My life seems so miserable and pathetic compared to everyone elses. How do I change that? (it's long...sorry!)

[Anonymous]

I didn't know what category to put this in, so I choose this one Because I thought it was more popular. My life seems really pathetic and lonely when compared to everyone elses. Here it is...

I'm 27, a single mother of an 8 year old. I still live with my parents, I have no job (I just finished college and Haven't landed one yet). I have 4 friends with whome I speak to, however, its hard to consider these people my friends because they are not the type of people I want to be friends with. For example...my girl friend is literally a slut. She is a single mother of 2 boys and every night she brings home a diff guy. She cheats on her men, and she Doesn't care if a guy is married, she will still sleep with them.

This is not the type of person I am, nor do I really want to be friends with someone who is, in my opinion, a horrible person and mother. The reason I stay friends with her is because quite honestly, I have no one else. My other friend is a guy who constantly hits on me even though he has a girlfriend. It is guys like him that makes me not trust men. So why would I be around someone like that. Again...if I give up these friends, I'd have no one.

Everytime I go out (shopping, restaurants) its always with my mom or sisters. I look on FB, and everyone seems to have a wonderful life. They are married, have lots of friends, are always going on vacation, and seem happy. Yet, I have no one. I love my daughter to pieces, but I want other adults to hang with. I want to go snowboarding, to amusement parks, to the beach etc...but I have no one to go with except my daughter and my mom. how pathetic is that?!?

I hate the fact that I am a miserable person because I know that it is a turn off to people. But, other than my daughter and my health, what do I have to be happy about? I dislike my body, my attitude, and hate that I have no one. I miss my ex like crazy but I know we will never be together. I am very picky when it comes to dating because of my daughter and because I feel that I shouldn't have to settle. I want more friends, but I am not outgoing and wouldn't even know where to meet new people.

I am just very very lonely, sad all the time, and so unhappy. How can I start to be happy? Please...any advice on what I can do or how to make new friends and/or meet someone (a bf), or how I can start enjoying my life is greatly appreciated. I know this was long, so thank you so much for taking the time to read it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah loneliness can suck. I would say I am in a similar boat as you although no child and younger.

-As far as your body goes, if you have trouble going to a gym because of either money or time then all you really need to do is the following: run/jog, pushups, crunches and air squats.

-I think your first step should be to land a job. You'd have money flowing in and have more control over your decisions. Also, once you have a job you have the potential to make friends and meet new people through your co-workers.

-Next, I think if you spend a lot of time with your daughter you should try and get to know some of her friend's parents. They all most likely live in the same geographical region and deal with similar issues related to schools. When I was younger, my parents made a few friends through this way.

-See, if you can hang out with your sister and their friends if they are in the area.

-Having at least your parents and your sisters by you is a good thing.

-You may think you are extremely old at 27 with no job & living with parents but that is just a lie. I think whatever you have accomplished so far, as a single mother, is remarkable and you kind of are where you should be. Besides, I am not sure how you would've planned to raise your kid if you were completely by yourself. Would you have sent him to day care as an infant, todler, kid? That would cost a lot of money and wouldn't be best for the child in my opinion.

-I am not an expert for the dating area but I think you'd have better luck if you look for people in a similar situation as yourself; single fathers. I think that it would bring an added security to the table as far as commitment issues go; if they are serious about the future of their kids along with themselves. You might want to try a website for dating for single parents. Just google it.

-Also, a support group such as link might be helpful. You can get in contact with people in similar situations as yourself.

-If you do have time on your hands, then volunteering can be helpful to make friends. Also, if you haven't found a job yet then volunteering looks better on your resume than having nothing. It can be volunteering or acting towards a cause you believe in like breast cancer awareness or something.

-A lot of schools employ educational assistants or teachers assistants. See if you can get that job.

-As a summary I would say that unless you have lost it all and do not care about a thing in the world or how far you can fall then you have a LOT to do. You need to start caring for yourself ( your health, appearance) and start hitting the benchmarks of life you feel you are missing. One of the first thing you should do is get in shape or resolve any other body image issues you are having. Second, you need to be confident in yourself have self-respect so that whenever people meet you, you do not come off as miserable. If nothing else works, join your kids PTA, get involved

[Opinion Owner]

do chores at home, You basically need to keep yourself active and working and not idle but persist.

[honeyltsme]

1. Get in the best shape of your life. You have the gift of time on your side - which is better than any fancy club membership - so can do this at home - all you need is sneakers and determination.

2. How good is your cooking? Your cooking at home for semi-special occasions should generally beat the best restaurant in your town handily - because you are not as constrained in time or product selection as a restaurant chef.

3. Try decent online sites like howaboutwe.com

4. Join social groups that you share interests with, both local and online

[Anonymous]

Start to realize how lucky you are to have WHO you do have. Some people don't even have sisters or a mom to do things with. Your not pathetic..you finished school, while being a single mother...that says alot! Once you get yourself a job, and get back on your feet I think your confidence will come back. I too am 27 and live with my parents, I was with a guy for 5 years who I thought I was going to be with forever, only for him to buy a house & leave me. I've spent the last 2 years, having fun & being single, doing all the things I didn't get to do while I was with him. I discovered WHO I was again...and what I liked to do. I often too get down on myself because I'm back home, I didn't go to college, I got played by my first love, I don't have kids or a boyfriend, I have a handful of friends that I do love dearly, but they have issues as well, I just let them be who they are & I stay true to myself...but I know even my slutty friends "envy" me because I'm no where like that, deep down they know I have more self respect then they could ever have..so that's how I deal with those situations...I am blessed to have a family who has been here for me, that I know I can count on. I'm not sure where I would be withouth my Mom...You should be proud to be a mother of a beautiful 8 year old. She looks up to you! Be happy, show her that you don't need a "man" to be happy, you don't need material things. I think you should start off looking at things in a different view. Things could def be worse. I try to find ways to deal with myself when I get upset/down..I usually put my headphones in & go for a walk/jog..after my break up I was so angry, this was almost a daily routine, I would walk/jog until I was so exhausted I couldn't think about things mentally..A year later I lost almost 40lbs! So that also helped boost my confidence...Always remember this saying "things will not always be this way". I had a tough childhood & I lived by that saying & I know I deserve to be happy...So do you! In my teens I had a chip on my shoulder, I was so angry at the world for all the things I had to go thru, but as I've gotten older I've realized I can sit & cry about it or let it go & stay positive. Its up to you! So Cheerup buttercup!...Life is only as hard as we make it..learn from your mistakes (and others) and go from there. Things will get better & before you know it you will have a new job, your own place, meet new friends (maybe at your new workplace) and I bet then a great guy will also come into your life! Keep your head up! Best Wishes! =)

[LittleMissGriff]

It's hard to transition from teen world to adult world, particularly when it happens so fast - a baby at 19 pushed you into parenthood earlier than most people, so you couldn't build a social network of your own.

I absolutely agree you need new friends. Start looking for parent groups or talking to the parents of your daughter's friends. They're people who understand the priorities in your life while still get the fact you're a person who wants to have fun, too.

Another good choice is taking a class - find something within your budget, like dancing, self-defense, or even an adult sports team like soccer or basketball, where you get to interact and work with other people for a set amount of time each week. Personally, I enjoy belly dancing because the women all have to push past their initial shyness to learn the steps and the female bonding is fantastic.

Lastly, try craigslist. You can absolutely put up an ad for friends. Pick something active where you can interact and talk, like bowling. Or, you could always meet over coffee at a bookstore and discuss your favorite authors. Movies tends to be awkward and silent, just like a first date.

Good luck! You can do this, you just have to start taking a few small risks.

[Anonymous]

1. yes you have a degree, so now you have to focus totally on trying to find a great job.

2. You have your parents to take care of your daughter right? That will save you daycare costs.

3. You have a voice, you have eye sight. Go out and smile, random strangers will talk to you at supermarkets and parks. I've had had this happen.

4. Find old friends from elementary school or high school on Facebook. Talk to them and see if they are near you, maybe go visit them.

5. Join a church or a club you are into.

6. Read some self help books.

[gummybear888]

i would recommend taking steps to change your situation.

prioritize what you want to do.

make sure you work on moving out, paying off bills or debts if you have them.

i don't have the exact same situation but I feel like my life is sh*tty too.

but I'm trying to get out of my situation.

i've been saving and just networking.

[MichaelL]

Put some extra effort into doing something. If you don't like your body do some jogging, being healthy will be the first step to feeling better. Ask your daughter to help mommy with things more and maybe do some charity work like feeding the homeless with her. Learn to talk to people who you run into during those certain situations. I see my mom making friends all the time with random people which is embarrassing but it works.

[Anonymous]

yeah but are you in a wheelchair, just barely surviving because of a disease called mandibular osteonecrosis. next time you think you have it bad, think of the people less fortunate than u. and yeah, my cousin has that disease. how low do you feel about yourself now, complaining about how "bad" your life is?

[PowerPlay7]

not everyone has a perfect life, you just got to deal with it and get though the day, try finding new friends and hobbies to get some happiness back into your life

[giffondh]

hey I know how feel, I am 24 lonely, college grad, jobless and still living with my mother so your not the only one!

[Anonymous]

See if you can get a job, even if it's in retail. Then make some friends there and see if you can hang out. You have to ask for what you want.