Modern women have re-defined ‘hard to get’ to mean: act uninterested.
But the biggest mistake girls make in dating is not showing enough interest.
“huh? Whet the hell are you telling us?”
Keep your pants on men. Ladies, pizza delivery guy is on the way.
Playing hard to get used to be showing interest, but she is also held back by- something.
Society, kin, morality, her inexperience or her unavailability (already with someone).
It is a remnant of the era of the troubadours, where the notion of love for love’s sake was first manifested in western society.
At that time love was for family and religion. Marriage was for political ties and security. Not for love. If you were lucky, you may grow to love your spouse. But the chances of falling in love with someone to then be partnered with them just wasn’t a possibility or something that would have occurred to people at that time.
The troubadours were travelling musicians and poets that would travel around from court to court and village to village to entertain for their food and drink. In an age before Facebook and Netflix, guys who told stories, sang songs and could gossip about the neighbouring village was popular indeed. Popular but also someone of suspicion as many were also thieves and opportunists.
Drifting from place to place can be lonely. And doesn’t bode well for having a wife.
In walks the notion of ‘unrequited love’.
A one sided love is the domain of the lonely.
These travelling poets would dream of the beautiful woman they saw in a village last night; a woman who was not available to them. A woman who was likely married, or soon too be. She would never be his and so he will dream of her and lament that in their world, loving her from a distance is his only option. So he will write poems, stories, songs about her, his love, the pain it brings and the frustration that eats at him. Inevitably his love for her wanes, because it only takes from him and does not give. He will fall in love again in the next village.
These songs, poems and stories become popular. Indeed this new notion of falling in love with someone- just because they’re loveable, becomes popular. Now people wake to the notion of love beyond survival and gain.
Shit, now people can pine for each other and princesses can hope for Prince Charming and to marry her love. Unfortunately the world will take almost a thousand years to catch up to this new idealism. Princess mole face will still have to marry Prince smallpox scars. And he likes to pick his nose and eat it like a clod.
Soo...she will find a outlet for her newfound desire: good looking hunk who guards the castle crapper. He likes her moles. She likes his chin and codpiece. It has nice stitching on it.
Anyways they will never ‘be together’. But that dosen’t stop her from standing too close to him, brushing by, smiling slyly at him, and even teasing him about his codpiece. He compliments her, catches her on her 15th fainting spell and helps her anyway he can.
If they’re really foolish they will get nasty in the nave, but if caught death was a blessing.
The fact they are sooo attracted to each other, but it is so dangerous to pursue that love, makes it more intense. He will want her more and more and she him.
And it’s the same with the milk maid and the village Corpse handler. Sure he clears dead things all day but man, can that guy whistle and has a 6 pack o’ hotness. (She was never that picky about smells anyways).
Lo, we don’t see him fall in love, her tell him to go jump in the lake and he continues to love her sweetly and eventually after some time and the ravages of mercury poisoning, he winds up with her. That dosen’t happen.
If she tells him to jump in the lake, he may pine for her for a bit but she has killed it and he will lose interest.
For him to continue loving her, she must show signs that she returns his affections, but in the end they cannot pursue it. (Remember the whole death thing.) She’s not playing hard to get. She IS hard to get. To be with her would be suicidal and you would have to risk everything. But she has certainly showed him that she returns his affections.
Slowly, little by little people opened to the idea of marriage for love. But it will be hundreds of years before it is possible.
So where do we get this idea of guy pursues girl, girl plays dead or dead-set-against and guy tries harder and harder until she feels he is worthy of her and starts to love him back? Out of these tales of ‘unrequited love’ we see a break into her eventually loving him back. Once this happens he stays in love with her. Without this happening he either comes to a bad end or stops loving her. They cannot be together but they can and do love each other. Not just him. He must know she likes him back to keep loving her.
Fast forward hundreds of years.
Modern ideology. Modern love.
Women like the idea of a guy loving her soo much he will never stop. But naturally he must be someone she could possibly like in the first place. That’s why the guys in modern stories are never old, actually dangerous to her (psycho) or if he is ugly he has many other positive traits.
In reality a guy loses interest when she continually rejects him. The only guys who don’t, don’t think themselves worthy of anything and will hope for a miracle. Not the type she would be happy with anyways.
Basically these modern notions are completely unrealistic. In fact they are the equivalent to women as porn scripts are to men. We like the idea that delivering a pizza will result in naked chicks but we (should) know that’s not going to happen. In reality, bitch that wants the pizza has chlamydia and a tattoo that says ‘oil here’ beside her butt hole.
Pizza delivery guys don’t often get laid and women who play ‘the modern version of hard to get’ get very little in the end.
The reason she was hard to get a thousand years ago was because society was in the way.
The reason she’s hard to get now is because she is either playing games (the equivalent of a guy showing up at your door for a date with a pizza box and lube hoping you’ll play his game) or is so unsure of things she would be a mess to date in the first place.
And just like women should avoid the pizza box guy and all his other incarnations (we just met, Netflix?), guys should avoid the ‘hard to get’ girl who feels she needs you to prove something. You’re waisting your time.
In the end we don’t live in ad 1100. Nor do we live on a porn set. Or in the pages of a romance novel.
We live in a time where we can love who you want (most think so) and are free to pursue love. Adding archaic games and notions to modern love will confuse things and just push it away.
So ladies show your feelings. It’s scary yes. And sometimes it will end in disaster. But in the end you will not have pushed away the one high-value guy because you were testing him. He will and does lose interest in you. Why? Because healthy people accept being rejected and move on. Don’t wait on the one psycho who dosen’t. He is showing you feels he is unwanted by anyone else and is banking on you giving up and just accepting him. Lo-value. Not the guy you want.
Guys: don’t hope on ‘one day’. She plays games and in the end is showing you she is insecure or lives by what others have told her how to be, and will always require you to prove yourself. And the day you don’t will become a crisis. She plays hard to get? She is telling you she is confused and not worth it.