Isn't it stupid to be claiming victory too early?

[Anonymous]

My cousin is my same age (26) and she's been with her boyfriend for 3 years now. Even though her family like the guy, she's uncomfortable whenever her mother and other older female relatives keep saying ''your future in-laws''. When it was Mother's day, in private her mother said along the line ''oh I'm sure your MIL will like it''.

Her family are treating the guy too nicely and overdoing it. The family keep praising the guy for taking her on trips, spending time with her, showering her with gifts sometimes, etc. He's gentleman alright, giving her eveyrthing, everything except an engagement ring, LOL.

I think while there is no engagement ring there is no victory there. He can still enjoy her company for the meantime (all the feeling and free access to sex, big deal... any boyfriend can give a girl that) break up any moment and leave her childless. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in my observation that relationship has slowed down by now.

For anything in life, isn't it stupid to be claiming victory when you're not even close to the finishing line nor even reached it?

Updates

11 mo

Plus I have noticed my cousin's sad experession every now and then. She's not liking the situation. I has already expressed to me in private that she wishes to have what other women have. She's not happy.

Updates

11 mo

Giving her everything except an engagement ring to me translate to giving her nothing in the end. Nothing because he has the advantage. While he's not opening his gate, there is no victory

[TheSpaceGnome]

It takes 3 years minimum to determine if they are worth dating. It should not take 3 more years of being a couple to know if they are worth staying with.

However, he seems to already be doing well above what he needs to as a partner, and If she is still unhappy after all that extra uneeded effort, then he shouldn't marry her.

She needs to feel like them being together is already a victory, in order for marriage to even be an option. (Actually they both have to feel that way for marriage to be an option).

As for "having an advantage", thats the wrong way to think about love.

Marriage does not exist so the woman can have an advantage over the man, it exists to claim you want a person as your SO for life.

[Asker]

The reason she feels sad is because she also reciprocates, does her effort in the relationship too and when the conversation about marriage and kids was brought up, he only said that he would like to one day, maybe someday but it's too early at the moment, how they're not at the stage yet. She's worried at this moment. We've been dating slightly over 3 years and he's at ''someday, one day'' and clearly doesn't sound interested.

[TheSpaceGnome]

He might be waiting for her to be happy before he feels safe asking to marry her.

If she's not happy first, its not safe to marry her, because unhappy women divorce men and take half their stuff.

[Asker]

I hate the no fault law thing. I've heard about it and it's ruining for the other women that want to marry for the right reasons. I tried to speak against it one day and my car got keyed on both sides the following day (likely by other bitter women) and the word ''b****'' got written in black ink. So much for trying to speak up. I guess it has gotten that bad?

[Asker]

The thing is if one day means within 3-4 years later, that's not good either. The more waiting, the worse for our biological clock. It sucks we have a limited time to have kids.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't want kids, so I'm less concerned about that, but I would like to get married to a woman who shares my hobbies and interests.

However, I'm only going to do so if the law ensures I keep 100% of my stuff and money if a divorce happens. Because you're right, it is THAT bad.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also add cameras to your car.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Oh and no fault divorces are not the problem, no one should have to prove anyone did anything bad to file for divorce. But divorces of any kind should not award money or property from one party to another. THAT is the actual problem.

[Asker]

Have you try contacting a law firm about how a pre-nup agreements works in your state. I think they can provide that.
I think you'll have a harder time finding a woman that don't want kids since an overwhelming majority wants kids. There is a woman in my workplace that's childless but that's because she'll never be able to get pregnant (some type of medical condition or something); she's sad about it though and is only 25. There are a couple of them that never want kids but not many.

[Asker]

Thank you for the camera suggestion. Yes indeed will do that. It's sad that when we try to speak out on the issues, those radical feminists react badly to us. Ever since they vandalized my car, I don't dare speak up again. I got scared to be honest.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If she wasn't sad about it, and the medical condition wasn't an infection, and she liked video games and anime, and was an artist, and an atheist, and liked science, sci-fi and fantasy, and bugs, and cats. And I found her attractive, I'd ask for her number.

As you can see, I have no issues widdling down my options to a select few women, so the fact that most women want kids is not a deterrent to me. Being picky just means I have less failed relationships before finding a match.

[TheSpaceGnome]

As far as a law firm, no, not yet, not recently anyway, I did ages ago but I didn't ask enough questions and I'm sure the law has changed by now. But yes a prenup would be required, and I'd need to know no court can loophole around it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yes its very sad, I shouldn't even need to have a prenup, but there are very evil gold digging women out there, and I bet they are the types to key your car and write bitch on it. Speak up again, catch them in the act on camera, and see how they like paying someone money..

[Asker]

Yes I think laws can change over the years. It might not be bad to find out. The only time I think someone can be compensated is if there is irrefutable evidence that the married spouse was a legitmate abused victim or if the abuser is caught in the act of doing the abuse. In that case, the abuser (regardless of gender) deserves no compassion.

[Asker]

A reward should be restricted for a real valid reason such as that one (the victim gets beat up and is in fear of leaving the marriage) but definitely not for wanting divorce just to get the money because you got bored in the marriage.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Abuse for any reason already has lawsuit laws for it, tying it to marriage/divorce laws makes no sense.

No rewards for any divorce needs to be the standard.

If abuse happens, that can be filed under an abuse case, not a divorce case.

[Vikkrram]

Yeah somewhere it is true. But ma'am if a guy is a real gentelmen then he won't do anything bad to her and would really try his best to get the best out of his girlfriend

[Asker]

She feels getting strung along. His response to the marriage and kids conversation was that he would like it someday, maybe one day but that they're not at the stage yet. We've been together for slightly over 3 years and she's getting worried that her time will be wasted once he decides. His reply worried her.

[Vikkrram]

Then say to her that get off from that relationship if it is not working

[Asker]

yeah I think so too. If she gets out of that relationship then on the next one, she would have to be clear and straight forward that she's looking for a marriage-minded man and not a boyfriend.

[Vikkrram]

Yeah but for that she need to really ask this from her..

[serafin]

"For anything in life, isn't it stupid to be claiming victory when you're not even close to the finishing line nor even reached it?"
well one of my life mottos is: Don't jinx it!

[In_Trance]

I don't get it; what is the victory?

[Asker]

The victory would be her getting her engagement ring, getting married and having kids.

[In_Trance]

Who was she competing against!

[Asker]

No one. It's just that her mother and other female relatives are already calling the guy's parent, her future IN-LAWS. That's already like singing victory too early. If she doesn't have her engagement ring placed yet, she doesn't have in-laws.