignore or deflect what they said to maintain professionalism or if they said a really awful and racist 'joke' I say "Oh, I don't understand? Can you explain it to me?" It humbles them and teaches them that what they said was shitty.

[Lionman95]

Depends on the person. In case of colleagues and other people I mostly ignore them. In case of friends I try to understand their point and I ask them if they think they´ll be able to change their mind or if they stick with that opinion no matter what.
Because for me it´s a difference if a person makes racist comments due to negative experiences with certain people but would try to change his/her mind if she had better experiences with those people or if she isn´t ready to do so.
If they aren´t I might reconsider our relationship and maybe let it slowly break off because I wouldn´t feel safe bringing them together with other of my friends.

[numscul]

Like when i was arrested by a Black police officer that said i should just tell him what he wants to hear because he knows i was doing something and i should just come out and say it because "He knows my kind" and what we do?
that kind racist thing?

I spent a night in jail got my car towed and ended up having to pay over a thousand dollars for nothing... that what i did about it after i filed a complaint with the internal affairs department with the FPD
that was when i was 19... i am 42 years old now and it's still on my record despite not doing anything wrong at all...

[DryGermanGuy]

Where was the lawyer with the lawsuit? 🤔

[numscul]

@DryGermanGuy
no i was a kid that didn't know any better

[DryGermanGuy]

But now you’re an adult. How could you still accept a fake charge on your record? I would be furious!

[Msputiton]

It's hard.
Because no matter how we interact with them we lose.

If we speak up, we get accused of either being too sensitive or get accused of being the angry black woman.

But if we keep quiet they think there is no repercussions for hate towards us.

It hurts sometimes to hear the lack of respect others have for us.
But we do have to try to have a strong face for it.

[PhenomenalQueen]

Right we’ll never win.. and when you speak the truth they’ll say we’re racist… funny how they tried to switch the narrative huh? Now they’re the victims of “hate crime.”

[Msputiton]

@PhenomenalQueen facts💯

[PhenomenalQueen]

There’s nothing you can do… They are already stuck in their ways.. They are the only ones who can change their way of thinking… But as you know, most people who think this way ALMOST NEVER CHANGE.. They pass this bitterness and arrogance down to their kids and the cycle continues.. Like some of the people who’ve already commented. Lol

[Waldoe]

I get it... and some Black people think all of us 'white' people are prejudiced, it's an ugly situation. I have dated Black Women and the "EYES" were always on us... She was Great and I miss her. But the pressure was too much for her... and I get it. People are STUPID... and Thoughtless, and Heartless, and Cruel, that doesn't help, But some other people know and feel your pain, you are not alone. It is very Rare to find a couple so dedicated to each other that they can ignore all the Bigot, Assholes, and jerks...

[Anonymous]

So you are saying Black people robbed your friend (White) and that makes HER the racist?
So violence is okay then right?
Stop robbing and attacking people due to their race (Black people attacked lots of innocent White people because of race these last few years).
And when Black people are racist to Whites, if other Black people stood up for what is right, they may see that not all of them are bad, but instead, when a White person is robbed, killed, or jumped by a Black person, they accuse the White person of being racist if they respond or defend themselves.
Seriously, WTF is wrong with people.

People IRL can tell by looking at me that if they say anything racist or any BS they will get beat down or killed by me. I won't put up with the BS from these stupid people. They always defend criminals and attack innocents. Fuck people like that, and fuck anyone that defends them.

[anylolone]

You aren't afraid of big black men in the dark?

(ps: I'm not, at least not in particular, but I know you are.)

I had a young, big (like 6'3") fit black guy offer me a blowjob, booze and cigarette at 2am returning from work.
(no idea what was on his mind of who would be blowing who)
I refused the booze and the blowjob, accepted the white filter fag to be polite.
(his booze was so shitty it was basically poison he only drank because he was young.)

And kept going, bitching about my two stolen packs. (which is likely why he approached me)

Oh, I should have told him I had a teacher who had a dinner date with a dahmer wannabe, so he should be careful when selecting his partners.
Lost the opportunity.

[FilmGuy93]

It totally depends on the context of the way the comment is made. Generally speaking I'll just laugh it off, unless I get some overtly hateful vibe. If I get an overtly hateful vibe, I tend to call it out and and ask the person to clarify what they said.

[sheikalana]

I tend to get very annoyed when people make racist comments in front of me. I usually tell people not to generalize if they keep going I tell them I do not appreciate the tone of their conversation and is best if we switch the topic of the conversation.

[annabananna]

Honestly with super racist people there’s not much you can say but with some who may have some kinda prejudice from a bad experience like that you could say I’m so sorry that happened to you. Maybe another time you can talk about someone that’s black that did a giving act. I mean I’m no expert in any of this but these are just things I’m thinking of off the top of my head.

[Yunganddumb6765]

The same way I deal with My coworkers ridiculing white men during the morning meeting. Make a complaint with human resources luckily I wasn't the only white male there for their white male bashing party so when the complaint came down from the top they weren't sure who complained. IDGAF! If you're going to talk crap about the people of my race can you at least respect me enough to not do it in front of me.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I don't handle people who are racist and I stay clear of them

[Jamie05rhs]

I try to politely tell them to stop. If they won't stop, then I distance myself from them and avoid hanging out with them anymore.

[lrina]

happens too much, i'd just ignore it. plus if the worst thing they could say to me related to my skin/religion/country, they're just wasting their time.

[caitycat21]

If you were actually bothered by the racist comments you wouldn’t be friends with them in the first place

[dustybiker]

Depends on the situation. Sometimes you have to check people. “You know it’s not okay to say something like that.” In person, that is usually enough.