The Story of My Life (Part 3)

If you haven't caught them already, part 1 and part 2

The Story of My Life (part 1)

The Story of My Life (Part 2)

Man Mo Temple Hong Kong
Man Mo Temple Hong Kong

^^ Man Mo temple - Hong Kong...If you ever get to Hong Kong and you like cultural sights, Man Mo is a really cool place. Small but unique and off the beaten path but still convnient. You won't see much else like this anywhere. There are some neat day time street markets near by, then when you're done head to SOHO for lunch.

At this point, life pretty much sucked ass. The guy would threaten me or threaten to harm my family if I did anything that didn’t meet his specific approval. It was a mind game. The shit that happened to me doesn’t really bother me so much now. The things that really affect me now were the choices I made through all of it. We became a “couple” of sorts through coercion. My dad was retiring and there was a big retirement party scheduled for him. The guy told me that if I didn’t break contact with my parents then he’d show up and humiliate my parents and me in front of everyone. So, I manufactured an argument between myself and my mom and it became heated enough that we both said, don’t ever talk to me again. My mom was incessantly butting into my business and I found it annoying, but it was just how my mom was and I knew that. I created the argument to put distance between us but not because I was actually mad. In part it was shame, I didn’t want to explain to my parents what had happened and in part it was so this guy wouldn’t do anything to shame or harm my family. The reality was I just didn’t know how to deal with the situation and they were both false choices I created in my head. I also dropped out of school and basically forfeited my scholarship. So with that, I had given the guy exactly what he wanted. Me, isolated and alone with no social network, no friends or family to seek help from and no future. I was completely dependent on an abuser. My dad tried to reach out to me one more time. I completely dismissed him. He was trying to get me back in line but I said a few things to push him away. Now retired, he needed to make some decisions. Mom and dad moved back to Japan.

He talked of marriage and a wonderful bright future with kids and family and a nice house and cars and then would turn around and just play mental games with me, call me names, lie to me and anything I did that didn’t meet his approval warranted a smack to the head or worse. He was left-handed and his go to move was to hit me on the right side of my head on the ear. If I resisted, he taught me that the beating to follow would be worse and that I was better off just accepting the punishment dealt to begin with. He hit me on the side of the head because there was no bruising that could be easily seen. I have significant hearing loss in my right ear now.

He moved me to California, Modesto to be specific. I hate Modesto. There are few places or things on earth that I hate more than Modesto. A hot dry pile of dog shit. I can’t even begin to explain how much life sucked, I started thinking about killing myself and just being done with it, but every day I just hoped something would happen, some crack would open up that would get me out of that mess. Or even that I could just find a way to feel somewhat normal within the confines of the fish bowl I lived in. I promised him one time that if he would let me go to school, any school, that I would stay loyal and not cause problems. I made the mistake of telling him that I could get at least a partial scholarship through track if he’d let me try out. Over the next few months he would stomp on my foot and give me two hairline fractures and twist my ankle to the point where permanent damage was caused. So much for track.

To this day, my ankle will just roll over at random times. Maybe a few times a year. Just about two months ago I was walking into work and I had my messenger bag and a bag of lunch foods. I don’t know what happened, but maybe I hit something just slightly uneven, my ankle rolled and I fell. Because I was carrying this stuff I was unable to free my hands fast enough to break the fall. Fell flat on my face, lmao. Not kidding. Right on my face. Tore my hands up a little in the fall, bloody nose. I don’t have any idea how I did this but I had a scrape from right between my eyes, down the side of my nose and right down the middle of my lips. Blood running down my face, people came rushing out to help me and stuff /)_- . I come back later and security is out with maintenance inspecting the sidewalk where I fell to see if there was something wrong with the sidewalk. I’m considering surgery as they tell me the ankle can be fixed so it doesn’t roll over but it’s a significant surgery and can take 6 -12 months of rehab and I’m not sure I’m down for that.

You live in a fake world where you are lied to and manipulated constantly, it affects you. You start learning the manipulations and techniques, how people think and work. I learned pretty quickly how to protect myself, what motivated him, what pissed him off, what made him happy and I started putting those things to use. I wasn't naïve like I was before, but my mind wasn't right either.

I can say that many things I learned are useful in my life today when used with a sense of right and wrong. I’m really good in analyzing people and their capabilities and playing office politics and I attribute it to this experience tbh. I’d never in a million years wish that on anyone but you make do with what you get. The one thing that bothers me the most, gives me the most guilt was the pain I caused my parents. I’ll never be able to undo that.

Pearl Jam is one of my favorite bands.


The Story of My Life (Part 3)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • BadApple1

    I read your story and honestly it brought tears to my eyes. As a father of daughters I want to say one thing to all the daughters out there... if you find yourself in trouble most dads would burn down the world to save you! What I want to say to you is this... even though you might have struck or even tough parents I am sure they love you and forgive you for what you did. What they might have a harder time with is forgiving themselves for not seeing what happened to you. I know if you were my daughter, the pain you went through would live on in me. In my opinion what you need to do (and maybe you are) talk to them, forgive them and let them forgive you. Nothing can erase history so you need to build a better future.
    I was talking there in a father role... now I am switching roles to my Police role... again this is too all the young ladies that might read your story and my reply... call the police. We are there for you and the way it is now a domestic ends up with someone (the aggressor) in handcuffs. The police can get you to a shelter away for your abuser. No one has to live like this!
    Back to you... I am deeply and truly sorry you had to go through this... I wish... honestly I don’t know what I wish... maybe I wish I was in a room with this guy just for an hour, but that wouldn’t change what happened to you. My thoughts and prayers go out to you... I hope you can build a better life for yourself. It’s never too late to make things as good as they can be. God bless!

    • Izumiblu

      The police did get me eventually and put me in a shelter... i think that's in part 4 maybe

    • Izumiblu

      or 5, I don't know

    • BadApple1

      For all the bad rap that police get these days they really are there to help. At least most of them. All I can say is I am glad you got rescued and didn’t end up a statistic. Thank you for sharing your story... maybe it can help other women avoid this type of animal.


    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • CocoBat

    Nice stock photo man

    • Izumiblu

      I’m sooooo glad you like it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

08
  • Thank you so much for sharing this. What happened you you is awful. I also tend to believe that people generally, have the capacity for great good as well as for great evil.

    I also believe: just like there are 'saintly' people who seem to lack the capacity for Evil: there exist the opposite: the 'twisted sadists' who lacks the capacity for Good.

    This guy, to me is a perfect example of a twisted soul. I just cannot wrap my head around, how any human being could be so be so calculatingly cruel for so long; in so many ways, to someone who has done them no injury.

    As repugnant as it sounds, I can still "wrap my head" around how rape, or a guy with an anger problem who looses control and beats his wife... Still fall within the realm of "the human". Both are unequivocally awful, but you can at least comprehend them as basic human desires which have spun way out of control. It's still, anger or lust, or frustration that is at the root. Feelings we all have... But which must be kept in control in order to respect the basic rights of others.

    I think that most abusers go through a cycle in which they feel some guilt. Or feel genuine remorse for the wrongness of their actions... Until that basic human impulse spins out of control and they "re-offend"

    I think even people who've done terrible things, usually have a conscience...

    But for this guy to be able to break you down like this deliberately, purposefully, and with no remorse for the fact that it was YOU, A PERSON, who he was inflicting this "life" upon. If that's not the exact opposite of a Saint, then I know who is.

    I'm not ashamed to admit I had a tear or two roll down my cheek when I read about him stomping on your foot.

    I think you're incredibly strong. I do not think I would have been able to find the strength to keep looking for "any cracks".

    I have felt true hopelessness before. And it is that, which sapps your willingness and ability to fight. I cannot imagine my being able to continue to hope, if I imagine myself in your shoes. It's a damn good thing you didn't give up.

    I found this extremely interesting, as well as horrifying. I can see how this might be something that, people with similar experiences, usually wouldn't share.

    I think there's immense value in your story, told by you, who lived through it. I guarantee you: that this written series, posted here in GAG, will do Good for somebody out there. Maybe more than one somebody.

    I can already think. of one young GAGer who I'll be shooting the link to your story.

    You also have excellent taste in music. ☺️

    I am very much looking forward to Part 4.

  • lightbulb27

    Thats like a horror movie. You fell into the control of a narcissist... their verson of love is control. I know that feeling and suffering. You must be very strong to have survived. Wish yoi could make up w father.

    1 likes
    • Yep. This is what real narcissists look like. They totally fucking destroy other people's lives with no remorse at all.

    • Yes... there's male and female. Everyone should be esucated... they need deep therapy else destroy people.

  • Curmudgeon

    "He moved me to California, Modesto to be specific. I hate Modesto. There are few places or things on earth that I hate more than Modesto. A hot dry pile of dog shit."

    I live in the area and I can think of many worse places than Modesto, but... How sad. had I known of your plight I would have enjoyed beating your abuser with a tire iron or pistol whipping him.

    • Izumiblu

      I have an emotional bias against it

    • Understandably so. Unfortunately, so many Cali suburbs are like that, where one minds one's own business and does not really notice the horror that might even be going on next door--until it is too late.

  • Waffles731

    This gets harder and harder to read.
    As a side note, before surgery, I suggest seeing a physiotherapist for the ankle.

    1 likes
    • Izumiblu

      I’ve been to one. I actually had a worse accident a couple years ago that I’ll talk about later. They can’t do much. I have some custom hiking boots, basically took a regular pair of hiking boots and but some braces and inserts in it. I wear those in the winter when it’s cool but they’re uncomfortable in the heat.

      Just so you know, I have a good life now. The story I’m putting up is kind of part of my therapy. I’ve done several writings but this kind of pulls a bunch of different stuff together. I’ve cut out a lot because it deals with specific people and things done to me or things I did that affected others. It’s not meant to draw pity or scorn. Being able after years to put all this together gives me an amount of satisfaction and It defines life for me in many positive ways.

    • Okay, I know we have had our differences in the past but I do kinda like you and No one should have to go through what you did

    • Izumiblu

      I’ve never taken our differences personally. It’s a forum for discussing differences. You shouldn’t feel bad about that at all.

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  • No_Archons

    I see im not the only one who's holding back tears... this is just fucked... such clever manipulation... I want to end this dude's life, with my bare hands, I can't believe he fkn got away with this... my daughter is learning to shoot and carrying a gun

  • i have tears in my eyes
    what happened next
    i hope that son of a bitch died

  • 😞😞

    • I bet you'd make an amazing artist with all this shit in your past. Maybe get into some art form. Try a few and see if one sticks -- music, abstract painting or clay. Or even drawing.

  • Smegskull

    35, years of abuse and she still looks 21.

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