My girlfriend makes me feel insecure sometimes.. Am I overreacting?

Question

I feel like your girlfriend is supposed to make you feel like the best guy in the world. But sometimes my girlfriend makes me feel like shit. When we first started our relationship she said "I'm more in love with your personality than your looks;) if we were only talking about looks I wouldn't be talking to you right now" that text made me feel like shit. I feel like she was maybe being sarcastic but it really hurt my feelings. I tried to act confident by saying "haha well i think I'm sexy" but of course deep down it hurt. Part of me also thinks that she was testing me to see if I responded in a confident way, which I did. She doesn't make sense because sometimes she'll tell me stuff like "you looked hot today😍" or she'll tell me I look sexy in a picture. She said one time that I'm kinda cute, and can be hot "sometimes". She also went out of her way to send me a screenshot of her texting one of her friends saying she's "seen better" but is totally in love with my personality. She just has to rub it in I guess. The thing that bugs me is that I always tell her how pretty she is and always make her feel good about herself. I'm confident in my looks and think I'm attractive but she just confuses me and contradicts herself all the time with her statements about my attractiveness.

She also comments on other guys being hot. When I've hung out with her and her girlfriends in the past she'd always comment on other guys looks right in front of me. Or she'll tell me how sexy she thinks a celebrity is and rubs it in my face. She'll say "ohh he's walking sex" it really makes me mad! I wonder if this is all just a test or if she really is just rude and disrespectful to me. Not to mention she has almost no self esteem or confidence in herself and thinks she's absolutely hideous and ugly no matter how many times I tell her she's pretty. Other guys have called her ugly which isn't true. Maybe she's just taking everything out on me. Am I just overreacting to something stupid?

UsernameCreator · Accepted Answer

Four red flags I'm noticing here. Number one, a girlfriend/wife is not responsible for making you feel like the sexiest guy in the world, your self esteem and feelings are your responsibility. People can be hurtful, but it can only get to you if you let it, everyone's strong enough to not have anyone "make" them feel anything and if they're not yet, they strengthen as they get older or unfortunately get hurt more. Number 2, no matter why she's doing this, whether it's a "test" or not it is COMPLETELY disrespectful. It is basic manners to shut up when you don't have something nice to say, let alone when you say you love someone. And we all notice attractive people, but its basic respect to keep it to yourself, especially when you're committed to someone, especially if they're frickin within earshot. Number 3, a big red flag is that you let her treat you this way and don't communicate your needs. A confident response would be to politely put her in her place, to tell her it's unacceptable, not let her treat you like crap to seem tough. If you don't learn to communicate, resentment and misunderstanding builds up and breaks the relationship. And lastly, you say she's insecure, and I sense that you deal with insecurities as well. In my opinion, people that are insecure are not ready to be in serious relationships, because too often it results in dependence, over investment in desperation to get something, unkindness, jealousy, toxic relationships, etc just basically draining a relationship and a romantic partner of things you haven't learned to tap into yourself for. Your relationship right now sounds toxic to me, and I feel like it is important for you two to evaluate your relationship and talk and to focus on areas you guys need to work on first as individuals and then as a couple. I also want to say that you have so much more worth than she says. I can tell that you are a kind guy but also stronger than you know, and your looks are an extension of this inner beauty, even if she is blind to it at the moment. Good luck!

Idonthaveausername · Accepted Answer

My best friend does the exact same things to her boyfriends because "I want them to feel ugly so they think they won't be able to get a girl who's prettier than me." She is extremely manipulative in relationships and doesn't have very good luck with them because of it. She is immature and has terrible self-esteem. She is a pretty girl, but she looks very average (as in she doesn't have a memorable face with any prominent features, but her overall look is attractive). She was bullied in school by girls who called her ugly.

Basically your girlfriend is immature and still has a lot of growing up to do. She will soon find out that manipulation does more harm than good in relationships, and putting other people down won't make her feel happier about herself. She has psychological issues when it comes to herself and how pretty she is and her ability to keep a man (or you, in this case.) She doesn't think she is pretty enough for you and wants to make you feel like you can't get with anybody who is prettier than you, so there's no use for you to even think about looking at girls who are prettier than you. Her actions come from low self-esteem, jealousy, and immaturity.

If I were you, I would break up with her if she continues to act this way because she will only find more ways to manipulate you as the relationship goes on. This behavior on her part will only increase if you allow it to continue.

If you stopped telling her that she's pretty, what would happen? If she would complain or start crying, then she's being hypocritical in putting you down as well. What would happen if you told her she wasn't pretty?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You have to dump her. Manipulative people never change. It's a personality trait. Notice this. Say Megan fox or whoever celeb is sexy and if she gets upset which she will it's all a game and she's trying to keep you low so you can't see above the surface. She will call you sexy sometimes to keep u wanting more.
If you choose to stay with her apply some of her own medicine. Talk about your ex, don't call her pretty, and so on. The screenshot she showed you is a clear indication she's trying to hurt you.
I wouldn't suggest playing her game but if you have to then be better than her at it.

Kayla_019 · Accepted Answer

She probably has the idea in her head that she is better than you, or that she is out of your league. It sounds like she's a bit egoistic (my apologies if that offends you in any way) but if so then she's most likely saying that to prove to you in a subtle way that you aren't her match. You're probably attractive and you sound like a nice man so don't let it make you feel bad. When she says that she loves your personality, that's a good thing but if she's really trashing how you feel about yourself, physically, then talk to her about it.

lualesca · Accepted Answer

Makes me sad you are going through this, usually when you meat someone, you want to be liked by everything that comprises YOU... In this case it sounds like she loves you, your personality, but it seems like she is not attracted to you physically.

You should talk to her inmediately, tell her that her constant remarks are making you unconfortable, insecure, she is basically destroying your confidence, she needa to stop this inmediately or you are gonna have to move on, and find someond who loves every inch of you, including your flaws.

joemm · Accepted Answer

Some girls are like this... you might want to consider breaking up with her if you feel like your self-esteem is taking a hit. Not cool on her part. However, you can do some things to impress her. I suggest using one of those penis health cremes that are on the market nowadays. These are made to keep the penis extra clean, smooth and functional. They are really helpful because girls love this kinda stuff. Hope this helps and good luck!

Notorisch_Arschloch · Answer

Shit tests. Only answer is to A) not care, followed by B) shrug and walk away.

Women play their little games, and if you want their respect... well, that's stupid because who cares, but if you want to fuck them, it must be apparent that you are above such childishness.

In case it's not clear to you yet, since you're young, everything in life and life itself, is a game. The way you lose is playing by the rules. The only winning moves are either not to play (take your ball, go home, make up your own game and rules) or lie and cheat your way to whatever height you hope to achieve.

Carley99 · Answer

She has to learn to love her self before learning to love you, also she should stop put u down just to make her self feel better you should tell her how you feel, I agree with you a good girlfriend should think her boyfriend is the most sexiest and best looking guy she have ever met.

peachblossomluck · Answer

You need to dump her. Insecure people love treating other people like crap. You sound like you deserve a girlfriend who doesn't do that. Basically she's a total cunt for doing that, Man. Get rid of her.

Anna96 · Answer

She puts you down to make herself feel better and that's horrible. Her behavious is disrespectful and you shouldn't have to put up with this. It doesn't make a difference if you are ugly or not, as your girlfriend she should support you and not insult you. EVER! To be honest, you would be better off without her because she obviously doesn't value you enough.

Aalila · Answer

You need to leave her she sounds like she's nasty on the inside and out you deserve better then that and I'm sure you look handsome then any other guy that walks past her she must need some glasses O. o

Anonymous · Answer

Don't look to her for your source of happiness. If she's mistreating you or being rude to you, why do you let her do that? You can find someone who treats you better. Communicate with her about it first, and if she doesn't understand, it's up to you... You're not stuck in the relationship

RandomReindeer · Answer

Rude, disrespectful, and completely uncalled for. No, you're not overreacting. She's not taking into consideration your feelings and probably goes out of her way to make you feel like shit. You need to get rid of her asap.

Anonymous · Answer

This is the way manipulative abusers behave. Please dump her. She will chip away at your self esteem til you have nothing left, then she will treat you like shit and make you feel grateful to have her even though she does that.

archiz · Answer

did you talk about it with her. I agree she shouldn t treat you like that. basically it s her own issues that she s reflecting on you

Elina-sharon · Answer

U should leave her... you have a good personality.. a person who really love u will always praise you and compliment you.. its love which do that..
If she is always looking for a good looking guy then she is unhappy with you.. or she is just ashame of you

phantxsmagorix · Answer

Any normal person in a relationship that has respect for his/her partner wouldn't treat you this way. That is a HUGE red flag. I think that might be doing this because she's pissed off that you don't defend yourself enough and she's being an ass instead of talking to you. Either way, you deserve better.

tzdc21 · Answer

Your girlfriend sounds like an absolute idiot. What kind of girlfriend says that type of crap to her boyfriend? I'll tell you what type... the shitty type. Dump her. You deserve better.

fauchelevent · Answer

You're not overreacting, speaking to you like that isn't acceptable.

Bandit74 · Answer

I honestly feel like girls do that on purpose. They know exactly what things will hurt a guy’s ego and just enjoy knocking them down a few notches.

Chantel77 · Answer

I don't think she's trying to be mean. Sounds like something a guy would say to show he's not into her for looks but for her personality... it's supposed to mean they're not superficial

Anonymous · Answer

She's a bitch , she sounds evil to me. Start doing what she does to you, to her

jjesica346 · Answer

You def deserve better. she's not happy w herslf and she's making you suffer for it. She doesn't know what RESPECT is.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, she seems a bit insecure about keeping you. She doesn't want you to think she likes you that much. But you know what? You should talk it over with her.

Anonymous · Answer

You are not overreacting. You deserve better.

My girlfriend makes me feel insecure sometimes.. Am I overreacting?

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