It's Not About Rejection, It's About Different Priorities

[Coconutty]

Some of us really don't "get it". I was going to make this about guys, but girls can be like this, too.

I'm in the process of breaking up with the guy who's been using me for casual sex. Suddenly he's hurt and needy, feeling rejected. I tried to explain that he's been holding me at arm's length. If he had ever shared his feelings and stayed in touch even once a week about his plans, I wouldn't be feeling so taken advantage of. It only takes ten seconds to shoot off a text.

He said he's "just a simple guy" and "thought we understood each other." l explained that I DO understand him, I just need more. I'm not a booty call, and I can't get close to someone who won't tell me even simple things like going to a friends 40th birthday party on a weekend I thought we might get together.

I told him, "I wanted to know about the birthday party not just because we had tentative plans, but because that's the kind of thing that someone who cares about you will want to share. 'I'm playing drums at my friend's birthday party and I'm excited about it.'"

He said that was "too heavy" and started talking about how much he enjoyed our sex. I steered the conversation back to how communication fosters closeness. Sex is just an act, but emotional trust is key. I pointed out that sharing is risky but it creates trust.

Him: "Yes, I get that you want to open up to me."

Me: "Actually I was talking about YOU opening up."

*Crickets*

Finally I said: "It's not rejection because we were never close to begin with. It's about recognizing different relationship priorities. I'm freeing you up to find someone who better suits your needs, and vice versa."

I'm going to have to block him if he keeps texting me because I am in the middle of a huge deadline for work and have to work all weekend. I hate doing that, but sometimes you just gotta make it stop.

I feel really sorry for him, though, because I don't think he gets it. It must be hard going through life so confused.

Anyway, I hope maybe this helps someone who's been dumped and didn't know why.

[natured]

It always takes TWO to make a relationship work, even if there is ONE person to make the first STEP to resolve the problem in this case you, but if your partner is way too keen to get it through his head that YOU ALSO HAVE NEEDS AND DESIRES then you made the perfect decision for yourself.

You should actually be proud of yourself, but next time, put your cards on the table from the GET GO, know what you want and TELL THEM what you want.

Good luck <3

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/animationgk/miles-bow(b).gif

I agree wholeheartedly.

[kambo_trick3y]

Can't believe people do shit as intimate as fucking each other, but they practically don't even bother to know what the other person's name is, let alone their favorite color.

I will never understand society.

[kambo_trick3y]

That's like running before you even bothered to learn how to walk.

[Coconutty]

I've done a one-night-stand once... just once. It was a nice little ego boost, but also pretty awkward. I did know his name, though. Lol.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think for him it was just all ego, oh she left because I suck @ sex. Or, it could have just been that he really doesn't want to have to commit right now, so he just wants easy sex. I totally agree with you. I think that next time, you should just tell him immediately you want a relationship though.

[spoonman2014]

To me, friends with benefits situations should be casual (I forget mine exist sometimes), because then someone catches feelings and it ruins everything. Or people can stop pretending they don't want a relationship and only an friends with benefits and hope that it turns into a relationship. People need to be honest with each other that is all

[Coconutty]

Yeah. We never clarified it. I thought he wanted to date, and he was so sexually frustrated I thought by getting that out of the way he could relax and be more open. But even friends still have common courtesies that he was ignoring.

[Coconutty]

He insists he didn't want just friends with benefits. I think he honestly doesn't know how to have relationships. I think that's why he's lonely and confused.

[Browneye57]

Uh, no, he doesn't get it and never will - this is the way he operates. You were just never that important. So good for you for seeing through it all and deciding to do better for yourself.

This is why girls giving up their sex for free doesn't work. There is just no impetus for the guy to commit, to even include you into what he's doing with his life. You're just a booty-call, a fuck-buddy. And half of them think that's just fine - the girls!

[Mr_Sensative]

Yo cool post. I think more people including me should look at breakups like this. It´s sometimes just better for both peeps. Being honest is hard, it took some balls do what you did. I think the world and you are better because of it. Thank you for posting it.

[pciAdder]

You made the right decision! Just maybe let it go too long in the first place, but I'm the same way, I give so many second chances and time to change, but I'm not sure I have ever seen anyone improve on these relationship basics. :(

[LittleSally]

>Yeah! It really IS about priorities... and what you deem necessary and important...

[John_Doesnt]

Some guys don't get that girls have a priority for men with better paying jobs.

[Sweetie3423]

I totally agree with you.