Do you agree with the notion that the man should be the pursuer in relationships?

Question

EpicDweeb · Accepted Answer

The whole idea that if a guy likes you, you'll be his number 1 priority and he'll just start striving after you is bullshit. Guys don't want to look like idiots. We have a habit of selling ourselves short and assuming every girl we like is better than she really is... As a result most guys are hesitant to approach a woman they like because they don't want to be rejected.

I find the guys who actively pursue women tend to be more arrogant. Some are just confident rather than arrogant and I applaud those men. However, I think wise men are not the type who focus on pursuing a woman. They are the ones who allow a relationship to develop at its own pace or go nowhere as it pleases. Trying to force it will leave you with a relationship based on lovey dovey hormones that will mostly wear off after 18 months, and leave you feeling empty. Such relationships have no foundation so they can only crumble. A naturally developed one that starts as a good solid friendship will last once the hormones wear off because, even if you don't feel the same spark... you're still with your best friend. You have a foundation so you have something to rebuild on should anything break.

SkyRez · Accepted Answer

Thank you for making this question, very interesting data.

There has been a war on masculinity for a long time. Men being told to not be masculine, that the woman can open the door, the woman can fight her own fight. Of course she can. However, it is in a man's nature, a masculine "alpha" man to care/take care of a woman, and it is in a feminine women's nature to care for men and children.

"Women want real men..."

This quote is reflected here. Real men can be aggressive, but they are outgoing. They can do stupid stunts, but they can do heroic actions. They ask and pursue the woman. By there being so damn many women saying yes, men should pursue, this stands true, that women want this.

As for men, we are being taught to be less masculine. Less outgoing, less confident in ourselves. Thus, we have a huge majority of men saying they should not be pursuing.

Guess who started this war on men? guess what movement today continues to attack men, while outwardly supporting women.

Again, thank you for the date.

simplyaramdomgirl · Accepted Answer

I agree in some part. I think that the man should be a pursuer, but I don't think that it has to be all one-sided. Because that's the main problem with just one person as a pursuer, the relationship is imbalanced. There needs to be an equal interest for something to flourish correctly. If just the woman is chasing the guy or just the man is chasing the girl, the relationship is going to be dead before it's even started. Relationships are a meet me halfway kind of thing and if you're not willing to do that then it's not much of a relationship, is it?

StingRayxoxo · Accepted Answer

Not 100%. I am a bit more old fashioned and think the guy should ask the girl out but I'm not completely opposed to doing the opposite.
There was only one time where I pursued and my best friend said that it should be him doing it or it's more of a sign he isn't that into you. He wasn't that into me.

ElissaDido · Answer

I think women should also be pursuers if they feel like it.
I personally prefer the man to chase, I guess a more "traditional" approach if we may call it that way.
But generally there's nothing wrong with women pursuing the man. If she knows what she wants she should go for it.
Some women are braver more upfront than others. We're all different.

rjroy3 · Answer

I agree with the sentiment that men pursue what we want by nature. Speaking to our nature yes. We go out and insert ourselves into the world in all that we do. This is in regards to what we want.

The picture above says if he likes you he will pursue you. This is true. What I disagree with is stating he will make the girl his priority. That's flat out not the case. A guy may have "getting the girl/pursuing the girl" high on his list of priorities, but if he has any life at all as a man he won't make just any girl he likes his priority at the snap of a finger.

If he's out with his friends and sees he has the opportunity to see her that night he might make it a point to make plans with her that night or the next day. That is a form of pursuit. Rather than say he's out with friends, having a good time and gets a text from the girl saying "we're going to watch x boring movie. Come watch!" and he drops everything to go see the movie with her because he made the girl his priority. No that's not how it works lol.

This also doesn't mean a woman shouldn't chase you back in return to some extent. In my book, if the girl isn't going out of her way to see me again she's just not that interested. All this "he has to text me first or we're not talking" BS or expecting the guy to do everything with mo indicator of any kind is silly. A simple "so when am I seeing you again?" "when are you taking me out?" does it.

Ellie-V · Answer

I don’t agree. No one should be chasing anyone. Life isn’t supposed to be a game of Tag, not for grown ass adults.
Relationships should happen organically, whether it was the dude or the lady who made the first move. Effort has to work both ways, no one should be sitting on their ass.

MecheD · Answer

I say no, the reason is because being in a society where we all want equality change is bound to come good/bad. Sorry fella’s , but “Men Cheat” but no one asks the random guy who cheated for the first time in his late 30’s why did you do it? Fact is men lose interest the same way women do but faster.(maybe not now though🤔) . At some points in life we need reassurance. (A little more now) I. e my stepfather was a great man who had never cheated then one day my mom goes to see my family across the country. He just so happens to cheat and the craziest thing ever is that he stuck with the girl he cheated with over my mom. I asked him why he said she made him feel how my mom used to “like I was somebody”. Moral of the story all men want is to be pursued, whether it’s a random dates, sexual acts, sporting events... etc

LegendarySir · Answer

This is why you get all those girls crying about how a guy lead them on. Dude, most times, it's not that he lead you on, it's that you did absolutely nothing to make him fall for you. He put all the effort into getting you to like him, but you didn't reciprocate, so what do you expect? A relationship? Come on.

If you want something, put some effort. If you're not willing to do such thing, don't whine when you don't get the results you expected, because you didn't work to earn anything.

Adam_INTJ · Answer

YES
men who don't pursue are afraid of rejection, are needy, and will suffocate any relationship by constantly trying to please the girl for fear of upsetting her. Unless she's some CEO or celebrity, a girl shouldn't have to deal with the pressure of people giving her that kind of desperate and childish attention. It's so draining.

A guy who doesn't pursue is just a weathervain for any girl he ends up with--it's not cute, it's not admirable, it's spineless.

A guy who does the pursuing and has the strong enough self-perception to be okay with rejection is strong enough so that any girl who dates him can be sure they're seeing the true him and not some sort of girl-pleasing facade. It's comforting to have that kind of certainty.

So it's mainly that guys who don't do the pursuing aren't worth dating because they're like needy children--not that it's wrong for them to not pursue. Just they lack character if they don't, and ought not to be in a relationship. But that's their choice.

emmily2396 · Answer

Yes, because:
1. I don't enjoy initiating, it makes me tired. I can do it, but I don't like it. I am fine with 50/50 effort though
2. I would prefer a guy with more balls than me... expecting the girl to have more courage than you is not very manly
3. It shows you are manly (confident, brave, etc.).
Again, that doesn't mean you should do all the work. In a healthy relationship both parties should put an effort. This is a question about who should put more because being perfectly 50/50 is not quite possible.

Anonymous · Answer

Now that I’m thinking back I’ve usually been the pursuer in my past relationships. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I know what I want and then I go get it. I enjoy the feeling of being pursued, but I also like pursuing. I like putting the moves on a guy. Being the pursuer takes a certain amount courage and boldness. For me it’s like riding a roller coaster. It’s thrilling. It makes me all nervous and my stomach twist up in knots, but in a good way, and I enjoy the feeling. It’s a rush.

Ayer93 · Answer

Not everyone is the same. Society is conditioned (for the most part) into thinking that men should be confident and always make the first moves. All the princess girls out there who know they're attractive will only let the guy make the first move and have him pay the first date for sure because they have men all over them throughout their lives. I personally look for someone a little more enlightened in this society of sheep. My girlfriend is gorgeous and she never thought that a guy should pay the first date. She paid her own share and valued my time as equal to her own. I did ask her out, but she agreed that men should not be expected to ask a girl out. She's just exceptionally shy.

Point is... no. Men should not be expected to ask a girl out, however if they do, it does increase most girls opinions of them as it's seen as confidence and a dominant trait that women seek.

ShadowofRegret · Answer

I do not, every man is different, not all act the same way.

Also, if a man not pursuing shows a lack of interest, what does that say about the woman who does the same?

I think both should make an equal effort to go after each other rather than one or the other doing all the chasing.

CubsterShura · Answer

Yes and no. I do believe that men are more of pursuers than women, but at the same time I don't think it is really the right thing for a woman to sit back there and do nothing when they want someone. You know what I mean? It's good to find a balance. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what men or women want to do in general. What matters is what works for YOUR relationship and YOUR partner. Fuck what 98% of men or women prefer, your partner is your 100% and that's all that matters.

AlienParasite · Answer

No, I have the belief both should pursue. When both are pursuing each other means both are on the mood to work together in building that relationship. If one part of the relationship is not pursuing the other, they are staying clear they don't want to work, so the relationship is more likely to fail.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

Yes ! I want the man to pursue me , show me how powerful he can be by him holding me in his muscular strong arms while making sure no one harms us and ours ! however I do not want him to use his muscles against me and our children either for he must love me and treat me as the weaker vessel ! Thanks

Anonymous · Answer

Never pursued a guy. Whenever a guy asked for my number I never went out of my way to ask him out or do anything to attempt a relationship with him. Like he's the one who asked for my number, I am going to leave it up to him. Because I honestly don't care if it works out or if it doesn't lol there's plenty fish in the sea. I will only care about continuing with the guy if we have a connection which is super rare. If I don't have a connection then I'll cut it off. If i have a connection with him then I obviously look forward to seeing him. If I don't then I avoid him until I gain the courage to end it. Definitely guys will always pursue because I know I don't have to do anything.

Moonchild714 · Answer

Hell Noooo!!! It's 2019 Women can pursue!!! Men wantvus Women to takecthe pressure off them, sure some men still have the Mentality that they should do all the Pursuing but I believe that's a Minority today. Not too much of the Me Tarzan, you Jane come with me attitude anymore... It's now Me Jane, you Tarzan let's go... LOL

Liskitty · Answer

I think that.. if you feel in the mood to chase, you chase!
Just because I'm a woman I won't hold back if I feel like that, which does happen sometimes 😂
I also think that the picture up there is stupid. It can easily be applied to women too. If I'm not into a guy, this won't change simply because you chase me.

Dreamer95 · Answer

I will make the first step if We are already talking and feel a connection but, I won't do the pursuing cause I don't like being rejected I'm stalked in the old fashion way because my self-esteem is not that high, and if I make that move some guys won't prolly do anything romantic I will be the one to do all that to prove it, like he would if he was the pursuer.. I think a woman who pursued a man really love that man We don't think about being with that man to fuck and leave him so, this woman have to be really strong, and have a self-esteem really high..

MostPaloney23 · Answer

Not entirely true. It's not a bad thing for a woman to go after what she likes. We don't care about your desire for validation either

And I think the term pursue or chase are dumb. I think lure is more logical. Singles, think of casting somewhere until you get a bite, except that he's got multiple pairs of arms and rods to cast. If he's doing it right he'll do that until he gets his best catch

KezHarris · Answer

Well, the only guys i get persuing me are the creepy ones. But it seems if guys are not making enough effort to ask me out, then they aren't really that interested, so i don't bother. But i also get a lot of guys staring, but i guess its mostly sexual attraction and they aren't interested in anything else? 🤔🤔

R_Cakes91 · Answer

I feel like if you have to do any chasing (male, female) then that shows the other person just isn’t that into you.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Yes, but it doesn't really turn out that way as I get approached often. Hard to avoid dating when some pretty face is hitting on you and you find yourself caving to their charm. Dang it. Fir example, I have this smiley smoking hot blonde who regularly comes into my work just to say hi to me. A gal pal keeps bugging me to just nail her. Her words. I keep just being nice andmaking small talk with her. I suppose there are worse things to have in life.

Grobmate · Answer

Nope.. that only happens in romance movies and novels. True romance is a constant push and pull between both. It's like a rubber band of give and take.

AynonOMouse · Answer

One thing to note is pretty much all the players are also pursuers, so those that always wait are much more likely to get the players that cheat on them. So if you never pursue and always wait for the man, don't be surprised when you get cheated on more often too.

Dsg1193 · Answer

I think it’s ok for a woman to ask a man out if the vibes are obvious. From that point, initiating to meet up and additional communication should be mutual. As with any type of relationship.

However, I do not make the first move. I’m too shy and when I have messaged guys on apps in the past, it did not work out. I have had more success when the guy makes the first move.

Shaheerssx · Answer

It's all rubbish today there are so many girls who lie to you laugh at you and do a lot of other things girls who look at you giving hints and you ask her out and she will say no because thats fun to them. You got girls who dig for gold girls who try to trap you with a baby. Girls who lie to your face when you ask them out and say "I have a boyfriend" even though I checked before asking her out with her friends. All these things guys have to deal with for no reason so pursuing girls no chance.

Anonymous · Answer

What I don't get is some women will complain about not having a guy. But she has a guy willing to give the world to see her smile. Why doesn't she see this person as a possible partner? My answer would have to be women still go for looks and money rather than the hard working and loyal person. Ladies your prince charming probably isn't the best looking or the richest or might be that nerd and reject from school that just happens to be in your inbox. Guys miss perfect doesn't exist if you love a girl see their flaws and you love them because of wasn't for their flaws wouldn't ever girl be the same?

MoogMoog · Answer

No, people need to stop playing games. It's stupid.

HereIbe · Answer

There is no "should". Either sex can validly pursue. What was posted is NOT a statement of "should", it's a statement of **IS**. If a man is interested, he will do all those things. If he doesn't, then he's not interested.

That is VERY different from "should".

hahahmm · Answer

If she wants a traditional guy she would be smart to let him make the first move. But the catch is that she’s only worth it to a traditional type guy if she’s being traditional too.

gg999 · Answer

I think there should be an equal amount of pursuing. If the woman doesn't ever just send a random message or hint at going out etc then she's either testing whether he likes her or she's not bothered because she's got so many in the 'queue' that she doesn't care. Personally I hate the way as a guy I've got to do all the messaging, initiating, date creating, and pursuing.

Anonymous · Answer

Why not say do you like me or I say I like you. Then wait for a response.

Daniel3035 · Answer

No with the way women treat men laughing at us playing hard to get flaking ghosting us we shouldn't and i'm no longer going to be the peruser if a woman really likes me she can come get me i'm not putting up with that shit.

Anonymous · Answer

In this day and age, women have made it dangerous for a man to pursue since they have become perpetual victims of false crimes. A man even showing interest can be and have been accused of sex crimes (unwanted advancements).

So for a male to pursue a female these days would be stupid.
Women have destroyed the male female dynamic.

MlleCake · Answer

Men are not all the same, nor are women. Not everyone will approach romance the same way. There is not just one right way to do things.

GraveDoll · Answer

yes In my case, I will keep letting the guy pursue and depending on who it is I won't make it too hard for them.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Disagree. I make my move too.

Texaskid1 · Answer

The women has to put some effort also.  Of course with this whole #metoo thing a lot of men will no longer approach women anymore for fear that there actions could be misconstrued as sexual assault.

girl963 · Answer

Noo, cause i live in 21st century both mentally and physically. But that doesn't mean he should not persue his wife or one women , he shouldn't cheat

MzAsh · Answer

I agree. High value men WANT to pursue. They want to qualify themselves to a woman first before she qualifies herself to him.

smg99 · Answer

Most definitely!!! We don’t know what irks a man unless he’s done his due diligence and comes forward.

datgirl · Answer

I believe the man should. I'm a little more old fashioned. If a man expects me to be the assertive one and take initiative i won't be into him anymore. 🤷🏽‍♀️ but kudos to the girls that actually go and ask guys out first 👏

Djaay · Answer

Chemistry is what makes two magnatize. Pursuit is entitlement with an agenda. Chemistry allows character and personality to be transparent to the other , whereas pursuit suggest an intention to conquer.

NahlaM · Answer

I own up to old fashioned values when it comes to "the chase" however once in a relationship it is down to both people to make it work

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

No, I find it to be sexist. Some people might be interested, but don't approach due to fear.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I agree with the idea that if someone actually likes you then you don't have to chase them. I'm not saying they're at your beck and call but that they don't make setting up dates too difficult.

SocialTwerp · Answer

I don't think so it goes both ways, personally I'm just too shy and can't take a hint.

MrMilti · Answer

I only persue, if I notice she is interested in me. If she is completely oblivious towards me, there is no point to continue.

natzz · Answer

yes and no. I like to chase after someone and play that push and pull game since I dont like when things come too easy

Unit1 · Answer

People keep saying "if you like someone THEN GO FUCKING TELL HIM/HER!!!" For a reason. And I'm standing by that advise.

Anonymous · Answer

The time is over for women to sit back and act entitled to men. They need to put some effort in too. Welcome to gender equality.

Smegskull · Answer

Pursuing a woman is now legally punishable as harassment... No woman is worth that risk. Women risk nothing but their pride in pursuing men, it's their turn to bare that burden.

SexyAshh · Answer

Uhm yes. The masculinity of a man drops immediatly in my eyes if you do not come up to me first.

El_Heffe · Answer

I would tend to disagree as nowadays women pursue as much as men. Dominant personalities of both sexes are as prévalent.

Clearblueskye · Answer

Yes, I do believe that. Once in a relationship, both should make equal effort.

imnoangel90 · Answer

When it feels right, It doesn't matter who started it. Just how it gets finished.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

This belief should be made obsolete; it has landed too many men undeservingly in jail or, in my country, dead.

_Jay_ · Answer

I actually go up to guys to ask for their number or snapchat or Instagram. Like makes it easier.

Edanurus · Answer

This to me is the idea that if women want to play games in relationships they will end up with a player. Players love the game, genuin guys dont.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Yes, 100%. Once the woman show you interest or gives you a sign she is interested then it's the man job to get the woman and pursue her.

jss123 · Answer

Pursue is not what I'd call it. Be the first person to ask someone out both sexes should be free to do it.

Do you agree with the notion that the man should be the pursuer in relationships?

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