I Finally Understand Why Men Cheat On Women They Love!

[Anonymous]

I always thought that cheating made love impossible but it's not always the case.

I started dating the best girl about 7 months ago. She's awesome, intelligent, funny, nerdy and driven. The type of girl I've always hoped to find. I wouldn't change a thing about her. In fact I'm still kind of shocked at how great she is, not because she's perfect, but because generally she is good at what I need her to be good at.

She's cute, I find her attractive... But not nearly as attractive as many other girls. In fact she is technically the second least attractive girl I've had sex with. That said... I don't have sex with girls that I'm not at least somewhat attracted to.

When I started dating her, I had a bit of cognitive dissonance. She was cute enough, and I really found myself drawn to her though at the time I didn't know why. Early on I fought that draw and that attachment because I didn't really feel like I "needed to sleep with this woman". You know the feeling, when you're looking at someone and it's just like... "Damn. Name your price, what do you need from me for me to get at that?" lol. The feeling that you can get from across the room without a word uttered.

So she's gained a little weight since, somewhere between 10 to 15 lbs. Tbh, I really don't mind all THAT much, it all went to her ass anyway lol. I don't want her to keep gaining weight of course and it'd be cool if she shrunk back down but seriously... When she's naked... I'm really not complaining, actually can't take my eyes off her.

That said... The idea that I might end up with this girl and never get to sleep with a truly hot girl is kind of sad. Not because they show her up... In fact she pretty much shows up every hot girl I've ever know on the whole.

Unfortunately young attractive people are psycologically ruined by their peers, especially other young attractive people. Meaning that the majority of truly beautiful women are somewhat unbalanced, it's the same for guys.

But still, I can't help but wish that there was a way for me to have sex with beautiful women casually... Nsa style. Not even that often. Maybe 4 times a year. I wouldn't be looking for a better girl. I doubt if find one... But in that one category yea I could.

I get it now, why men can love their wife or girlfriend and yet still crave sex with others. Given that there are other reasons at different stages I. The relationship that might cause this... But still I see it now. I have no real want to even talk to most hot girls and given a choice I'd always pick my girl to spend time with, in fact I'd probably RATHER hang with my girlfriend than have sex with a hot girl. The majority of the time I'd probably rather even sleep with her than with a hot girl if I had to choose one, but I can't escape the feeling that it would be so awesome to just sleep with someone else while she was busy and I couldn't hang with her.

Like not having your favorite food, because yea while it's definitely your all time favorite food, today you just really want something spicy!

It's a craving for a single dimension of a woman that does it. Its only through that narrowed perspective.

I'm not gonna cheat on her. I haven't cheated on her. I wouldn't do it to her. She's too good for it and I wouldn't risk messing up someone who's so great. We're at a point where we're so open to each other that we've got the supreme power to hurt each other so if I really couldn't contain myself I'd have to just... extremely delicately break up with her. I've no intention of doing that unless we grow apart as people.

So it's interesting. I just see it now. I see why you could want to just cheat and keep it a secret and how it could at the same time be more a reflection of personal weakness than your feeling for her. Not saying this is always the case. Just saying I can see it.

What do you all think. Do you understand how this could be an issue?

In my case, this is my first legit girlfriend, though I've had a few other girls in different circumstances so I'm perhaps a bit inexperienced. I still have that craving you know? Even as I intellectually believe sex is way over rated and would never think it a good idea to choose a woman on looks alone... The hormones and such are still there... And I Almolst feel like if I don't fulfil the need while I still crave it... I'll have missed something. But it's odd to disparge something gator so long in your head and then suddenly see yourself feeling the precursor to that detestable action.

How do you all deal with it?

Is it easier if you've spent your younger years sleeping around?

Is it easier if you've slept with hot people and they've caused you enough trouble to be sick of them?

Does the craving cease?

[HookingSwan]

The problem is that you dont sound like you love her at all

In fact the word I heard the most in this take was ME, ME, ME, ME and my wants and needs!

You dont know what loving someone really means.

This is not what love is about and that is why your argument, therefore, is a fallacy.

Maybe those men loved their wives and gfs, but at some point forgot about what real love is about: commitement, sacrifice, putting the other's needs before yours (many times).

Real love isn't a walk in the park. It has its moments, of course. Loving someone for real is so rewarding. But it alos means hard work and maturity. And selflessness!

This intire MyTake transpired selfishness and aloofness. Unawareness of others feelings and your surroundings, far beyond your own belly button and even D***!

Until you are able to learn what real love is about, you can take a break from your "carreer" as relationship and marriage expert!

[HookingSwan]

I have nothing against you, as a person, but you need to learn way more about caring for others, before deciding to write about such a complex and delicate issue such as human love.

[HookingSwan]

I just read the last part of your MyTake. I may have been too harsh with you.

But the way you sounded in the beginning and middle, made it seem like you are with this girl merely for convenience. Like you settled. And youd rather just have all the delicious "food" around, if u could.

I don't know, I just hope not all men feel like this. Because relationships can become dull sometimes. Its part of life. But the excitement, if with the Right person always comes back. SO it is worth sticking around. The rewards far outweight any temporary boredom.

[HookingSwan]

I hope you realise this in time of not hurting her

[myTake Owner]

This take was about me. That's why it started with I. It was a "MY TAKE" my point of view on my life that I chose to post for my benefit. I honestly don't see the problem with that. I like to understand what I do BEFORE I do it. I started thinking in an odd way and decided to take a look at it. The alternative is repression and ignorance of my own desires which will probably hurt us both a lot more in the long run. Putting your feeling out there means all of it. I'm not some power who writes online to seek approval of my perfect like of thought. I wanted peoples oponions on the actual things going on in my head. Thanks for yours by the way. But... I don't know what part of this suggested I think myself a marriage expert. Honestly I don't even know why this was promoted.

This is my first girlfriend... Ever. I have no idea if I love her or not. You're correct. I like her a lot and we have fun together.

In any case whether I love her or not. If I find that I can't not cheat I'll leave

[myTake Owner]

Why does everyone seem to think this is some sort of definitive stance on the subject I'm trying to cram down their throats. Its just heats in my head. I found a line of thought that made sense and wanted to see what people thought on the issue. No where do I assert that this is the correct thing to believe. Its just where I am right now. In fact of anything I went out of my way to ask oponions... But most of the oponions are just that I'm wrong... Which is possible but I'd hoped someone could actually help me out.

I just realized how you could love someone and have sex with someone else if you could manage to convince yourself that they would never find out. That's all.

Before that I believed that cheating meant you had already cut the emotional ties to that person and any sadness afterwards was really about the massive change that the fallout from you actions might bring. I doubt it will happen but as I said. I'd break up with her before I'd cheat.

[myTake Owner]

My relationship isn't dull lol. Like I said, this girl is awesome. She's was way more interesting than most hot girls I've ever talked too which is why I didn't have sex with many hot girls. Having sex will a full hot girl feels like paying for sex honestly. Just payment in time, effort and strategy that has the end goal, not of making her happy, but of making her happy enough to get laid. Its manipulative and not even a very good strategy since hot girls often learn and string guys like this along. I put lost of time and effort into my girlfriend, not at all to get laid either, it's to make her happy because I feel like her reward for being awesome SHOULD be to be made happy. That kind of personality needs to be rewarded. But this means I never really got to have sex with those beautiful girls whom the world has conditioned to be entitled through forces of supply and demand. I'd still like to. I feel I might always want to. I was just wondering if it ever goes away.

[HookingSwan]

Maybe u just need to focus on the awesome girl u have by ur side

There will always be something u have never experienced before, doesn't mean it is worth risking throwing away an amazing thing u have in ur life

However, i respect what u said: thatd u d never cheat on her

And im sorry we all went so hard on u for it. i guess we didn't understand ur true intention behind this take

Yeah maybe if u had gotten it out of ur system before and had seen what that kind of sex was for urself, them maybe now ud be more sure of things

I guess it isa matter of u deciding for urself what do u want for urself right now. Nd if the fact unever had that experience outweighs the amazing feelings of love u have for this girl

I sincerely wish u good luck

And just stay true to urself. That is the best thing u can do for urself and for her, in the long run.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks. I really do like her but it's like... What's my frame of reference. Back to food again. I used to think McDonald's was the best burger money could buy... And then I had something else lol. Most of us to this with beer... We drink bad stuff in college and then progress. My issue is. I made a really good decision straight off and even though I know that and made the decision for that very reason Its hard for me to believe that I just "got it right" because I'm that awesome. I have a hard time believing in the outlier... Although for many other reasons that wouldn't be too farfetched. In any case, this is why everyone sort of takes a step back when they see people marry out of high school. You can see where I'm going here right? Well I can tell you that I've had less dating experience than many high schoolers. Less dating experience than many girls have in a single year lol. So you might be able to see my hesitancy.

[HookingSwan]

I thinkI understand

I am having my 1st boyfriend at age 20 lol and it is also the kind of relationship in which I see myself getting married in the end

Becaus, really, he is that amazing

I also sometimes wonder about u know... If there would be more out there... But i think that is just human nature. hahaha especially if u haven't gotten around much lol

But then with each day that I work in my relationship and strive to love him better and better, I also get moments in which I am blown away and surprised by the personI have in front of me. I can sayI am learning always new stuff about him that makes me fall even more in love with him and be sure that it doesn't really get any better than this. Wanting more would just be greedy or ungrateful on my part.

Sometimes I think it not only takes courage to recognize when so, mething isn't what u were looking for, but also to recognize when you already have found what you were looking for all along.

[HookingSwan]

I hope u are able to realise what it is that u want. Either way, it will require courage, to admit the truthto urself.

[myTake Owner]

Wow that's really good advice. I think I see the difference between us though. You are looking for love. You found it too I guess so congrats. I on the other hand am not looking for love. In not running from it or anything it's just not something I neccesarily feel that I need anymore. When I was twenty I wanted nothing more than to have a girl on my arm and keep her happy but at the time it was for all the wrong reasons. It would have been validation as a man, a way to people to myself I was doing things right you know. Well sufficive to say that mindset isn't very attractive. In any case it took me working on my self for years and more importantly working until all those bad reasons for wanting a girlfriend were gone and I'd totally sort of lost the craving for me to actually attract the type of girl I'd been looking for... Totally accidently. She was drawn to me and I didn't even recognise what she was right away but I did. Only now I'm just along for the ride. I have no end game in mind.

[HookingSwan]

What do u mean by end game, if i might ask?

If u dont imagine a life with her, then no matter how much u love her, maybe she isn't the one for u?

I am not sure what u mean by end game

[myTake Owner]

I mean expectations. I have none. I don't project a specific future for us that I'm actively working towards. I can see us continuing to date, or marying... Or breaking up. I'd prefer us to stay together but if it doesn't work it's not that big, or rather it won't be the end of the world. That said I see no problems. Odlly enough I think this is the attitude that makes this fun. In a way I think it kind of attracted her to me. I don't really have anything that I want her to do other than just be herself, maybe she finds that liberating, I don't know. In any case I definitely feel closer to her as time passes. I guess what I'm saying is, it's not an intense emotional ride, it more of a smooth pleasant one.

[HookingSwan]

Hmm well I don't know what to say about that

Well with time u will know what to do, I guess

[Chief16]

Looool.
https://i.imgflip.com/t7amx.jpg
So, what I understood from this post is, that you, sir, shouldn't date people, but date food.

[myTake Owner]

So I've said that I will not cheat on my girlfriend... That I would rather break up with her if I felt the temptation too much... But that means nothing? Simply having the feeling and understanding what someone might tell themselves to fool themselves into making a bad choice. That means I shouldn't date. That makes no sense. Of the crime is understanding my own feelings or perhaps just identifying my own confusion, then I'm sorry but I just can't take your criticism seriously. I haven't done anything, I don't have any other girl in mind, I'm just somewhat surprised how great my girl is and while I'm happy, I'm a bit sad I didn't get to experience a little more. I wouldn't be feeling this if I didn't realize there was no reason for me to leave her. That alone should tell me how much I value her in spite of these feelings. In any case, I'm not trying to appear correct. I'm just opening up here and saying what I feel. If you hat me for it. COME AT ME BRO! lol.

[Anonymous]

O. k by your logic women should be cheating left and right, Women generally date below them in looks. And it's also easier for a woman to cheat also easier for a woman to be tempted to cheat from being hit on several times a day. Sure, her boyfriends is everything she ever asked for and she " loves" him but the guy who is hitting on her is sex on legs, no matter how much she loves her boyfriend she is going to have the best sex of her life and go back to her boyfriend and act like nothing happened. No woman does this , it's wrong and the fact that your trying to excuse you thinking about cheating is disgusting. Time for you to break up with your girl , so she can find someone worth her time.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

to be honey, im sure it happens. girls i knew had bt would flora with me, etc do you mean it doesn't ever happen.

[myTake Owner]

Yes and no. I don't find that many women have this problem by the time they want a relationship. Because every man that hit on them in their younger years WAS as you put it "sex on legs" the majority of girls I know have had far more sex than men By their mid twenties and are generally through with it for all sorts of reasons. I'm not disparaging any of them for it, my girls had several times more partners than I have even though she started having sex a year later than me, because once she decided she wanted to, she could. It wasn't satisfying for her long term but she tried it and experienced it and moved on. That's the thing, in my case 1st least. I don't have sex with women who I don't like... So most hot girls I started chasing... I eventually gave up on or otherwise screwed up my approach. My question of whether it's easier if you've slept around while you were younger was actually specifically targeted at women. I also went to pretty great lengths to show that I'm not cheating.

[Bysshe]

"Women generally date below them in looks."

Maybe when they get together... probably not 20 years later...

[Scrambledagain]

Yes it does cease, when you can dictate your sex life. Most women don't get this, but they can choose their path, men generally have to settle for theirs sexually. Why do you think many married men see prostitutes on the side? You see all these high profile men getting in shit for cheating (on others: tiger woods or prozzies, like Charlie sheen).

I could go on and on but the truth is we are not monagamous. Even the women who say you have no self control prove this. So my advice to any youngster is to play the field as much as possible in his 20's and only settle at 30 and up. Get a sex bucket list and tick it all off. I'm in a polyamorous relationship. My girl and I have that normal relationship but we are allowed to sleep with others. Settled.

[myTake Owner]

You know this was exactly my thinking. Except I wouldn't want a polyamorous relationship. I'd just want to try it for a while, get bored and then settle down. It seems to be what most people end up doing anyway. I'm surprised I've gotten so much shit for this post lol. I'm not trying to force anything down anyone's throat here. I'm just... Being honest and rather hilariously everyone seems to hate me for it. I actually thought I was being somewhat considerate here by not acting on impulses that would likely cause more harm than good. But apparently even having the thought is detestable. If that's the case than I'm detestable then haha. Worse things have happened. In any case out relationship is fine as is. Thanks for the insight. The idea of sleeping around and then settling down... Its not different from how you chose anything else... Sample a variety and then make an informed decision. People do do this. Why can't we talk about it?

[Anonymous]

The reason is, that nature rigged us men to want to mate with as many attractive women as possible, not only very often. Doing so was essential for survival back in stone age.

Sex is kinda like a drug too: Through repeated intake the body and mind get's used to it and it will require something different, something more or something else to get the same results.

What you describe is the lack of variety. To solve this couples tend to try new positions or something different than from the usual. It sucks, yes, I agree, I know what you are meaning but who or what could you legitimately blame? Nature.

I also see some females responded irrelevant to your situation and going as far as blaming you and giving you shit. Don't listen to them, their language is far too different than from ours.

This urge you experience is the toll for loyalty. If you can pay it then she deserves you.

[myTake Owner]

Yea. I figure if she can keep her hyperbaric tendencies in check than I can keep my polygamous ones in check too. They're comparable.

[anonymous83]

I always believed that cheating boiled down to biology. You may be loyal to someone, but you will always have that urge to spread your genes. It's really a pain in the @ss, because it makes monogamy difficult

[rose004b]

In a nutshell: no loyalty and and no self-control.