The walls of my life aren't just long in length, but their high in height. They were built because people would just pass by them and not bother to at least jump over. They were once a hedge.. a beautiful one, giving people the ability to go through and get to me emotionally. I learned the hard way that you shouldn't listen to those who say things to tell me what I want to hear. The vulnerability I showed thinking they care when it was obviously the opposite to caring.
These walls are now how I am, the height shows the amount of times I've gave my all and received nothing back. Whatever I did wasn't enough for them to stay, I gave all I could.... but got nothing back in return. I'm so tired of having to glue back my heart and try again, at that stage where not even the strongest glue would hold it together.
These walls are long in length because it shows how long I've dealt with it, how long I've been treated. These walls are the reason why I keep people away when they try to get close to me. It's the only way I know I won't get hurt. I still forgive but I never forget, but one thing for sure, I don't give chances as I used to.
As each brick goes on, these walls become harder to take control. Every word and action that I do is just natural and no thought goes into what I do because I'm at that point of giving up.
This high and long wall caused chaos when I finally met a guy. He was the one person that saw me shut down fully. I was fighting with my own self because by then the walls overcame the person I actually was. With the first few arguments we had I never said a word, I was thinking 'oh here we go again.'
But he never left.
He showed he was attempting to work with me, instead of against me like how most of done. These walls are still not fully broken. Years with him and still now I still have at least one part of the wall left. It takes work and to find someone like that, who is willing to stay.. leaves me speechless.
A person with these sort of walls that fall in love start to show their vulnerability again. The bricks of the wall start to crack and as each day passes, the unraveling shows the trust, care, love, and the chances you've given them. Underneath these bricks, there's a strong foundation that kept me going, the layers of concrete that hold doubt and distance is just a girl that has a heart that can be moulded for you.
Sometimes we have to break our own walls every once in a while to remember that there’s a whole other world behind these walls. There’s so much to see. So much to feel. So much to love.
Take the chance.
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