Why Are Guys Jerks? Why Do Girls Only Date Jerks?

Why Are Guys Jerks? Why Do Girls Only Date Jerks?

Some of my friends (girls) ask why guys are jerks. Other friends (guys) ask why girls only get involved with jerks. And I sit back and roll my eyes every time.


The dating and relationship climate is a soiled one that perpetuates a bad cycle. A lot of men treat girls like shit (I’m just being honest) I didn’t say all men, but I am saying quite a bit; enough for many women to presume that men are jerks! Many of us play girls, manipulate them, and stay somewhat detached while doing so. And men do so because quickly they're led to believe that being sincerely thoughtful of you gets them know where. Despite the current mainstream platform of feminism, many of us truly believe that in respecting women (at least too much) we run the risk of losing respect from them. And women are constantly being taken advantage of, hurt, even left with children; and to no surprise they cry out, “Where are all the nice guys!”


While this tragic scene is happening in the women’s lives, nice guys are indeed around. But too often, nice guys get ignored by girls and eventually turn into jerks. They do this because young women repeatedly mess around with the jerks they later complain about, and the nice guys watch this after having been rejected. And one must understand how confusing it must be when you put all your effort to show respect for someone and that effort be ignored and deviousness and narcissism preferred. Ladies, I’m not saying all women do this, but I am saying quite a bit; enough for many men to presume that all women are vain and superficial.

Why Are Guys Jerks? Why Do Girls Only Date Jerks?Why Are Guys Jerks? Why Do Girls Only Date Jerks?

And the problem both men and women experience is all self-induced. Most women, in their youth, enjoy a great deal of automatic, unearned attention by the opposite sex. Because of this most women don’t need to interesting, exciting, or charming. All they have to do is look half-decent, be friendly, and show up to wherever men are. That’s all. This entitled, privileged attitude is the basis for the issue men face and it’s men's own doing. It is then easy to understand how “privileged” girls may ignore the hopes and feelings of a genuinely nice guy.

Why Are Guys Jerks? Why Do Girls Only Date Jerks?

And because of this, nice guys who actually bother to treat women with kindness and proper respect are shortlisted or just treated badly period. Therefore it is no surprise that many nice guys eventually stop being nice. It’s not because they’re not getting sex. That is too quick, presumptuous, and surface level of a reason. No, at the core, it's because they ultimately feel they aren’t being respected. Men want respect. They like to be treated with respect and feel like a man.

Why Are Guys Jerks? Why Do Girls Only Date Jerks?

After being mentally broken down, realization and reality hits, and girls stop messing around and try to find love in a real place (real physically and real mentally). But sadly few if any nice guys remain. All that does remain is hatred on both sides. Many men are left feeling women are superficial and vain; and so women are left single or, worse, being single moms. Many women are left feeling no man can be trusted and so men are left being hated and stereotyped as dogs from birth. But the reality is no one is born a dog or born with their heads too far in the clouds to appreciate sincerity. No we condition each other into being terrible human beings because we're all obscenely immature, children in adult bodies perusing relationships with the emotional and mental maturity of infants.

Women, when some men come to hate women as a group, there is a reason for it. Genuinely nice guys who treat women with sincere kindness and respect are routinely rejected or given the infamous friend zone for men who are more aggressive and domineering. Men, when some women come to hate men as a group, there is a reason. it is because they are time and time again led around, hurt, and played by men. It's insidious and disgusting when men treat women as things to be played, because it ultimately leaves the woman as a fractured mess. And it is insidious when women get to the point that they have more self-esteem than they have common sense, because it breeds a social climate a climate of insincerity and games; because you become so unapproachable that men become the crooked politicians of relationships--learning to be, behave, and say things that are alluring and exciting but are ultimately nothing short of rehearsed, insincere, and counterfeit.


In short, both sexes create the monsters they lament about later. Men and women both need to check their privilege and be careful about the focus of hatred, because that which they hate is ultimately their own doing.

But this is just my take. I'm curious to know other's opinions.

Why Are Guys Jerks? Why Do Girls Only Date Jerks?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • i think girls go after attractive guys and who are good at socializing in groups... Who wouldn't want that? While they judge base off of the books cover they didn't realize that inside the book with their characteristics where shallow like them choosing that guy (or girl).
    I dont why in high school people get emotionally attached to people they liked base off of looks and flings.
    . i dont agree on the part of girls just have to look half decent to get attention.. I believe base off of social scenes its different. agreed that humans are both monsters as well.(depending on maturity levels)

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  • The thing is that most of those "nice guys" and "nice girls" are hypocrites. They are annoyed of people wanting to date good looking people but they themsleves often do the same. Most of those people are hella picky and also ignore the nice people. Also "wanting respect" is no excuse for getting angry at people just because you're not their type. When someon is only nice to someone until he finds out that the person isn't interested in him then they're NOT nice but just acted like it to get the girl/guy. I also wanted to point out that not all man who have confidence are jerks. Loving yourself isn't something bad but something important. Sure it can go to far but girls can be just as narcissistic as guys. by the way. did you know that most cheaters are girls not guys?

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    • I agree.

      I think if we're mature about it we'll all look in the mirror and take accountability. I think it's easy to use someone else's behavior to defend your own; but that's ultimately a copout. Plus, if someone has that much control over you that their actions dictate yours than they have more control over you than you do over yourself.

Most Helpful Guys

  • If you're a nice guy who's unattractive you won't get girls and if you're a nice guy who is attractive and humble about your looks forget it dude you will get girls left and right.

    Also most hot girls don't like jerks... they like strong men who have good social skills and seem unohased by rejection. Bad boys or jerks just go from girl to girl and if a girl says "no" he doesn't cry, he is just like "her loss I'm awesome" and moves on without making a fuss. Other women take notice of this and feel there's more to this guy than they thought.

    This guy is fearless, fun to be around and most importantly is NOT CLINGY.

    Vs the nice guy who is pretty much asking for validation with his attitude. "Ohh look I'm doing everything you like just so you like me"

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    • Yea thats basically what i said in comments above

    • This is the best answer I've hear so far. It's actually what I believe. I prompted this discussion to get everyone thinking about it, using words like "entitled" "bad boy", etc to get people to respond earnestly. But personally this is my real, full on, no holds bar take.

      1) Girls don't like bad boys, jerks, or assholes. Girls like the qualities that "bad boys" have over the ones "nice guys have"

      2) Many times girls reject "nice guys" they do it because the nice guys aren't actually all that nice. They're only nice because they believe it will get them a relationship. If you're being nice with an agenda, then you're not nice

      3)"Bad boys" are unreactive. They don't get hung up on things. Just think about it. We all go to see bad ass protagonists like James Bond at the movies because they're so cool. They'll walk (not run) from an explosion. What if instead Bond ran cowardly away tripping over his feet. You probably wouldn't pay to see the sequel, lol.

    • I've tested this myself, I'm a very nice person to everyone and its mostly the clingyness. If you tell a girlstuff that make you seem independent that makes you attractive. If you text her none stop like "good morning , how are you, how was your day" this is a surefire way to get ignored if you are truly busy with work and you answer late with a reply like" I was in a meeting from work, listen I'm free this Friday lets go get a coffee and talk for a bit" works wayy better

  • I've never been a bad boy. I've always been a goofy, silly, child-like nerd of a man, at least since the end of adolescence, at least. I have run into women who have psychiatric issues and keep compulsively choosing abusive men. I have run into stupid women, too. Funny thing, since I first started having serious interest in women, I have never been unattached for any period longer than 6 months, if I have been seriously looking. Think about that, for DECADES, I've never had any dry spell lasting longer than 6 months, and that INCLUDES bangy-bangy fuckee-suckee yummy-happy-fun-time.

    I'm a nerd. I'm a flat-out nerd. I'm Urkel's life coach! Maybe your problem is you.

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    • Lol, perhaps. But again, I'm not asking this question personally. I'm asking because I hear it so often. I wanted to prompt a discussion about this. Me personally, I get numbers, get attention; just the other night I met a girl downtown who gave me her number and asked if she could come back to my place. In college, girls would invite me to their places, touch my arms or ask to touch my chest, invite me to their place to cook for me. I'm gluten intolerant and one girl even baked me a gluten free cake and bought wine and invited me to her place. But I get the nerd thing. I'm a microbiologist, studied molecular and cellular biology in school. I love knowledge. I love knowing things. And one thing I'm curious about is why each sex constantly demonizes the other without ever considering to look in the mirror and consider that often we participate as contributors to the things we complain about.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Clicked on this expecting a piss poor white knight article.
    Was extremely pleased my expectations were not met, and this wasn’t another GaG Take on how superficial women are and how they want much more out of their partners and blah. Thanks for writing this, was a pleasure to read.

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    • Thanks. I hear guys blame women for our behavior all the time, but I think whenever we blame others, we should never forget to consider looking in the mirror. I’m always hearing guys shaming girls for having sex, as if it were illegal for them to have a libido.

      I think, because of our many people's immaturity, we unknowingly act as contributors to our own problems. Instead of villainizing the other sex, we should try to empathize. You can’t have a conversation with someone if you close yourself off to them, writing them off as the problem; and you can’t repair problems with someone without having a conversation. No one likes being rejected, but I've told my friends that the institution of slavery has ended; no one is obligated to do what they don't want, and that includes being with someone they don't want to be with.

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    • He didn't say we're superficial. He said we're privileged/entitled and that men are jerks because we essentially MAKE them this way. Because of course, secretly us gals LOVE being treated like sh*t, therefore men are led to believe that being kind "gets them nowhere". Basically men and women hate each other because women are actually idiots. You see what he did there? He's quite the sneaky monkey.

    • @cgray214 What? I hope your kidding. I personally don't think any of these terms--entitled, privledged, or superficial-- bad boy, deuce bag--are accurate. I'm using those words to make a point. Those words are the current vernacular used to define both sexes. My point is you can't define both sexes by those words nor can you villainize one or the other sex, nor can you blame one sex for the debacle of the current relationship culture. I'm saying we all have to take accountability for it because we all, as a whole, participate as contributors to the debacle. Slandering one sex or the other doesn't fix the problem, it perpetuates it. That's the point, and that's why I made sure to use those terms, to emphasize the results of not empathizing but only demonizing and blaming the other sex. False labeling, bitterness, and perpetuation of it all... I hope that helps? I'm not trying to defame women below the radar; that actually defeats the purpose of the article.

  • Not really. I have another reason that seems to make more sense to me.

    A lot of girls at a young age, let’s say the school years, when a boy picks at a girl they would go to their friends and ask why would he do that and they would say “he’s mean to you because he likes you”

    So basically, a lot of girls believe that being an asshole is a sign of love. They think when a person shows that kind of attitude their feelings are more “truthful” than the ones who are kind because sometimes kind people tend to hide their true feelings to not hurt a person.

    Other reasons could be that girls don’t see themselves in a healthy relationship. They can’t imagine themselves being in a relationship where it’s stable and give them the love they actually needed. They’re either used to so much abuse because of the trauma they may have in the past and so they settle in shit relationships. There’s this saying that goes by, “we accept the love we think we deserve”.

    There’s so many other reasons I have in mind but I’m too lazy to write them all down lmao

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    • Damn, I like this. lol.

    • I will say though that there have been girls who've complained about some of the girls I've been with and said, "Real girls finish last." But I get the point and agree. Also, totally agree about a lot of nice guys not actually being that nice. Sometimes, they're only nice because they think by being nice they'll get a relationship or sex. If you're being nice with an agenda, then you're not actually nice. I forgot how funny Jenna Marbles was!

    • Takes a phony to know a phony

  • I think what you said is partly true and that it does effect how people act to each other. It does happens way to often, but just because someone did something to you doesn't change the fact that at the end of the day everyone is responsible for what they do and how they handle a situation they are given.

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    • I just want to be clear though. I'm saying we use that as an EXCUSE for how we act toward each other. I think if we're mature about it we'll all look in the mirror and take accountability. I think it's easy to use someone else's behavior to defend your own; but that's ultimately a copout. Plus, if someone has that much control over you that their actions dictate yours than they have more control over you than you do over yourself.

    • I might have read it wrong sorry

  • So tired of men always preaching this bullcrap about women. Oh she's not attracted to me, so that must mean she's into jerks is what i see all the time.

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  • "And it is insidious when women get to the point that they have more self-esteem than they have common sense"

    Probably your best sentence. I'm not saying people don't influence each other, but we're all responsible for our actions. No one can make you do anything if you haven't already flirted with the idea. Women are not to blame for men's woes nor men for women's. Writing another take on how you are being pushed into some kind personality or another is just another way of abdicating responsibility. No buddy, you are responsible for you. You ultimately seek out the women who are like this. Like attracts like, so if you constantly run into women who are vain, superficial, and have no common sense, it's time to look in the mirror.

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  • All we can do is be ourselves. Guys who feel this way lack confidence, and girls who act this way lack genuine value.

    If more women would refuse to put up with being treated poorly by men, then more men would treat us better. It’s the weak and superficial girls who allow this to happen.

    I have no sympathy for girls who objectify themselves, and then get mad at men for treating them like objects. If you don’t want to be treated like an object, then don’t dress and act like one; stupid bitches.

    Regardless, there will always be good and evil. Head games are head games, regardless of what the majority is doing.

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  • We don't only date jerks. You just label every guy we date who isn't you a jerk to justify your dating failures.

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  • No one goes willingly to bad boys. They were all nice at the start. The niceness was never real in some cases.

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    • @Warmapplecrumble In my country, some do, or so it seems. The most attractive guys here seem to be the roughest, while the nice guys and the Christians seem to be the least popular.

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  • As much as women complain about bad men women complain about the bad girls. Both a pretty horrendous at times and really should avoid relationships all together. Nice isn’t a problem at all, most women want that, if you’re a dick she’s gonna leave. That’s what they don’t understand their version of nice isn’t a nice friendly laidback dude, but generally too invested and way too extreme for their liking. It’s also not sincere because a nice dude is a nice dude, but the “nice guy” will only be polite so he can get his dick sucked. Girls can tell.

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    • In my opinion, this is kind of a cultural trope that was never corrected. Women, unfortunately don't have this "sixth sense", it's just an old stereotype (woman's intuition). Just like it is a stereotype that all men want is to get laid. So it relates to biases we intuit from stereotypes and Attribution Theory more than it does to any real-world dynamic.

      Attribution Theory is the theory that everyone assigns motivations and characteristics to the actions of others. Everyone makes assumptions about the motives of other's behavior, even when there isn't one.

      Women who I wasn't interested in have leveled this accusation at me, "You're just trying to get in my pants," when really it was just human decency and friendliness. Or I legit thought they were good conversation without being attracted to them. And it's also true that acting cold, aggressive or unengaged as a man gets you a lot more interest from women. I don't care to speculate on why, but it works.

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    • @Dchrls78104 You realize women can be Christian right?

    • @SaintJonesy Exactly my point.

  • Interesting, thank you

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  • Where dumb

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  • Unfortunately girls mistake "jerkdom" for confidence. Confidence in and of itself is a good thing but it is often misinterpreted for something it's not. Most confident guys don't need to advertise it and girls don't seem to pick up on this. So they gravitate towards the extroverted douche that shower them with attention, compliments and (sometimes) fake interest. This may somewhat explain all the unhappy women out there. So yes, there is evidence that at least SOME women like jerks.

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  • I trully believe that guys are shallow jerks that are only interested in looks...
    They all want to date someone better looking than them. Even overweight guys

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    • Wauw, you didn't comprehend one thing in the whole take.

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    • Sigh.. It's funny how likes is a preacher of truth.
      "In short, both sexes create the monsters they lament about later. Men and women both need to check their privilege and be careful about the focus of hatred, because that which they hate is ultimately their own doing" - We can keep defending our own gender, and mock/blame the other. But it isn't really beneficial for either of us, nor a great way of improving.

    • @Stokes Are you serious? An ugly girl will be treated like rubbish by every single guy, regardless of their attractiveness or "status." If an ugly girl even asks for a pen from a guy he will get all creeped out and think she was hitting on him when she wasn't. It's all just down to male entitlement.

      Even some of my closest male friends act this way and they're the nice type of guys.

  • Why do the good guys go after the “bad bitches” and girls with no personality?

    That should answer your question.

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    • Because they like the "excitement" the bad person brings. The good person does not provide such and is "boring".

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    • @Dchrls78104 The same can be said for girls who go after the "jerks". I myself don't like bad guys. I like good-quality guys. Good guys, just like good girls, can still be exciting. In fact, I find more excitement from being with a guy who has his life together, is a gentleman, traditional romantic, goes out of his way to make me happy and makes me a priority than being with a "bad guy" with a long criminal record, has no goals/aspirations, has no manners, is disloyal, probably has at least one STD, looks ghetto and trashy, etc.

    • @OpinionOwner You seem to be a rarity. The "bad bitches" I have seen to be more common. They are generally of a silly, foppish, and puerile mindset. I consider myself too old for them. Fortunately, they don't want guys like me anyway. I am one guy who doesn't need the kind of "excitement" or anything else that these have to offer. Peace and quiet are more valuable to me than glitz and glamour, lots of money, or a beauty queen.
      "What we can see is temporary.
      What we can't see lasts forever."

  • Cool beans.

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  • Nice my take

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What Guys Said 27

  • I'd be interested to know how it is you think Nice Guys "respect" women. It's usually the case that these dudes have a pretty severely skewed idea of what respect means, and that's what turns women off.

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    • Sorry, I posted this under the Bill Russel GIF on accident.

      HungLikeAHorsefly (I love your name by the way, it had me rolling) I agree with you. I was just focusing on two of the most common presumptions (possible misconceptions) you hear people say about the opposite sex.

      But I think there are many issues beyond just what I mentioned above. For instance, I think many women overlook nice guys because many nice guys aren't actually nice! They only attempt to be nice because--if I can be frank--they believe it will get them a relationship or laid. I don't think women are idiots, so I believe they can see through this. If you're being nice because you're expecting something in return then you're not actually nice, you're being nice with an agenda. But I was speaking of guys who are genuinely nice. But I totally see how your point is valid too. And I don't want to sound arrogant like I think I know the answer, this is just my take and I want to know other people's takes too.

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    • Yeah. I hope I don't look too much like a tool. lol.

    • Nah, you're good. At first I thought you meant the guy in the picture (you) was a jerk just because he's kinda ripped. Now it all makes sense.

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    • HungLikeAHorsefly (I love your name by the way, it had me rolling) I kinda agree with you. I was just focusing on two of the most common presumptions (possible misconceptions) you hear people say about the opposite sex.

      But I think there are many issues beyond just what I mentioned above. For instance, I think many women overlook nice guys because many nice guys aren't actually nice! They only attempt to be nice because--if I can be frank--they believe it will get them a relationship or laid. I don't think women are idiots, so I believe they can see through this. If you're being nice because you're expecting something in return then you're not actually nice, you're being nice with an agenda. But I was speaking of guys who are genuinely nice. But I totally see how your point is valid too. And I don't want to sound arrogant like I think I know the answer, this is just my take and I want to know other people's takes too.

    • Well, when I saw the title I just thought it was just the same question that has been posted a million times at GaG. If you are trying to bring some awareness to the men here, then I applaud you.

      Thanks for your post.

  • Because most of the time jerks are good looking dudes for like 90% ish of the time and it doesn't have to do with anything else. They are probably 6 feet or above good facial features. Overall attractive
    Thats basically it
    Females are the same as males they GRAVITATE towards beauty and u CANNOT change that nomatter what you do

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  • Good take! I don't know if I 100% agree, and I don't know if there is anything that can be consciously done about certain aspects, but I think you really have a lot of original thoughts and reasoned your points well. Hopefully we can all just be good for being good's sake, but I doubt so very much.

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  • Isn’t asking why all guys are jerks you saying you are one?

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    • Lol. I'm not asking if guys are jerks or if girls only like jerks. I'm exposing a common question I hear everyone asking and trying to seriously explore the question with just a bit of maturity, lol. I don't think all guys are jerks; I use the words rhetorically because they are the vernacular and misplaced perceptions carried by many people. Also, the guy in the picture is me. I definitely don't consider myself a bad boy, it was a rhetorical agent to maybe prompt thought

  • Well, a lot of the time, it's not obvious that a person is a jerk or not the right person for you, but girls usually don't select a guy just for his character, so, yeah, they're going to get jerks sometimes.

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  • You're mistaking the 'jerks' for the alpha men. You really need some better game, so go here and read: www.therationalmale.com

    And you need three things to get the ladies...
    looks
    money
    confidence. Irrational confidence.

    So hit the gym, hard, and make a ton of money - you'll snag all the pussy you can stand.

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    • I would think someone your age would know better than to believe in myths like alpha/beta. It suggests that there are only two personality types. Something that has no scientific basis what-so-ever. This is called "people magazine psychology".

    • @belarus - And you could not be more wrong. But you're too young to know better, you'll learn soon enough. In fact, you have a LOT to learn about man-woman romantic relationships.

    • thanks for the condescending lecture Mr. Pompous Ass. Perhaps a book on anthropology might help your feeble mind, but then again I doubt you could read it.

  • Supposedly nice guys finish last, I'm an older guy, and I'm also judgmental, so I am very specific in the types of girls I like, I'de like to believe I'm a good guy, but I am not always nice. I'm very different to my partners than say a stranger.

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  • You have to be a fucking moron to ask this. The reason you see this exact thing happening so much is because you are choosing to sorround yourself with it and actively think about it which results in you looking for it.

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  • Women choose guys by looks...

    Those guys learn that they can be jerks because they'll always get another woman.

    Those other nice guys resent being rejected for bad men... especially when those same women bitch about the guys they keep choosing.

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  • Wow this exactly what preach to people.
    Get it through y'all heads. Read this.
    Im a nice guy and i dont want fucking sex from any women im nice to. I get pushed away, rejected, and even ignored for being nice to women. Messages is blown up right now on this very site by over 26 women who is head over heels over guy who ignorea her, block, her ghost her. so sad is it. Like this take says. Fir nice guys to watch women stuggle in the dating scene. Its too sad.
    I enjoyed every second of this take.

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  • assholes have a tendency to be really confident, which i presume is something that woemn like, and they are nice in the beginning.

    and guys get what they want by being dicks, so why change?

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  • in my opinion it's because jerks, assholes, dicks, whatever you want to call them. they usually like to diss people, make fun of others, talk shit and etc. even if the people are strangers. often times, it comes off as having courage like not afraid to say what you want while risking having your ass kicked and it's mean, it's fucked up, but it's funny at the same time, especially when it's a really funny punchline, we just laugh while disregarding the victims feelings during the moment. courage and funny is what girls look for at the beginning. they end up falling for them until later they get start getting mistreated, and usually the cycle just keeps repeating, falling for the same trap over and over again until they finally mature and realize a jerk is not what they want.

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  • sad jerks know nothing about life they think they do?

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  • Interesting myTake

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  • Nice guys finish last straight up bro

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  • Thank you.

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  • Nice.

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  • Interesting

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  • Pretty good take.

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