Nice Card - Mean Card - You're too Nice In Your Relationship

[Browneye57]

Athol Kay - renowned couples advice writer, blogger, and consultant, has released another book:

New book by Athol Kay

So what’s it about?

Well after a decade of writing about relationships in one form or another, the #1 problem I come across is people are Too Nice and their partner stomps all over them. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, being Too Nice, having poor Boundaries, or just trying too hard make it work by walking on eggshells, and it’s just stomp stomp stomp from dawn to dusk.

It sucks.

Being Too Nice is usually a learned strategy from childhood. You aren’t crazy or stupid for being Too Nice. It’s usually quite understandable why you’ve learned to be Too Nice. If you want to throw money at a therapist that’s totally cool, but you really can benefit from finding a new strategy to use right away.

Here’s the core of Nice Card Mean Card: How Nice Guys and Good Girls can Win at Relationships.

The Nice Card is the Agreeable Yes.
The Mean Card is the Disagreeable No.

The Four Rules of the Tit for Tat strategy.
Rule 1: Play Nice Cards by Default.
Rule 2: Retaliate against hostile Mean Cards.
Rule 3: Resume Nice Cards if they are sorry.
Rule 4: Don't feud and try and even up the score.

Nice Card Mean Card will help you win the power games in your relationship, without turning into an angry ogre, or a horrible person.

No more getting stomped on.

Here's the link to the book page and how and where to buy the book:

https://mailchi.mp/mindfulattractionplan/new-book?e=c29f2878d7

Recommended reading for anybody that is having relationship problems. This guy is about as good as it gets for navigating failed marriages.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's a very good myTake, but I admit I have the opposite problem. Sometimes I feel so selfish as she's very kind and thoughtful with me, I should be nicer and improve myself.

[Browneye57]

Yes, you should, or you'll lose her!!

[MzAsh]

I know this author. He used to comment on my blog all the time.

[Browneye57]

Where is your blog?

[MzAsh]

Http://damesthatknow.com

[Browneye57]

Nice. The 'yes you do have something to offer' is something I've been harping on for years - good for you.
I'll read some more there... is there a reply mechanism?

by the way, what exactly are your qualifications to guide women?

[MzAsh]

Thank you! And yes, there’s a reply box at the bottom of each post. Feel free to add your comments there.

That’s a good question. One I might have to add as a post here soon. Well, I’m in my 12th year of my relationship with my man. We’ve been though a lot together and have seen our way through a lot of different obstacles. I don’t meet to many people who have been together for as long as we have. I feel I have the experience to guide women into and through long term relationships.

I dated in my early 20s and gained experience in that area too. I’ve had a lot of success getting exactly the type of treatment I want from the type of men I want. I’ve been rejected, but nearly all of those men have regretted that and tried to get me back.

This isn’t just by chance or because I’m magic. It’s because I’ve learned a strategic approach in getting what I want.

As a woman, you have to master the art of yourself and master what men want in a woman. Play up on your good qualities and improve the not so good qualities.

I feel like young millennial women who want advice from a big sister type who has been there, done that will find my work helpful.

[Browneye57]

Seems reasonable. From what I could tell there was good reason in your writings.
And something we're sorely lacking here - way too 20-somethings that think they have all the answers when clearly they are clueless. And if you call them on their bullshit they go ballistic. Seems like teen years now last well into 25 or so. LOL

I married at 22 the first time, lasted 10 years. Ran off with my secretary that was much younger and much prettier - we've been together for almost thirty years now, 26 year wedding anniversary coming up next month. I've done trait-typing, couples seminars, experienced several couples counseling myself, been divorced, lived through affairs on both sides of them, and took the red pill.

Athol Kay offers some solid advice for men navigating the marriage waters. Too many of them are weak and lazy, and their women come to loath them. His MAP or 'man action plan' is about getting in shape, making more money, and being a more respectable man for HIM, and then the side benefit is that in many cases their women re-connect, earn new respect as well. Plus if she doesn't, and then do end up splitting, he's in a MUCH better place to move on. Either way it's a win-win for them both.

His marriage template is for the man to lead, to be the captain of their 'ship', and she the first mate. So they're partners together in the marriage, but he has to be the man. Too many men fail to do this, and women will take over if they have to, but they hate it, and lose respect for him. When this happens you see her shut down sexually, and if they get attention from a great guy somewhere else she's highly likely to cheat or bail. It's almost like looking at a crystal ball when you see this, but you can't get a guy to wake up 'till it's too late in too many cases. Or, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. ;)

[Juxtapose]

Solid advice!

People definitely need to learn how to set healthy boundaries.

[Browneye57]

Guys can be notoriously bad about that - they just let her walk all over him for fear she'll withhold sex. Or she 'weaponizes' it, using it as a tool to get what she wants. NEVER let a woman reward you with sex - shut that shit down from the get-go. Sex is not a bargaining chip, or something you trade for - it's a sharing of intimacy for both, not a manipulation tool.

[Juxtapose]

It is amazing how quick some men are to surrender their power. Women aren't even turned on by pushovers so it's definitely something to shut down.

[Browneye57]

If a guy can't or won't lead in a relationship SHE will take over. Just watch for them out there. And they loath it, and come to loath him. They're the ones you see berating their husbands, usually with a small flock of kids in tow, and she bosses him around like one of the kids, even saying 'he's worse than the kids', or argues with everything and corrects him on everything. These are relationships gone completely off the skids. Even hollyweird gets in on this shtick - make men look like bumbling idiots, or girlie-men, and can't manage without a woman telling him what to do. It is pathetic.
Oh, and they are usually driving a mini-van. LOL

[Sevenpointfive]

that's horrible advice

[Browneye57]

Why?
What are your qualifications/experience on relationship advice and success?

[Sevenpointfive]

anyone can write a book. anyone can give their world view in it. they pay for publication and publicity.

how do you think the kardashians got famous? they paid for it.

but when those 4 rules negate or leave no options for other rules there is no room. it becomes a commandment. i specifically have a problem with RULE 3

[Browneye57]

How much of Athol Kay's writings and coachings have you been exposed to? Do you even know what a 'MAP' is?
I'm guessing you're clueless, but spouting off nonetheless. Maybe consider looking into new material instead of just taking offense. Do you always do this?
I'm guessing your relationships are failures too. Likely for just this reason.

[Sevenpointfive]

i didn't take any offense. i don't need to see any more of this author if he has 4 rules in a system that isn't solid. enjoy your self help. i have nothing against you but the author.

[Browneye57]

You obviously don't know what you're talking about. But whatever. Please move along now. Thank you.

[Marti434]

Interesting mytake thanks for sharing!

[TonyBologna25]

Good shit

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take

[Anonymous]

Nice take