5 Poisonous Statements in Relationships

[PenguinLover_]

1. "Nice Guys Finish Last"

Quite frankly, I would be surprised if you hadn't heard this phrase before. It a phrase that is looked upon as a bad thing, but really it has some bad truths and some good truths in it. Bad truths: yes, girls can be dumb and yes, humans are dumb sometimes; therefore, there are girls who pick "bad" guys over "good" guys. However here is the problem with "nice" guys: they never made a move. Why do girls pick bad guys? Because their confidence is sexy. Nice guys like to wait things out, but waiting things out and trying to be that guy who takes things slow without any hint of obvious flirting can kill any first time attraction.

Here is the good truth in this statement: Nice guys should finish last. I always find it funny when someone comes up to me and tells me, "Remember that phone I lost? Guess what? I found it in the last spot I thought I would". My thoughts: duh. When you find something, you won't look for it anymore. In conclusion, you will always find something in the last spot you thought it would be in because that is the last spot you looked at to find it. Same thing with guys. Yes, I want my nice guy to finish last because that means after you, I'm not looking at any other bad guy. Finishing with a nice guy last should, in a sense, be flattering to the "nice guy".

2. "How do I look 1-10?"

Guys and girls, you will never win with this statement. If your partner says that you look like a ten, you won't believe them. If your partner says that you look like a five, you will be slightly offended because you are just average. If your partner says anything below five, you will be pretty offended. But here is what I have to say to any of you who want to be rated: You can't be rated. No matter how hot you look, you will never be a ten because someone will always look better than you. No matter how ugly you look, you will never be a one because someone will always look worse than you. Conclusion: tell your partner that they can never be compared to anyone else and to rate them to world would be silly.

3. "Oh, he wants to be that way? He can't treat me that way. I'm just going to ignore him."

Any form of this statement is just a stupid game. Oh, she wants to text me five hours later? Okay, I'm going to text her five hours to see how she likes it. Oh, he wants to hang out with his female friends? Okay, I'm going to hang out with my guy friends and post it on Facebook. If there is one thing to learn from this article: STOP playing games. By playing these mind games, silent games, and playing hard to get games, you are doing two things: 1. Slowly killing your relationship because there is no communication involved. 2. Killing your lovely time with this person. I never understand playing hard to get. Just why? Why would you want to play a month of hard to get when you could have been dating that person for an entire month by now?

4. "Baby, I would never change a thing about you."

Give me a break. I believe that there are people out there who generally want to love their partner for who they are, but saying you would never change a thing is false. There is always something that you would change about a person in your life. Not just your partner, but your parents, your siblings, your friends. We all have that one thing we hate about everybody. I would rather much enjoy a boy saying to me: "You might be a pain sometimes, but I love you even with those flaws" because even that just tells me that he knows I'm not perfect and if there is anything I like about people, it's not their romantic comments--it's their realistic comments that still flatter.

5. "You need to work on that more."

No matter how you say this, you should think about this statement more. I believe that when it comes to relationships, if you expect your partner to work on something, you need to work on yourself as well. Why? Because when you tell me that I need to work on being more forgiving, I want to tell you right back that you need to work on not just pointing out all my flaws, but your flaws as well. This statement is a double edged sword that both partners should watch out for. After all, pride is one of the few things that can easily end a relationship.

[Browneye57]

1. You're confusing 'nice' with 'kind'. A weak beta chump might be nice, but a strong alpha guy can be kind. Women will always be more attracted to the latter.
2. If you're not attracted to your SO it will never last. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
3. Quit texting - you get no emotion and zero body language so you miss out on at least half of what's being communicated. Use it to set up your next time together IRL. You simply CANNOT forget a relationship by texting.
4. Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change. Girls get with guys think if they just bug them enough for long enough then maybe they can get them to change into something they can actually stand to be with. FAIL
5. If you have no pride you have no success. If someone points out something they don't like you can either accept it or reject it. Neither gender is very good at introspection, but for women it's virtually impossible.

More importantly, own your own shit. Take responsibility for your actions, and what you say. This is where it usually fails. As in "You make me..." fill n the blank. No one can make you anything - YOU get to decide. If you have a feeling about something then own it - "I feel this way when you do this.".

If you can't have an adult conversation about something you disagree on without it escalating to shouting, then table it and come back to it at a later time. You might have to do this several times. Or just agree to disagree. YOU WILL NOT EVER AGREE ON EVERYTHING.

Give up the disneyland dreamworld in your head - they are fake expectations and will simply result in disappointment.

Love is about giving, not getting. If you're looking at the other based on what you can get out of it then it WILL fail.

[lucius46ad]

On # 1) I have to say that sadly you are mostly right. (Most) women seem to have this fascination with loud mouth, pseudo confident jerk offs with their shallow macho and cocky (NOT confident). attitude. If women do indeed find confidence attractive they are totally missing the bus with the more low key guys. They don;t have to advertise their confidence with bravado and aggression, because they know their abilities and are already confident enough for their own satisfaction.
I've been around the block a few times and have seen more unhappy women than I care to mention. I also know the source of their unhappiness but it's like beating my head against the wall. Women seem to like losers. And then they can't figure out why all they decent guys are gone.

[ConnorGracie]

Why do women like confidence so much I don't think any kind of confidence is the key either? I feel like it's probably a specific kind.

[cth96190]

Not only can you begin with the sociopathic bad boys, you can finish with them too.
Stay there.
What are good men supposed to do until you hit 30 and are finally 'ready for a good man'?
A decade, or more, of lonely nights, rejection and seeing one woman after another throw herself as men who were obvious scumbags has an effect on a man's view of women, as a collective.
Enjoy your life of poverty in welfare housing with your bad boy, as he morphs into his alcoholic father in the trailer park.
You deserve each other.

[lucius46ad]

Unfortunately there is a lot of truth to this. Most women like "slummin"and they alienate a lot good future prospects in the meantime as well as destroy their own reputations.

[HorrorFan]

I only care to comment on the 'nice guys finish last' part because it hurt my brain.

First off, no one says that while in a relationship. Men only say that when they are perpetually single.

The first part I can somewhat agree with as that can be a factor. A lot of people will simply say that those men never really had a chance because they just didn't have what a woman wanted, but that obviously can't always be the case.

The second part... you are conflating finishing last with... losing something and eventually finding it? The line of boyfriends that eventually ends on the right (nice) guy?

No. This is like a race. All these hypothetical men are racing each other to the finish line (access to women) and the 'nice guys' are finishing last and going home with precisely zero trophies. Maybe a friend zone consolation prize.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

You're thinking the wrong way in regards to "Nice guys finish last".

Nice guys end up with the post-Wall women that have kids by the thugs she was fucking in her teens and 20s. He's getting a woman that used up all her youth and beauty and ability to pair bond on thugs, and he's getting a woman who's just looking for a nice fat wallet to settle for, but will hop in bed with the first thug that pays attention to her. He's getting more baggage than British Airways handles in a day, and an entitlement attitude to match.

Meanwhile, those of us that aren't nice guys are getting to enjoy the girl who still has her looks, who doesn't have any kids, and who hasn't turned into a screeching harpy with a laundry list of demands.

Getting someone else's leftovers is definitely last place.

[Unit1]

I really do not want to sound sexist but...

Women!!!

By the way:
I don't want to finish last ever but i wouldn't really call myself a nice guy either. I go by the principle, that if you have chosen somebody else over me (after I got rejected because i have no money, no success, no future etc...), then you got him. HOWEVER as soon as you notice me reaching success or making more money, do expect an automated rejection from me when you come back to me. I'm not being butthurt, I'm being cautious and selective!
Number 4 and number 5 are contradicting as Mr. Anonymous said.

[loveArt1983]

wait what wrong with "nice guy" I think chewed up lot on this site its quite sad. If "Nice Guy" was smiley face pillow would you A) stab him in face, or B) hug him until he loose stuffing, C) watch him detonate behind blasting glass, D) keep him box and give him to nicest guy you know.

[lucius46ad]

Yes it is mentioned frequently. Too bad we never learn anything from it. Lots of miserable girls/women out there. Any guesses why?

[loveArt1983]

@lucius46ad seems we can't mold men into something they aren't is typical answer we must know this by now, however I think they can be endangered species if younger women are thinking this is cause and effect. Maybe we should have questionnaire for guys at end date is he still with this gal or not depending on could he handle her needs or will be alive at end of questions?

[ConnorGracie]

@lucius46ad I think most women think they can control men with their vaginas and they keep trying because they feel they should be able to.

[litty]

Wow, how many flaws do you have that people have to give you shit for them? It's funny because the more someone tells you to be forgiving, you're going to take it the wrong way and take it out on them. It's unrealistic if you think someone's going to love you for bitching at them. If you know it's a flaw, how bout you work on that so you are flawless for them?

[lord_chilled]

1. lol sorry , there is no way that statement will make a man feel good.
2. agreed
3. correct
4. true, i wanna hear it as well, altough i won't particularly like the truth.
5. yeah i got mixed feelings, what you said is true, but also i think its okay to point something out thats bugging you. kinda in conflict with point 4, but i get it.

[Anonymous]

1. I get what you're saying. It's a play on words. But finishing last has noting to do with your comment.

4. Gotta call bullshit on this one. For most people, honesty is not always the best policy. "Baby, you ass is fat but I love you anyway"... yeah, not a good idea to say that.

5. Contradicts #4.

[TMarissaWL]

I agree with 3.

Ex left me because I thought that I could keep him around by being "mysterious"

[vishna]

"You never!!!"
"You always!!!"
Also very poisonous

[John_Doesnt]

So basically all the crap that gets asked on this site 10 times a day.

[lucius46ad]

My you're an angry little person!

[razor97]

It makes them feel better about themselves, more confident.

[lucius46ad]

Real confidence does not need to be advertised. If women can;t spot it on their own they are probably doomed end up with Mr. Halfwit

[razor97]

@lucius46ad I am the god emperor of mankind, I approve of this statement!

[Anonymous]

i'm so glad that i am over this shit. Women are assholes to me

[Anonymous]

thank you for sharing with us

[TrollG0D]

You talk to much...