Disclaimer: I want to be clear that everyone is free to make choices in their lives. I'm not gonna tell anyone what to do, I'm just sharing my perspective on a subject I'm very passionate about. And since I'm a heterosexual man, I'll mainly be talking about women here. Some of the things that I mention apply to men aswel. But since I'm a guy who has put more effort into researching the female side, this Take focuses mainly on women. This Take is not meant to throw shade on one gender while leaving the other. Just in case some of you will throw insults and labels such as "misogynist", "incel" (I have a girlfriend) around.
So I've been on this website for some time and I'm the type of guy who you either love or hate. I've seen many (controversial) topics and many opinions I both agree and disagree with. So I decided to share my views on a certain controversial topic myself.
"The past is the past" Uhhhh... No.
Yup, we've all heard this one before. "The past is the past". "She is with you now", "get over it!", "You're insecure!", "You're scared she compares you to other guys" and a bunch of other silly wishful thinking and shaming tactics. All meant to desperately try to settle the dissonance in one's brain just because someone happens to have standards and acknowledges that having a high number of sexual partners is a turn off and often leads to long term problems (I will mention those later). Unforunately for the nay sayers, the past is NOT the past. If the past were truly the past, then governmental institutions, the military, heck even corporations wouldn't be doing a background/history check on their applicants. They would all just hire ex-convicts. Because the past is the past, right? Wrong. The past is the best predictor of the future.
A person who has cheated in the past, is more likely to cheat in the future (hence why they say "Once a cheater, always a cheater").
A person who has had an addiction, is more likely to fall into addiction once again.
A person who happens/happened to be a serial dater, is most likely going to move on to someone else again.
Well, same goes for someone who has slept around in the past. The likelyhood of them sleeping around again is higher compared to someone who has always been in long-term relationships and has very few sexual to no sexual partners. Are these reasons absolute? Of course not. Are the chances higher? Absolutely yes.
The more sexual partners you have, the higher risk there is for negative & long term consequences
According to studies, there is a correlation between the amount of sexual partners and the following:
1. Women Who Have More Non-Marital Sexual
Partners Are Less Likely to Have Stable Marriages
2. More likely to have abortions
3. More likely to end up as single-mothers
4. Less overal happiness
5. More likely to be depressed
All this is especially the case when someone has started being sexual under the age of 18.
Source: http://s3.amazonaws.com/thf_media/2003/pdf/Bookofcharts.pdf
If the number of sexual partners doesn't matter, why do people lie about it?
So many people seem to lie about their body count, that it's actually pathetic and can lead to so many problems down the line. I've met guys who lie about having sex, while they themselves were virgins. Because society looks down on a virginal man.
On the other hand, women lie about the number of sexual partners to make it less than it actually is. This seems to be a stereotype to a point that they even say "The number of partners she claims to have, multiply it by 3". Because despite living in the free western society, women know very well that society looks down a woman who sleeps around.
Women know that men look down on a woman who has a high body count. And this is why they lie, especially when they know the guy they are trying to get with dislikes it.
All of the above is why I always make sure to get to know the person who I'm dating. If I find out they have a history of sleeping around, then I next them as I have no issues getting with a clean person who doesn't have such history. Even though I can never know for sure if the person I'm getting to know isn't lying to her teeth, I can still be tactical to make her feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth.
"Her/his past is not your business!"
Hate to break it to you, but yes it IS my business to know. In my case, her past IS my business. So it's my business to invest, settle and dedicate my time, love, energy and resources to her, but God forbid I get to know who I'm exactly dealing with? We got a saying in Dutch that says "Go and convince the cat". Which pretty much means that you're not fooling anybody. I'm not going to invest in a woman who has slept with half the town. If she did not value and respect herself enough to not be used as a toy for sexual relief, then don't expect me to value and respect her either. I'm not going to settle with someone who can't keep her legs closed if I can get with someone who isn't so keen on letting anyone in her body. Sorry not sorry.
Most Helpful Opinions