Am I smarter than a pigeon? Apparently not. Are you? Then help me solve my problem?

[AmandaYVR]

Ohhhh, Sky Rat, you hideous, red-eyed, monster. It is you and me, pigeon to woman, a battle of wits, of territory, and who has more fire in their belly. Challenge accepted, you luminescent bastard.

And don't send your henchpigeons after me. They'll end up in a ditch.

Ooooh, I'm so scared. Yeah, he's soooo intimidating. He's not tough. Three words: Bring. It. On.

If This Is Some Kind of Bizarre Intimidation Tactic, It's Not Working:

Domination At Its Most Pathetic:

Lazy, lazy. Get up, Ya Bums!

The Immortal Ones. They Live Among Us:

(This file was named "well-we-are-screwed")

The Previous Attempt: (no flat surface = nowhere to land)

But also... one built a nest in there!!! Ewwww.

And wouldn't leave, and seemed all sick and bewildered. And there was yellow yolk all smooshed.

I only found it now, 3 months after moving in, because another pigeon was on the other side, acting really weird, refusing to leave.

The Tools I Have to Work With Now:

(Ignore the metal shoe racks. They're only still out there 'cause now they're contaminated and the idea of having to wash them in my bathtub disgusts me. I'll deal with them eventually.)

The mop and lambswool duster are very effective temporarily, but now that there's a flat surface, they'll be back, again and again.

I prefer the torch lighter (orange on windowsill.) I will use fire, bwah ha haaaa.

Cheetos are just tasty. And lure. Raccoons love them. (But I just share them with them. Don't bitch about it. You think raccoons ain't going through all garbage, every night? So just don't start...)

Someone is definitely not smarter than a pigeon:

Up Next: Defiant Seagulls (jk)

Updates

1 y

And P. S. Plastic Owls Don't Work.

I have a bird book which has recordings of like 100 birds, and when I play the Falcon or Eagle ones, smaller birds fly away. But, again, this is only temporary. Can't prevent them when I'm not here.

My husband said we should put a bunch of nails through some cardboard, facing up, on the ground. Me likey. But they'd probably just step around them.

[Lliam]

That was some funny stuff, Amanda. Except I felt sorry for the pigeon with the dart in its head.

You can always eat them. LOL It's easy to shuck the breast meat from a dove or pigeon and it tastes really good when cooked properly.
I went dove hunting several years in a row during the season. I'm good with a shotgun and it was fun shooting those fast moving targets. But I wound up feeling sorry for them and quit. I don't like hurting animals.
Nevertheless, there are lots of pigeons, they're not endangered, and eating them is better than being forced to eat bugs. 😆

The way things are going, I might have to supplement my diet with quail or the occasional wild turkey or deer if things get desperate. We have lots of them on our property.

[AmandaYVR]

I knowww, I had to think about whether to post the dart pic or not! But he seemed ok, so I delighted a bit.
I've had quail once or twice. I'm sensitive to gamy tastes. But yeah, there's lots of them. They're too successful.
My stepfather was a massive gun collector, but he would never shoot animals, just targets. Though sometimes he knew someone who would bring over some game meat and then I was like, "noooo, I have to eat this now..." So strong.

[Googlemyahoo]

One option is bird netting to cover your balcony it looks like shit up close but you can’t see it from far away.

Hanging old CDs from strings is supposed to work.

[AmandaYVR]

Interesting, thank you.

[Googlemyahoo]

The “final solution” will kill everything. Don’t use if you have other pets.

Get Borax take a spoonful mix with water add sugar to create a wet paste leave it out.

You’ll have bodies of everything day or two later. Works great for ants if you got them. Just don’t let kids or pets near it.

[purplepoppy]

I assume you want to deter them from landing. You can buy spike strips but they're unsightly and I have seen pigeons using them to build nests in. Fishing line works on narrow ledges.
Bird scarers like fake hawks don't work, fake eyes work for a day max. Real hawks work if you can get a falconer to make regular fly pasts.
But truth is despite they're being numerous so called solutions on the market, research has shown nothing works so if I was you I'd buy a cat. iddadaa8rsrsrsst0tadď

[AmandaYVR]

Good info, thanks.

[DarkCarousel]

I don’t have anything insightful to add here… but for whatever reason, this brought back memories of an old cartoon snip.

The pidgeons are in charge.

https://youtu.be/DuJ_cS82LNc

[NathanDavis]

not sure if allowed or even legal there but... when we had a pigeon situation at my high-school, I suggested fireworks, little crackers, not the big ones

at first, they dismissed my idea and kept trying other options and I kept insisting, they won't like fireworks blowing up near them and they you just have to be more stubborn than they are, lol

when they decided to try some of those little crackers, in only took a couple of days and the pigeons did not come back to "our" trees, they all moved to the trees by the school yards

[ThoseCognacEyes]

I dealt with those gnarly moderfukas last year and let me tell you this, be careful from bird mites, they carry them under their wings and it’s no fun having them in your apartment. Invest in some pigeon spikes and you might wanna get a cat? It’ll probably scare them and any potential critter infestation. But reading this made me laugh

[NamerOfStars]

There's a fast solution to your problem. A very, VERY fast solution; about 240 miles per hour:

If that doesn't work, call Tom Lehrer.

[Andres77]

https://www.audubon.org/news/those-pigeons-wearing-cowboy-hats-theyre-no-laughing-matter

[Andres77]

[Andres77]

Because she was smarter than a city’s worth of pigeons.

[Guardian45]

Kewl Story Bro! Tell it again!😁👍

[Jamie05rhs]

Hey! That's Woody's hat!

[exitseven]

My father used to feed them and they would end up in the loft of his barn They would even nest in there. Then he would grab a bunch of them, wring their little necks and take them over to my grandmother and she would fry them up. They were not as tasty as you would think.

[AmandaYVR]

Wowww!
Not how I expected that story to end, lol.

[exitseven]

Sometimes my father would shoot squirrels out the bathroom window with a.22. He would take them to my gradmothers and she would skin them and fry them up.

[exitseven]

@AmandaYVR My father used to keep a burlap bag in his car. He was stuck in traffic one day and he saw a group of wild turkeys in the median strip. So he pulled over and got out and grabbed one of the turkeys and put him in the burlap bag. We had a turkey dinner that weekend. I was really not very good. I think the Butterballs you buy in the supermarket sre better.

[Msputiton]

I had a really well thought out opinion, and then i came across that 2nd picture, and now I'm too scared to even remember my point😭

[Anpu23]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/yhuMLpdnOjY

More then one way to skin a pigeon

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I doubt I am smarter than a pigeon Lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. The flyer is a joke, Amanda.

[AmandaYVR]

I realize.

[Jamie05rhs]

Haha okay

[Guardian45]

It is?

[Jamie05rhs]

@Guardian45 Obviously. Lol