"Men are primary pursuers in courting naturally." What do you think?

Question

I'm going to quote someone's answer on GAG.

"If a guy likes you as a whole person, he'll move a mountain to text, call and be with you. He should reciprocate by doing all he can do to be with you because men are primary pursuers in courting naturally, and they like it that way, except if it's just sex."

What do you think guys? Do you agree? Thoughts?

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

Okay, I have to hit this first:

"There are two types of men -men that are the strong type, they want to be the man & then the guys that are push overs, if you are going after the 1st type DONT PURSUE - sit back & let them."

First of all, this is old thinking. The Scandinavians laugh in our general direction, while their women aren't pushovers who expect a man to come to their rescue and prove himself before he is worthy of her presence. They understand that equal respect comes from giving up those little tidbits where girls get treated oh-so-special.

Unless it's satire, we never seriously tell women to "get back in the kitchen and make us sandwiches". So why would it be so fine and dandy to tell men to "get back in the garage and fix your car"?

Not to mention, if you sit back and demand attention, you WILL be getting bad attention, too. If you want to be hit on by hotties, you really can't complain about being hit on by creeps.

Most/many guys aren't super flirty because we're taught it's respectful to women to keep that to ourselves. We want to make sure that if we pursue, it's out of genuine interest in your entire person, not acting blindly on those dangly bits between our legs. If you want to call that being a "pushover" and a "wuss", then so be it. But in essence, it was women who asked for it in the first place.

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Now for the main bit:

"If a guy likes you as a whole person, he'll move a mountain to text, call and be with you. He should reciprocate by doing all he can do to be with you because men are primary pursuers in courting naturally, and they like it that way, except if it's just sex."

True. If I really like a girl, I'll have a strong desire to spend time with her, text her, etc. Keep in mind, this is often condemned as being a pushover as described above.

But realistically, it makes sense. Men's primary sex drive can be activated at a distance pretty quickly by appearance, facial expressions, quirks, etc. For women, it takes more personal engagement before much magic happens.

"Men use sex to establish emotional bonds, women don't feel comfortable with sex until emotional bonds are established." -Is how one site put it.

And while this works well in the close-knit communities of Sweden and Holland, it's hardly balanced here in the US where everyone has their own bubbles and friendship is considered an often-scarce luxury. So over here, men's libidos are active, but people aren't close enough for women's to be running the same. So men would be, in fact, set up more for the role of initiating.

But just be aware of this: When women sit back and expect men to be the natural leaders, men will be considered natural leaders, and women will be taken less seriously. It's how that whole setup started in the first place. The whole point of Women's Lib was to teach women to do sh*t for themselves so they could stand alongside men.

bassman · Accepted Answer

I really don't agree with the contents of the quote. However, I don't mind leading the pursuing, at least in the beginning. "He'll move a mountain to text, call and be with you". Uhhh..no. If its that difficult to communicate with the babe, then her interest level is probably too low for me to bother. One thing I know for sure, is when a womans interest level is high, (meaning high enough to pursue her) ( meaning she wants to be pursued) she makes everything easy for the guy. The communication, and everything that follows seems to flow.

I think that both sexes need to do some pursuing of their own from time to time. Regardless of what women have been taught, there is nothing wrong with a woman going after what she wants, just as a guy would. Sure, the initial pursuit might be more natural for guys, and may be something that many women require, but IMO if the relationship is going to be a healthy one, which leads to a great and long marriage, both men and women need to be doing their share of pursuing.

EmpressMe · Accepted Answer

As a female, I think the whole idea of this is very entitled. The message "Because I have a vagina,if a guy likes me slightly, he should bewilling to move mountains for me even if I have not displayed my personality in a way that makes him believe I'm worth all that effort." It's sexist.

Yes, if a guy really likes you, he's going to find some way to communicate and hang out. But all of this extra metaphore stuff just makes females sound entitled and hypocritical seeing as most ofthem don't want to reciprocate. For a girl to suggest that a guy is passive and a push over if he doesn't go through a buch of troule to see you makes her just sound plain butt hurt because she liked some guy and he didn't like her back enough to go through a ton of trouble to see her.That's not even rational, it's just an attack against any guy who doesn't agree with doing all this extra stuff just because you like a girl.

You move mountains and sh*t for a female you're madly in love with, someone who has earned the title of being your girlfriend or wife. Not just some girl you are in like with.

toulouse · Accepted Answer

if you're asking this because some ass you thought liked you pulled back as soon a you acted like a human being with a brain instead of a flower waiting to be plucked. then shouldn't you really be reconsidering the company you keep. instead of trying to fond roof that in order to be and a relationship you should go through life passively demurely and obediently?

what the hell kind of life is that. id rather be single. luckily not all people believe in this crap. that was invented by the way. and invented so you could be controlled and not taken seriously as a women and a human.

id suggest concerning yourself more with your dignity. rather than appealing to a**holes who can not recognize it.

if ANYONE likes someone enough theyll make an effort. no one person can make it happen because it requires the consent of the two individuals. you make it sound like guys are king kong and women are hanging off of buildings.

as someone put it. learn to do sh*t for yourself.

windy-rose · Accepted Answer

I think that quote mixes two different stages of a relationship that shouldn't be.

When somebody is completely in love with someone, they'll do an awful lot for the other-- but that's not part of the courting process. Its unreasonable to expect that type of devotion early on, especially without reciprocation.

Also, we don't live in the era past where it was expected for men to make overt displays of interest to gain attention to a girl. Those displays weren't just for her attentions, but often to gain favor with her family as well. That is just not the case anymore. We're more in a "people go into relationships of their own choosing" stage.

I also disagree with the second quote, mostly because it puts black and white categories on something that isn't. Not all non-pursuers are push overs, maybe they just don't want to make a show over a girl that won't be responsive. There are all kinds of in betweens.

GoodManDave · Answer

If I like the woman as a whole, then yes, I would do what is in my power to try and keep something going. However, if there is absolutely no give from her, then I'll get tired of the one sided behavior. I'll figure she's not really all that interested if she doesn't bother.

I will not stalk her, I will not move heaven and earth, or move for some girl that I have been dating for three months. If we've been dating for a while, and she's been an amazing woman, then yes, I'll be more up for "the chase" (or to keep things going) in some ways. And I will do what I can for her.

Both comments are a bit of an over generalization. Some guys think that all women who don't ask out guys are old fashioned stubborn chicks who are only feminists when it's convenient for them (Which I don't think is the case). That sounds pretty sexist, just as I think that insulting a guy because he's not big on getting shot down all the time makes him a wimp or a pushover.

And a girl told me she was interested (she wasn't really, but I digress); I believe I did the first set up for the first "date," though I saw it as her asking me out... I don't recall. And I DEFINITELY was no pushover in the relationship.

I'd be more fine with the asking if I didn't get such nasty responses. It gets old quickly.

I'll do it, if I think there's a chance, but frankly, getting a cavity filled without anesthetic is more fun, in my opinion.

AndyWes · Answer

I think if a girl isn't into you enough that she reciprocates--responds, shows enthusiasm, then it's a waste of time to "pursue" her. I also think that if a girl isn't willing to make the first move, or just A move at least, she has no right to gripe about how guys don't ask her out.

Complicating that is that girls so regularly flirt or act charming or will give you their number, but don't wish to go out with you in the slightest, that guys' senses are dulled to women who actually are showing interest and want to go out. Contrary to what girls think, guys actually do have emotions and tire of getting flaked out on or shot down.

This isn't my writing, but it shows my point.

link

Meedo · Answer

I agree with the 1st quote. There are limits of course. But if I love her that much and I will make everything possible. But I will do this for the girl I love. Not some attractive lady with an attitude .

As for the girl quote... it is not entirely accurate actually... it is not about strong and push overs.. it is about traditional and modern.. traditional men like to pursue more.. modern men are OK either way .. but both will be fine with both situations every now and then.

Push overs and strong is a totally different thing.. there could be a traditional guy who would like to pursue but he is shy .. then he won't pursue even if he wants to . I don't think classifying men as pushovers would help your love life. As I said .. some men are shy .. that doesn't mean they aren't men.

Good luck

Anonymous · Answer

I actually just have been doing some reading on this, Evan Marc Katz, he is a dating coach for women, he says that if a man is truly interested he will pursue the woman, texting, calling and asking out-  HE says that when I woman starts to act to interested and starts to pursue the man they will run away.  His words not mine (but being that just happened to me and it has happened to many of my girlfriends, I am going to say he's right!)  I think I will ask that question myself, why do men run way and leave the woman without any answers.

Konnour · Answer

Now I'll tell you the truth:

It goes only that far when the girl crosses the line - I know that girls enjoy receiving attention but not always enjoy giving it in return, girls like to be chased, but guys hate to chase.

You'll move a mountain if you know that it's WORTH IT, like - if there are some circumstances, some obstacles which cannot be controlled by either of you (for example her parents disapprove him) but - if the girl herself makes it all harder to happen - any guy who got at least some self-esteem will say "f*** it" and gonna move on.

EmpressMe · Answer

I think that answer is bs.

This is 2012 lol men should not be the only ones courting. The types of females who sit around and wait to be courted instead of reciprocating even the tiniest bit of courting tend to aggravate and frustrate guys. It can really make them come off as entitled and manipulative of the fact that a guy likes you.

I think we are living in an era where girls need to be "courting naturally" too.

TheStaff_Sergeant · Answer

I disagree. I'll only move a mountain for a woman that I "love."  Anything less than love requires  reciprocation, or a proven history of mutual interest. I agree that most guys prefer to be the primary pursuers, but most guys also prefer to know that a woman would do the same if their genders were reversed. It must be a give and take by all involved from the onset.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are natural stalkers and are entitled to pursue women. Women who do that want sex only and will emasculate men. Men are not objects, prizes, nor prey. Women are. You can't show interest in men or like men. They will retaliate because they are in control. Men can only throw themselves at women, not the other way around. Men are still entitled to chase and therefore, they hate to be raped and screwed over by women. It hurts their manhood. Men are still in charge of courtship and therefore you shouldn't have any feelings nor sexual urges for men. It's unfeminine. Men love women who are inactive and don't show open interest in them. Let men ask you out and stalk you, even if you don't like them. That's how it works. Men have to try to get women to like them only.

Cage433 · Answer

Definitely like the girl to show interest in me after I show interest in her. Give take relationship. I don't want to be the only one pursuing her, like being the only one to call...or initiate contact all the time. If I'm the only one trying to make the relationship work than I feel she's not interested.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are the pursuers, for the most part.

Though you can find plenty of males who refuse, through fear, laziness, or an overdeveloped sense of entitlement.

But that still doesn't make the rest of the quote true. Some men will move mountains for sex. Some men won't even put the girl they like as a whole person ahead of their careers.

temptationfalls · Answer

Hell no I'm not going to move a mountain in order to get with a girl. even metaphorically. I have other things in my life to do than court and chase women. If you want to look at guys and nature, we're supposed to be out there banging everything with a vagina in order to spread our genes and reproduce.

ChineseMath32 · Answer

Yes. I totally agree, unless I'm in some kind of difficult situation where something would prohibit me from approaching a girl. I'm going to make every effort to get her attention.

Cyrus7V2 · Answer

lol I'm not moving no godamn mountain to be with a girl

Anonymous · Answer

I disagree. I'm not moving any mountain to text, call or be with a girl. I like things to happen naturally.

Heretic · Answer

I find it dehumanising and even creepy. I'll give any woman with beliefs like that a wide berth, indeed.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that if women want equality they should feel this way about every aspect of life.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't do all of that because that means she isn't doing anything so its all one sided and I wouldn't like that

moviedude714 · Answer

well obviously not all guys enjoy the chase

Anonymous · Answer

I agree too

Anonymous · Answer

I think so.

"Men are primary pursuers in courting naturally." What do you think?

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