Does the Number of sexual partners really matter


Since joining a few days ago I've seen this question a lot. Seems people here on GAG are kind of obsessed about this. I thought I would give a shot at my first mytake on this subject.

*Disclaimer, just giving it a shot. I'm writing this from my point of view and experiences.

The Double Standard

For women there is stigma around it, the Double Standard that says it is okay for men to have a lot of partners but not women. This is rooted in sexism from the past.

Does the Number of sexual partners really matter

Thankfully this slowly going away.

For health issues, women have a higher cancer risk by having more lifetime partners, thanks to STI's.

Does the Number of sexual partners really matter

For relationships it's usually a good idea to talk about it. Not talking about it can make it feel like your partner is keeping secrets or just doesn't trust you. This can create distance and tension. If you don't want to talk about it, that is okay to so long as your partner is okay with that but they really have to be okay with it, not just say they are. Trust is extremely important in a relationship if you want it to last.

The 2018 Dr. Ed survey found some 29% of people said you should never have to tell your number to your partner, whereas 54% of people said you must tell your number to your partner. That's a lot of absolutes and differences of opinions with more than half thinking it has to be told.

Some people are judged for having too high of a number, others for too low.

There are studies on those with too many partners that can potentially reduce their dating pool and increase divorce rates. This shouldn't really be anything to worry about, as we get older dating pool goes up.

Does the Number of sexual partners really matter

Other research shows that people with a lot of partners can still be happily married and loyal.

Does the Number of sexual partners really matter

Someone who is saving themselves for marriage, can feel like they missed out on a lot of sexual fun when their potential life partner has more than they do. They saved themselves as a special gift, why didn't the other person? This can lead to resentment, especially if they really wanted to have sex and fun with others but either were unable to, due to religious beliefs or it simply wasn't able to actually hook up with anyone.

Some may feel that it is meant to be a sacred special act and having a higher number means you don't consider it special. Such as having been married several times makes many people think that person doesn't consider marriage to be anything special, some think of sexual partners the same way. Often thinking "I saved myself for marriage why didn't you?" Depends on personal values and what is considered special.

Some also wonder if someone who has a higher number than you will stay loyal or if they will go back to their old life style. While it showed higher rate of divorce, there doesn't seem to be a higher risk of being cheated on.

My personal experiences

Guys that just want to get some, don't care. Numbers ONLY matter if they want to get serious, want a family and life long relationship.

Everyone has their reasons why they have as many partners as they do or don't, your choice if you want to judge them or not.

Almost everyone has a unrealized limit that will bother them, even if they don't think they do. "Say what?! your Don Juan, no thanks."

Does the Number of sexual partners really matter

I've been engaged a few times. The first time I was engaged, I absolutely adored and loved him and he treated me with respect and like a queen. I thought we were meant for each other.

Once we talked about numbers, it changed everything. I should of talked about this BEFORE we got engaged, it just never came up but I lost him, things changed.

He couldn't get over how many partners I had been with and he was unable to reconcile it. We even went through pre-marriage counselling together.

We never actually had sex, we were going to wait until we were married as a wedding night gift to each other.

He also started pressuring me, saying I must not love him as much as my Ex's that I had sex with. I loved them enough to give it to but not him.

This is a case of him having some issues, feeling self conscience about not being on par with me, and feeling like I would be unwilling to do certain things that he wanted to try because I already had.

Being engaged to him, something I never gave the others didn't seem to matter to him.

In the end I called it off I thought he'd be happier with someone else and he was no longer the man I used to love. He was just one of those guys who wanted to get some.

Some guys don't care, they love no matter what and are willing to wait. Others, I can see their expression as they just want to get away as fast as possible.

I have had other guys that stop loving over this, at one point it made me reluctant to talk about because I felt like it would end relationships every time I did, often it did. I continued to do so, wanting to make sure I was open and honest.

The worst case scenario for myself would be feeling the need to lie to my husband to avoid these problems later if he asked about it then or telling him the truth which could lead to divorce, adultery or worse.

The next guy I was engaged to, when we first discussed it, he was having a really hard time but then seemed okay with it later. He said he was fine and it wouldn't be an issue that he had come to terms with it.

I was thrilled he was okay with it, we could move beyond it to start our lives together.

He become secretive and withdrawn. I ended up by pure accident discovering that the way he was handling this was to find flings and keep upping his number count to try and catch mine. When caught he said he was doing this for us, otherwise he would be unable to get married. Translation "I am a cheating jerk and we really shouldn't get married"

I personally believe it is best for people to be as close together as possible in numbers but it really may not matter, totally depends on each person, being balanced, means neither one should have an issue with the others number. If someone does then your not meant to be together.

When I find Mr. Right, I have to accept him for who is and he has to accept me for who I am. Our past is what made us who we are. If neither can do that, it is best to move on. Given my history it is a miracle I'm even here today.

Does the Number of sexual partners really matter
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