I have a little story:
There is a guy, let's call him John, who didn't have much experience in long-term relationships. He also had a decent career and had his life together for the most part. He meets a woman through a group of friends, let's call her Beth, who also never had an LTR. They get along very well and form a relationship. He is more of a partying sort; thrives off of going out with friends to the pub, playing pool, drinking beer, and sometimes getting a little wild. She is more of the homebody sort; likes to stay home, watch TV, read, doesn't have many hobbies, introverted, and doesn't have many friends outside of the family. John seems to make friends easily and gets along with introverts because he has geeky hobbies like video games and anime, but also gets along with extroverts and can be loud and boisterous with the guys. He is a social butterfly and gets along with almost anyone. In this situation, it would seem that opposites attract.
John and Beth decide to have a kid (planned). Everything seems fine, although Beth secretly resents John for spending so much time with his buddies and not staying home with her as much. John wishes Beth would loosen up more, maybe go out with him, but he understands that is who she is and is fine with it. He fell in love with her for who she is, differences, flaws, and all.
After the child is born, Beth opens up that she is tired of John being so social. She feels it even more now that they have a child to take care of. Even though John doesn't go out as much as he used to, he still does so on occasion, it is just that Beth doesn't want him to go out at all and that causes a rift between them. It now seems like part of the reason Beth may have wanted a child was just to try and get John to "settle down". Eventually, they have a bad breakup.
John paid Beth child support under the table, but eventually, she took him to court because the payments weren't enough. John then got stuck with back child support for not making payments through the system (his previous under the table payments didn't count). John went through bouts of depression, even thoughts of suicide. He had to sell his car, move in with parents, and sell many of his possessions just to make ends meet. He rarely got to see his daughter and his daughter became more and more estranged to him due to Beth bad mouthing about John. She always wanted to fight John, they could barely get along even for the sake of the kid.
Fast forward a few years. John reconnects with an old short-term high school girlfriend, let's call her Mary. She has three kids from a past marriage. She is a strong, independent woman, who is an incredible mother who knows how to raise her children well. John eventually moved in with Mary. Mary helps John financially as he gets a new job in the area. John becomes a correctional officer and rises up the ranks quickly. John is still the same ol' John. He likes to play video games, go out with buddies, get drunk, smoke cigars, do man stuff, but he also helps Mary with the kids and even steps up to the role of being a father to them.
The difference here is that Mary doesn't want to change John. She treats him like a king and he treats her like a queen! John brags about their hot kinky sex life, and Mary jokes about John's larger than life and sometimes crude personality (farts, sexual jokes, goofy sense of humor, etc.) It is like they are meant for one another! There is no resentment, they go out of their way for one another, and they don't sweat the small stuff.
John got married to Mary after being together for 2 years. They are now expecting a child. Mary didn't really plan on having any more kids, she actually thought she would be done after the last one, but she decided to have a child with John because she loves him and wants to share that bond with him.
One could say that John was immature in his previous relationship. Maybe it took time for him to grow as a person, to learn from his past mistakes. John tells me never to settle for any woman, to not let a woman seek to control you and to try and change fundamentally who you are, that you will meet the right one for you who will support you and treat you like the moon and stars and it will drive you to become the greatest man you can possibly be for her. Maybe John did make some changes, and just like Steve Harvey mentions in the video, he just needed the right person like Mary, who is supportive and compatible, to make the right changes and feel the desire to make those changes.
(Depends on the changes right?)
What do you think about changing your partner in a relationship? Do you think the stereotypes are true that men love their woman the way they are and women tend to have high expectations and expect changes in their man? For men, have you ever had a woman try to change you or hold resentment against you and maybe it led to a breakup? What do you think about true compatibility and to what extent should a man or woman sacrifice and give their all for the sake of the relationship?
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