8 Relationship Red Flags You Need to Acknowledge

[LifeIsStrange13]

Well although my boyfriend still wants redemption my relationship has technically reached it's end.

So I want you guys to know a few red flags I have acknowledged but chosen to ignore along the way. If you see these things don't ignore them.

1. He's stingy with money

On our first date my train was cancelled and he offered a lift. I said I felt bad and said I could give him some petrol money, I only had a tenner and he accepted it. It takes half hour to get from him to mine. This was a running theme, once he got me some milk for when I stayed (I'm lactose intolerant) then asked me to pay for half of it. If he ever got me anything he brought it up weeks later to use against me or as a resentful passing comment.
Being cautious is a good thing, but you need to pay attention when he's not cautious with himself, only you.

2. He makes 'jokes' about things that aren't funny

I once said it would be nice to be made to feel special on Valentine's so he planned to take me away for a night. In conversation he said wouldn't it be funny if a couple took each other away each weekend for Valentine's. When a guy makes a joke like this that has no humour in it whatsoever he's playing mind games. He wants you to do something but doesn't want to suggest it because he knows you'll get mad or feel uncomfortable so when you do react like that he can say it was just a joke.

3. He makes everything your fault

He had multiple attempts at an audition video which he was working on and I text to ask how it was going (unaware that he was still trying to get it right), as he was in the middle of it this was the response I got back "Great, that was my one good run through, now I have to do it again." He had already blamed me for messing up a live audition because he drank coffee and stayed up playing games instead of rehearsing. I mentioned to him about rehearsing and he said it'll be ok I already know it, let's play my PlayStation and said about the coffee, but he insisted that he wanted it. If he can't admit when he's at fault then he's not mature enough for a relationship. Also instead of learning from his mistakes to avoid damaging his ego he puts it on you.

4. He disrespects other people

This could be anyone, a friend, family member or complete stranger. We were in Morrisons once and the guy serving us had a thick accent, so he decided to impersonate him right in front of him out loud. It was very rude and embarrassing. This was something he did a lot, he spoke his mind but in a way that he would say something even if it was offensive and they could hear it.

5. He disrespects you

He constantly looked at other girls, I don't mean glanced at attractive women, I mean stared. He turned his head so that he wasn't even listening to me. I remember once we went out and a group of young attractive girls were trying to shuffle their feet, the dance move he could do. So he did it to impress them, with me right in front of him. He also asked that I had unprotected sex (I'm not on BC) and told me that fucking and making love are the same thing. In relationships everyone experiences jealously or takes notice of attractive people still but there is a limit and if he's commited he shouldn't cross any boundaries.

6. He wants you to look a certain way or picks fault with your appearance

He'd always show me pics of women dressed in very scanty outfits (they were practically naked) that he had saved to his phone and asked me to dress like it for him. Role play is a bit of fun but when he's constantly asking you to dress up it's a bit of a concern. What was more concerning was that he kept these pics, I never had a problem with porn but saving images I thought was a bit too far.
He also thought that red hair was very hot so he asked me if I would ever go red. I was tempted but it doesn't suit me at all, also making suggestions is fine but not when it's not what you want too. Also he hated that I wore leggings and tried to get me to wear jeans all the time. He even said when I was going for dinner with his family, are you really going to wear those, it is a formal meal.

7. He doesn't make any effort to get on with your family and/or friends

He never asked anything about my family, he knew nothing about my parents or my sister's aside from what I told him and not because he asked. Even when they made him feel welcome and made an effort the conversation would always go back to him again because he had no interest in what anyone else was doing.

8. He can't take constructive criticism or even a joke if it feels like criticism

I once made a joke about him burning food. I have a very sarcastic sense of humour and me and my family always joke around about things like that. He knew it was a joke but instead of accepting it as one he got offended by it, saying my cooking was just as bad and I can do it myself then. I agreed that my cooking was just as bad and said I'd cook it. He hated that even more and when we got to the till in the supermarket he started repeating everything I was saying like a child and in a child's voice. It was extremely frustrating and I don't know any grown men that would do this. Having a laugh and joking around should be part of a relationship and if someone goes to far that should be made known so that the other can apologise. That's a healthy way of dealing with it.

There were plenty more signs but here's just a few to watch out for. This isn't to slate someone I've dated but to warn all of you guys that if you experience anything similar be extremely wary! Or just run. My relationship got so bad I was becoming suicidal and since coming out of it I haven't felt that way at all.

Be careful everyone!

[lordhossein]

i agree almost all but not with no 6: i think its good to tell your partner what you like so they can please you. i myself will tell my wife because i don't like to seek pleasure with anyone else, and really leggings is not suitable for a formal meeting, so its kinda critical opinion here

[Plumy]

Everything okay, my boyfriend is the opposite of all the points ✌

[Logorithim]

That's a toxic cocktail, but it's right on the money (pun intended)! Any one of these things taken individually would ruin a relationship, but #7 might not matter if you don't get along with your family yourself.

[Wollu]

1.) Men's money is seen by women as their money, when women's money is seen as their own money. This is a matter of fact. Sharing costs? Forget it. In my 20+ relationships it happened exactly 1 time that a woman offered to share the costs without being asked if she is willing to contribute.
2.) The blame game: Men know from experience, that women are innately passive agents. It's to be expected that they don't feel guilty for anything, because they aren't doing much. Whenever she did something wrong, there is a ton of excuses and blames to everything and everyone else than her. I seldom heard "I'm sorry, my fault". Probably 5 times in my life a woman apologized. It's more likely that the men have to take the blame for the sake of peace and harmony in the relationship.
3.) Constructive critisism: As long as it is constructive, no man would argue about it. But what you call critisism is for 90% nagging. Constructive critisism involves solutions. But when women start to critisize, they do it for the sake of complaining, not to offer a solution or alternative. She will critisize you to humiliate you and make herself feel more self-esteem. Because self-esteem is what women lack the most. They always try to get it by belitteling what men are doing.
4.) Respect: The princess attitude. Nobody deserves respect. Respect has to be earend. Many of my girls thought that their sheer presence alone is enough to be treatred respectfully. I never get the point of this kind of attitude. I can't respect body parts. If she wants to be respectged, she have to show that she earned it.
5.) Appearance: I was always asked by my girls about their looks. I never had a bad word, because I simply loved them as they are. They knew it and they still asked just for accusing me of being dishonest. So if you start to answer in a general and objective way, she critisizes you that she is not to your liking and why you are with her in the first place. A man can't win this game, no matter what he does.
6.) Humour: Women in general have not much humour. This ain't news. Just watch female comedians and you know what I'm talking about. Men are quite funny people. They make jokes about EVERYTHING. It's their way to overcome emotional problems. Unlike women, men do not cry and complain all of the time. Their tool of choice is sarcasm and irony. If you find something not funny (mostly jokes about women), don't complain. You just don't get the point.

[Imnotfeelingwell]

Everything you said is true , yet men will still date women like this. My question is why?

[Wollu]

@Imnotfeelingwell Thank you for your kind reply.
Men are born as empty vessels. They are worth nothing. They garner their value by doing things. The most valuable thing a man can do - an this is his innate destiny - is to care for women. His love is unconditional. Most men are validating themselves by what they do for their women and offsprings. It's their biological predetermination. It makes them suffer and die. Nature is simple to understand my dear. Eggs are expensive, sperm is cheap. One man can make 1000 children with 1000 women in a year. One woman normally have one child with one man in one year. So men are disposable from the reproduction perspective. Women are not. To compensate for this lack of importance, men create all sorts of stuff. If you take a look around yourself, all you can see, all you wear on your body, all you are using in your daily life and for your survival, is a result of men's efforts for women. That's why men are still dating.

[Imnotfeelingwell]

So if I can do everything for myself , I shouldn't need to date any man or anyone really , I should just be alone right?
And if you know this , that men try to find importance and meaning in other things, why date at All? Since you know it's just a way of validating yourself?

[Wollu]

@Imnotfeelingwell Of course you can do for yourself whatever you are able to do. But I think you won't, because your biological drive tells you to have a supplier and a protector and you want to have a comfy live. The entities that you need are represented by men, or since a few decades, the government. I think you prefer men, because you are a woman and women also need to gain control over their suppliers. Just for the sake of reducing some fears.
Me personally, I do not date anymore, because I understand women and I know how to validate myself. When I need sex, and this is quite often, I have to check my options. When I was married this was a little bit easier. But the rest is easier now.
Most men go the other way. They follow their destiny and get along with the need for a woman. Also okay. But as far as I'm informed, men like me are rapidly increasing in numbers. Maybe we are all bankcrupt :)

[Anonymous]

I agree with this all, cause he spunds like some arrogant, childish douche
But i don't think it's right that you think he can't make his jokes about Valentine's, even if they aren't funny, but you can about his cooking.
I think you both need to learn how to laugh & take criticism in a relationship.
Otherwise, im on your side, obviously. Glad you're free from that egoistic fool.

[LifeIsStrange13]

I see where you're coming from. I guess it was just because of the nature of the jokes he made. Like he joked about me filling up his car with petrol then going and paying for it. I just found it a little uncomfortable. Maybe very different senses of humour? I never minded when he joked about me being short or forgetful or a bit dim because I found it quite funny.
And thank you, I know I have my own flaws to work on too.

[Opinion Owner]

Yees I can see why you'd be uncomfortable with it, & like you said he probably has a different sense of humour (one that would match with a snarky girl lmao).
Ahh don't sweat it, we all have our flaws. As long as you're not on his level, it's fine😂

[UnaKaizen]

@wouldn't it be funny if a couple took each other away each weekend for Valentine's

i dot understand what he meant.

in my opinion, most of these are just bad. not just flags but id get out. good riddance :)

[LifeIsStrange13]

He wanted me to take him away too for Valentine's. I was planning on getting him a special gift but he felt if he was taking me away that I should be doing the same.

[UnaKaizen]

oh, well i dont think thats funny, i mean if its something he wanted i dont see why you guys couldnt have each taken each other away. its best to give gifts people want not stuff we want for them. anyhow sounds fair. unless he's like rich & you're poor. but i think most of the stuff was no good as far as being a boyfriend.

#1 if he was tight on money i can understand it. #2 itd be better if he told you directly but i dont see the idea as something that should make you mad.

the rest though no good.

[LifeIsStrange13]

No it wasn't funny. I agree with that, if he had told me he would have preferred me plan an experience for him as his gift I would of been ok with that but he never said what he actually wanted.

He was in a debt from gambling his money away in a casino, the thing is he bought things for himself he didn't need. Initially I was very understanding, I said fair enough and we split things in half and everything. It was when he told me he was tight for money and couldn't afford anything and then went and bought a £200 lightsaber.
He spends his money how he wishes but to say you can't afford things then go and splash that amount on something I feel contradicts it.

[SirRexington]

I didn't understand the not funny joke one or the insulting one. I tell jokes all the time that could be construed as offensive or dark. An I definitely insult people who I feel deserve to be insulted.

Guess I'm not dating material...

[LifeIsStrange13]

Oh no no, I mean when someone makes a comment saying they would like you to do something but turns it into a joke. So I could say, wouldn't it be funny if you cooked me food more often. It's not a joke, it's a way of saying I want you to do this for me but without directly saying it.
Having a dark sense of humour is not a bad thing at all and people all find different things funny. It's when it's not actually a joke but more of a suggestion.

[SirRexington]

I've never heard a person talk like that before. That's weird, it's like passive aggressive.

[Nathaiel]

No offense but I feel like in this case, the guy is just plainly an asshole. Anyone who treats their special someone like a sack of potatoes should be dumped and you should get a guy who actually knows how to treat a girl right... It sickens me to hear of such a guy as this. People like that deserve to be alone

[Bananaman177]

Absolutely none of this matters.

The only thing that matters is that a guy is tall and attractive, then women will ignore ANY red flag.

Then they'll write a MyTake about how important personality is. . .

Then they'll hook up with the very next physically attractive man who'll have them, screw his brains out first and wonder what kind of person he is later.

[LifeIsStrange13]

Well he wasn't considered that attractive by anyone I spoke to who knew him or anyone I knew.
I just get attached very easily and believe everyone has some good in them.

I never slept with him until we were exclusive either. It still didn't matter that I waited.
Some guys just aren't ready for a commitment, which is fine until the girl realises they aren't. It's difficult to see it when you're smitten with someone.

Not all woman sleep around then get to know a guy after, just like not all guys do that.

[Goochbreaker]

These are all good, but there are bigger red flags in my opinion. Like someone being on online dating while you are together, or getting drunk with the opposite sex after midnight without you

[LifeIsStrange13]

I completely agree! I've caught an ex on a dating site before after being together for a year. It's not a good sign... One thing I will say though is that they're a nightmare to delete. I've had trouble getting off of them before.

[Goochbreaker]

it's really easy to turn off notifications and emails from that site, and honestly it's also pretty fking easy to delete any of these accounts. Wanna know how? Go to google, and type in, how do I delete (insert name of dating site here) account? Follow instructions.

0.0 don't make excuses

[LifeIsStrange13]

No I agree with that, turning off notifications is easy. Ok fair point, fair point.

[bellybuttonlint]

To be honest... some of these signs you can see before the relationship starts. You should be able to tell even from the first few dates... natural personality is just so difficult to hide.

[LifeIsStrange13]

I agree, I'm just such a plant pot haha. I tend to ignore these things because of past bad experiences and think well maybe it's just me being overly analytical. They deserve a chance, then I give too many chances. It's my own fault too of course, I put myself into it, just need to learn when it's not right and to walk away.

[Swiss_Tengu]

Despite the usage of the all so popular but simply annoying term "red flag" and being another list-post, these points are actually valid. That is, since they are simply common sense and knowledge. Those who write such advise probably would have needed it themself the most before. It is rather concerning how many of these posts there are. Do so many people lack common sense?

[azzntittiz]

That's why I'm single, I avoid men who show those signs, and it's so many of them.

[Sexy_Steve]

Women are much worse

[LifeIsStrange13]

@Sexy_Steve woman can exhibit these signs too! I just put 'he' because that was my experience with a man.

[PecanPie]

Being disrespected by your partner should be a red flag always. Your partner is supposed to love you, show kindness and understanding. They're not supposed to make fun of you and your appearance either. Those are bad signs.

[lord_chilled]

And THAT guy got a girlfriend 😐🙏.
You know, no offence to you, and your take is well written, but sometimes i feel as if girls are enabling such behaviour.

Why didn't you dump this guy earlier?
Actually, how did he even get you in a relationship with him in the first place?

Girls, you gotta stop dating these dbags.

Girls complaining about guys like this, is like seth McFarlane complaining about SJW's.

[LifeIsStrange13]

Haha, no no you're right. Honestly I'm the biggest idiot. I suffer from low self esteem so I just kept taking it and taking it thinking that he would eventually change. I get so invested in people that I end up doing all the chasing and everything. Then I worry if someone doesn't like me back.
I'm trying my best to be a bit harder and set some boundaries. I think I need to have more confidence in myself too, I'm lacking there.

Do you have any advice of what I could do to prevent myself from getting so involved again? 🤔

[lord_chilled]

Im really sorry.
I didn't wanna be mean.
You know, im no one to talk, i was with a manipulative girlfriend, and i was pretty much the same as you.
I can relate to this, i apologize if i upset you

[lord_chilled]

As for advice, you are on the right path , trying to be a bit harder. Setting boundaries, is good, but you will have to keep enforcing those boundaries because guys will keep trying to push and break them.

And if the guy stays despite your resistance (without throwing a fit, and getting upset) you will find that he is in for something serious.

Also, its pretty brave to accept you have a bit low seld esteem, so work on that as well, instead of only focussing on the relationship part.
And by that, i will give some unorthodox advice. Dont put yourself out of your comfort zone and do a lot of "confidence building" things.
Do whatever makes you happy amd ehat you love doing. Spend time woth the people you are closest and most open with. When you do that, you keep on recieving positive energy and that helps yoir confidence. Well, it kinda did, for me.

Good luck.

[LifeIsStrange13]

No it's ok, I appreciate your honesty. When you fall for someone it's really hard to see all of this until you're away from that person.
I'm not upset, I think sometimes this is what I and some others need to hear so that we can all find someone who treats us right 😊
I'm sorry to hear that you've been in a similar situation yourself. I hope that you feel better now that you are out of it.

[lord_chilled]

Lol you are right. My friends did this to me for a long time.
But i didn't listen. Was too much in love, and it made me blind. She was also my first girlfriend, so i always wanted her to be my one and only so i just looked past any and all red flags.

Well, at some point you have to wake up and face reality. Sometimes you happen to be the one in the lame relationship.
It happens, but its up to us to leave it.

And it took a while to get over the relationship, but im okay now.
I dont regret it, i think i learned a lot. I especially learned a lot of what i DONT want in a partner 😂😂.

But im no longer any resentful. I think despote the bad thinhs, there were still good times and good moments. But its fine and i can look back at it as a part of my life thats over now.

There was a denial phase, an angry phase, a resentment phase, and now im free of it all.

If you feel like you are stuck in any of those emotions, just let it be. It will pass. Just make sure not to let the negativity get to you

[Anonymous]

Hopefully he doesn't have all of these red flags at once! And context is always important to keep in mind.

[LifeIsStrange13]

Mine did but I agree, the situation is important too. I'm not perfect myself, I have many flaws to work on.

[JimRSmith]

This guy sounds like a narcissistic prick, and is one to kick to the kerb.

Well done for realising this!

[Anonymous]

This is applicable for non-romantic relationships too. My dad does a lot of these

[raspberry0416]

He sounds terrible. I have no idea why you were with him.

[LifeIsStrange13]

Well he kept promising me he would change... it happened for a while then he reverted back.
Think maybe I should of realised earlier.

[raspberry0416]

Well, you live and you learn. I know it's hard to dump someone when you have a bond with them.

[Safa_Malfoy]

wow this was very informative

the guy in #8 is a prick

[LifeIsStrange13]

Thank you.

Oh they're all the same guy haha, he did all of these things.

[Safa_Malfoy]

that man deserves to burn in the worst place in hell for making anyone go through all of that

[red_knight]

These are all signs of a doomed irreparably damaged relationship, the only thing you left out was distrust..

[LifeIsStrange13]

We had a bit of that in there too...
There was hardly any trust left.

[red_knight]

Two options, have a talk, discuss these things and try regaining each others trust and live, or do nothing and watch it end.. I bitterly learned this the hard way.. Love fades its trust that is lost...

I'm sorry and hope this helps

[Waffles731]

You forgot the biggest one, has the corpse of their last SO, in their basement

[LifeIsStrange13]

Hahaha, ok that made me chuckle 😂
I think I may have run if that was the case...