8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

1. What can I do? you should ask yourself every day what can I do to make his/her day better maybe i can do the dishes or draw her a bath. maybe I can make his favorite for dinner or rent his favorite movie or something.

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

2. Never go to BED ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER.
stay up and resolve the problem going to bed after a big fight is not going to fix it you will still be pissed when you get up and the problem will still be glaring you down when you get up.

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship



3 LITTLE problems. don't let a bunch of little problems become a huge one. don't just bottle up things that make you angry with them tell them that it bothers you because all of those little things will make a big problem.

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

4. NO YELLING. when you tell them something is bothering you don't start shouting stay calm and have a resalable talk and don't just spit out 30 things they do it sounds like your nagging them

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

5. DONT hold sex over someone's head. sex is not a weapon you can use it as a punishment none of that well you take the trash out or you are never getting sex again first off they will get tired of it and second they can and will it will be with someone else, not you

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

6. Set a date night. yah yah i get it you been together a long time and you're busy and just forget about date nights but I'm not saying go every night just have a date night once every 2 or 3 weeks and i dont mean go to some expensive place every time you can have a date night at home or the park

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

7. Girls/Guys night. don't be all kinds of clingy they need to spend time with their friends just like you do so set time aside for you both to do your own thing

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

8. Force. if there upset ask if something wrong but if they don't want to talk about it doesn't make them just let them know you're there for them.

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship

8 Things I Think People Should Do in a Relationship
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Most Helpful Girl

  • redeyemindtricks

    Couple things here.

    __

    #1: Yeah, but, only if you're getting the same in return. If you're the only one sacrificing, you're a fool, and it's only gna get worse.
    __

    #2 ("Don't go to bed mad")

    This is HORRIBLE advice.

    First -- Obviously, people who are exhausted (and very possibly sleep-deprived) have exactly ZERO chance of resolving conflict productively and empathetically.

    I mean, this "rule" SOUNDS pretty (... how beautiful would that be, if you never ever had to wake up to a rl with any problems!)
    Basically, it promises "happily ever after" with minimum effort... which is the only reason anyone ever tries to follow it.

    But SRSLY?
    There are at least 3 things that WILL go wrong if people try to follow this rule.

    #1, if a couple follows this "rule", then the outcome will have absolutely NOTHING to do with who has better points, or even with what's best for the relationship.
    Instead, this "rule" guarantees that EVERY argument will just be "won" by whoever can OUTLAST the other person (or has more patience, or is less sleep-deprived, or more of a night person, or whateverthefuck). Because the other person will just say "fuck this, I wanna go to bed" and pretend to agree to whatever compromise just so they CAN go to sleep.

    #2... The attitude promoted by this rule is, basically, "La la la la NO problem is serious enough to last for more than 24 hours."
    ... like what the fuck?
    The problem is that LOTS of problems ARE serious enough that it's impossible to solve them between breakfast and bedtime.
    Some problems take days and days to really resolve. Some problems take weeks or months.
    If couples just pretend that "la la la la we can solve everything by the time we go to bed"... they'll be ••unable•• to deal with REAL problems. And as soon as they have an issue that ••IS•• still there in the morning, they might even throw away the whole relationship over it.
    You get me?
    It's kinda like keeping $100 under the mattress and saying "This will cover you if you EVER need emergency money." Well that's fine... until you have some emergency that costs more than $100. Maybe a lot more. Then you're fucked.

    And #3, a lot of couples get into stupid arguments BECAUSE THEY'RE ALREADY SLEEP-DEPRIVED, and thus tired, cranky, and stubborn as a result.
    If the couple has young children, this is practically ••guaranteed•• to be a significant factor in any conflict that arises.
    I mean... srsly lol? Advising

    • THOSE people to stay awake until they reach a "solution"? Clearly the worst advice possible.

      __

      #4 ("No yelling"):

      Yelling is a thing for a reason, y'know. It CAN be a highly effective form of communication -- especially if it's rare.

      What this rule SHOULD say is, don't ••waste•• that sort of emotion. IE don't yell ABOUT THINGS THAT AREN'T WORTH YELLING ABOUT.
      On the other hand, if the other person just ••does not understand•• the depth of emotion you're feeling about something, then, sometimes a raised voice is THE ONLY way to actually communicate this.

      The trick is, you can't do it so often that it becomes meaningless.

      It's the same thing with swear words, by the way. If someone rarely or never uses swear words, but then she lets loose two or three of them in a single sentence -- Oh you BET people are gna listen.

      __

      #5
      Literally? Yes. "Using sex as a weapon" is just all kinds of bad.
      (... and it's ALSO bad for the person who's DOING the withholding! That's the part I don't

    • get -- like, no matter how pissed I am, you think I'm gna give up MY OWN pleasure? Ahahah yeah right, that's not happening)

      The problem with this rule, though, is that lots of people think it's supposed to mean "You should always always always say "yes" no matter what".
      ... and that's not what it means.

      Specifically -- It's VERY possible that someone might just be really, really, really TURNED OFF by how their partner is handling conflict -- and THAT is the reason why she/he doesn't wanna fuck.
      I mean. If I had some boyfriend who was all passive-aggressive, and couldn't stand up to me... hell no there wouldn't be any fuckin' after an argument like that.
      But, that's not "sex as a weapon" -- no, that's "I am literally ••disgusted•• with this boy right now." As bad as if he hadn't showered or used deodorant for a week, kind of bad. Don't come NEAR me.

      Unfortunately, I think that's what is happening MOST of the time. I think "sex as a weapon" is MUCH less common than "omg I'm so

    • turned off by how my partner is handling all this shit".
      Especially because, like, sex is the best physical feeling most people are gna have, and I doubt there's a lot of people who are willing to give THAT up just to make a point.

      __

      #6
      YES.
      Yes.

      Yes yes yes yes yes yes.

      No matter how long you've been together, you should be as creative with "dates" as you were at the very beginning of yr relationship.

      __

      #7
      Also YES.

      By the way, this is one reason why "shared interests" are not nearly as important as people seem to think they are -- and why it's usually BETTER for couples to have at least some DIFFERENT interests. ("Shared interests" are pretty much only important for people who have literally no friends other than their spouse/partner -- and even then they're only important if they're not solitary pursuits.)

      __

      #8... Sorta.
      The way this rule is written, you have a "compromise" where the MORE emotionally expressive person is doing 100% of the compromising, and the less

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Most Helpful Guy

  • DaBuzzman

    You are very smart, wise and great marriage material! I completely agree and everything should be 50/50. I help raise my girl, run her around everywhere, make dinner most nights, clean the house maybe a little less than 50 lol, but I try, and I do laundry equally etc. Give and take with issues and problems. Things should be fun and always spontaneous in the bedroom as well. Give and take with massages, oral, sex, too. 50/50! If I know she's had a rough day or vise Versa, I always will want to make it about her and tell her to just relax and let me take care of you. So I'll get nice massage oils and massage her hands, legs/thighs, feet, finale massaging between her thighs or giving her oral nice and slow to orgasm. Very relaxing that's what it's all about. If it's me having a bad day or stress, she's similar with me. Nice massages leading to a nice slow oiled sensual handjob to orgasm or climbs on me, tells me to close my eyes and relax, and ride me slow to orgasm. Moral is Keeping things always close and intimate and not the opposite when we have problems or issues is what makes me and us work. It's why we've been together almost 15 years now. If we bottle things and get distant things get really bad. Understanding each other's needs and bodies and helping one another out, that's what loving partners do for each other. Good post your wise and good marriage material.

    • soulbabe

      ok first off im 17 so a little PG-13 would be appreciated please and thank you. marriage material or not im not likely to ever have a relationship so it does not really matter

    • DaBuzzman

      Very sorry. Age wasn't there and the question seemed mature with articulated comments. My apologies! Can I ask you I know it's not any of my bus. Why do you say you'll never be in a relationship? You don't want one? Something wrong or happen? If you don't teplythatscool.

    • soulbabe

      because I'm, not a girl most guys like im completely ignored and im never around people im not pretty so im not noticed and when i am its by a creepy 30-year-old
      lh3.googleusercontent.com/.../297986207951064092%253Faccount_id%253D1

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What Girls & Guys Said

1028
  • D_Bone_Steak

    They are great points... but years into it there becomes little issues that don't get resolved because the partner just refuses to. While reading this in particular, my mind highlighted the "STOP NAGGING"routine... under the point of why we shouldn't yell.

    I agreed about the yelling part... it solves nothing. Ever listen to two dudes just bark at each other... they start to sound like two chihuahuas that just happened to end up in a neighboring yard. Yelling at someone is just dumb... and with dudes at least I've learned to just shut up and start staring until they back down. But with chicks, sometimes...

    Go back to that issue. Nagging can be overlooked here and there. But, when it just keeps going and normal responses to get it to calm down don't equal a response at all and continued nagging. Think about it...

    I'm not going to separate this into a male - female issue... because I don't care who you are, eventually you're going to snap when someone keeps pointing out what mistake you shouldn't make despite already doing everything correctly to ovoid that mistake, every flaw, every hindsight "could've done better" pointed out and how it could've been done better... and every outright mistake just being the permanent convo piece despite anything else.

    Ladies speak up... wouldn't that piss you off too... at least eventually? Wouldn't you want to take a break and talk about something funny or interesting here and there... especially if you weren't in a do or die, pay check to pay check lifestyle?

    Now to my point... I can't help it... when I find myself being nagged, especially when I don't deserve it and the nagging is just being done for the naggers pleasure of hearing themselves nag to feel important... I might just yell. Especially when I've made my counter points and NEVER GOT HEARD AT ALL!!!

    I simply can't be alone it that sense in feeling there is a time in place where yelling is pretty much all you can do to finally be taken seriously. Or... for your words to be received at all. Also... if it is important for you to be heard... it can very well seem neceassary.

    • i dont like being nagged, its especially annoying whwen the issue is only brought up to me for the firet tiume as nagging. as if the person was going over andover it but never told me. also they dont want to resolve the issue they just enjoy nagging.

      now if there is a real issue and someone gets ignored, trying to have a rational discussion gets called nagging. that is a real problem i see A LOT of. at that point i guess you have to realize you re dealing with a person who does snot give a shit, and leave.

      then you run into the trouble f it being an ultimatum which many people find a deal breaker, but if a person is not listening t really is listen or i go.

      same with nagging. nagging is equally disrespectful as dismissiveness. if a person in either case refuses too have rational respecful discussion then is end time in my opinion.

      i think trying to be heard is slightly less bad then trying to communicate and being accused of nagging, first is negating you ass a person,

    • second is character assassination, BOTH are bad.

    • @Analinda1999 The world of nagging is worth having a my take done on it sometime... it could be gold. If I didn't have a hangover from which my rant came out of, I'd draw up a quick venn diagram and figure the common points of contention. I could literally go off on a tirade about naggers that nag simply to treat another like a child, because when you pointed out "disrespectful as dismissiveness"... it triggered some nasty memories of a past relationship of mine.

      I think to sum us both up though would be to point out how harmful it is to be ignored. It's a great way to just stop the most vital part of a relationship... communication. Like you pointed out, sometimes the only option other than nagging is to propose an ultimatum... I mean it's either that or simply accept being ignored, which isn't good for important issues.

      Ignoring or being ignored is a source of cancer.

  • madhatters4

    couldn't argue with a single one of those 8 points. all make a lot of sense and should help foster and maintain a good relationship

  • AynonOMouse

    7. As long as it doesn't involve them going to a club and drinking. So many people cheat like that.

    • soulbabe

      who said anything about a club or drinking?

    • Oh, I just said that because that is what a lot of the people at my last job did, and they constantly flirted with, grinded on, and made out with people to get free drinks and food.

      I do agree that each person does need time to themselves to pursue a hobby or hang out with friends, as long as they both agree to some boundaries.

    • And no Skooma. lol j/k

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  • AnomalyGuy

    I agree with that list. Especially the going to bed angry thing. Plenty of times I went to bed angry because me and my pa argued.

  • TomBradysJersey

    If I enter a relationship (seems like a long shot at this point), I will use these.

    • soulbabe

      why?

    • What do you mean why?

    • soulbabe

      u said seems like a long shot?

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  • KnightCross

    i promise i will read it later, just remind me here ok?

    • soulbabe

      UM OK... its not a big deal if you read it or not

    • i liked u take, specially the 2. This is the most important thing: don't go to bed until an issue is solved

    • JohnW42

      You missed number 8.

  • lord_chilled

    Agree with everything exept with the girls night out.
    Im not cool with that.
    Have a girls day out.
    Night out drinking isn't acceptable for me

    • soulbabe

      Who said anything about drinking?

    • What else do you do on a night out? All people do is go to clubs and get drunk

    • soulbabe

      not true i go to the movies or dinner maybe they want to go to the art crawl or a music fest

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  • RedVulcan

    Learn to use punctuation. There are next to no commas in this entire thing...

    • soulbabe

      did you really just show up to belittle me? let's see how well you type with someone beating you with a balled up sock and punching at you.

    • RedVulcan

      Your Mytake was gross to read, regardless of the actual content.
      Still not using any commas. Did you even pass tenth grade English?

    • soulbabe

      I'm sorry I never told you to come to my my-take. you came on your own accord I did nothing for you to speak to me in such a disrespectful manner. I was not rude to you in any way I may suck at grammar and spelling but at least I learned manners which you were obviously denied. I heard chivalry was dead but I didn't know human kind had sunk so far as to be disrespectful as you are. The fact that you find the need to go looking for someone's flaws to tare them down just to make your self-feel better and not have to look at your own flaws is disgusting. befor you start shaking a stick at my flaws you better take a good long look in the mirror and make sure your fucking perfect before you judge me. Just an FYI you seem to be the only one who had a problem with it so save your loud mouth opinions for someone who cares what you have to say about them because I sure don't. your still young still time to learn to be respectful of others and learn to listen to your elders

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  • Midget_Hug

    I'm going to make certain to follow this generic advice stolen off of coffee mugs and Pinterest!

    • soulbabe

      um first off I don't drink coffee so I don't really have coffee mugs other than a clear one i use for coco and i only use Pinterest for arts and crafts smarty and i said things I THINK PEOPLE should do. it was not advice for anyone

    • Midget_Hug

      I don't drink coffee either but I do steal the quotes. I mean some are really good.

      As for this not being advice that's... well alright, directives it is!

  • kikisand

    These are great and so true. I think we forget the importance of these things and that can damage relationships.

  • James78

    The content was good and I agree with most of it. However, the lack of punctuation and capitalization made it laborsome to read. I'm a stickler for grammar rules.

  • alice55

    Personally going to bed angry is a great things, at least you wouldn't said to the other hurting things you would regret after, just sleep and all is better the morning after.

  • Warmapplecrumble

    I agree with all but we don't do guy and girls night out - we are introverts lol

  • Ephemera1

    #2
    What if I have work the next day and wake up at 8. B

    • soulbabe

      i never said don't work around work

  • Likes2drive

    Pretty good take, makes a lot sense unfortunately people don't always do what makes sense in a relationship or marriage

  • GayHowellMeme

    Why am I here.

    There's no boys or girls who love me.

    I have never been in a relationship face to face.

    Why am I here.

  • ThisDudeHere

    Cool. Now to just get a relationship.

  • NightOwl8801

    Those are some great points, I think they'll work if you apply them in a relationship.

  • CubsterShura

    A bit disappointed that they are common things and not your own ideas. :( Good tips, though!

    • soulbabe

      well duh fuck the world im not saying what i actually think i don't feel like being bitched at

  • Browneye57

    Reasonable. Here's a few more...
    1. Make the relationship THE most important thing - don't let petty differences become more important than protecting the relationship.
    2. Make your partner Priority-1, not down the ladder of importance in your life.
    3. If you can't discuss differences without escalating then just table it for a later discussion. You may have to come back to it several times, or you may never agree and just agree to disagree. The time lag gives each time to reconsider, to soften their stance so as to potentially compromise, meet somewhere in the middle.
    4. Getting typed (MBTI) and discussing differences in communication styles and go a long way toward understanding and acceptance of personality differences. They're real!

    • RedMatch

      This is the first opinion I have ever seen you give that dons't come off as rude and I actually completely agree with... Yes that is probably going to piss you but Im just saying what I think. oh and Q what is your personality type?

    • Browneye57

      @RedMatch Well thank you, I think. I'm sorry, I calls 'em as I sees 'em. I don't mince words, and I don't sugar-coat. For some young ones this is too much for their sensitivities and while I understand I can only be mildly apologetic. It's a cruel world out there and people actually die from their relationship disasters. If I can help just one do better then it's worth it. As it turns out I've been able to help many, lots of followers, thousands of posts, and a very high MHO. So there you go.

      I have been married for more than half my life - about 35 years. That's twice as long as you've been on the planet. I have conducted marriage counseling sessions for church, and studied personality type and relationship dynamics. One would be reticent to think I wouldn't have at least an inkling of understanding and experience in these matters.

      MBTI? I'm an INTJ. Very strong N, moderate I, moderate J, and very strong T.

      If you can get over the harsh realities there is much to learn. :)

  • John_McStarrison

    Arigato gozaimasu. I'll be sure to keep these in mind :):):)

    • soulbabe

      who now?

    • Sorry... too much anime hehe. I meant thank you. It was a good take

    • soulbabe

      i like anime a lot to but i can't say i can spell it

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  • JadeTea

    Great points. I understand these things can help better the relationship too!

  • YHL6965

    I don't know why these aren't obvious for some people.

  • yulbsari

    Good take. I agree. Easier said than done though...

  • naraku

    Nice job.
    #8 is important lot's of people don't get that one.

    • soulbabe

      yeah and I don't know why it's the easiest one

    • AnomalyGuy

      I only force my girlfriend to tell me why she's upset, because I want her to be happy and being upset interferes with that. That's only why I force her, to make her happy. And she doesn't mind, I can be a good shoulder to cry on. I always make her happy, I just need to give her a compliment and she's beaming with happiness.

    • soulbabe

      @AnomalyGuy yah doing that to me would probably get your kidney punched

  • serious

    Good my take.

  • chrismarie5589

    Make them a sandwich. :)

  • ArabianPwincess197

    You make good points, good take :)

  • vishna

    Amen! :)

  • Yanoa_Yanza

    I'm reading this like yep yep yep yep aaand yep.

  • April10

    I agree with everything on this list

  • Super-_-dude

    I agree with you

  • I've never done any of those things before.

  • RationalMale

    Sooo... Much... Anime!

  • jacquesvol

    Good ideas!

  • JustCallMeLeon

    Great.

  • AlwaysBelieving

    Me likes

  • Lumberman53

    Great pointers

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