Relationships

Can people really love any further than skin deep?

Can people really love any further than skin deep?


I'm not so sure about this life. I have a very poor estimation of men and women. I see how men gravitate towards the beautiful women - and how those women manipulate their men - saying often times cruel and insulting things. How the men take it in stride. But I don't frankly see any real love, or passion for another's personality. If ever I see real love it seems always to have been a secondary reaction to an initial deep attraction. And that attraction may also include an attractive income, standing or something else equally shallow. I used to shy away from that word 'shallow' - it seemed shallow to use it. But I don't see any other word that sufficiently describes the first step of love.


I have worked all my life to be a better person. To be kind in a world that celebrates cruelty. I thought it noble and worthwhile, for if we won't look after each other, then what good is humanity? Internally, I am not an ugly person. I may not have a gorgeous personality, but I am not an ugly person inside.


I am, however, fat. And nervous and worrisome. I giggle and also laugh with abandon. I take care of my friends, my family, my pets and my home. I have hobbies I am good at and am a good conversationalist (I hope so..)


But I can't help feeling that this is the truth: that no one will ever love me for my personality, because who would look past my fat?


Now at this point many people gear themselves up to say one of the following two things:


1. You are beautiful no matter what and the right and worthy guy will come along and if he doesn't you're still awesome.


And;


2. Well, you should get up and start exercising and eating healthier then you will look and feel better, and the right and worthy guy will come along and if he doesn't you're still going to be awesome.


Sigh.


My answer to these:


1. No, I'm fat, and I don't think that that is a beautiful look on me. And we have to be realistic as: if I want to settle down and marry and raise a family (which is a path I am more than fine with), then the chances of my finding a guy I find attractive who also happens to like fat nervous girls are highly unlikely. If I do happen to find this guy in my own limited circle of people, then great, but shouldn't I try harder and broaden my net by losing weight? Again, I don't believe my heart will ever be loved.


2. I am up all the time. Asking me to get up doesn't really make sense if I never get a chance to sit down. What you're asking of me is not just to take out time and exercise. You're asking me to change fundamental ways that I live my life. It's no small thing to expect someone to overhaul their routine and add something they find so difficult. It would be like asking someone who finds reading difficult to read a whole novel in a few days while also maintaining their work habits, family responsibilities and commitments. It's not unheard of (I can read a long novel in an afternoon), but do you see it happening with this person really? It will take a lot of work and effort and it will be a long time before they'll be able to see any drastic change. I'm not saying they shouldn't attempt it, I'm saying look at it from this point of view and then consider the frustrated tone with which you address fat people who are unhappy about how much they weigh. It's a very daunting task.

Can people really love any further than skin deep?
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