Anyone else here struggle with people misunderstanding you when (or perhaps BECAUSE) you are direct and say EXACTLY what you mean?

Question

I find it so frustrating to live in a world where saying want you do not mean is expected to the point where being direct su “weird” and being honest is invariably misconstrued.

It is not as if I do not have sense of humor, I can joke etc (sometimes it is difficult for me to distinguish between sarcasm and bluntness coming from others, tho I think this may have more to do with people using jokes to say what they actually mean…)

Anyhow, if I’m communicating, I have no reason to not be direct and while I know some people try to gain leverage by not being direct, I just do not understand why other people go along with games to the point where it is cultural default. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just to be clear, I am not referring to being an a hole- using honesty as an excuse. Being direct doesn’t mean you say everything in your head. You can say you do not want to talk about something or just say nothing. Being direct just mean not using language to jerk people around in my opinion.

🙄 WHY IS THIS AUTOMATICALLY PUT IN “GUYS BEHAVIOR” I’m not a dude. 👀

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

Is it fair to say from what I've read of you, you have a certain emotional bent in your mind and heart and don't process emotion as others do. That may be changeable as your heart changes emotionally, if you work on it. It sounds like what you are running into.

Communication is work as everyone has a brain that is wired differently, and it does take work at times.

I don't struggle with understanding but we often have to repeat and rephrase as there are mis understandings and interpretations. Add to it, as the hormones and emotions shift, so does the brains processing.

Opening up your heart to feel more would open up the communication... I suspect.

WindAtMyBack · Accepted Answer

I think a lot of people hear the CliffsNotes version. For example:

Me: Sometimes I think about moving to Florida.

a month later

Them: I thought you were moving to Florida.

That's not what I said. They don't hear the "sometimes" or the "think about". They only hear "move to Florida", then wonder why I didn't move to Florida.

That's not really a good example, but I run into this type of thing all the time. I tend to say things very specifically, and within a specific context. Yet inevitably it gets misinterpreted, very often as a more general statement than what I actually said.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

You might be kn the autism spectrum, as I am also and I struggle with this a lot. I am very direct and say exactly what I mean but I will frequently have people ask me to expand on what I’ve said or explain it further. Part of this has to do with the fact that in neurotypical society there are a lot of phrases that have multiple meanings depending on how they are delivered and neurotypical people are very sensitive to that. Another part is the assumption of knowledge, you assume people think as you do, know what you know, and you don’t realize you have this bias.

menina · Accepted Answer

I had issues with people because they didn't understand me. However, I can't say it was because I was direct. That's not how I usually speak.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Most men are accustomed to women speaking in code and being expected to decipher each message in real time. Women who have above average IQs tend to be more "masculine" in the way they communicate and in their approach to problem solving.

However. . . I have seen enough photos of you to know that "masculine" is a word I would never use to describe you!

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Direct does not exist. 😅 It doesn't really exist. Briefly said, due to the neurological AND psychological nature of language, it cannot really exist.  Ambiguity and polysemy are everywhere . Thoughts are imprecise in essence, words are imprecise as well. When we communicate, the best state we can reach is just a  decrease of ambiguity . We doesn't even really understand the words we are using at the moment we're using them, and the recipient doesn't even understand either . If you see what I mean  🙃

Grond21 · Answer

I can see why that might happen. It does happen to me sometimes, especially over text message. There's just too little information when you are texting and being able to read someone's tone and body language is powerful, but missing in that medium. So it happens there sometimes.

I do appreciate people who are direct, especially people who are both honest and direct. I have known people who are direct but dishonest, and that is awful. Perhaps some of the people you are speaking to had that same experience. Hence why there may have been a misunderstanding, if they were used to direct dishonesty.

I enjoy figuring out the nuances of conversation, the small tweaks that can be made to communicate things differently, and learning better how to read other people

RavVid · Answer

That is English. Fact is English is a brutally frank and direct language if spoken correctly and so much so that most people soften it.

A lot of the time this to allow social negotiation.

I might colloquially say I want to see you. Why I say 'see you' rather than the more direct 'meet' or 'visit' is to allow a negotiation. You could invite me to your house or suggest meeting at a cafe or a bar and it might be tomorrow or next week or sometime. It is often a gambit. In the subtext I am saying I like you and want sex with you but know directly asking you if you wanna fuck is going to be unproductive most likely.

We use memes and common sayings as a shorthand for an attitude to something. Sarcasm, irony and sardonic is used to make a point by saying the opposite of what is meant. "Beautiful day' when it is raining and blustering.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

I mean how did you come to the conclusion that gag things you are a guy lol.

It's observes you as a female that's why it thinks you are asking about males behaviour!

If this is happening a lot means I think you need to introspect that what are you not understanding about simple but complex behaviour of people and what they say and what possibly could they mean.

By malice or by fear based on their experience with society people layer the wordings enctypting with an underlying tone yes but not to an extent that isn't able to be decoded.

It's very common now as an individual and by experience and observance we can understand and judge what a persons intentions are.

It's same with you as well you think something you mean something else and you speak something else as a person who knows you I can tell this.

It's all about the surroundings and experience people chose to speak in a manner they chose.

All in all observe and learn and adapt.

Summeroflove · Answer

It happens but by far more people get confused when things get lost in translation because someone says something and expects everyone to interpret it their way, well people aren’t mind readers. So people interpret it their own way if you’re vague.

If you beat around the bush someone may miss the point entirely and get focused on something else you’ve said. Being direct doesn’t mean being a asshole for no reason but at the same time it’s better to be direct then not.

NathanDavis · Answer

I would not call it a constant struggle, no

but one thing I've noticed as a bilingual person is that, quite often... in English, when you say something and you mean it, sometimes, some people do not take it literal and they do assume that I meant the opposite or something else

and that's a lot less common in Spanish... lol, at least in my experience

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

All my life people have called me, ma'am on the phone instead of sir, I get upset being called ma'am. I am 100 % Male not Female, so this is my struggles in life. Yes, people misunderstand me and it hurts me.

worldscolide · Answer

Sometimes it happens. Don't stop being direct, best quality in a woman in my opinion.

TallAnon · Answer

Have you ever considered doing a test for autism? Sounds like what you are describing

DrPepper12 · Answer

People are so wishy washy today that directness SEEMS aggressive. You want my honest  opinion? COMMENCE REGRET!

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Sometimes i do experience such situations...

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

When you have my vocabulary, most folk can't understand what you mean.

EnjoytheDay777 · Answer

I'm not a good bullshitter. I just say what's on my mind and I don't play games.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

yes i get slapped daily

normalice · Answer

It's usually because people don't want to understand.

sawno · Answer

Not at all, here in the Netherlands its our preferred communication style.

Juxtapose · Answer

As an autistic man I must, out of necessity, reject mind games & speaking in code for the most part. I think dancing around what one really means is a waste of time in most instances.

AmeerX · Answer

Lol, that has been my life 🤣

MrGSpotHer · Answer

Oh that's very deep actually I need some time to reflect

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

No i honestly dont have that problem

Ad_Quid_Orator · Answer

Quite often I have been in that situation.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yep!!

LiamJHayden · Answer

Yes.

Anyone else here struggle with people misunderstanding you when (or perhaps BECAUSE) you are direct and say EXACTLY what you mean?

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What Girls & Guys Said

All my life people have called me, ma'am on the phone instead of sir, I get upset being called ma'am. I am 100 % Male not Female, so this is my struggles in life. Yes, people misunderstand me and it hurts me.

Anyone else here struggle with people misunderstanding you when (or perhaps BECAUSE) you are direct and say EXACTLY what you mean?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

All my life people have called me, ma'am on the phone instead of sir, I get upset being called ma'am. I am 100 % Male not Female, so this is my struggles in life. Yes, people misunderstand me and it hurts me.

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