Mythbusters; relationship edition

[kaylaS91]

Most of us have heard them repeated over and over again, those countless rules or guidelines about how to find a relationship, how to stay in it, and how to make sure it's good.

1) If he wants you, he'll make it happen!

In other words; ladies, feel free to sit on your ass and look pretty. Your knight in shining armour will walk by, and upon making eye contact, the chemistry will be overwhelmingly magnetic. Undeniable. Congratulations, he has fallen in love (with your personality) at first sight.

'How do I get a boyfriend/girlfriend?'

'How come nobody wants me?'

Even if you're decent looking, that's not going to be enoguh, contrary to popular belief. Sit there, look pretty, they'll be at your beck at call? Or not. See a guy, be it in your class or at work, who you think is cute? Approach him! The worst that can happen is he'll not be interested. Trust me, you'll survive.

2) Relationships should be effortless

If you want a good relationship, one that will last, it’ll require zero effort on your part. No problems will pop up, it’ll be smooth sailing all the way through.

Sound too good to be true?

Good. Because it is. Being in a successful relationship doesn’t mean you never fight. Fghts or disagreements, with your partner usually do more good than bad. It would be freakishly perfect if you two were happy with each other 24/7, all the time. People will often sarcastically say that being in a relationship is like having a plant. That it requires frequent watering, a good environment, some room to grow, etc.. Believe it or not, that sounds pretty damn true.

3) 'Real love' is unconditional

At times, I really question whether it's a boyfriend some girls are looking for, or if getting a cute, tea-cup puppy would suffice. You have a monopoly over them, cutting them off from any time with their bros, minimal time for their own hobbies... Which leads me to the most frequent and final false portrayal of what a boyfriend is sometimes viewed as good for; being your emotional crutch.

4) Now that you’ve got each other, feel free to let yourself go

Once you’ve hit the 1-year mark as a couple, it doesn’t really matter anymore. That’s such a load of bull-shit. Sure, it’s fine that yeah, ladies can feel comfortable for their man to see them with rat’s nest hair, make-up free. Men won’t feel as obligated to be smoothly shaven at all times. But getting fat together? Neglecting your workout routine because ‘real men love curves’? Really?! No longer surprising each other with some new lingerie, cologne, or date nights is means to an end. One will start doubting why the other isn't putting in the effort anymore and the rest is history.

[AleDeEurope]

Completely agree with you.
I wish more people would understand that it takes effort to be with someone, not only during the relationship, but also before it even starts. You can't complain about being single if you don't put any effort into meeting someone new. And you can't complain you got dumped if you stopped putting effort in the relationship.

[kaylaS91]

I know! It's ridiculous how many of my friends will tell me about how they treat their boyfriends (like complete shit), then still complain that he didn't hold the door open for them or pay for their part of the meal while out? It's getting tougher and tougher for me to hold a straight face. While at the same time, if I mention a minor way my boyfriend is pissing me off just once, the go-to fix is to break up with him, that he doesn't 'treat me like a girlfriend properly'. That I wouldn't even tell him what's wrong because it's 'not going to fix anything'.
Drives me insane!
-_-

[Iamathinker]

So true!

[Someguy17]

@kaylaS91 I see things like that all of the time. Girls scolding their boyfriends like children in public, or pretty much using him as a utility. Lots and lots of guys my age have simply given up and just watch the freak show.

For myself, I've just changed to accept none of it. I refuse to let anyone walk on me or treat me like that. Unfortunately, that's also made me more callous. "Take me as I am or get the hell out of my life" has pretty much become my motto.

[kaylaS91]

@Someguy17
I agree. I used to always think it was funny how much the guy would just take, kinda enabling the girl to continue down her destructive path without so much as saying a single word against her. Now I'm seeing how much of an issue it can really grow to be, but then you ask yourself why is the guy sitting quiet from the start? He's a grown adult and I'm not so sure those sorts of girls can be sweet little angels initially then a couple months down the line just turn crazy out of nowhere!

[iamyourneighbor]

So if a girl dumps you, it's your fault?

[kaylaS91]

@iamyourneighbor
No, it's not your fault. People often only see someone's true colours after a while together so it's in large part a matter of bad luck.

[Anonymous]

What's up with everyone on this website and sex gifs?

[kaylaS91]

The one I used is more like making out but in all fairness, the purpose of the site is to answer questions regarding or solve problems between males and females so sex is bound to be a hot topic!

[Opinion Owner]

I'm seeing it a lot though

[kaylaS91]

none of them are not overly explicit though so... not much different from what you'd see in a standard music video today!

[Opinion Owner]

Calm down

[kaylaS91]

no worries, I'm cool as a cucumber.

[R3d_Anonymous]

This is very true. This may explain why so many people suddenly get dumped and then ask, "What did I do wrong? Everything was perfect..." Stop coming home, watching ESPN, spending all your free time with your bros, and using the only time you have to spend with her on sex and nothing else.

[RedThread]

Honestly, I've learned that people should be fighting here and there in a relationship. It's what's healthy. I'd be concerned if both people are afraid to voice their views to each other because that just leads to resentment and ruin.
In future relationships I'm going to make my opinions heard more.

[kaylaS91]

agreed! Good communication and open lines of communication in respect to basically everything is a critical part of having a happy and long-lasting relationship. The more the individuals voice any differences, so long as it's not on incredibly petty things like the outfit choice on that particular day, the less fights they'll end up having because there'll be no chance for rumination or any tensions to rise.

[RedThread]

Absolutely! I used to think it was good if people never fought but how can anything be that perfect?

[ObscuredBeyond]

The definitions of both "love" and "unconditional" need work.

[Anonymous]

If sex is your main hobby together, then doom is near. everything else is compromise compromise compromise from both parties. x

[Bluemax]

(Standing ovation)
Bravo! Bravo! (tosses a rose on stage) Bravo!

[Phoenix98]

It's been my experience that anyone who says love or relationships are easy has never had either. A good mytake I agree with most of what's been said.

[kaylaS91]

thank-you, glad you enjoyed it! I was definitely surprised to see how much work and frequent compromise on both sides a relationship takes so with all those movies and pictures on pinterest giving very unrealistic images to little girls of what they should expect to have later on, just figured I'd try to sum up how it really is. :)

[Phoenix98]

I think you nailed though I think garden is more fitting then plant when it comes to relationships.

[SIGguy]

Love is not a Disney or Nicholas Sparks inspired film. It looks more like a derelict house with a Chihuahua chained up in the front yard.

[Bards]

LMFAAAOO

[kaylaS91]

touche. If any girls are ready and waiting for their knight in shining armour to come get them, they best get themselves comfortable. :P

[Prochnost]

Effortless relationship? ...
Meaning no trying or anything? Why?

[kaylaS91]

Relationships being effortless is a myth. In reality, they're anything but effortless a lot of the time.

[juststrollin]

you're dropping like wisdom right now, these quotes are pretty deep. go

[Nik1hil]

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 wait I will I'll beat her with this damn bouque for speaking the truth💐💐💐

[John_Doesnt]

But you didn't blow anything up. It's not mythbusters without explosions.

[kaylaS91]

... in English, please?

[John_Doesnt]

That was in English.

[kaylaS91]

I have no idea what you meant to say, you've really got quite a way with words. I never said I blew anything up?

[John_Doesnt]

I'm talking about the TV show Mythbusters. If you think you invented the phrase then you're completely wrong. It's not even a word unless you capitalize it.

[kaylaS91]

I never said I invented that word. No need to get your panties in a twist. :)

[John_Doesnt]

You started it by asking for me to say it in English and I explained it to you many times. If you had simply read my first statement and know what the Mythbusters TV show was you wouldn't have needed to comment at all.

[kaylaS91]

If you had simply capitalized Mythbusters in your original comment, there would have been no discussion necessary.

[John_Doesnt]

No there wouldn't have been a discussion if you hadn't started by saying "in English please".

[John_Doesnt]

How awful do you think I feel when I know I'm always right about everything?

[kaylaS91]

goddammit are you slow! I would not have asked you to explain your opinion (which was pointless, may I add) had you capitalized the 'M', or had you correctly referenced the franchise.

[JohnReedLOL2]

I've never had a relationship. I've had friends. I've had sex. But I've never had a relationship.

[Cowboy6666]

Great take.

I want to see you here new admin too mytakeowner

[kaylaS91]

thank-you. :)
How does go about being made admin in the first place, may I ask?

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with #1 and #3

[kaylaS91]

oh? so you think love is unconditional as said in #3? That everyone should put up with either being treated like shit, or with huge conflicts in their religion/culture that basically give them an ultimatum between the relationship and their family? That love literally conquers all? & That boys are so desperate they will just come to you without you lifting a finger?

[Opinion Owner]

That's not what unconditional love is girl

[kaylaS91]

lol k girl so what's your unique definition of what makes love unconditional?

[Opinion Owner]

Love is a choice based on a decision you make and not another's actions. That doesn't mean though that you just let them walk all over you and hurt you. You have to love yourself too.

[kaylaS91]

Love is a choice you make based on how you feel, but after that choice has been made, it's very much dependent on both of your guys' actions and other external factors. Sounds like this 'love at first sight' rubbish you're talking about is lust more than anything else.

[Opinion Owner]

No, it is not love at first sight. That is only chemicals and hormones. Even the Greeks believed in unconditional love. They had a word for it called "agape." And no, love isn't based on a feeling. You can love someone you have no happy/good feelings towards.

[kaylaS91]

lol ok then.. That's actually called a toxic relationship, being 'in love' with the idealized version of someone, but I suppose everyone defines what love means to them differently.

[Opinion Owner]

Nope! You are fully aware of their faults. You accept them for who they are and support them as they become a better person. Trust me, there are plenty of people who unconditionally love others, it doesn't mean they have to stay in a relationship with them. I mean, look at the love of some mother's for their kids. THe kid wil tell her he hates her and do all kinds of hurtful things, but the mom will love him until the day she dies.

[kaylaS91]

You don't need to be in love with someone to accept their faults. I bet your friends aren't a blast and a half to be around 24/7, and you don't share the same opinions on everything, yet you manage to get along and look past that. I would see 'unconditional love' as being something where you overlook bigger, not so petty things like say cultural/religious conflicts because you like to think 'love conquers all', at least in romantic situations.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not talking about being in love girl, that's a feeling and very conditional. I'm talking about loving. Loving and being "in-love" are two different things.

[kaylaS91]

yes, perhaps. This take is about relationships though so I figured you were referencing romantic love, not necessarily the kind of love you have for your family or whatnot.

[Opinion Owner]

You can have that same kind of love for a partner. THhat is what keeps people married for 50= years

[kaylaS91]

umm... arguable. You're saying in this unconditional love for your partner, because you've been together for however many years, you should stay together despite being cheated on because your love for them is just that strong? Regardless, most cases of 'unconditional love' being demonstrated, if you believe in it's existence, is more in the beginning stages of dating. If you manage to make it to a year or so with no huge fallout or conflict between your views and such, any 'conditions' should become less and less.

[Opinion Owner]

No, I'm not talking about cheating. That is a serious problem and grounds for divorce. I'm saying without feeling that "in-love feeling" all the time.

[kaylaS91]

the in love feeling all the time is not 'unconditional love', that's just love.

[Opinion Owner]

No that's just feelings. Love is not an emotional feeling. It causes emotional feeling, but it isn't it in of itself.

[kaylaS91]

... ok then. spin it however you wish to.

[Opinion Owner]

Proof of science that it exists. brainethics.wordpress.com/.../

[kaylaS91]

ok then.

[Anonymous]

Love is pain

[Opinion Owner]

Not all guys have the courage to make the first move. I am talking about myself and my personal experiences. The more attractive a girl is the harder it is for some guys to talk to them. Basically this is a self-esteem issue.