How can my life stop being so miserable?

[Anonymous]

I am abused at my home by my mom, verbally and mentally. My mom never thinks she's wrong and abusing me because my dad supports her, my dad doesn't want to be the one being abused by her. I work as a nurse but one of the older nurses started talking behind my back and saying that I'm bad at my job, since then everyone hates me. My temporary license expires soon and I have to study everything again to write the license exam. So I have to stick out this job for one more month. I get disrespected at work so often, i've spoke to the hire ups but there's not much they can do about it. I deal with body dysmorphia and had been bullied my whole life with my friends calling me ugly and being compared to my beautiful sister. I had plastic surgery for the third time, I spent all my money but I don't like my results. I'm in heavy debt, and i'm a shoppaholic and thats how I deal with stress. Please help and offer me some good advice

Updates

+1 y

My boyfriend also ghosted me recently, we were two years together

[MrOracle]

You've already proven to yourself that shopping, or plastic surgery, doesn't make you happy or make you feel better, so you need to END THAT CRAP NOW and work to pay off your debts. Once you pay them off, save up some money and MOVE OUT.

Though it's expensive, you'll be able to de-stress knowing that you don't have to face your mother every day. Perhaps you can get some therapy, which will help you understand that there's nothing wrong with your body, and that your issues have really always been that your mother makes you feel insecure and inadequate, when it's really HER that feels insecure and inadequate, and just like you've tried to feel better about yourself by shopping and getting surgery (which didn't work), SHE has tried to feel better about HERSELF by tearing YOU down (which also didn't work).

If you get away from your mother's toxicity, you can start to heal. You can relax, and breathe, and sleep again. But you won't be able to do that if you're out shopping and running up debt.

Go look in your closets. Look at what you spent your money on. Did any of it improve your situation? Did any of it really make you HAPPY? Did it fix your problems? NO! So there's no reason to believe that buying more stuff is going to do that either, so don't.

Accept that you've dug yourself a hole, and that it's going to take work and sacrifice to fill it back in, but that once you do, you'll be able to substantially better your life. Makes some charts and goals, and watch your debts decline, and as they do, you'll feel better about yourself as the amount drops. Your attitude will improve, and people will treat you better. It's a big feedback loop, and it all starts and ends with you. The more YOU change, the more everyone else will change. You just need to start moving in a POSITIVE direction rather than a negative one.

You may still have the occasional bad day, but you'll notice that, on average, things start getting easier. That's the goal.

[Asker]

Thank you, your reply was so helpful! I can’t believe I spent over 30,000 on plastic surgery and shopping 😭. I’m so disappointed in myself and regret it so much. I’m being tortured at home

[MrOracle]

The world makes it easy to do - but it also makes you a slave to your own debt, and in this case, ALSO to your bad situation.

Maybe you have clothes or bags or shoes that you could sell at something close to their retail price, and start paying off some of that debt? I know that stings, but I promise you, the freedom from the weight of that debt will be worth far more to you than the consumer goods in your closet.

[Asker]

Yes that’s true, I’m going to sell my jacket on eBay. I tried moving out on my own for two months but it was too expensive and also I feel the landlord was monitoring me too closely

[Asker]

What can I do about the harassment at work though? I have to restudy everything to get my nursing license (currently have temporary) and everybody is so mean and my temporary license is expiring soon, so I’ll be out of job after a month. And I also have to study to write the exam

[MrOracle]

Change your attitude. Make a point of NOT "noticing" their awful behavior towards you. Their bullying is only fun for them if you react negatively, so if you turn things around - even say with a smile "great, thanks!" - it will screw with their heads, and you will take their enjoyment of the bullying away from you.

[boggboss]

Save money so u can move out stop wasting your money if u want to move to a better situation learn to love yourself as plastic surgery won't make u love yourself

[Asker]

But I always feel like i'm so ugly and I feel as if beautiful girls have better lives

[boggboss]

Thats somthing that needs to be fixed in your head not in reality plastic surgery won't fix that feeling

[Asker]

I’ve seen a psychiatrist and it didn’t help. I don’t know how I’m gonna feel happier

[boggboss]

See another one then as clearly that wasn't the right person for u

[ZenJen444]

These people have issues

[ZenJen444]

You're still leaving at home at your age🤣? Girl what?

[ZenJen444]

Grow up and Leave the nest already