You Don’t Need to be Perfect to Find a Partner

For the longest time in my life I thought I had to be perfect to deserve love — specifically romantic love, sex and a relationship.

What I see a lot around here and in real life is people who struggle to find partners thinking the same — if I’m not absolutely perfect, no one will ever want me. I need to be perfect emotionally (can’t get attached, can’t be too distant), physically (need to look like a model, can’t have any flaws) and mentally (can’t be depressed, anxious, or too stressed).

You Don’t Need to be Perfect to Find a Partner

Although it is good for us to be in a relationship when we’re feeling our best, it’s not necessarily true that you need to be perfect to have a partner. You are human, you have flaws and believe me, so does everyone else including people in relationships. I thought love would never happen to me — I felt unstable, thought I wasn’t attractive enough, felt like I was too crazy and complicated to be loved.

You Don’t Need to be Perfect to Find a Partner

Yet one day I met someone. He was far from perfect too. He is skinny and small framed and I always said I liked big guys. I am dark haired, and he’s always had a thing for blondes. He is a chemical engineer, I thought I’d never date someone in the same field as me because we would never have time for each other. I am emotional and like to pick fights, he said he would never want more drama in his life.

But we accepted each other for who we were and we lived really beautiful moments together. Flaws and all.

You Don’t Need to be Perfect to Find a Partner

So no, you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to look like an athlete or an instagram model. You don’t have to be in perfect shape in all aspects of your life. You just have to want to improve and make things work. And obviously, you have to find someone who takes your flaws like you take theirs.


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Most Helpful Guys

  • Right on.
    And a homework assignment for the skeptics...
    Go to the mall on your day off, sit on a bench or seat in the busiest main hall, and watch the couples walking by. Most people are amazed at the imperfect people they see, walking hand in hand with some other imperfect person, just happy and gleeful.
    Yes, there's a someone for everyone. You generally just have to get over yourself. :)

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  • Well nobody is perfect but you can’t completely lack physical attraction or things in common. The person can’t be toxic either. You’re just settling at that point.

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    • True! There needs to be attraction and compatibility, but my point is that you don’t have to look like Scarlett Johansson to be considered attractive and you don’t have to complete each other’s sentences to be compatible. This seems obvious but it was something I needed to hear when I was younger.

    • Agreed. I’m just saying I’ve gone in dates where the girl was cool but not physically attractive or they were really cute but boring or even toxic. Now boring doesn’t mean toxic but being with someone who’s toxic takes a toll on you.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I am physically very gorgeous but I am not emotionally well in my social and love life. Still I want to find someone special and someone as a physical beauty as me who I can share my life with with their shit, flaws and everything else. Just as long this person loves me for me and he can take my issues and baggage too.. He can even heal those issues that I have inside of me.. Can I be able to find that certain person?

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  • No you do not need to be perfect to find a partner. But you do need to be realistic. If you are poor do not expect someone rich. If you are ugly do not expect someone good looking. If you are old do not expect someone much younger. If you are boring do not expect someone outgoing and chatty. If you are lazy do not expect someone hard working.
    A lot of the people who come to me with relationship problems - for psychic insight and therapy - are unhappy about their status because they expect someone who has far more to offer than them. One lady was in her 70s, quite ugly and boring, no job skills money, but would only consider dating a rich handsome man with a great job and red sports car. I doubt he would have bothered with her grand daughter let alone her.

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    • What if I think I'm ugly, but not actually, and the other person is good looking? Should I give up then? How would someone know if they are ugly or beautiful?

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What Guys Said 22

  • Very, very good point. We shouldn't expect perfection from our partners, yet we're constantly bomarded of images that someone else wants us to think are perfect people because they want to sell us something or get us to believe something.

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  • "You don't need to be perfect to find a partner"

    True.

    In fact, for men the worse you become, the more attractive you become. Neck tattoos, violence, abuse - all irresistible to women. Just look at the scumbag trash losers they VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

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  • How perfect you need to be depends on how high you set the bar for your partner. The spirit of your take is correct though :)

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  • You don't have to be perfect, but for men (and maybe women too, I don't know I'm not a woman) you have to BELIEVE you're perfect.

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  • Unless you're me. I have to be perfect to find someone because I ain't got any luck yet and it's been fucking 21 and a half years

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  • Truuu
    u dont need to b perfect, u just need to be better looking than his engineer friends and the group of women who would date him

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  • ok true but sum times it never hapoes to people that mite have looked there whole life even though they are nice an dont have major hang ups

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  • You have to be good enough though. "There's somebody for everybody" is just a meme.

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  • Nobody's perfect. Just look at all couples you see.

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  • good take

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  • You just need to be physically attractive

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  • I know I'm not perfect. Where's my partner?

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  • A bitch doesn't. A guy does

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    • Well, if I had to define my idea definition of perfect, it would be as long as he is kind, respectful, loyal, etc., but I would't judge a guy if he wasn't perfect. His personality just has to appeal to me, but I guess that would also my idea of "perfect".

  • I am perfect.

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  • What about finding the perfect partner

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  • you don't need to be perfect, but, you need to be perfect to THEM

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  • I'd rather work to lessen my perfections before entering another relationship. It beats having them thrown back in my face when she looks to date or leaves for someone "better"

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  • Congrats on being lucky.

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  • If he's an engineer he's rich so most chicks will tolerate his flaws.

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  • If you're handsome and muscular, that's the most important thing for a man

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What Girls Said 8

  • This is absolutely right!

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  • No, you don't need to be perfect. You just need to find someone who doesn't have a set of standards or doesn't strictly follow it.

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  • Truuuuu. People go way too hard on themselves these days. Take it easy, you're alright!

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  • Great take

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  • Nice take

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  • Kewl

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  • but your partner will think tht you are prfect
    that is love

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  • Yeah when I look at the girl my boyfriend dumped me for, she’s pretty much the ugliest fart I have ever seen. So it is possible for everyone to be in a relationship

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    • So he downgraded then? Had to laugh @ " she’s pretty much the ugliest fart I have ever seen. "

    • @FatherJack I don’t like to say that because saying she is a downgrade would be comparing her to myself and I hate to make it sound like I think that highly of myself. She’s just like uglier than everyone else I’ve ever seen. And I’m not saying that put of anger or jelousy, initially I thought he was dating her best friend and found her super beautiful.

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