If you have read my previous MyTakes you probably know about my toxic relationships in the past, both relationship-wise and friendship-wise. I have to offer some tips to those who maybe don't know they are in a toxic relationship. Maybe you are just curious about what it is. I'm much younger than the majority of you here, but I still hope you find this MyTake useful!
I am sorting the points from the most obvious to the least obvious signs.
1. You feel like something isn't right
Usually, your gut feeling will guide you to the right paths in life. If you are in a relationship or friendship and your gut is constantly telling you something is wrong, you really should rethink the situation.
2. They find ways to get away with being cruel
Some people just want to tell you what they feel inside, but they really can't because they are your "partner" or "friend". For example, if you put on a dress or t-shirt and you tell yourself in front of your partner or friend "I look really fat in this", and they reply with "yes, you are... lol just kidding", signs are, the person probably intended to hurt you. Again, this depends on the situation. If you cross off point one and the criticism happens, you're probably in a toxic relationship. Your friends and partner should understand your insecurities and not enhance them, but make you feel better about yourself.
3. They disrespect you several times, even in front of other people
So my parents were always pretty strict when it came to dating and after-school activities. They wanted and still want me to be home at a certain time to go to bed at a decent time. They also want me to do well in school and study, which is cool. I had this guy friend who wanted to hang out alone, but I said I couldn't because my parents wouldn't like it very much. He got angry and told in front of my friends that my parents were strict and they didn't give me any freedom. I just felt insulted. If someone really likes you, they will respect every inch of you. Not only that, he kept asking to do things alone when I said I couldn't. His excuse? "Well, I'm thinking they must trust me by now."
4. Other people might tell you what you're thinking
If you're having thoughts of doubt, you might find yourself being told by your friends these exact thoughts. You might be thinking "why did he/she say that in front of/to me?", "why are they acting this way?", "Am I really happy?", and this is just a good example of one of those situations. Once I thought I could really do better than this person, and both my best friend and mom told me shortly after.
5. People close to you notice things you don't
This one is similar to #4. If people come to you and say you don't look happy, you might be shocked. Some people, like me, were or are blinded by love and are incapable of analyzing their darkest and deepest thoughts. Your body language says it all, however, and you often don't get away with it. My friends told me I didn't look happy in situations I wasn't even aware of. So keep both ears open and listen to your friends and family!
6. You find yourself changing too much for the person
A positive change for someone is healthy and an obvious sign of love. However, changing too much, and becoming a completely different person so drastically and you can't even recognize yourself in the mirror, something is very wrong. You'll lose yourself along the way and you will only be satisfying your friends/partner, not you. If people can't accept the way you are, they are never worth it anyway. If someone's gotta change anything, it's their attitude.
7. You feel like the relationship/friendship is pointless
You have no common interests. You feel like crap sometimes, maybe even most of the time. You are feeling some kind of responsibility to stay with them, or maybe you are too afraid to get rid of toxic people. Trust me, it's easier said than done. Toxic people will have some kind of influence on you for some time after the break-up. They will still try to make you jealous, or they will pretend you never existed. This is the time for you to shine, get back on your feet and change BACK to the person you once were.
8. You always long for better times and better people
Since you are in this toxic relationship, all you want is to be happier and seriously every single person you meet on the street is attractive enough to get to know. You feel like you want to meet new people, do other things or be even be alone. Basically, you want a change. If you were in a good relationship you would never want to get away from it, unless absolutely nothing is good enough for you.
- But... how can you avoid/get out of a toxic relationship/friendship? -
Here are several things you can do to avoid getting into a toxic relationship or getting out of one. In advance, I really hope you enjoyed this MyTake!
- Think about what kind of relationship you want (what kind of person makes you happy? What do people do/what have they done to make you unhappy? Stick to the list and check them off when you meet someone!)
- Think about relationships you've had (what kind of people have you befriended/dated before? Were you happy? How did the relationship end? Was it on good or bad terms?)
- Stand up for yourself and make sure everyone you meet knows who and how you are so they will never have the balls to try and change you
- Listen to your gut and be observant to red flags, because they didn't just appear from nowhere
- Never be afraid to tell someone you trust about your doubts/feelings and their opinions. It may save you from a lot of drama and over thinking!
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