Is distancing myself after disrespect a healthy boundary strategy?

[Anonymous]

When i see someone or people behaving disrespectfully and freeze in the moment, my way of sending a message is to distance myself from that person or people temporarily.

Because I feel if i go back there I’m accepting the disrespect unintentionally.

Kind of like taking my power back.

[HollyK21]

I think there’s more power in communicating the issue rather than playing this game of distancing yourself only to come back. How is someone to know you feel disrespected if you don’t tell them? If you did something offensive to someone, wouldn’t you appreciate being told so that you can correct it within reason?

[Asker]

No I meant in a large group of say 20 people, if someone is being disrespectful I prefer to step away

I don’t think it’s wrong to go back because why should I leave a group when the others didn’t really do anything to me

I feel also about communicating the issue, that is dependent on if the other person is willing to accept that their behaviour is out of line.

And if a person was truly that understanding they wouldn’t have been disrespectful to begin with

[HollyK21]

So this is a group of people, not necessarily a friend. In that case, I’m not sure they’d even notice you distancing yourself. I’d also say that if these aren’t friends of yours then your expectancy for them to essentially “just know” you felt disrespected makes even less sense. Maybe you’re an avoidant person, dislike the idea of confrontation and justify that by saying the other person was out of line and should’ve known better.

[Asker]

But they of course should have are you defending the person who’s been disrespectful?

I’m sure they wouldn’t like it if I treated them that way so why treat me like that - that’s double standards

Also the group may or may not notice. But all I know is it felt wrong going back there after my experience

[HollyK21]

I’m not defending anyone or anything. I am simply saying that you cannot expect these people to be mind readers. How would they know you felt mistreated or disrespected when you said nothing? I just feel like you are rejecting reasonable logic here, and if I’m wrong about that then please, clarify how they are supposed to know that you, an acquaintance, felt disrespected. It’s not like you threw a tantrum or acted weird, you just left and have stayed gone. If I were in a group and I only saw you once or twice before you went awol, I probably won’t miss you because I didn’t know you like that. If you felt wrong going back, that is absolutely fine, it’s your right. But you can’t expect these people to know why you are staying away.

[OneViewpoint]

Distancing is a passive strategy that may project weakness. And it's something women seem to rationalize to avoid conflict. Confront the disrespect first then distance. Make it clear to everyone your boundary has been crossed and YOU are taking action. Let the asshole come back to you. Or not. Either way is a win for you.

[Purpleronnie]

Yes distancing yourself is healthy.. but when combined with communication / setting boundaries so that the person (s) know that you have felt disrespected and why.


Leaving under a cloud isn’t helping anyone know you , and you’re not helping them see where they were wrong which isn’t helping them or others either.

[Nikki1989]

Healthy relationships require that disrespect have consequences, so yes!

[jahaims]

Cutting ties with a disrespectful person is the healthy boundary if you have already communicated your boundaries with someone. Distancing is immature

[msc545]

Even healthier strategy would be to leave and stay away, since the person is just going to do it again. Don't make it temporary.

[beenherebefore]

Yes!