When I was younger I used to think that most marriages ended because of cheating and or money problems. Here are 10 issues that I have in my marriage that has nothing to do with cheating or money.
1. I have to solve all the problems, he just gets more angry at me for pointing problems out. for example I get gas for one car than he takes that car that has gas and leaves me his car with no gas to get to work. He will always just steal the car that has gas in it.
2. He pretends there are no problems, and claims I make things up because I"m negative. Stuff like if the table or the chair is broken. If I say it is broken he will get mad at me and say I am negative. I end up fixing everything or else he will be super angry and break the table or chair even more. Or tell me to be happy before he punches a few holes in the wall or take the chair and bang a few holes in the wall. I better stop being negative and unhappy, he says.
3. He will lie to try to get me to do something, to him it is called being "strategic". Like he will lie that his back hurts or his leg hurts or he is too tired to help me ever take out the trash, wash the dishes or clean. Then I just end up doing everything.
4. When I get mad at something, he will get 10000x more mad to try to get me to stop getting mad. This is because he has a control issue of needing everyone to be happy all the time. Only he can be upset, and even when he is upset he claims it is someone else's fault he is upset. He has no responsibility for his feelings.
5. He will ignore me and pretend I am not there, but claim that I hate him. He doesn't come to bed with me. He doesn't want to have sex with me even when I get naked and initiate. He always ignores me. Then he will go on a rant saying that I hate him. I am only married to him for his money... and I"m using him. Which is not true because I try to spend very little money and worked two jobs to put all the money in investment accts and roth ira that I OPENED for him... and I saved him a quarter million dollars. He had no money when we married. He didn't know how to save or invest when we married. I taught him everything. He spends all night playing video games and not sleeping with me, and claims it is because he feels I hate him. I am always begging him to sleep with me, because I feel lonely and I want to cuddle him but he always rejects me. He likes to play reverse psychology, and turn me into the bad guy when he actually is the one...
6. He ignores all the problems hoping that it will magically go away. When there are problems, instead of reading a ton of self help marriage/relationship books, going to find a marriage counselor or a personal counselor... he just ignores me and all the problems and pretends it's not there. I on the other hand try to do all the things I said above.
7. He continuously only thinks of himself and his happiness and completely ignores me. When I do buy things he likes (his fav. coffee, his fav. sodas, fav candy etc, he completely ignores me), and he doesn't get me anything I like for my birthday, or Christmas etc. I try to think of him and get him expensive things he likes.
8. He makes himself into a victim every single time I get mad at something that has nothing to do with him (because to him everything is about him). Like the table is dirty and I am unhappy it is so dirty. He will say I am attacking him, and I just want to use him and make him my slave. I am always unhappy and negative. I have a problem of complaining about everything... and so on. While he is talking I am cleaning the table, and the entire house. He continues to call me names and talk negatively to me the entire time I am trying to solve the problems. And he doesn't clean anything. Yet he says I make him my slave, and I wash most of the dishes and make most of his meals and pay most of his bills and invest most of his money. I do almost everything for him, and he says I make him my slave. That doesn't even make sense to me.
9. He acts annoyed 100% of the time, and likes to ignore everyone. When he asks me for something, I am like "yes hunny, I will do anything for you. Is there anything else I can do for you" but when I ask him to do something he complains that I ask too much and he is too "busy" for me playing his video games on his 2,500$ lap top. All the furniture in our house does not even cost that much because I try to save money and he tries to spend as much as he can on himself. The problem is not the money, it is how self centered and selfish he is. He only spends lots of money on himself.
10. He has no empathy, and blames everyone for his feelings (victim mentality). Let's just say if he treated me like shit (which he does every single day) and I say I feel sad he treated me like shit, then he will say that I am picking on him, I am being mean to him, I am being negative, I hurt his feelings and I am being so evil. Why can't I be nicer to him? This is a very great tactic he has... and he will say no one cares about MY feelings or what I want, so why can't I just shut it? Then he continues to say that now look what I did, I made HIM angry!!!! Then he will throw some lamps on the ground to shatter them, and throw some chairs through the wall to make holes in the walls. Later I will have to repair the holes in the walls and the lamps.
Remember people on GAG, there are 10 rules to make a relationship work:
1. empathizes with them (my husband had a very bad upbringing where his dad was not much in the picture and when he was he was always angry and drunk, so my husband wants everyone to be happy or else he gets angry/full of fear that they are like his dad... by the way I don't do drugs and I don't drink).
2. forgive 100x 100 per day (the only way for a marriage/love to work)
3. learn to accept, love yourself (give yourself the love and expect 0% love from your partner)
4. try to solve all the problems without making anyone mad, only try to make others happy
5. don't blame, problem solve instead
6. accept your feelings and theirs
7. try to be understanding
8. look at the bigger picture (in the long run you will be known as the patient, kind and loving one)
9. always love and be kind to those who are not loving and kind back to you (if they destroy your tablet, lap top and so on, just go and buy yourself another one and buy them a few too)
10. if someone hits you on one cheek let them hit you on the other as well (or in my case, if someone makes a hole in your wall, let them make a few more for you to fix later)
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