I promise it won't be long.
Tomorrow, I'll officially start moving in with my girlfriend. We had agreed it would be by 2020, but things got quickened out.
I admit it's something I do want, but I can't seem to be completely able to quell my own doubts and uncertainties.
I mean, I owe this woman so much, and I understand she's not all smiles and sunshine like she makes herself out to be.
That she has her fair deal of regrets and opened up to me about some really nasty things she did in the past. But after all, haven't we all done bad stuff at some point in our lives?
But that's not the point of my anxieties - after all, when someone shares certain things with you is because they trust you and you are special to them.
Right after I broke up with my ex, I did a lot of stupid things.
I had also started to go out to drink every night, with friends or alone, and that's when she popped up back in my life.
She used to be my senior and tutor back in high school, and right until the moment I had gotten together with my girlfriend, we had been best friends.
We met up for breakfast.
I took a coffee with a glass of grappa (liquor) with nothing to eat, and this sparked an heated discussion with her. I left and she later called me in tears over that exchange.
Then she came to my place, and was appalled by the number of wine bottles I was keeping around, the full ashtrays and cigarette butts on the floor, the lack of food and the relative mess I was living in. She literally threw out everything and dragged me to get groceries, berating me that if I wasn't capable of having proper meals anymore she'd be making them for me. Then we cleaned out my whole apartment.
Afterwards, she made me chicken breasts with salad and didn't leave until after I had eaten everything. Then she started coming around more often, then wanting me around her house more and more. I had warned her I wasn't looking for a relationship at first, but she insisted and I ended up changing my mind.
She sent me texts, thousands of texs, about how she was worried about me and wanted to help.
She started wanting to spend every free moment together, the only excuse she would accept was "work".
She was (and still is) caring and loving, to a possessive and clingy extent. At first she was fine with me helping out my ex with her mental health issues, but then I had to stop, because in her words, "that disgusting woman had stolen me from her two years ago and was trying to do so again".
I admit that sometimes I do think about her reasons. I mean, someone as tall and beautiful and intelligent as her, what does she sees in such a little man like me? I haven't even done half the things she did. That she's willing to put up with my issues regarding intimacy, attention and sex.
Perhaps she likes it that way, maybe I'm some sort of challenge to her because I had scorned her two years ago and she's just obsessed, I don't know.
What I know, is that almost everyone (me included) adore her and see her as a positive person, and she really brought and still brings joy and positivity in my life, the things I need the most right now.
So I guess I can't do anything if not count my blessings, be thankful and do my best to make her happy.
Thank you for reading,