Breakup: Is it harder on the guy or girl?

[rachel05]

Do you think it's harder for the girl or guy to move on after a breakup? It can be a mutual decision to breakup or one person ending it because of their own reasons.. thoughts on why?

Harder for girl to move on

Harder for guy to move on

Other/ see results

[OpenClose]

Oddly enough, they actually did a study on this and found that breakups, divorces, and fights are notably harder on men, usually because they don't have other people to confide in. However, it's a difficult thing to measure, and it would be a stretch to say breakup is MUCH worse for men, or that the stats don't overlap.

Post-divorce suicide rates are much higher in men than women, which sits atop an already much higher suicide rate in men.

People don't seem to feel half the sympathy for a sad man as they do a sad woman. This can make the man feel abandoned while he's most vulnerable, and places nearly all the weight of recovery on his shoulders alone. As such, he's more likely to resort to alcoholism and drug abuse in an attempt to "self-medicate".

Also, there's still remnants of the old "take care of me, I'm a girl", which expects men to have to prove he is a provider and protector before he is seen as worthy of the woman he is with. So that, amongst various other factors, makes it a longer time before he gets back into a relationship.

At least, that what I usually see: After a couple breaks up, the girl cries the frustration out, has a dozen or so friends patting her on the back telling her it's his fault, and then after a week or two she has another guy. Whereas whenever a guy breaks up, I usually hear "sounds like you screwed up, bud". I usually see him single and looking for months at least, usually a year or so before he finds someone else.

[kholland65]

I say guy but the reason is more of a technicality than an emotional thing.

I've read (and agree) that girls usually will mentally and emotionally deal with the break up before it happens. They'll be really sad the months leading up to it, but then once the break up happens, they're OK because they've already dealt with is.

Guys on the other hand don't really prepare until it happens. So this emotional baggage is dropped on us all at once making it really tough to deal, all the while the girl is just fine because she's been preparing herself for months.

Plus, I think the reality, is most women know that they likely won't have much trouble finding another BF, not to mention they don't visualize the work that's ahead of them to get a new Boyfriend (they just go about their day and watch the guys flock to them). The guy on the other hand will also get upset at the mere though of having to go out and run game again, which takes both time, work, and nerves.

[rachel05]

i've never heard that girls mentally prepare for a breakup, every time I've been in a breakup, I'm the one that's shocked and didn't see it coming, I always find something out about him as or right before it's over. but I can see you're point about the future for the girl vs. guy

[kholland65]

Obviously it depends on who is doing the breaking up, but I guess we're assuming its not like a sudden heat of the moment break up but one where both people sort of knew it was coming. The relationship just simply fell apart. I think guys just have a harder time accepting defeat so it doesn't hit home until its actually ended, where as the girl has already accepted that its ending and will spend time coming so that she can actually go ahead and see the break up through.

[UberTroll]

Surprisingly, women seem to bounce back quickly more easily than men do. But that also could have something to do with the fact that women initialize breakups more often than men.

[RedSmartie]

It's harder on the person who gets dumped because the dumper at least knows it's going to happen before it does so they can emotionally prepare themselves for it.

[rachel05]

hmm what if the girl brought it to the guy's attention she was having problems with things so the guy said he didnt' wanna hurt her and he ended it?

[Anonymous]

i think its harder for the girl...when they have feelings for someone they just can't let them go.have seen some examples among my friends

[Shpongolia]

girls have it easier because they can share their feelings whereas guys have to keep them to themselves.

[emzy-89]

It's not a gender issue, it' an individual issue. It's neither harder for males or females, it's just up to the person.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Depends really. But I'd say overall, if both were equally invested in the relationship, then the guy will have it harder recovering. They generally seem to fall harder in love and they don't have it as easy finding more people after. Women have it so much easier (even if they want to deny it) in the dating world. Literally do very little (dressing yourself up isn't much tbh, guys have to do it too, you know?) to get people to come for them, guys very rarely see girls doing the approaching and ya... get rejected far more.

[rachel05]

i definitely see where you're coming from. men do tend to do the approaching and falling in love generally is more difficult for men.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

I don't know if it's difficult for men to fall in love actually lol. I think women fall in love harder. But men have difficulty letting go.

[rachel05]

ahh

[Anonymous]

It's harder on the guy, much harder.

You may think that women take it harder, because they convey their hurt feelings and emotions much more openly. But men have it worse.

Women can be open about their devastations and emotions and talk about it amongst their friends and family and not be shunned for being an over-emotional drama queen. Whereas guys break all sorts of guy codes for crying about their break-up and heart-broken feelings to their guy friends. Guys are raised that it's unmanly to be open about our emotions, because if we are that makes us weak to the eyes of others. Plus, when a guy goes through a break up, not only are his feelings hurt, but his pride as well. And on top of that, he has to bottle up all these emotions and inner feelings and can't release them openly to others.

[rachel05]

wow I never thought of it that way, you're so right! even if he says "im alright" or "i've been through worse".. he is hurting inside no matter what

[TedStar]

It's always harder on the one who got dumped or who see the break up coming. People need closure to move on and If the break up was abrupt it will hurt one more than the other. Even in a "it's me not you" situation the person getting dumped will struggle to find out what the problem was especially if there was no fighting for the relationship. Very few relationships are mutually ended. There is always that one who didn't want it to end more and that person will have it hardest

[rachel05]

good point, my breakup was mutual but it's been ridic hard on me and I don't know how he feels about it, he's not a very open guy unfortunately.. but he told me last wk how hard it's been for him just seeing me in class.

[TedStar]

If you both had closure it will still take a few week/months for you to calibrate to the single life especially if your relationship was long (6 months+)

[PhilaPenn]

It's harder on the person who was more into the relationship. Sometimes that's the guy sometimes it's the girl. Everything being equal...I'd say the it's tougher on the female only because women are so emotional and tend to hold on to things forever. Guys compartmentalize better. We tend to be able to keep our emotions in check, so that they often are the driving force in our decision making. Logic is more dominant than emotion.

[rachel05]

ya that's true, I definitely see that more in guys than us girls. at least for me I get really emotional and it is hard for me to be logical instead of emotional about things.

[captainconfused]

you know how there's a reacher and a settler

its harder on the reacher

which is often the guy

also its harder on the less attractive one in the couple

but usually its harder on the guy, because the girl will get hit on and get attention and ask outs in no time, so she won't feel as lonely and rejected

[artfullyliving]

Thats a sexist question.

Why don't you rephrase it?

One person is all it takes to break up.

It takes two to be in love, though.

It can be for any reason.

\You don't even need a reason.

Just break up before it gets ugly.

Thats smart.

[Sissy_girlyyyyyyyyyy]

If, for instance, the guy did something the girl did not like (eg. flirting), and she breaks up with the guy, who'd be the one who caused the breakup?

[rachel05]

i mean just in general, does it seem to you that guys have harder time than girls with breakups

[dcyberjake]

Men easily. Everyone says that a girl just wants a guy that can treat her like a princess. But the truth is, women seek drama. And they break our hearts, and then they complain about douchebag guys. Well... you made us this way.

[islands7]

Everything seems the same burden for those in love & dumped but afterward, consider starting over anew - who gets the most attention in a public place? Single gal or guy? Around here, I've seen "no cover charge" for gals but never for guys ...

[ziva123]

totally depends on the situation. But usually, the girl has more issues moving on, than the guy

[rachel05]

mk, thanks :)

[DHarv24]

If a guy is truly invested its going to be harder for him... if not he's on to the next one

[rachel05]

gotcha

[crazyn3030]

Guys normally handle this better than women but I have ran into men who can't handle it.

[Racez]

It entirely depends on the individual and the cause of the break-up.

[Anonymous]

It Depends. Mine was certainly harder for me, though. She spent the entire relationship liking someone else other than me and I feel like it was a complete waste of my time since I actually loved her.

[WickedEyedLeo]

It's harder on the one that got told "we should move on"

[Lj238]

agreed

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the person and the situation, not so much gender.

[3336PS]

depend who is in love more and who wants the break

[rachel05]

i gotcha

[Anonymous]

harder for the guy. The women can just go and spread her legs and find "love" in a matter of seconds

[Anonymous]

It's entirely dependent on the situation.

[rachel05]

gotcha

[kemchho]

very hard for guy to move on.