Is there such a thing as making your girlfriend feel too secure?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this girl for 3 months and it's going amazing. Felt like longer. Among other things she's said before, she said last night she's really glad she met me. I said the same and told her I had thanked her friend for introducing us before. I also said later, in the context of a conversation, that I had been a little nervous asking her out. And sometimes I tell her I'm going to miss her.

I'm just afraid because I heard something like you never want to make your girlfriend feel too secure, otherwise she'll leave you or something. But this is how I really feel so I don't know what to believe.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It doesn't apply to ALL girls, but some will take it for granted that you will treat them a certain way and then be upset if, for example, you fall on hard times, or it's finals week and you can't go clubbing with her, or person X who is close to you needs your help so you can't take her to the movies. The girl gets SPOILED.

Don't get me wrong, we ALL deserve a touch of the princess treatment on occasion, but too much of a good thing will spoil a person -- like too much chocolate cake will make her all fat and sloppy on the outside? Too much TLC and mush will make her mentally/emotionally sloppy.

[ARGblue]

Why do you tell her you will miss her? If you love her and want her in your future then you need to stop telling her you will miss her. It sends the message that you are not confident that she will stay with you. That could push her away more. You want her to feel secure with you. Talking about how you feel for her is fine too. I have never felt like it would be a bad thing to have someone make me feel secure. In fact I would hold onto that guy because he makes me feel that way. Good luck with her and remember we are here to help if you need it.

[Asker]

So even though I'm seeing her after Christmas, like a week from now, it was bad to say I'd miss her? Welp, I messed up

[ARGblue]

No you didn't mess up. I think the you'll miss her thing got lost in the post. It is fine to tell your woman you will miss her if she is going away or you won't see her for awhile. When I read your post I thought you say it to her randomly!

[Stacyzee]

Don't go by that quote.

You must realize quotes are true for some people.

They are only a fact for some.

If your girlfriend feels like you'll always be there for her, then let her have that great feeling.

Hopefully she continues to see what she has, and won't take you for granted.

[Anonymous]

Don't talk about it so much, otherwise you'll seem needy and desperate. Tell her every once in a while that you love her, but not too often. Just a hint of insecurity is good, not constantly.

[Prof_Don]

"Sugary sweetness" for your girl is good, just not TOO often.

For example, saying everyday when she goes to work or class "im going to miss" you is too much.

[BrighteyedAsh]

That's silly! That's an excuse from guys or the relationship wasn't mutual. You may not want it too COMFORTABLE (in a wrong and boring way), you don't want her feeling like she owns you, or you own her...and you don't want the relationship taken for granted. But a good healthy and mutual security is a good thing. Think, would you leave her if she gave you security? Why would she? If she leaves you then it wasn't true security.

[vmw2008]

Not with a girl who is actually into you there isn't. Guys that don't give me the sense of trust and seurity I need end up without me eventually. It's too exhausting. Too many head games, too much anxiety. Its not fun for him either. I end up holding back, not fully committing myself, and always cautious about what he's doing. Which leads him to always be cautious about what I'm doing, because I have one foot out the door. Until I eventually leave.

[definebeauty]

There's nothing wrong with telling your girl how you feel. However I do have a male friend who is going through issues with is girlfriend due to him being a push over i.e. letting her know how much he loves and needs her in his life. I think that her knowing this makes her think that it's okay to treat him like dog poo.

[Anonymous]

Haha not if she's smart and truly likes you. The girls that rule applies to are the ones who are drawn to instability and get bored if they're not constantly doubting their partner's love for them. It's f***ed up, and there are plenty of girls who aren't like that.

[Ashley8282]

Stupid games.

Do you want a secure women who is happy she met you, cares for you and wants you or some clingy crazy chick who constanly accuses you of cheating, nagging, always has to go through your phone etc

[Anonymous]

If she's not showing signs of discomfort when you talk like that, or she responds positively to what you say, don't worry about some stupid quote. Its not a universal truth. Believe what you have in front of you, not something that may or may not be applicable to the individual in your life.

[Anonymous]

I believe you got that wrong because that's what they say about guys, not girls.

It's OK to say things like that just don't do it too often because everything that happens too frequently ceases to be special and starts to get annoying. Also, make sure you don't come across as too needy/clingy.

[gravygirl]

If you are with someone who isn't all that bright, then yeah, too secure is a bad thing. For both guys and girls. For someone who is bright and self-aware, there is no such thing as too secure.

[Anonymous]

at the beginning you want to have somewhat of a guard up, she has to prove to you over time that she is trustworthy, if you give too much of yourself you may regret it.. making someone feel secure is not wrong, if you can handle the effects of it..

[Anonymous]

You can't believe everything you hear other people tell you , Remember a person will try to tell you something about your life or relationship . But they want practice this in their relationships , Do what your heart and mind tells you .

[Jager66]

they don't mean to be bad to your GF. they mean don't be a little sappy wuss all the time, its a nice way of saying it.

[Niko-r]

I don't think there's such thing as feeling too secure.. be yourself.

[RedSmartie]

That's just a thing jerks say to justify being rude to women.

[Anonymous]

No that is some lame-arse advice.

If you like this girl as much as you say you do then it's fine.

[Anonymous]

nope