It seems counter intuitive to say that: why wouldn't you want your other half? And granted if I had met my "soul mate" before Stephen, I would have probably been happy. But if I met him right now, I wouldn't change anything. Stephen is my one.
I guess it is because I don't really believe in soul mates. I believe that two people can either be perfect, or near perfect, in compatibility. But I do not believe God creates people for people. I believe God creates people for himself. And creating soul mates that we are supposed to find would be distracting/maddening.
I believe that some people are meant to find their "soul mate". Others, I don't think it's significant enough in the grand scheme of life. The person they are supposed to leave a legacy with isn't supposed to be their "soul mate". I guess the real question is: can you live a happy, satisfactory life without finding your soul mate? Can someone who is extremely compatible with you be enough?
For me, the answer is yes. For years, I have questioned when I would find the person I am supposed to be with. And it was maddening to date, not knowing if they would be "the one" or not. I did not want to get trapped in a relationship, and "the one" show up while I was unavailable. Or worse—I would have already been married. It sounds terrible when you say it out loud, but a lot of us function like that. We are often called hopeless romantics. I established a new name for it: perfectionists.
I envisioned myself meeting my partner spontaneously, in a random setting. We would cross paths and strike up conversation that would accidentally last for hours. We would just "click". Then he would ask me out, and we'd go on a few dates and confess how amazing the other was to us, and we would both know that we were meant to be. We would date a couple of years, then get engaged, married, and have children a few years later.
That isn't what happened at all.
Stephen and I went to school together for years and never talked much. We were friends of friends. We had one class together where I sat next to him, and I hardly remember it. Stephen was tall and nerdy, thin as a rail, and never said much. He wore an oversized Mountain Dew hoody every single day. In fact, I cannot remember a day in high school that he did NOT wear it.
Fast forward to 2016. I break up with a guy I'd been with for a year and a half. We had planned on getting married, but it just wasn't working. I call a friend suicidal. Try dating another guy in college. Send racy photos and cyber sex to some G@G guys. And end up at Stephen's house on Halloween, have a little alcohol, and end up in his bed. Wasn't even drunk.
This was 2 months after the break up. Things didn't go the way I wanted them at all. In fact, it went the complete opposite. And I wouldn't change a thing.
After Stephen and I talked the next night, it hit me like a train the following shift at work: I loved him. I couldn't believe it, but I recognized that mixture of emotion, intimacy, and trust instantly. And I hadn't felt it in nearly a decade.
I told Stephen I loved him after sleeping with him for 3 days. Yes, I know this is fucking insane, but this is legitimately what happened. We tell old peers we run into that we are together, and their eyes grow twice their size. Our friends still wonder how this happened. One of them actually accused Stephen of lying when he told them. We still look at each other sometimes and think "how the hell did this happen". It's a year later.
Ironically, I think the shock and audacity of the whole situation is why it worked. I didn't go in with expectations. I didn't go in hoping to fall in love. Nothing about this experience was preplanned or convoluted or anything. It went against every grain of my perfectionistic personality, and I loved it.
And strangely enough, we get along really well. We had a lot of things in common we never knew about, and he is one of the only guys I've dated that actually puts me first more than I put him first. He has his flaws and there are beliefs we don't agree on, but none of them are worth giving him up over. We're also different in a lot of regards. He's a gamer; I'm more athletic. He's super into politics; I buff in religion. He's a reclusive jack of all trades; I'm a people person. And yet, we complement each other great, and I can legitimately play "I love you more" with him, and mean it. We don't argue very often and hardly ever fight. We talk about everything, even if it's hard. And we always work things out. I guess one of the things I like most about Stephen is... he is living proof that I don't need something perfect to be happy.
I have never been this happy in my life. So why would I give this up for a supposed "soul mate"? It's not that I think Stephen is my soul mate—I know he's not. I guess the truth is, I've just become so happy that...
I don't really care.
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