Do you agree with the notion that the man should be the pursuer in relationships?

[xHeyUx]

Yes

No

Just show me the answers

[EpicDweeb]

The whole idea that if a guy likes you, you'll be his number 1 priority and he'll just start striving after you is bullshit. Guys don't want to look like idiots. We have a habit of selling ourselves short and assuming every girl we like is better than she really is... As a result most guys are hesitant to approach a woman they like because they don't want to be rejected.

I find the guys who actively pursue women tend to be more arrogant. Some are just confident rather than arrogant and I applaud those men. However, I think wise men are not the type who focus on pursuing a woman. They are the ones who allow a relationship to develop at its own pace or go nowhere as it pleases. Trying to force it will leave you with a relationship based on lovey dovey hormones that will mostly wear off after 18 months, and leave you feeling empty. Such relationships have no foundation so they can only crumble. A naturally developed one that starts as a good solid friendship will last once the hormones wear off because, even if you don't feel the same spark... you're still with your best friend. You have a foundation so you have something to rebuild on should anything break.

[Whifflepoop]

I don't understand this. Someone has to be doing the pursuing. Either one of you or both of you... What does organically mean in the context?

[SkyRez]

Thank you for making this question, very interesting data.

There has been a war on masculinity for a long time. Men being told to not be masculine, that the woman can open the door, the woman can fight her own fight. Of course she can. However, it is in a man's nature, a masculine "alpha" man to care/take care of a woman, and it is in a feminine women's nature to care for men and children.

"Women want real men..."

This quote is reflected here. Real men can be aggressive, but they are outgoing. They can do stupid stunts, but they can do heroic actions. They ask and pursue the woman. By there being so damn many women saying yes, men should pursue, this stands true, that women want this.

As for men, we are being taught to be less masculine. Less outgoing, less confident in ourselves. Thus, we have a huge majority of men saying they should not be pursuing.

Guess who started this war on men? guess what movement today continues to attack men, while outwardly supporting women.

Again, thank you for the date.

[SkyRez]

Data* also, this was my hundredth reply in 2 days

[simplyaramdomgirl]

I agree in some part. I think that the man should be a pursuer, but I don't think that it has to be all one-sided. Because that's the main problem with just one person as a pursuer, the relationship is imbalanced. There needs to be an equal interest for something to flourish correctly. If just the woman is chasing the guy or just the man is chasing the girl, the relationship is going to be dead before it's even started. Relationships are a meet me halfway kind of thing and if you're not willing to do that then it's not much of a relationship, is it?

[StingRayxoxo]

Not 100%. I am a bit more old fashioned and think the guy should ask the girl out but I'm not completely opposed to doing the opposite.
There was only one time where I pursued and my best friend said that it should be him doing it or it's more of a sign he isn't that into you. He wasn't that into me.

[bklynbadboy1]

I agree

[ElissaDido]

I think women should also be pursuers if they feel like it.
I personally prefer the man to chase, I guess a more "traditional" approach if we may call it that way.
But generally there's nothing wrong with women pursuing the man. If she knows what she wants she should go for it.
Some women are braver more upfront than others. We're all different.

[rjroy3]

I agree with the sentiment that men pursue what we want by nature. Speaking to our nature yes. We go out and insert ourselves into the world in all that we do. This is in regards to what we want.

The picture above says if he likes you he will pursue you. This is true. What I disagree with is stating he will make the girl his priority. That's flat out not the case. A guy may have "getting the girl/pursuing the girl" high on his list of priorities, but if he has any life at all as a man he won't make just any girl he likes his priority at the snap of a finger.

If he's out with his friends and sees he has the opportunity to see her that night he might make it a point to make plans with her that night or the next day. That is a form of pursuit. Rather than say he's out with friends, having a good time and gets a text from the girl saying "we're going to watch x boring movie. Come watch!" and he drops everything to go see the movie with her because he made the girl his priority. No that's not how it works lol.

This also doesn't mean a woman shouldn't chase you back in return to some extent. In my book, if the girl isn't going out of her way to see me again she's just not that interested. All this "he has to text me first or we're not talking" BS or expecting the guy to do everything with mo indicator of any kind is silly. A simple "so when am I seeing you again?" "when are you taking me out?" does it.

[Ellie-V]

I don’t agree. No one should be chasing anyone. Life isn’t supposed to be a game of Tag, not for grown ass adults.
Relationships should happen organically, whether it was the dude or the lady who made the first move. Effort has to work both ways, no one should be sitting on their ass.

[MoogMoog]

EXACTLY! ^^^

[Price511]

I couldn't have said this better. Give them an MHO OP

[lernulo]

Ellie I haven't understood well your opinion.
I can't see if you say that anybody should to pursue anyone and let everything to random.
Or if you say both people must work to get it, and not let the work to only one person.

[MecheD]

I say no, the reason is because being in a society where we all want equality change is bound to come good/bad. Sorry fella’s , but “Men Cheat” but no one asks the random guy who cheated for the first time in his late 30’s why did you do it? Fact is men lose interest the same way women do but faster.(maybe not now though🤔) . At some points in life we need reassurance. (A little more now) I. e my stepfather was a great man who had never cheated then one day my mom goes to see my family across the country. He just so happens to cheat and the craziest thing ever is that he stuck with the girl he cheated with over my mom. I asked him why he said she made him feel how my mom used to “like I was somebody”. Moral of the story all men want is to be pursued, whether it’s a random dates, sexual acts, sporting events... etc

[FoodNeerd]

What this has to do with cheating?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[MecheD]

😂 simply the fact people feel unappreciated and act on it. Sorry I maneuvered to cheating I just felt like it was necessary to explain consequences from a good portion of men’s reasoning... #addtothechase

[LegendarySir]

This is why you get all those girls crying about how a guy lead them on. Dude, most times, it's not that he lead you on, it's that you did absolutely nothing to make him fall for you. He put all the effort into getting you to like him, but you didn't reciprocate, so what do you expect? A relationship? Come on.

If you want something, put some effort. If you're not willing to do such thing, don't whine when you don't get the results you expected, because you didn't work to earn anything.

[kitty71]

but how do you know if a man is not putting the effort because he really is not interested in the woman not because he is is wating for the lady to reciprocicate?

[LegendarySir]

@kitty71 if he's not putting any effort, assume he doesn't like you. That's what guys do. If she puts no effort, we assume she's not into us and we move on. Then a week later you get the "why did you lead me on?" text.

[kitty71]

That is why my question how do u know the difference between a guy like waiiting fo r the lady to make the move so he won't do it like most guys do or a guy who really does not like you so the reason he is not making the move

[zeineboyy]

You hit the jackpot my guy women want everything given to them on a silver splatter

[Price511]

This is great. So much of this.

[Price511]

I guess you are, LegendarySir? (please forgive me for the name puns)

[LegendarySir]

@kitty71 that's the type of situation I explained that leads to confusion. You don't really know if he's just waiting for you to make a move, or if he's simply not interested. You simply assume based on his actions, and most people don't enjoy putting effort and getting no results, so it's normal to assume they're not interested and just move on to someone else.

[kitty71]

You are correct That is the situation that leads to confusion and Im going through this confusio on my own right now. Although there is a small sign the guy indeed is not interested (he blocked m e from Whatassp just 3 weeks after we had a enjoyable lunchdate and sex, go figure!! but did not give me any reason explanation or anything), rather than him waiting for me to make a move, is confusing and yes Im assuming things but Im afraid if i reach to him ( I haven't done it in 4 months since he kinda of ghosted me) he will tell me that he is no interested but then he stopped contacting me with no explanaton and out of the blue. I dont know what went wrong if things were going good between us, even our last date that included sex and we had a nice lunch date, we laughed there, joked and he even in that date share with me a photo of his family, he told me about a personal future project he has in marketing some honey with his name on it and wanted even my feedback on it. I even invited him to the lunch as it was a pending belated bday lunch for him I owed him.

[LegendarySir]

@kitty71 just move on, he's not interested, and it's also possible that all he wanted was sex. No need to keep troubling yourself with someone that doesn't care about you. It sucks, but it's time to forget and move on.

[kitty71]

You know what is worse for me? That It was my first guy for everything and it call came when I was already in my almsot late 40´s I never had men exprience befor when I was younger not in my 20´or 30 or early 40´s. I never dated or had boyfriend or any of that I was a virgin until last year with this guy.
Also another sad part is this guy Is the best best friend of my male cousin they had been friends for like 26 years, that iws why I met this guy.

[zeineboyy]

Oof 40

[kitty71]

I mean he never meant to develop anything serious with me he never like the drama or conflicts of a relationship and he told me once that what he liked is we could see each other from time to time casually yes sex..., nothing formal, and I never said I disagree on that

[kitty71]

@zeineboyy of 40 what?

[zeineboyy]

So you held your virginity in for 40 years just to give it away to someone who doesn't even care about you SMH 😔

[kitty71]

@zeineboyy Well I never dated or had boyfriend when I was younger like to loose it back then anyway. I was a shy lady guys never pursued me or went after me I never experienced the dating phase of my life when I was much younger. I fetl attracted to my first guy ever when i was 45 so all happened after that age anyway

[zeineboyy]

Kitty thats probably because you never showed interest in the first place guys aren't gonna approach or persue women who don't seem interested. Aka choosing signals I'm 18 and I've always been introverted so I understand the struggles but ya gotta try and show interest. by looking at him or just saying hi.

[kitty71]

@zeineboyy looking at him or saying Hi to whom?

[zeineboyy]

A guy your interested in weather it be on the streets or anywhere.

I'm a be real with you a guy looks at youth in a women and fertility so your options are very low and your probably not gonna be able to give. birth

[kitty71]

@zeineboyy Duhh obvious at my age kids and marriage is not my cup of tea anymore. I better then remain celibate single and daeless what it remains of my life then

[kitty71]

@zeineboyy So what di du think I was a bit of happy when I found or at least met a guy around my age who was single nad available and this guy was the first guy I really felt attracted with, had my several first make out sessions, even had sex

[zeineboyy]

Kitty I think you know this but a 20 year old girl is at peek attractiveness every year after that it gets worse

For a guy it's the opposite in he's 20 he's undesirable because his lack of resources and every year after that he gains resources and becomes more attractive that's why a 40 year old guy can easily get a 20 year old girl.

So why would a guy committee to a 40 year old girl when he has all these opportunities to get with hot 20 year old girls.

[kitty71]

@zeineboyy Geez thanks for your positive vibes to me. But is ok imused to be single and lets say celibate my whole life and I will remainlike that always

[zeineboyy]

Stay happy and have a good life😊✌

[xHeyUx]

@zeineboyy ROTFL, please. Both girls and guys date at any age. @kitty71 has nothing to worry about. There’s a guy out there for her, I’d she chooses to find him.

[Adam_INTJ]

YES
men who don't pursue are afraid of rejection, are needy, and will suffocate any relationship by constantly trying to please the girl for fear of upsetting her. Unless she's some CEO or celebrity, a girl shouldn't have to deal with the pressure of people giving her that kind of desperate and childish attention. It's so draining.

A guy who doesn't pursue is just a weathervain for any girl he ends up with--it's not cute, it's not admirable, it's spineless.

A guy who does the pursuing and has the strong enough self-perception to be okay with rejection is strong enough so that any girl who dates him can be sure they're seeing the true him and not some sort of girl-pleasing facade. It's comforting to have that kind of certainty.

So it's mainly that guys who don't do the pursuing aren't worth dating because they're like needy children--not that it's wrong for them to not pursue. Just they lack character if they don't, and ought not to be in a relationship. But that's their choice.

[emmily2396]

Yes, because:
1. I don't enjoy initiating, it makes me tired. I can do it, but I don't like it. I am fine with 50/50 effort though
2. I would prefer a guy with more balls than me... expecting the girl to have more courage than you is not very manly
3. It shows you are manly (confident, brave, etc.).
Again, that doesn't mean you should do all the work. In a healthy relationship both parties should put an effort. This is a question about who should put more because being perfectly 50/50 is not quite possible.

[FoodNeerd]

This is just pathetic

[FoodNeerd]

Your comment is really pathetic

[emmily2396]

How is that pathetic? Why would I want a man then? Just because I need a friend who also has a d*? I am sure you want a woman for other things than just sex... ot just someone you wnat to talk to. You want someone that compliments you, so you together are better than alone. Taking risks is related to testosterone. So yes, that is more of a. manly quality. I didn't even say that I ezpect the man to do all the work, i just said that in a relationship it can't be always 50/50 give and take, so. someone will always do. more work. And i said I would prefer the man the be that one. How is it pathetoc to have a preference and explain why you have it?

[Anonymous]

Now that I’m thinking back I’ve usually been the pursuer in my past relationships. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I know what I want and then I go get it. I enjoy the feeling of being pursued, but I also like pursuing. I like putting the moves on a guy. Being the pursuer takes a certain amount courage and boldness. For me it’s like riding a roller coaster. It’s thrilling. It makes me all nervous and my stomach twist up in knots, but in a good way, and I enjoy the feeling. It’s a rush.

[Reaperabove]

There's really no problem with this it helps men that would happen to be nervous to pursue such an amazing woman for fear of denial

[Opinion Owner]

@Reaperabove I’ve pursued super confident guys as well. Shy guys appreciate it because they’re too shy to make a move, and confident guys appreciate it because it’s not something they’d really expect. I’ve dated guys that are way out of my league simply because I was bold enough to pursue them and they thought that was like a completely new experience for them.

[Reaperabove]

Well me personally I've went after one popular chick didn't work out so well.

[Opinion Owner]

@Reaperabove well that’s cause girls are used to being pursued, especially popular ones.

[Reaperabove]

I tried that but still denied. Doesn't help I was shy as hell back then.

[Ayer93]

Not everyone is the same. Society is conditioned (for the most part) into thinking that men should be confident and always make the first moves. All the princess girls out there who know they're attractive will only let the guy make the first move and have him pay the first date for sure because they have men all over them throughout their lives. I personally look for someone a little more enlightened in this society of sheep. My girlfriend is gorgeous and she never thought that a guy should pay the first date. She paid her own share and valued my time as equal to her own. I did ask her out, but she agreed that men should not be expected to ask a girl out. She's just exceptionally shy.

Point is... no. Men should not be expected to ask a girl out, however if they do, it does increase most girls opinions of them as it's seen as confidence and a dominant trait that women seek.

[ShadowofRegret]

I do not, every man is different, not all act the same way.

Also, if a man not pursuing shows a lack of interest, what does that say about the woman who does the same?

I think both should make an equal effort to go after each other rather than one or the other doing all the chasing.

[CubsterShura]

Yes and no. I do believe that men are more of pursuers than women, but at the same time I don't think it is really the right thing for a woman to sit back there and do nothing when they want someone. You know what I mean? It's good to find a balance. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what men or women want to do in general. What matters is what works for YOUR relationship and YOUR partner. Fuck what 98% of men or women prefer, your partner is your 100% and that's all that matters.

[AlienParasite]

No, I have the belief both should pursue. When both are pursuing each other means both are on the mood to work together in building that relationship. If one part of the relationship is not pursuing the other, they are staying clear they don't want to work, so the relationship is more likely to fail.

[MissDawn7961]

Yes ! I want the man to pursue me , show me how powerful he can be by him holding me in his muscular strong arms while making sure no one harms us and ours ! however I do not want him to use his muscles against me and our children either for he must love me and treat me as the weaker vessel ! Thanks

[Anonymous]

Never pursued a guy. Whenever a guy asked for my number I never went out of my way to ask him out or do anything to attempt a relationship with him. Like he's the one who asked for my number, I am going to leave it up to him. Because I honestly don't care if it works out or if it doesn't lol there's plenty fish in the sea. I will only care about continuing with the guy if we have a connection which is super rare. If I don't have a connection then I'll cut it off. If i have a connection with him then I obviously look forward to seeing him. If I don't then I avoid him until I gain the courage to end it. Definitely guys will always pursue because I know I don't have to do anything.

[Moonchild714]

Hell Noooo!!! It's 2019 Women can pursue!!! Men wantvus Women to takecthe pressure off them, sure some men still have the Mentality that they should do all the Pursuing but I believe that's a Minority today. Not too much of the Me Tarzan, you Jane come with me attitude anymore... It's now Me Jane, you Tarzan let's go... LOL

[Liskitty]

I think that.. if you feel in the mood to chase, you chase!
Just because I'm a woman I won't hold back if I feel like that, which does happen sometimes 😂
I also think that the picture up there is stupid. It can easily be applied to women too. If I'm not into a guy, this won't change simply because you chase me.

[Dreamer95]

I will make the first step if We are already talking and feel a connection but, I won't do the pursuing cause I don't like being rejected I'm stalked in the old fashion way because my self-esteem is not that high, and if I make that move some guys won't prolly do anything romantic I will be the one to do all that to prove it, like he would if he was the pursuer.. I think a woman who pursued a man really love that man We don't think about being with that man to fuck and leave him so, this woman have to be really strong, and have a self-esteem really high..

[MostPaloney23]

Not entirely true. It's not a bad thing for a woman to go after what she likes. We don't care about your desire for validation either

And I think the term pursue or chase are dumb. I think lure is more logical. Singles, think of casting somewhere until you get a bite, except that he's got multiple pairs of arms and rods to cast. If he's doing it right he'll do that until he gets his best catch

[KezHarris]

Well, the only guys i get persuing me are the creepy ones. But it seems if guys are not making enough effort to ask me out, then they aren't really that interested, so i don't bother. But i also get a lot of guys staring, but i guess its mostly sexual attraction and they aren't interested in anything else? 🤔🤔

[Ayer93]

If they're physically attracted to you, then obviously they're interested in getting to know you and potentially taking things further if there's chemistry. Your logic isn't really there. Maybe start going for the ones that "stare at you" rather than guys you randomly go for then saying that the ones you go for are never interested.

[R_Cakes91]

I feel like if you have to do any chasing (male, female) then that shows the other person just isn’t that into you.

[zeineboyy]

Pretty much means no girl has ever been into me LOL, I live a troubled life