Its a new normal. waking up and your not here. No phone calls (like you called, Im the one who always did) no cats saying hello to me as I came into your house. No trips to the 7/11 for the coffee, or the trips to the dollar store for the snacks. No trips to the supermarket for the sandwiches, no trips to the pizzeria to get food for our Monday Night "happy place meetings". Watching 90 Day Fiancee together, and falling asleep in each others arms. No trips to the supermarket the following morning for cat litter, cat food, and other groceries you wanted or needed. No calls as soon as I got home to tell you I got home safe. No calls as Im running errands in the store.
No more staying awake on the phone with you at all times of the night, being there when you had nightmares about your mom.. listening to you breathe on the phone. No more calling you back after I had my breakfast, hearing you wake up, listening to Poncho cry for his morning breakfast. No more running to Target or Walmart as well. There will be a lot of no mores. No more hearing how much you say you love me. No more dreams of what could of been or should of been. You said you wanted no memories of me. All well and good, but what about all the times I took you to get the cat food and litter for the furbabies, or the time you needed someone there when you had your root canal. or in the middle of the night when your power went out in you room who bought the fuses and paid the electrician, or the guy to fix the front and back lawn. Or even sometimes who paid for the cat food, and food for our Monday nights. It is a new normal, which I never will get use to.
I also will never forget on how our plans of getting married, having an intimate wedding with your friends, and the Thanksgiving Dinner and Christmas dinner. Is now gone. All the hopes and dreams. Gone...
But sadly I will have to get use to. I will never forget that day how you said you just wanted to be friends. And then change your mind. Get mad at me when your hot water heater was giving you problems, or that morning when I woke up in a daze when you told me about your mom. These are the memories I have of you. And no matter how hard I try to forget them, I can't. To me, I carry memories of certain things and people. they are buried under lock and key. But sometimes, a building, a smell, a thought, an image, will bring it back, which is normal. But this relationship not normal.
This was a Covid-time. When you dont know when tomorrow will be your last day on the planet. You fight for everything you got, you hold it close to dear life. Fighting tooth and nail so no one can take it from you, no matter what. You get beaten, kicked, punched just to make sure that this relationship lasts in this time, a time when you dont know. A lot of unknowns... But what is known.. you are gone. You said you are happy. I do hope you are.. God Bless. And hug the fur babies for me....
EDITOR NOTE: I sent this to her via a text message. Some guy calls me tells me how I mistreated her and how "its over" and how he's not "sleeping with her" but fixing up her house. Im not stupid I dont believe that. When someone gets accused of something day in and day out and then fights back, they are in the wrong? I was told I had to "kiss her ass" for days, months and years, just because of a text message. I dont do that...
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