Care to share a joke?

[virtualwasp]

This is my offering:

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job... But when I got home all the signs were there.

[RebelinSteel]

In the night..

Husband: "Oh, come on."

Wife: "Leave me alone!"

Husband: "It won't take long."

Wife: "I won't be able to sleep afterwards."

Husband: "I can't sleep without it."

Wife: "Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?"

Husband: "Because I'm hot."

Wife: "You get hot at the darnedest times."

Husband: "If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you."

Wife: "If you love me you'd be more considerate."

Husband: "You don't love me anymore."

Wife: "Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight."

Husband: Please, go on."

Wife: "All right, I'll do it."

Husband: "What's the matter? You need a flashlight?"

Wife: "I can't find it in the dark."

Husband: "Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!"

Wife: "There! Are you satisfied?"

Husband: "Oh, yes."
Wife: "Is it up far enough?"

Husband: "Yeah! That's good."

Wife: "Right! Now go to sleep. And the next time you want the window open, do it yourself."

[Anonymous]

How does a nonbinary samurai kill people? They / them.

[Anonymous]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

rape

[virtualwasp]

I dont understand your joke

[NathanDavis]

Aaron Rodgers...

[matty1889]

i don’t have a joke i have a funny story?

[virtualwasp]

go for it.

[matty1889]

basically after NYE i woke up hungover home alone so i went for a shower to try and make me feel better, finished my shower walked into my room in a towel and realised how cold it was i then went to close my windows as i did i leaned out to shut them my towel full i shut one of them wondered why it was so cool looked down and realised i was naked 😭 i then looked back up and saw my girlfriend and her too friends stood across the road getting out of there car and her two friends had clearly seen me by this point 😭😂😂😭

[matty1889]

say something lol

[virtualwasp]

thats horrific. i have no words... i hope you have a dressing gown now.

[matty1889]

i was so embarrassed lol

[matty1889]

can i dm you lol

[virtualwasp]

No... thats not a good idea

[matty1889]

no just because i can explain the whole story then

[virtualwasp]

Nope. sorry.

[Ironic_Method]

6:30 is the best part of the day, hands down.