Life is in shambles?

[Anonymous]

I'm writing this out on here because I don't really have anywhere else for me to put it. I feel like I'm 23 and my life is in shambles. I don't have any education aside from having a high school diploma, no job, no car, and no real prospects. I've been talking to this gal long distance for about 8 months and am set to move across the country to be closer to her (probably within the next 2 weeks). I'm betting a lot on having this relationship workout with her because if not I'll pretty much be stranded in a state with no friends or family and I don't really have the most confidence in the relationship. I'm about to lose my safety net (because once I move, I won't have anywhere to return to) with a dwindling savings. I've been in a lot of physical pain and have been having a really rough go of things. I don't really know what I'm doing and to add insult to injury, I've been dropping my disciplines (working out, celibacy, etc). I don't know.

I'm making this kinda because I looking to see if anyone else can relate to this or if they're trying to figure things out too. I dunno. I would really appreciate a few words of encouragement. Everyone around me seems to having a rough go to and it's hard for them to overlook their own situations to give good advice. I just want to disappear.

[menina]

I'm really sorry that you feel this way. You're in a difficult situation but I think you'll be able to get out of it.
When I was 23, I had the same feeling. But then my sister encouraged me to go back to college and it was the best decision that I could make. Once I got there, I felt that I was going somewhere and I don't regret it.

One thing that helped me was therapy. Maybe you need someone to talk to, someone who will listen to you without judging you. Keeping these negative thoughts to yourself isn't good and it's not the way to go.
Find something that you enjoy doing and hold on to it. You need something that gives you hope, strength and motivation. I believe you will find it. If you enjoy reading, perhaps self-help books might help you.
Also, remember to love and to respect yourself. That's essential to keep motivated and make you move forward.

Hope this helps. Good luck! :)

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your kind words and motivation. I really appreciate it. I’m a person of faith so holding onto Jesus has helped me to get to the other side of my issues. Thank you once again. I know that everything is going to be alright :). God got me

[menina]

No problem. I'm glad I could help you somehow. 😊
If your faith helps you, then hold on to it. Some people are able to change their lives by holding to their religious beliefs. So, if they can do it, then you can do it. :) You'll be fine. :)

[Asker]

Thank you so much take care and I hope that the rest of your life goes as planned. God bless :). John 3:16

[menina]

You're welcome. Thank you, I hope so too.
But life has taught me that rarely things go as I planned...

[Anonymous]

8 months and you’re ready to pick up and move? Sorry but I think that’s just a desperate attempt to have something work in your life, and I don’t say that rudely. Love is amazing can’t be on the forefront when you have so many other things to at least get in order. If you move, what do you have to offer? What will you do with no money, car or even a job lined up? It’s completely fine to have a woman and plan a future with her but you need something to bring to the table rather than empty hands. You’re betting everything on this working when you really can’t risk losing what you already have. I truly hope you reconsider. 23 is very young, you’ve got plenty of time to get your life together at least to some extent.

[Opinion Owner]

**but can’t be on the forefront

[Asker]

I truly do feel like me and my lady friend have really hit it off that’s why I thought that moving so soon was a good idea. I know that I truly love her but sometimes I question her feelings/motive with me. Just last night she was asking if I would move back if we ended up fighting or if she told me that she didn’t want to be with me anymore and I told her that it depends on how things are working out for me at the time, and I asked her if she would want me to move away and she said no. I think she just wants a friend more than anything.. she might have been hinting at this for a while..

I don’t believe it’s just an attempt to try and make things happen because my life was going pretty good when I had met her, and I was in no means desperate to try and make things happen. I think that I have to offer myself. I’m going to be getting an apartment, a car, going to school, and getting a work from home position once I land. I do have a decent chunk of money saved up. I don’t want to bring empty hands to the table, I understand the importance of being an asset to a person and not a liability. I’ve been reconsidering but I keep telling her that I want to do it and she keeps asking me whether I’m sure or not. I’ll let her ask one more time and make a decision from there. I dunno. I felt like my life was truly going to be changing for the better with this move. I want to have my life together and I thought that once I got there, I’d have it together. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts :)

[Opinion Owner]

No worries! I think you have great plans, but I don't know if it’s necessarily the best idea to act on them yet, especially if you’re feeling a little skeptical of her intentions. Maybe you can plan to have a trip together or see each other for a few days, I know the distance in an LDR can be stressful. No rush to move over to her yet though, work on yourself, get to a place where you feel better.

[Asker]

I think that the plans are decent. Why would you say that it may not be the best time to act upon these things yet? I do feel a little skeptical about her intentons because I believe that she just wants us to be friends and who knows, we might be better off as friends. As time goes on I feel as thought she doesn't have the qualities that I'm looking for in a partner. She's an amazing woman but probably not my wife. I talked about taking a trip but she said that she doesn't want to just see me for a little bit and have me leave. I honestly do feel as thought I'd be living a good life over there, I won't say better because I haven't experienced it yet but I think that it'll be different enough to where I could go. I think it'll be good for my spiritual health (growing in my faith). How would you propose that I work on myself here and do something that I'm able to translate over there? Thanks again for replying :)

[Opinion Owner]

Not to sound rude at all, but it almost just seems like a young-minded, slightly impulsive move.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in an LDR more than once and have had a connection with the person so strong I was willing to move. But this all happened before I turned 25 and I really didn’t have a lot going on. I wasn’t working, I didn’t drive (still don’t lol), and when you have that sort of free time and not much going on, moving close to the person you love and want to be with sounds exciting, refreshing almost. Ultimately those plans and ideas never played out, and I’m pretty glad they didn’t. I wasn’t really doing it for myself but to be with the person and start over. All this to say, if you decide to make the move then let it be because that location is where you think you’ll strive. It sounds like you’ve already thought about that part though, so that’s good, you aren’t just up and moving for love.
I do think that visiting first would be wise, just to physically see the area and how you feel about it.
While I understand her perspective when it comes to you visiting, overall it’s ridiculous, maybe even a bit avoidant.
Yes at some point the vacation ends and you have to go home, but does that really mean you just don’t go altogether? You’re putting a lot on the line and truly investing in the relationship, so for her to be so wishy-washy is not only disappointing but concerning. Then again, she’s not the one ready to uproot her life, so I don't know how serious she takes everything.

[Asker]

I know that it’s rather spontaneous given that I didn’t have this in mind 8 months ago.. but I feel like these are the types of chances that you take at this age, no? Being 23 years old and not having anything you holding down (wife, kids, mortgage, etc) means that you’re allotted certain risk and opportunities that other people dream of. I also do really like this girl and even if we do just end up being friends, I feel as thought I will have grown a lot as person and will be living a better quality of life (maybe?). Also, if I really like this girl, I want to know that I did all that I could to possibly make it work between us. I don’t like the idea of being 40 and looking back thinking about the “what if’s” of life and questioning how different my life could have been had I gone over there.

I do lack driving ability too. I know how to drive but I’m definitely not as skilled in driving. It does sound very exciting and I know that it would make her happy and I know that it would make me feel good. I just want to make sure that everything is in the right place. Wow.. I’m so glad you said that. I feel as thought I’m doing a lot of this move for her because she feel lonely over there.. I myself would have been okay with us meeting us a little later this year.. and the whole reason why I pressed for it to happen much sooner was because we were so in love and I wanted to be closer to her but then things became a little rocky.

[Asker]

I’ll agree with you there, it is somewhat ridiculous. I am putting a lot on the line. I feel exactly what you’re saying. She’s being too wishy washy for me considering what I’m doing for her. I would hope that she would just be with me all the way. That’s what makes me think that she may not have the qualities that I’m looking for in a wife/future partner. I never really felt like I was hers and she was mine. I don’t know how serious she is either.

Yeah, I feel that I can thrive over there… in fact the main reason why I’m trying to make all these major changes to my life is because of her/the move. A lot of these things are things that I probably wouldn’t had handled quite yet if she didn’t come along.. because I didn’t really have the motivation to. I don’t know. This is something that I would need to take to pray to get a definitive answer. I’m pretty sure that we spoke before? If we have, I’m so grateful that you were able to share your insight with me again. Visiting would be a great idea instead of just landing and trying to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Look into seeing a life coach.

[Asker]

Those work?

[Opinion Owner]

I've heard they can be helpful. Do some research.