No Excuses...Cheating is never worth it!

[chrisbigman]

First of all, I'm not saying I'm perfect. So, don't tell me that I would succomb to the temptation of lust, because I probably might. But I do my best to resist.

With that being said, there are numerous reasons why cheating is never right - even revenge cheating. Following are some excuses that people use for cheating, with reasons below that:

"Well, we never spend time with each other anymore. What else could I do?" Leave! Tell him/her that it doesn't seem to be working out between us.

"He/she cheated on me! Are you telling me that I can't retaliate?" No. You can retaliate by leaving his/her cheating ass and maybe telling their cheating acquaintance about it.

"I love her/him, but this other girl/guy is so hot. I couldn't resist. I'm too weak" Then tell your significant other that you lust for another girl/guy. Oh, by the way? You ain't too weak - you just plain pathetic.

Reasons? Passing STDs is a very well known one. If you ever gave a shit, you are increasing your chances of having an STD passed onto your kid(s) when they grow up - or start to. Another reason is someone may be mentally unstable could kill you and your cheating acquaintance. Are you really ready to meet your Maker this soon? Getting a woman/girl pregnant is also another reason that has problems of its own (abortion, statutory rape, child support, domestic violence, etc).

No excuses are worth it for cheating.

[Mekkalyn]

Absolutely right.

There are 0 excuses for cheating.
It always disgusts me when people say the very reasons you are combating. Or, my favorite one, "I was drunk..."

There is absolutely 0 reasons good enough to pass along that serious amount of baggage cheating comes with. What seems to make you feel better for a split second will stay with someone else for a VERY VERY LONG TIME.

Are people seriously not capable of seeing past the right now into the long term? Can't people see the impact it has? Can't people see how badly it'll hurt the person you are with? If you could see that and you fully know, I feel like you'd never ever inflict that kind of pain on anyone.

If you aren't happy, talk to the person you are with and see if the problems you are having are solvable. If they aren't, LEAVE and find someone else.
If you aren't happy, you are not forced into the relationship. You can go anytime you want to, even if you are married. No one is holding you at gun point saying "you may not leave!" (well unless you are married to a crazy person, but if that was the case I'd still say leave)

I just really don't see any valid reasons for cheating. There is a very, very, simple answer: LEAVE. Don't play with your partner's heart.

I just can't see what possible outcome people that cheat want? What exactly is the goal? If you cheat and they find out, they're going to dump you anyways, so why not try to work through the problems before cheating, or leave first?

People are so selfish. When times get hard they want a quick relief that sex brings, even though it doesn't solve anything... in fact, it destroys.

[chrisbigman]

Yes, I agree. Although, it needs to be clear between both people that they have broken up. I understand some people won't accept the break up. But as long as they are clear to them that they are no longer together, then they aren't cheating because they have broken up.

[Mekkalyn]

Yeah, if one person doesn't "accept" the breakup, it's still a breakup and not considered cheating.
Like seriously you can't make someone stay with you, there is no "I accept" at the end of that conversation haha

[chrisbigman]

Correct.

[Anonymous]

You cheat yourself and others when you cheat. It's never worth it.

[chrisbigman]

I agree.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Marry me. NOW!
jk.

I agree. I've been cheated on by both my exes. And I had coworkers tell me "cheat on him back. Make it even". And to me, that would just make me a hypocrite. Especially if I stayed.

And I also like how people blame the other person. Like, I don't care if the world's "sluttiest" chick went to my bf/fiance/husband/SO sat on his lap and butt naked and told him she wanted sex.
He better have the self control to push her ass off him lol jk. But he better tell her no.

Even if they know that the person is taken, don't get me wrong they're still pieces of shit for going after people in relationships, but it's up to the person to not step out of their marriage/engagement/relationship/etc. The trust is with you, not anyone else. You're responsible for your actions.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I agree: whatever reason you have for cheating is just a reason to LEAVE THE DAMN RELATIONSHIP. If you can't stay monogamous, don't enter a monogamous relationship; remain single or enter an open relationship, but don't get huffy when your girl gets plowed by other guys while you're hunting down other chicks.

[Tdieseler]

Like i always say, it sounds good on paper. Everyone seems to focus on the cheating act itself and not the reason behind why the act happened. Cheating doesn't begin with the act... it starts WAAAAY before then... by the partner that was cheated on.
Sure the person had a choice... yea... but like i said... it looks good on paper to say "why didn't you just leave rather than cheat..."
its called circumstances... ok...

[chrisbigman]

Yes, but what is the reason that they cheated? Cheaters don't typically talk it out beforehand. They don't talk with those that they are with. They just go ahead and cheat. Couldn't they prevent themselves cheating in the first place? According to them, mostly never.

[Tdieseler]

"Cheaters" ALWAYS say the problem out loud... its the IGNORANT partners... that don't listen...
You are talking about the 6% that are just douches and can't even respect the fact that they have a partner. Nothing will ever change my opinion to the fact that "cheating" is 90% from the cheated on partner, and 10% from the partner who did the act... its almost always the other partner that starts the process.

[chrisbigman]

Okay, yes. If the ignorant partner is not listening, then they should break up. Then, it would no longer be cheating because they have broken up. There's no need to cheat if you are still together. But once you've broken up, then it's not cheating.

[Tdieseler]

Go back up... to my opinion... circumstance usually cause cheating.. not breaking up.

[chrisbigman]

Circumstances causes cheating? But it's not cheating if they broke up. They broke up BECAUSE of circumstances.

[Tdieseler]

Ok... do you really need a scenario? because circumstances cause cheating... if you/I felt like i had nothing to lose... would you cheat or leave... you'd Effin leave.
But if you had something to lose, you'd just satisfy what is missing and move on... people that cheat do it because there is a lot at stake to risk for the unsatisfied aspect...
I Dare you to disagree.

[chrisbigman]

Even if I had something to lose, whatever that is, I would still just leave. It's like losing a court case and having to cut your losses.

[Tdieseler]

Except that your losses are everything... You used to be in a mansion, now you are in a shack, drove a bentley, now you are in an old school hand-me-down... and you have to work your way back up...
Dont lie to me homie... im a guy.. just like you... you understand... dont pretend you don't.

[Tdieseler]

Maybe those don't fit right but you get the idea... sometimes, you just fix the small problem... the analogy is real. You dont burn your house down because the sink was leaking.

[chrisbigman]

I'm not lying. I still wouldn't cheat. Even if she took all those things, it doesn't matter. I'm not materialistic like most people are. She can have all that, and she will end up rotting in hell. But I still wouldn't cheat. I'm in the very, very small minority that still wouldn't cheat after all that.

[Tdieseler]

Nah... forget small minority... you are a self-made man... did it once.. will do it again...
Well, i had to test to see if you were bullshittin... now I've got nothing but respect.

[chrisbigman]

Thanks for the respect.

[Tdieseler]

Not too many people have a good counter... you didn't even counter... you went my route... said it as it is... can't change that.
You are welcome sir.
I can still argue... but not with you. you have a resolve... can't argue with that.

[chrisbigman]

Yeah, I was told I could be a lawyer, but I don't like the profession.

[Tdieseler]

I was told I could be a lawyer... still could... too many books and school time and debts...

[chrisbigman]

Of course.

[Tdieseler]

what were you on when you wrote this article?

[chrisbigman]

I was... on... a... chair... What did you think I was on?

[Tdieseler]

... molly? Cheating isn't worth it? really? yea sure, its a disgusting thing but the guilt come after, and so does the act.
Its just not a solution and anyone who gets cheated on... should check themselves... and that is a PSA

[Tdieseler]

comes*

[DocT1977]

Before my wife and I got married, We both had to agree on one thing. If we ever felt the need to run off and be with another person, Then let the other know so that we can close up shop with our marriage. To me, Cheating is nowhere near worth its consequence as the consequences would be detrimental to both of us. And if the person outside of the fold knows of the marital situation and felt the need to cross the line, Then they themselves are questionable material from the get go.

[chrisbigman]

That's great! However, I hope that you two (as well as other couples) work it out all the way so that you can save the marriage.

[Entity]

The human dynamic is so much more complex than this.

"Well, we never spend time with each other anymore. He is the father of my child who is 4. I no longer love him and wish to feel alive again. What else could I do?"

Good luck with "leave!"

More often than not the general reality is not something so painfully simple as "Good guy, bad guy".

[chrisbigman]

Then file for either joint or sole custody of the child. But first, have both of you talk to a therapist/counselor. Work it out. People like these should NOT be having kids or getting married. They obviously never knew what they wanted in the first place. They just never admitted it. Still no reason to cheat.

[chrisbigman]

Women like these are why men don't want to get married or even be in a relationship.

[Entity]

"People like these should NOT be having kids or getting married."

Amusing. Do you think they planned it? Life's circumstances take hold and what happens? ... "People like these." Those people are all around you, could even be your parents, and you'd never know. At least, on average between males and females, close to 20% of them are "People like them". And it's stable among both sexes too.

Not that it matters. Reality holds no sway here.

[chrisbigman]

Do I think they planned it? Either one of them could have said no. But they didn't. So, yeah. They planned. They fast-tracked on the planning. Yes, it COULD be my parents. But it's not. You don't know my parents, so I'm going to set you straight right there.

[Entity]

If only we held people to the same standard when dealing with emotionally impulsive decisions.

But that is who are: We pick and choose our ethics.

[Entity]

Also, you best understand something very important: You don't know your parents either. You know what they tell you like any other human but they have secrets. We just don't like to think of them that way. After all of all cheating only 16% of it is actually ever revealed.

But as I said reality holds no sway.

[chrisbigman]

Yes, I do know my parents. You can't tell me what I know and don't know. Yes, my parents aren't perfect. But when it comes to whether they cheat or not, they don't.

[chrisbigman]

Yeah, people pick and choose for their own selfish reasons.

[Lonewolf_1296]

Sometimes you realize you're going out with a psycho who denies you sex for months and comes up with not even elaborated excuses but threatens to kill herself if you move on. That's when you need to look elsewhere for all that your "SO" is denying to you. She can call my actions cheating, hers are complete BS.

[mishiii]

If you want to cheat don't have a boyfriend. I love to cheat I love to have sex with lots of different guys... But I don't have a boyfriend.. And I don't want one

[altair212]

im a different guy... just sayin

[mishiii]

@altair212 I love the morons who say, "just sayin." Makes them sounds so stupid

[Anonymous]

Everyone is so self-righteous about cheating.

Until they find themselves is a situation they couldn't comprehend before then.

Nothing is ever as black and white as the naive masses think they are.

[hellionthesage]

Cheating is a choice, plain and simple. It is very much a black and white situation in that you can choose not to or to do so, their are many options to choose to avoid cheating. It really is that simple.

[chrisbigman]

@hellionthesage I agree.

[Opinion Owner]

@hellionthesage A man is married with 3 young kids. His wife tells him she no longer loves him and will not have sex with him but that if he tries to divorce her she will claim he abused her and the children. The wife did not go to college and has zero work experience.

This is not a hypothetical scenario. And no, it is not as simple and black as white as you pretend.

[chrisbigman]

Divorce her anyways. Have someone investigate her so called claims immediately: social services, police, etc. There's STILL no reason to cheat. Just because a spouse does something wrong, doesn't mean you need to stoop down to their level. Don't get me wrong - it can get gray. But that still doesn't mean two wrongs make a right.

[Opinion Owner]

This is exactly the naivety I wrote about earlier. In this guy’s case, divorce would have meant a huge legal battle at best, and losing his kids and possibly even jail time at worst. Either way would have been very painful for him and the children. And yet you still think his sanity and the welfare of the children are worth less than your notion of right and wrong?

Sorry, but I choose to live in the real world.

[chrisbigman]

So what if it becomes a huge legal battle? What makes you so sure that he would lose his kids and possibly even see jail time? She would need proof that he abused either her or the kids. Unless she has the pictures/video of the kids being abused, there's no certainty that she can prove he abused either her or the kids. It would have been very painful for him and the children? Well, duh!!! But that's not the fault of him or the kids. That's the fault of the woman who is lying about the situation. Welcome to the real world. If the kids were abused, she should have brought such proof up right away. As long as the guy kept his cool, he could be able to out the woman for lying.

[Opinion Owner]

Welcome to the real world? Dude, you haven't been there yet. You have no clue what you're talking about. When you've actually experienced what I'm talking about and had to face those tough decisions, then you can come back and judge everyone else who has. Until then, STFU Mr naive.

[chrisbigman]

Did I ever say the real world was perfect? No, I didn't. The real world reacts a lot on people's behaviors and decisions, and a lot of them are bad. But that doesn't give someone the right to go crazy. People can still move on from crazy people.

[Opinion Owner]

In the real world some people have to make difficult decisions they had no idea they would face, and other people (like you) can only speculate about what they would do in the same situation. Sadly it is human nature to believe you would be "better" in those circumstances. Some of us however can look at you and see just how idealistically naive and immature your perspective is.

[chrisbigman]

You seem to be ignoring one fact: the real world reacts to human behavior. Like I asked, is the real world perfect? No. The fact that you call me naive just goes to show how pessimistic you happen to be without finding solutions to correct problems like cheating. Also, for you to assume that I wouldn't cheat is rather wrong itself. If you re-read my MyTake, especially the first sentence, you would realize that I too could make the same mistake of cheating. I'm not immune to this. If anything, I hope that I follow my own advice. Will I? Only time will tell, but I certainly do plan to. Do you even understand what immaturity even means? Where have I shown immaturity in my MyTake or my comments? Anyone who cheats on someone out of revenge is considered immature.

[Opinion Owner]

Revenge? Where the hell did that come from?

I'm out.

[chrisbigman]

Revenge is one of the reasons people cheat. That's where it comes from.

[Mekkalyn]

In your example, it's not really cheating then is it?
The marriage is over. All form of love is gone there. There isn't sexual or emotional love left. That partner probably couldn't care less if you were with someone else. I don't even think I'd consider that cheating. When all the other vows are being broken in your marriage, it's not considered a marriage anymore (emotionally - still validated by the law, obviously).

I'm just saying that your example isn't really an example of cheating. It's an example of a very toxic relationship that needs to end. But the relationship is basically already over, and the only reason why it's not is because the crazy chick is holding "abuse" over his head and needs financial security.

[Mekkalyn]

Whereas cheating because you aren't happy is something else altogether.
Either fix the problem with your partner by having a grown up conversation and trying to make your interests meet, or leave and do what you will. There is absolutely no legit reason to cheat.

Except your example, which isn't really an example, because the marriage is ended essentially but only held together by the law. In other examples of cheating someone always gets hurt by the act of cheating. It's the emotional despair and impact that you give others that makes cheating so horrible. That is inexcusable.

[RationalLioness]

I think there is one reason where cheating is okay... but its a literal no way out situation. You either suffer, cheat, or wait for the person to die.

[ArchDruidMordred]

And that is?

[RationalLioness]

Use your brain.

[Tdieseler]

I wouldn't call it a reason but you are on point. There are choices.

[Anonymous]

well i don't cheat i just date many guys at a time.. who are very lonely and need someone in their life

[OrdinaryGentleman]

I usually cheat by studying for weeks before an exam... HA! the professor will never know!

[Scrambledagain]

That's why I love being poly!!

[Roobbaann]

One word... Word

[chrisbigman]

Word? Which word?

[Roobbaann]

Just "Word" means that I agree with you.

[chrisbigman]

Oh, okay. Thanks!

[takumii]

It is worth it if you never get caught.

[chrisbigman]

No, it's not. If anything, it's worth it if you don't cheat in the first place.

[IJustTryToLove]

wrongggg