Does the Number of sexual partners really matter (Page 2)

[iCumLikeCrazy2]

Well, It's Really No One Else's Business How Many Sex Partners Anyone Has Had!!!
People Have Different Amounts For Many Reasons So It Doesn't Make Any Difference To Me As Long As The Other Girls That I Have Sex With Are STD Free, That's All That Matters!!!

I Have Never Had Sex With ANY Guys Ever, (ZERO), But I'm Not Ashamed To Admit That I Have Had Sex With Over 400 Other Girls In My High School and College Days and I Still Continue To Have Sex With As Many Other Girls As I Wish!!!

Yes I Am A Lipstick Lesbian And I Love My Sexual Freedom Too Much To Settle Down With Just One Girl So I Always Have Multiple Female Sex Partners!!!

I've Been This Way Since I Was A Freshman At My Private All Girl Catholic High School!!!

At Just 13 yo I Had Sex With Multiple Female Classmates Either One On One Or In Group Orgies and I Loved It Right From The Get Go!!!

I Never Knew There Were So Many Other Girls Like Me That Liked Other Girls Too Until I Went To This School!!!

By The End Of My Freshman Year Of High School, I Was Having More Oral Sex With Most Of My Female High School Classmates and I Can Honestly Say That I Believe I Had Given and Received More Oral Sex In One Months Time Than Most Girls Have In An Entire Lifetime!!!

I Miss Those Days, But My Oral Escapades With Other Girls Carried On Throughout The Rest Of My High School Years And All Of My College Years Too!!!

I Was Fortunate Enough To Pledge To A Lesbian Sorority At College and Lived In The Main Sorority House For 4 Years With 29 Other Girls and Again I Can Easily Say That
I Gave and Received More Oral Sex In One Month (Every Month) Than Most Girls Give Or Receive In An Entire Lifetime!!!

These Days I'm Not As Sexually Active As I Was Back Then, But I Still Give And Receive More Oral Sex In A Month Than Most Girls Do In An Entire Lifetime and I Still Love My Sexual Freedom Enough To Continue Having Multiple Female Sex Partners!!!

[zeitgeist057]

Living your best life. :)

[TheSpaceGnome]

Fuck that noise, she either tells me a number from 0 to 3 or I'm not interested.

400 though, damn, any girl with a number that high definitely has stds, even if the test says otherwise (safe to assume false negatives happened at some point)

[Booboo210]

What act of sex you do to cum so much
first time you fucked a guy with many orgasms

[zeitgeist057]

@Booboo210 it doesn't have to be a specific act, women (and men too) can get so turned on and sensitive all it takes is a light touch of the tongue or even a kiss on the mouth for them to orgasm.

[HighValue]

I disagree on the "double standard" part. Plenty of women prefer guys that have slept around and actually don't like men that haven't done that. Even on this site I have seen them say that for years. Even inexperienced women say that too.

If a guy sleeps around he should be with someone else that sleeps around, but a guy that hasn't slept around shouldn't be expected to be with a low quality person that has.
The misconception comes when people think the guys that sleep around are the same guys that are wanting a good NOT promiscuous woman. The ones wanting a good woman often are the ones that have NOT slept around themselves.

I agree with the part where you said they should have close to the same experiences. That makes sense. Sluts/players should be with each other and good people should be with each other. That is why honesty is important. When people deceive their partner it is bad and eventually the truth will come out, then the relationship will end and all of that time will have been wasted for both people.

[Kaamraj]

I always try to bring an evolutionary biology and evolutionary-sexual point of view into my answers so one gets an idea that the way we think is not just random or a product of current culture but deep rooted in our brain via hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.
Sex is something very different for men and women. If you analyze the human genome then you will find that most of your ancestors (by a long shot) were women and not men. The median number of men who reproduced historically was near zero, and women was more than one. This means that most of the men did not get to reproduce while most of the women did. How is this possible - Well it was a select group of men who did vast majority of the breeding. Studies vary from 10-20% (approx 15%).
Therefore, men have to earn that top spot in order to have sex and breed, whereas women dont have to do much. This continues today where data form dating app swipes, which are accurate because people are anonomous, have shown that men's selection of women are normally distributed meaning distribution is average whereas women's distribution is highly one sided, meaning the average woman doesn't find that average man attractive and all the women are finding the select group of men (10-15%) attractive.

[msc545]

Many men firmly believe that the number of sexual partners a woman has had before them is predictive of the probability that she will cheat on them, and cite some very questionable research that purports to support this. The truth is more complicated.

The more politically or socially conservative a man or woman is, the more likely they are to require that a prospective mate be a "virgin", as impractical as that is, because their religion or social group or politics often demand it. Regressive politics in particular wish a regression in social mores of about 100 years or more in the US, and part of that regression is a return to female chastity at the time of marriage.

The presence of a hymen is usually deemed sufficient evidence of virginity, not taking into account oral and anal sex in which many women engage in lieu of vaginal sex before marriage.

Moreover, even a woman who has had the fairly simple surgical procedure of hymen restoration can easily convince her new husband she has never had vaginal sex. This was once limited to Muslim cultures where women could be killed for lacking a hymen but has now spread to Western cultures, where women can be denied a lucrative marital future for lacking a hymen.

When all else fails, most men demand that women undergo a medical examination with the doctor then "certifying" that she is a virgin. A discreet payment by the woman or her family usually takes care of this.

Demanding virginity is an unverifiable and stupid attempt to control something that cannot be controlled, but it is also a good indicator that the person demanding it may have other odious characteristics (such as being overcontrolling) that make them a poor choice for marriage.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I grew up hearing anal was the loop hole. Also things like, you can do anything but the actual vaginal intercourse and have it not be considered sex.

Thanks for the comment.

[msc545]

Young women whose religion forbids vaginal intercourse before marriage often very actively engage in anal and oral intercourse, and in my experience are quite promiscuous in this way prior to and sometimes during the marriage, with many different men. I think the fact that sex is deemed "forbidden fruit" by their parents and religious authorities actually functions to make them much more active sexually than they would have otherwise been.

[TheSpaceGnome]

There isn't a double standard, and I wouldn't trust survey results because the participants who answer, don't represent people who weren't in the study (you could take the same number of people, but have it be all new people, and the results will be different, because it's random chance how many people from either side of the fence will participate).

I'd prefer a virgin, but a body count of more than 1 sexual partner every 6 years is an automatic no, and if she had more than 4 partners total, and slept with all of them, I have to think maybe she is bad at picking men, and I wouldn't believe her if she said she loved me, because I wouldn't believe she knows what she wants.

You can't know who you love if you don't know what you want. (if she does know what she wants, and that still happened, then the turn off is her lack of verifying what kind of person the guy is before banging them, and thats also a red flag to me).

The other thing is without considering any of that, you could also interpret the issue as she just wants casual sex, and even if tests say she is clean, I fully expect a person like that to cheat and catch an STD at some point.

For these reasons, I cannot understand why a person would cheat to "get their numbers up to match yours", that just seems insane to me, as the only reasons high numbers are worrying, is unfaithfulness, poor partner match selection, and std risks (all of which he just now made worse)

[Dan_cColt]

It has to do with a number of factors. Sorry if this hurt's feelings. Most women would rather a guy with more partners than quote on quote "virgin" also it's not a big issue for women, they themselves don't seem to mind it and a guy who can attract multiple women is seen as more attractive to females. Keep in mind this doesn't mean he's sleeping with all of them but that they find him sexually attractive. Also it's biological in men to find a woman they see as more "untouched" for the same reason as the female point up top. Also women who sleep with multiple or a lot of people are associated with promiscuity or sex business so when men see it they associate it with being a treesh because of what they have either seen or experienced from sex business be it online, IRL, etc. The only way it would be a true double standard is if most women were unwilling to date a guy who has slept with a lot of people over the inexperienced virgin, the same way guys would rather have a virgin over a woman with "a past."

[Sarahdelacruz]

I used to say that I don’t care but as I got older I feel like it does matter. I personally wouldn’t want a man who is passed around and has slept with numerous women. For so many different reasons. If I was sleeping around I wouldn’t have cared. But simply because I’m a virgin I don’t think it’ll be fair for me to have saved myself for someone who has slept with so many people before me. The reasons I have are so much lol and it’s too much to type. But I believe they’re all valid reasons. I don’t require my future husband to be a virgin but most definitely would want someone who hasn’t had a large amount of sexual partners.

[Aerissa_Jade]

"because I’m a virgin I don’t think it’ll be fair for me to have saved myself for someone who has slept with so many people before me"

I have heard this a lot from people, especially men but this is why I mentioned that being close to the same level is helpful. Means they have the same level of value on on sex (or they should to be fair.) If someone who has a ton more than the other, doesn't appear to value it as special while the other with a low number does.

Kind of hard to have a couple where one thinks it is the most sacred act on the planet that you only give to one person and the other sees it as a recreational hobby.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Exactly. You worded that so perfectly.

[zeitgeist057]

@aerissa_jade I have the opposite perspective from "someone who has sex a lot doesn't value it, and someone who is a virgin (never had sex) values it a lot"

This is the opposite of logic to me. Who loves soccer more? A person who practices and plays every day, and watches matches on TV, or a person who avoids ever playing/practicing, or watching, and talks about how someday they are going to play.

I know it's more nuanced that that since we have so much societal and cultural shame around sex, nudity, pleasure, etc. Ergo, people have this misguided repression about sexuality and think that avoiding it somehow makes it special. I disagree. Those who truly value sexual connection with others participate in it, learn, practice, grow, study, and get feedback. These Handmaiden's Tale values sully the beauty of sexual connection.

[Sarahdelacruz]

@zeitgeist057 that makes now sense. If you value something you would save it for someone special. If you have no value or regard to something you’ll let anyone have it. Your example made absolutely no sense for this scenario.

People who sleep with random strangers do not have any self worth or respect. If you think that having lots of sex with different people means you value sex then you don’t understand the true definition of value.

[Aerissa_Jade]

@zeitgeist057 The difference between soccer and sex is, usually most people want to have sex. Many want it but they force themselves to wait or they just give in.

I get it if someone is asexual, they wouldn't have any value on sex. Soccer could be compared to them then.

Thanks for your kind input.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Yes I value my body and yes I do want to have sex. But I do not want to have sex with a man who doesn’t value me or love me. I am willing to wait for a man who believes I am worth being his wife. A man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I would not be satisfied having sex with a stranger just for the sake of having sex. I will still feel empty and maybe feel broken and used. That’s why I have no issue waiting for sex. I am proud to be a virgin who is waiting for marriage. I am excited to have sex some day and can imagine doing it everyday. It just makes no sense for me to give myself to someone who doesn’t value me and only view me as a sexual object. Hookup culture has ruined what sex was made for. I don’t believe strangers sleeping with each other is beneficial for anyone. Every still feels lonely and empty after the session. This is what I’ve been told by so many different people and friends. Even on social media people who engage is casual sex explain how harmful it is for their mental health. Again this is only for people who value sex. It does not apply for people who don’t value it.

[zeitgeist057]

@Sarahdelacruz so first off, no disrespect intended, as I respect your perspective and your choice to not have sex. But also, you have not had sex. Not even once. Yet you are here talking to me telling me what "makes now (sic) sense" and what doesn't. Second, as an experienced person, (and this isn't just about sex), there is more than one perspective out there, and it's not that one is right and the rest are wrong. I'm giving you a different perspective here. One that says the opposite of what you are saying, but I'm not trying to tell you that you're wrong for your beliefs. Whatever brings you fulfillment is right for you.

[zeitgeist057]

I come from a different set of experiences and to me, sex is an expression of love. And love is not something to keep from others, to hoard and only share with one person after you've already lived over 1/4 of your life. To me, love is an amazing and beautiful feeling/experience that the more you share it, the more it generates more love. I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about the love we give to our friends, relatives, children, animals, and in general to the world around us. The caring and sharing we propagate out into the world. Where sex comes in (in my perspective) is when you take that attitude of love and generating more love in the world, and then you meet someone who lights you up inside in a romantic way, in a sexual/physical/chemical way. Sharing sexuality with that person to me is natural and beautiful, whether that's the only person I've ever had that connection with, or if she's the latest. I don't feel it's any less special, just like I don't feel like Thanksgiving is less special because we did it last year, and the year before that, as far back as I can remember. Nor is my sister's birthday less special because we had Thanksgiving, or my brother's birthday the month before. This starvation model of love, and the idea that a person becomes "un-special" because someone else received love... jeez I'd hate to be one of 5 children in a family that has those values. You'd only be 20% as special as you could be if you were an only child. XD

[zeitgeist057]

@aerissa_jade asexual people don't want to have sex. At. All. They are not interested in it.

Are you suggesting that the millions of people who play soccer and the millions upon millions who watch it are completely disinterested in soccer? Because that's the only way comparing their love of soccer to asexual people's love of sex would have validity.

A different lesson about value is told by the parable of the sons who are given talents by their father. One son hoards and hides his talents because he values them so much and doesn't want to lose them. The other sons use their talents and the usage generates more. In the parable, talents are money, but also metaphors for the gifts and blessings in our life, such as our actual talent (s)/skills. Here's a copy https://dltk-kids.com/bible/cv/parable-talents.htm

Here is another more adult oriented article expounding on the subject I touched on, the starvation model of love (which also can be applied to economics, as in the talents parable): professortaboo.com/.../

[zeitgeist057]

and again just in closing I want to restate that this is not the ONLY way to see things, it's just another way, which I personally have found to be very rewarding and fulfilling. I am very grateful for all the amazing people in my life, both romantic and platonic, and I believe my approach to love and life is very much a part of how I've come to have such amazing people and abundance in my life.

[Sarahdelacruz]

@zeitgeist057 I show love through other ways and not sex. And clearly it was a fucking typo. Everyone makes typos. You know I meant no instead of now. There’s no way to edit. Again I will not have sex to prove I love someone. I love myself more than anyone and I will wait for my husband. I do not have any intentions of sleeping with any man who doesn’t value me enough to make me his wife. You are free to sleep with as many men you want to. Just like how I am free to save myself for my one and only husband. That doesn’t make me selfish or a hoarder. I do not have to prove my love through sexual relationships.

[Sarahdelacruz]

@zeitgeist057 I just realized you are a man. So it makes sense that you have a completely different perspective on sex. Most Men do not have any value for themselves when it comes to sex. Most Men have no morals or self respect. So of course you would be okay with sleeping with as many women. I’m a woman and I do not agree. Thank you. I also will not accept a man who has had many sexual partners.

[zeitgeist057]

@Sarahdelacruz you're expressing a lot of presumptive generalizations, which I don't identify with. But I understand the need some people have for making labels to slap onto others in order to dismiss them when logic fails. Good luck, and I hope you are fulfilled with your path in life :)

[Sarahdelacruz]

@zeitgeist057 hahaha same to you.

[exitseven]

Guys can be insecure about this. It is much easier for a girl to rack up a huge body count and it make the guy feel like he is somehow deficient or a loser. I think that the reasons a person has to have sex with another is more important than body count. If the people love each other and the sex is an important thing is a very different thing that just a string of one night stands with people you really do not have any connection to.
My wife and I both have small body counts and I am glad we never really had to deal with this. I don;t know how open minded I could be,

[Aerissa_Jade]

I understand, the first guy I was with willingly with, had more than me.

It bothered me, due to my life goals. I planned on getting married to a virgin and being one. It felt like I had to give up my dreams to be with him. In a way it did, because after him I could no longer say he was my first willing partner.

I totally get how guys can feel that way too.

[exitseven]

@aerissa_jade I hope you were able to get past feeling that way.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Well it hasn't been a problem since, I have the higher count so it was not an issue for me. It has been an issue for many guys though. Which is why I'm still not married.

[exitseven]

You should just be yourself and you will find just the right person.

[TruthBringer]

Yes. Body-count does very much matter. Especially to men it matters a lot. If this wasn't a big deal within many different societies, then slut-shaming for example would not be a thing. Promiscuity within certain countries and communities can even lead to ostracization or even death. Other than that, statistics show a correlation between general overall happiness, quality of relationships and the number of sexual partners.

I've made the following take explaining things in detail to why it does matter:
Why The Number of Sexual Partners Matters

[Aethereal]

I liked your MyTake especially for how neutral you made it (since I clicked on it expecting to read something about how people who have a problem with body count suck or something).

I agree that honesty and communication on this subject is important. There are potential partners who will mind how many people you've been with, and there are those who won't. Those with a high body count are not wrong for choosing to build one, but neither are those who don't like it. We are all responsible for our choices in life. Many of those choices do not lock out certain futures (like marriage), just certain people, relationships, experiences, etc.

Progress and happiness comes faster when we realize that we don't have to cling to things and people that are closed to us because of our choices, and instead see what paths have been opened despite (or even because of) those choices.

[bobalife]

Great Mytake! :) This speaks volume.

The number used to bother me in my early to mid twenties, but I just became more open-minded and understanding. The number doesn't really bothered me. It is his past before I was there. All that matters to me is his dedication and commitment to me as his one person moving forward.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Thanks,

Kind of the same here, used to bother me, then didn't. It was hard for me to accept when he had more, then saw the other side of that and the pain it caused another guy and how much it hurt him.

[bobalife]

Your welcome,

I totally hear you. I am the same boat as you except I dont think I've ever hurt any guy with my body count. I think each individuals just take things differently. Sure you dont wanna hurt him nor lose him, but you are just being your authentic self. We can only hope that someone will accept us for us and not shame us for our past or let our past hurt them presently. Unfortunately if someone is unable to be receptive of it well or be mindful of it, then they aren't the person you are meant for. I feel like everyone has a past and does multiple different things with people.. (it shouldn't even be about just body count in my opinion) but should we let that ruined something beautiful that can be created now and in the future? I am also sorry to hear about the guy who lied he was cool about it and started cheating instead, which does not give him any right. He probably was just a cheater anyways. So you dodge a bullet. I remember the last guy I dated seriously last year, he actually was chill about my body count number. We ended for other reasons. But the point is I am sure there will be a good potential who will be open and accepting of it :) It is common for men to sleep around, so women can do it too. We are allow to love our bodies and do what we want. Obviously when we are in a commited relationship, it doesn't mean we will cheat or they are less valuable right? I think thats a bad myth people be spreading. Ultimately at the end of the day.. if someone is loyal, they be loyal. If someone is a cheater, they will cheat. But our past shouldn't make us less valuable and worthy of love due to body count.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I can't say any have tried to shame me for it, I think its more that they feel like settling down will mean they will miss a lot of sexual experiences, with a lot of other girls. Or they think it is special and I don't, that has been a big one.

Something that someone has a lot of is not special somehow.

[Star_88]

Ironically it's the men who haves sex with multiple women but at the same time, can't stand his wife to have multiple flings because he considers it disrespectful and suspicious, SO WHAT EXACTLY HE IS DOING? Double standards!!! A guy I know flirts with any pretty woman, but he wants to date me and he's being possessive about me, even talking to my guy classmates normally.

[Lifelive96]

I agree with you they are hypocrites. So they can not be disappointed if their girlfriend and wife lied to them about their sexual Body count

[all_hayl]

You’ve kind of already answered your own question. Lots of different preferences based on perspective, values, etc.
I, for one, do care. For a variety of reasons. That does not mean that I’m going to turn down a gal who has had a promiscuous past. There’s more to it than that. But everyone has their own preferences. It’s definitely not a one-size-fits-all.

[all_hayl]

And yes, you’re right, this question has been asked almost too many times on the site.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I joined last week and saw it like 4 times in 5 days, I expect it will come up many more, for new people.

I wasn't personally stating an opinion on if it matters to me or not, just sort of analyzed what I could find on it. Put it all out there, end result is that it only matters, if it matters to YOU and your partner.

Listing some pro's and con's that are not guarantees of anything, stats are just that, averages that doesn't mean you'll fit into them.

[RealMarek]

One of my early relationships turned into a long marriage that was toxic. As a result, when I divorced I found myself with a much lower body count than most women my age. I noticed a lot of men in my position tended to go have sex with large numbers of women, but often ended up worse off for it. I decided that I would focus on who women are today, and focused on finding one who could be intimate and was a good match for me. Now I have a great relationship, and her body count (all I know is that it’s quite a bit more than mine) is not something I think about.

[Andres77]

I've had better relationships with girls who'd been with a lot of guys.
I've also had awesome luck in NOT getting STDs because I went down on almost all of the girls.
I love hearing stories of all the crazy shyt they've done in their past so once a girl knew I wouldn't judge her and that I actually got more excited the more details they shared... then we'd just fuck as she remembered fun things in her past. It would really heat things up.
I'd also give lots of oral while listening to their stories... they'd lay back with their eyes closed, remembering... running their fingers through my hair as they tell theur raunchy hot stories and I'm giving them pleasure... it's almost like they'd masturbate with my mouth as they remembered good fucks from their past.
Good times... good times...

[Naydyonov]

It does. If sex is treated as something ordinary, when it is not, then the sex between me & a girl would be meaningless. Same applies for kissing in my view. It is not an ordinary act. Same as you'd not gift a computer to a coworker, but you would to a family member. Who you do something with does matter. How much you do it matters too.
Sex differs in that it is extremely intimate. It is an experience you do not have with just anyone.
Same way combat brings soldiers together into brotherhood, so too is sex a unique experience which brings people close together. However, depends also on how you engage in these acts. A regular soldier will see the war differently than a war criminal. When you do something you know is wrong, it affects you.
When you have meaningless sex, it affects your sex in the future.
Soldiers are deeply affected by their first kill. Not so much by their fifth. It becomes less meaningful the more it is done. Why should sex be any different?

[erandal]

A good read. I went through a bad patch after my first marriage and had a very large number of sexual partners. I do consider myself to have been 'a slut' during this period not because of the number but how I went about it (nightclub, flirt, sex, next...). My current partner (18+ years) is not aware how high the number is and he believes it to be in single figures.

[Anonymous]

It matters because guys cannot visualize other guys having their way with their girl, basically placing himself on top of her and implanting a part of himself inside of her. For guys, nobody wants to imagine many different guys having "driven" his girl before him. If the amount or circumstances are reasonable like committed relationships with a long term partner in the past, it's better than knowing she's been f-ing anything she felt like.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I personally can relate to this, as my first willing guy had more than me. I loved him dearly and kept thinking, he's been in all these other women. I somehow thought I could get over it, but it meant settling. No one should ever have to settle.

It isn't just a guy thing

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, it's kind of territorial.

[Desire-for-Greatness]

The stigma shouldn't go away. Instead it should also be applied on men.

In fact, in the Arab and Muslim world it is!

You are going in the wrong direction.

You're exacerbating the problem.

Men should be held accountable for screwing around, instead of saying that you want to normalize the wrongdoings for women too.

This is sincerely sad for me to read.

[Daniela1982]

Depends on the time period is for your number. If you have 6 in 30 years you would seem to have a decent relationship stability for the most part. If it is 6 in one month I would wonder what street corner she stands on. If it means nothing to you it might to your prospective partner.