Why love and relationships aren't what they were before

Anonymous
The real definition of love is gone
The real definition of love is gone

This is probably something that is brought up more often than it seems. Maybe there are more people that share my views. What inspired me to write this Take is another Take directed at women who want a partner, it just proved some of my points. My other inspiration is a guy who I just chatted with, who is someone exceptional when it comes to today's perception of love. More info about it comes below. I will write down the major reasons why I think live isn't what it was before and how we, humans, ruined it.

Relationships back in time were all about caring about each other. Now it's just sex, sex, sex, sex and once more sex.

Yeah, I get it, sex is natural, sex is healthy, sex is necessary to continue the human race, blah blah blah. But y'all are just acting like if no human could live without it. You see it as EVERYTHING. In the good old days, you entered a relationship with someone you truly have feelings for. You entered a relationship with someone because you cared about them, wanted them near you, and felt warm inside around them. While nowadays, I see posts like ''if she doesn't have sex with me after three dates, she is not worth being in a relationship with'' or ''if my S.O. didn't want to have sex with me after a few months, I'd just consider cheating''. The fingers on two hands aren't enough to describe how many posts I saw about husbands complaining about their wife losing her sex drive, how they call their wives ''the worst'' just because they do not have sex anymore, and how they go on and on about how they wish they had a younger lady around them, about how they wish they were gay, and crap like that. Seriously, where the heck is the love outside of sex in such cases?!

The genders are constantly bashing each other

Now, back to the dude I was chatting with. He told me about his crush, who never showed an interest in him. He said he had a crush on her for over 10 years and really misses and cares about her, even though she isn't interested, and he would literally die for her. That guy got me thinking: ''how many people actually have this way of thinking compared to those who'd start bashing their crush who rejected them?''. Because yes, this is true. It is very common for people to automatically start bashing their opposite gender just because one person rejected them, not even considering the fact that they may just not be interested. They start calling all members of their opposite gender shallow, untrustworthy and cruel. Because you have the absolutely biggest clue about what's going on inside the heads of billions of people, right? Only a few bad experiences do not reflect the behavior of everybody. If you were born with abusive parents, would you say all parents are abusive? I bet not. It's the same thing with generalizing your opposite gender. You'd think that people would become smarter in such aspects over time, but no. Somehow we just have a growing amount of MGTOWs, incels, feminists, femcels, etc. I just can't help but feel bad for this kind of people, because they really are missing out on some amazing life experiences of having a S.O. Some time ago I questioned if there are actually any people who are happy in relationships. No specific answers.

It's just like if people actually thought that the opposite sex is FORCED to be in a relationship with them. If one of them says no, then they're all automatically the worst.

So, in conclusion, our perception of love has been ruined because of today's sex obsession and opposite gender-bashing for no certain reason. Not only do people feel like the opposite gender owes them sex, but they also feel like the opposite gender owes them relationships. There is no ''caring and wanting to be around each other'' anymore, today there is ''fuck me or go away'' and ''be with me just because I say so, and if you don't, you're a cunt''.

I am not expecting anyone to change their views after reading this Take, but I felt like the subject needed a bit more attention, no matter if it will make a change or not.

Why love and relationships aren't what they were before
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Cherokeehp
    1.) People have always and enjoyed and wanted sex.

    2.) There was literally a time when men didn’t allow women to have equal rights. Today’s “gender bashing” is nothing compared to some of the shit women endured in the past, and in the present in some places still.

    However, people have managed to find love in the past, and there are people who still manage to do it today. Love and relationships are what you make it. If you choose to date shitty people that’s your fault. If you choose to commit to people that don’t love you, then that’s your fault. If you choose to date someone that treats you like shit, then that’s your fault. If you choose to be with someone that only values you for sex, THEN THAT’S YOUR FAULT. Love is a bond formed by mutual care and respect, and therefore you must be careful who you allow into your heart and you have to be ready to walk away when that care and respect is diminished. Relationships are exactly the as they were before. The only reason marriages lasted longer in the past was because women were typically financially bound to men and divorce was frowned upon. If anything finding love is easier nowadays because social media and dating apps provide an endless dating pool, and you’re not pressured by society to stay in a bad relationship. So if your perception of love is fucked up, or you always seem to end up dating people who treat you badly, then maybe you need to stop dating for a while and take some time to examine yourself.
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  • Xoxocutekitty
    Great take! Sex is a fun way to express and develop connection, but going into a relationship only expecting to have your sexual needs met is problematic (unless both parties are 100% on the same page). Sex really only lasts like 5-10 minutes and if you are in a relationship you have to be with them for a lot longer than that. Establishing connection trust and a genuine companionship are important for overall life quality satisfaction. We live in this world (I think because of the ease of access to porn, performative "women loving it") that emphasizes one-sided social scripts which lean towards pleasuring men (unfortunately at the expense of young girls and women, who only want to be desired, and have not yet figured out who they are, personal agency). I think girls become women by adopting a "enough of this bad sex shit" and looking for "something more" and I think it's very sad that society does not focus more on trying to treat sex as something equal, something that you are not entitled to, and something that involves emotions and trust with another person.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • BeenThereLovedIt
    I disagree on some level. I've been friend-zoned many times and one or two of them I would have taken a bullet for them.. Never did I lash out at a crush. I believe most people have this capacity, not just a few.

    Sex was a huge thing in the 90's
    Sex was a huge thing in the 80's
    Sex was a huge thing in the 70's
    Sex was a huge thing in the 60's... Free love, right?

    It's always been about sex. The history books just edit that out, why wouldn't they? No need to teach kids the truth about history or mankind's dirty secrets. Almost all history books are revisionist on many levels.

    This is the same type of argument like "millenials are lazy compared to previous generations". See the part above about the 90's, 80's, etc... EVERY generation claims the one after them is lazy. Truth is quite the opposite- Look up worker productivity over the last 100 years, you will find the exact opposite is true.

    The ONLY reason I see marriage rates dropping today is simply because feminism has over-achieved to the point that for a man, marriage is a horrible investment both personally and financially. I don't mean this personally, but factually, it's just the truth - like it or not.
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  • WalkingCorpse
    You know the sad part is im probably one of very few guys that wants a real connection and bonding of a relationship and not focus on sex. A relationship is about raising each other up but from what i see relationships are more about sex now. i can't tell you how many times I've seen people choose other people for sex over someone that actually has something to offer them. Its sad people would much rather have sex than develope a real bond, if someone doesn't get their sexual deaires met guess what they leave and try to get it else where and thats the end of the relationship instead of talking it out and work something out. Unfortunately i was born in a time when bonding and having a real long lasting relationship is rare to find. its all about fufiling needs and desires now. Sadly i doubt its anything im ever going to find so I've decided to just stay single because i dont want aomething short term, i want something long term and not completely waste my time on someone thats only going to be their temporarily. Anyways i can really apreciate a girl like you, or any girl thats atill out their looking for a real relationship because its tough and hard to find.❤❤
    Is this still revelant?
    • abutaher

      I think you can marry an Indian girl 🙂.

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What Girls & Guys Said

410
  • dmvgirl16
    Because now there is social media and dating apps and I think that a lot of the face to face interaction has been lost and also it is more easy to cheat not saying i cheat because I am a loyal person but I'm saying that it's easy for guys to cheat because now there's social media
  • NerdInDenial
    The sex-obsession occurred because of the sexual revolution and women wanting to be like men. Generalizations appear because people notice trends with the ability to instantly share data through the internet, you can make pretty fair assessments of a group of people and their behavior. Additionally, with the invention of no-fault divorces, there is no point in staying with someone if you are unhappy.
  • bamesjond0069
    Relationships are fundamentally about sex because women make it about sex. If y'all kept your legs closed things would go right back to normal.
    • Anonymous

      We try to but it's men who come up with all the "I won't be your boyfriend if we didn't have sex on the third date" crap

    • Men do this stuff to test women or because they just want sex. That guy was never interested in being your boyfriend he just wanted sex. End of story.

  • Brainsbeforebeauty
    Great, GREAT take! And exactly the truth right there! Funny I saw this as I was about to post something very similar lol but you already said it!!!
    Again, great job ♥️♥️🙂
  • ZlatGR
    My opinion on the matter is that internet changed people more than we think. I'm still more the romantic type of guy but most. other guys want only sex while I'm looking for something more serious.
  • Liam_Hayden
    Nowadays the main problem is that it is all about selfish feelings. Love is supposed to be a commitment to seek the best for the other. If people practiced that there would be far fewer divorces.
  • They are based on sex becaues men are based on sex. It's very simple actually, don't be a slut and you won't be treated like one. But the penis does the picking always.
  • not329446
    In the 60s everything was love & sex. If you didn't love sex you just wasn't with it.
    Now everyone don't hang at the park they stay home with a phone & talk sex.
  • RyanK9
    Whatch this https://youtu. be/xNgQOHwsIbg
    I quite solve the mystery
  • Nalix
    Wouldn't it be awesome if we all had parents who loved and appreciated each other, understood that men and women are different and enjoyed those differences? It would also be unrealistic. We won't always enjoy our differences, but we can learn to respect them. Well, maybe not always that either.

    I'm not sure relations between the sexes were ever idyllic, and we shouldn't expect to appreciate all men, or all women. Not everyone is worth appreciating. But we should all want to find someone we can appreciate, and enjoy life with. You don't need to like all men or women, but you should find one you want to share your life worth.
  • Cristal4U
    I think this is happening to much
  • CikaZivan
    Some of them still are
  • Anonymous
    Relationships nowadays are just pseudo-prostitution. The guy funds the girl and the girl rewards him with sex. This goes back and forth until one of them cheats and the guy dates a new hoe and the girl dates a new client.

    All women are gold diggers. And I know some of y'all will say that's not true and how you're an angel sent straight from heaven who only looks at a man's character and personality and not money, but save your breath. Statistics and anecdotes scream otherwise.

    And pseudo prostitution is fine by me. The real pests are the hoes who write paragraphs on social media claiming how they can't find a nice guy while they're sunbathing on their abusive rich boyfriend's yatch. Thousands of men commit suicide after being heartbroken. Nice guys still finish last. Women want to be treated like property. And regardless of how many of you believe your own lies, you know this is true.
    • Anonymous

      Incel alert

  • Anonymous
    The problem you're describing here certainly is a problem today, but I do not agree with your explanation of why the problem exists.

    It is true that sex seems to be more important today than relationships, but that's because women have made sex too cheap and relationships too unappealing for men. Most women do not offer the same value to men that most women of the past did. Men get less out of relationships now, and they have to put more into them. Divorce rates are also much higher now, women file about 85% of divorces, and men get screwed in divorce court and custody settlements.

    Committed relationships are a bad deal for men in general today, but casual sex is very easy to get outside relationships. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the current generation of men are far more focused on sex than relationships. That will not change until the notion of a committed relationship becomes more appealing to men once again. We are a long way from that right now.
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