Relationships

The Story of My Life (Part 4)

The Story of My Life (Part 1)

The Story of My Life (Part 2)

The Story of My Life (Part 3)

So, life went on, we got married. Yep, I married this guy. This is one of those things I just hate talking about. Its fckin humiliating and annoying and I can't help but own the stupidity of this one /)_- I was basically lost to the wind and just didn’t see an end. So I found a path of least pain and tried to live with it. I was starting to get my legs under me though, was growing angry and resentful so I started playing games with him. I’d gas light him and do little things to humiliate him whenever I could. My last remaining sense of self, as messed up as that was.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the neighbors had been watching us and they had been suspicious of him and what may have been going on with me. Then one day we had gone to the grocery store and came back. I was getting grocery bags out of the car and I bumped the car door with my hip to close it, but I didn’t know he was reaching in to grab something and caught his finger in the door. Oh my he was pissed off. He was always suspicious of me doing stuff to get at him, and yeah sometimes I did, but this was an accident, and he flew into a rage. He made me stick my hand in the door and he shut the door on my hand. My hands are small and the door didn’t shut all the way but it shut far enough that my hand was stuck in the seal and it hurt like a motherfucker. He watched me looking for a reaction, I didn’t even bat an eye. By this time he had trained me enough that I could sit stone faced through just about anything. I just looked at him and asked if I could take my hand out which just pissed him off more. So he started hitting me on the side of the head and my chest, except i think the neighbor lady was watching and neither of us knew it. Then he let my hand out and pushed me down in the lawn. I got up, picked up the groceries and took them in the house. Like he often did after he got into a rage, he took off somewhere. And a few minutes later the police show up.

My first reaction was that I was just terrified that he’d find out. They asked me if anything was wrong and I said no, that I had just fallen down bringing in the groceries. They confronted me directly and said that a witness had seen him hitting me and they tried to talk me into confiding in them. I don’t really know why I didn’t, I should’ve but I didn’t. I was just scared and embarrassed. They told me to call if I wanted to talk and left a business card, that I quickly threw in the trash can. They also told me they’d be back to talk with my husband, they never did, or maybe they didn’t have the time to, I don’t know really. It was that evening I started thinking through calling them, finding a way out. Over the period of a couple days I developed a plan. I was afraid to call and afraid to leave for fear that I might get caught doing it.

So I came up with a plan, I packed a small bag of things, stashed it in a cabinet and waited. I never left the house without him, but he’d take me to the grocery store or a few other places every few days. One day, we went out shopping or something, we came back and I saw the neighbor lady again standing watering her roses. So, I worked up the courage and I started complaining about his parking and driving. I knew this was a quick way to piss him off. Talking about how he always parked crooked like a blind person. Set him off pretty quickly. He yanked me out of the car by the arm and I kind of fell on the grass. He started calling me names and picked me up and gave me a couple love taps on the side of the head and pushed me toward the house. I was counting on the old lady and she came through. Except this time the police came in a matter of minutes and there were two squad cars and three cops. And that was it. I got my bag, they arrested him..and I was out, just like that. Even now, I get tears in my eyes thinking about it. Not happiness, not sadness, more like a sense of anxiety and relief at the same time, I don’t know how to explain it really. They took me, took my statement and put me in a shelter for abused women. I had no friends I was willing to talk to, no family I was willing to tell them about so the shelter was my next home for a short period of time.

Almost a year had gone by, I lost a year of my life to this mess. Lost my family, lost my scholarship…my friends… and all I had was a small bag of clothing and no money and I had no idea what I was going to do next. The shelter was about as depressing a place as I had ever been in my life. You’re just surrounded by people in crisis mode and all of them with some horrific story. I’m baffled by how one person can do these things to another and their own kids. Nothing inspiring or refreshing or hopeful about it, more like a prison without bars.

The food…omfg, I was like ehhhhh, I’ll just starve thanks. You’d get three meals a day with black tea or water and some nasty entrée and a fruit. Sometimes it was like a weird bar of mystery fruit, sometimes it was apple sauce or in the mornings they’d give you the little oranges. The oranges were the only thing I’d eat. I gave the rest of my food to the kids in the shelter. I don’t need to eat much to sustain. Nothing reminds you how shitty life is like having absolutely nothing, no place to go, no future and knowing that’s better than the last year of your life. He got off with some misdemeanor domestic violence charge, got the case deferred and charges dismissed after completing come basic counseling shit. I walked off with some clothes, nearly deaf in one ear, bum ankle, a few bruises, a restraining order….and an annulment for duress.

Life sucks, and then you die.

Already introverted, this served to just close me off further. I became hyper vigilant, obsessively self sufficient and all of this is bad, mentally unhealthy.

Old Town, Beihai China
Old Town, Beihai China

I like hitting the more obscure less traveled places for trips. Beihai is an interesting place. Old Town is a the site of an old Spanish colony. Little shops and restaurants true Chinese style. If you aren't used to Asia and you hit this place, you'll need to put your big boy britches on. Its actually pretty tame, but not at all as western as the architecture might suggest. there's an interesting bronze statue down the road here that looks like a grandpa humping his grandson lmao. Always good for a laugh that one.



Two steps from hell - Nice for instrumentals

The Story of My Life (Part 4)
Post Opinion