Is it my fault that my biological dad left?

[Anonymous]

Just for context: I think he left my sister and I at age 2 or 3? I’m not sure. But why he left us because my mom and him were in the middle of divorcing.

I later found out online from news articles out of curiosity that he apparently hired a hit man to kill my mom with proof.


So in the end, he got a life sentence.

But sometimes I feel like it’s my fault that he did what he did but I don’t know why

[Lliam]

It's 100%, definitely NOT your fault. It had nothing to do with you or your sister. You were barely toddlers.
You're father was just a bad man.

"Why do children feel guilty when parents divorce? Children are not born knowing the rules they must live by. Early on they learn the rules from the adults in their life. It is not always a pleasant process for the child, as they are told “no” a lot. Children frequently experience unpleasant feelings when verbally, non-verbally, or through some form of consequences they are told what they are doing is not correct. Children initially feel bad about themselves but those reared in healthy environments begin to learn the rules and success breeds more positive feelings.

"As a teacher I had empathy for my students whose parents were going through a divorce. In speaking with my students I learned what a large role guilt played in their thinking. When parents divorce the child often feels it is their fault. Why? Because as indicated above, during their early learning years most of their unpleasant experiences were their fault. So it is natural to blame themselves for the turmoil in the family. For many children it is very difficult to change their feeling of guilt because it has become their default position when problems occur in their family. It is difficult for the child to blame their parents because the parent is their source of correct behavior. After all, wasn’t it the parent who taught the child how to follow the correct rules? The child reasons at their developmental level, “How can my parent be at fault? I must have done something to cause this.”

[RasmusAiken]

OMG girl you and sis were tiny children. You could absolutely not have been at fault. He just never gave a crap for anything but himself. Your mom picked a bad guy to be your sperm donors.
You have every opportunity to make something beautiful of your life. Dream big dreams and go for it.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think it had anything to do with you or your sister. My mom always says if parents don't get along it never has anything to do with the children.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Clearly your father had problems, most divorces are relationship problems that form from different parts and most of the time the children have nothing to do with it but always end up paying the price for the failure of the relationship, I'm positive you nor your sister had anything to do with it, your father is just a lunatic.

[BCRanger10]

I can assure you that the fault is not yours. If a guy is going to plot something like that, there are clearly other issues at work here. Do not shoulder that burden, because it is not yours.

[balyai]

It's not your fault at all. Don't be that hard on yourself 🤗🤗

[Mynameisbobby]

It's never the kids fault that Parents leave.