I'm targeting this take to young men, but keeping in mind I can only speak about my perspectives... The perspectives of a man in his early 30's! When I was younger, I dealt with the same things you youngsters have been dealing with and time after time I overcame most of those obstacles in my path, at that time I had the same insecurities, the same fears as you today. But my life is great and now I have a beautiful wife who loves me, I really can't complain about her, because she indeed makes my life better! Better than I could do by myself and I'm not ashamed to admit it just to pretend I could be a tough type who doesn't need a decent woman in his life. Men and women complement each other lives!
I decided to write it because I realized that there are here more people leading you to the suffering with their crap advices than people really interested in helping you to man up yourself and build your self-esteem. And then, as if things weren't bad enough, the modern dating scene is just toxic by itself, it's a treacherous way full of disappointments because of the prevailing immaturity of people nowadays, their absolutely wrong ideas about what a romantic relationship is and the culturally promoted aversion to every noble sentiment between a man and a woman. For the modern Western culture, it's all about self-absorption and short-term pleasure, it's not really surprising why things are going so wrecked these days!
This is part of my modern date's survival guide to you!
So, without further ado, let's go the Take of the day.
Crap advice number 1:
"Sexual past doesn't matter"
This is the biggest lie of our dating scene's times, I assure you that people who say this, don't really care about you and your well-being. They couldn't care less if you give a chance to a woman who could left you depressed, humiliated, dealing with STDs and ruined without a single penny in your pocket. If you are OK with that, then listen to them and just stop reading this take now!
Why is this idea so wrong?
Well, your sexual past says a lot about your personality, much more than you could ever imagine! It can indicate if you have a past psychological trauma, a depressive disorder, a lack of self-control due anxiety issues, a personality disorder, a lack of maturity due a troubled personality development (in most cases for growing up in a dysfunctional family)... None of these is a desirable trait to deal with in a committed relationship. Having said that, you could spot a leech, a "womanchild" and even a sociopath just by carefully looking to their past behavior!
So how could someone claim that "sexual past doesn't matter"? Your sexual past is directly linked to your personality and it shows how reliable you are (or not)! Wouldn't you want to know the person with whom you are? Would you date a prostitute or a girl who has weird sexual tastes and banged every single creature in our eyesight? Or a porn actress, to later your kids be a running joke, bullied by every little buddy who watched their mother's movies like "anal groupsex 50"? Do you think it's fair that you are intentionally giving such a future to a child? Who in their right mind would do this?
If you'd date a girl like that, that's the ultimate proof that you flushed your honour down the toilet. Sorry to say. And don't expect another man to follow your example, so keep your ideas to yourself.
Sexual past matters a lot. Period.
Crap advice number 2.
"People need to accept that it is possible to separate sex from emotions, sex is just sex"
This is the mindset of a sociopath and you couldn't see a bigger red flag than this! Sociopaths are used to do this sort of rationalizations in order to justify their self-absorbed behavior (if not obviously abusive), speaking frankly they mostly can't feel emotionally attached to other people but themselves. Then, it's expected that they see other people just as objects that they can use to satisfy their needs without developing any bond. If you are a normal person who wants to mimic sociopaths' personality traits, you are just risking yourself to ruin your whole mental health when things going to get messy, because you don't have the same brain's structure of an actual sociopath and will not manage to deal with guilt and shame. Good luck with your depressants...
"The sexual revolution has hit the Western world like a storm
and yet people are more unhappy in sexual relationships
than ever before."
- Lee Lozowic
(That's what happens when we let sociopaths take over of our cultural scene)
Crap advice number 3:
"Just accept your woman for who she is and don't be judgemental".
Partially true. You have to accept that your woman's has flaws just as everyone does too, without judging her for the same flaws you may have too. But it doesn't mean you have to give up to your honour, that you are supposed to throw your honour away. You are not expected to do this. We all have flaws, but I have to say that there's a limit for everything, don't risk your future just because an airhead told you that being with a mediocre woman could be your best choice! Put your honour first!
Why would you give a chance to a woman who is not worth the effort? Considering you can't trust her for whatever reason, like because she has a not so much honourable sexual past, she was promiscuous, was know for indulging in drunk sex parties, was used to do drugs, weird sexual fetishes, was known for being manipulative. What are you waiting for to say goodbye to a woman like that and go find a girlfriend who makes you happy and proud of her? Is it hard? Of course it is! How many low-value women I turned down before I met my wife? Many! How many excellent women turned me down because I was not prepared to be with them at that time? Many, too! Did I fear to be rejected by a girl? Of course! But I never gave a shit about it.
Keep in mind that you have to improve your life to the point of being worth of receiving your woman's admiration and then you will be the only man in her life! And don't feel entitled to way more than you actually deserve!
People whose lives are a collection of poor decisions don't just change overnight, it's a long way -- full of uncertainties -- of several years to change one's own personality, can you take the heat? Good luck, it's your life after all. If you believe that a porn star, a druggie, an untrustful woman can make you happy, who am I to dismiss you, isn't it? You will face the consequences of your choices, not me.
And don't be judgmental, it's useless anyway, just avoid wrecked women. Let them eat their own cake! Just don't give attention to mediocre women, keep in mind attention is all that they want from you, either good or bad attention.
Crap advice number 4.
"All women are evil and we should all be MGTOW"
That's the climax of bitterness. There are evil women in the same proportion as evil men. Do we like when embittered feminazis generalize all men when they talk outrageous things about us all? Of course not. Women are expected to not like when you do the same, because we are all humans, and there will ever be good and bad ones.
Their method is just the same of the feminazis' one: to win people's attention by saying the most absurd, outrageous things. Whatever they have to say, it could just be summarized as "Hey, look at me! I do exist, but I'm irrelevant to the point that you couldn't notice me if I didn't do this absurd performance to win your attention".
Unfortunately, our "sex-positive" society with its absurd beliefs about intimacy -- I could mention the idea that "sex is a right" and a "value" by itself -- is exactly what creates monsters like incels and MGTOWers. If sex is a right, and there are guys who are not getting it, that's not hard to expect how much increasingly embittered they will become, considering they will feel their "rights" are being infringed... That's another example of how stupid ideas create troubles for everyone. No one is entitled to have sex and sex doesn't make you happy by itself, just take a look at many promiscuous people you know and ask yourself: besides the fake smile, are they really happy?
Crap advice number 5.
"Open relationships and poliamory can improve your sex life, you should experiment everything".
Another huge BS.
These types who follow an "alternative lifestyle" are usually full-time in a psychiatrist's couch in order to deal with the mess they create for themselves. Oddly enough, as a rule, these alternative lifestyles demands a lot of rules to the point of becoming oppressive. It demands a lot of "communication" and "complicity", but you will end up screwing your life anyway.
Let me ask you something: if those "alternative lifestyles" were so good to the point of making your life better, why the hell are these people wasting their time in a psychiatrist's couch and buying antidepressants? Have you ever wondered about this? Do you think that the people who praise alternatice lifestyles will make you aware of its bad outcomes?
People who do well in those "relationships" (if we can call it as one) usually have very messed dopamine receptors and -- again -- it's not something that a normal person should try. Just forget about what these clueless types of people say, you don't have to accumulate "experiences", to follow trends and "try whatever new things". Real talk: the more useless experiences you go for, the more messed will be your mind because of the burdensome baggage of crap experiences you will put on your back. Instead, just observe people ruining their lives because of their poor decisions and don't do the same!
Just because the world has changed, that doesn't mean your character and principles have to change as well! A collection of poor decisions doesn't make a good one!
Crap advice number 6.
"Women want a nice guy to settle down with".
Yes, as a friend. If you don't bother being in their friendzone permanently, go for it!
It's not like you have to be a jerk, a "bad boy"... You just have to honour yourself, to be proud of yourself, to not act like a desperate guy, to learn how to defend yourself in a fight (and your girl too), to not be insecure... In one way or another, all humans are insecure, we just need to learn how to hide it and how to not worry about it. Value yourself! Don't subjecct yourself to random people's approval, don't be a goody-goody nor a do-gooder. And, fundamentally, you should not take things lying down!
If you take seriously whatever a woman says about what their want in a guy, you are the only one to blame for your lack of success with them because they usually don't really say what they really value in a man, otherwise relationships would be really boring because it would be all obvious, isn't it? You are not supposed to be "nice", if things are hard to hear, you should tell it anyway, don't think you have to fulfill all of your woman's wishes. Just think... How could a father and a mother lose all the respect that their kids have for them? By being abusive or absent from their kids' lives; or by spoiling them and treating them as a special snowflake. The same rule applies to adults.
Even death is more dignifying for a man than begging for your enemy's mercy or for a woman's love.
I can say a lot about what to do or to not do. But this this is "big" enough already, to summarise, I could recommend you to never show your fears, when you show your fears everyone knows they have control over you, so don't succumb to emotional incontinence, you are just showing your weakness and lack of manliness... If a woman turned you down, don't loose your honour to chase her as if you were an abandoned dog.
If the woman on your side doesn't respect you or make you proud of her, don't be afraid to dump her to go find a woman who could give this to you. And don't complain if a woman dumps you because you don't respect her and she proud of you, the same rules we set to them do apply to us!
You are supposed to be the only one in control of your sentiments and beliefs. In a relationship, never give way more than you receive, set limits! In any case, if you think I can help you with any advice, don't feel shy and talk to me, I don't check my profile so often but I will answer as soon as I do. Also, there are guys here -- even "dating coaches" who could help you a lot!
And never let clueless people misguide you! Say no to crap advices!