Why the number of sexual partners doesn't matter. A counterpoint to @Truthbringer.


I don't believe in censorship of opposing ideals so please feel free to post here as you'd like with your thoughts. Some of us can accept criticism. : )

Insecurity. It's a word that angers some and describes many more than care to admit to themselves. We live in a world that is full of insecurities from body image, to financial stability, to how well we are liked by our peers, and many other things. I find myself here today faced with yet another one and that is the insecurity of choice.

I believe that insecurity is what leads to some being concerned about the number of partners a person has had in the past. Now, I realize to some it very well could be an issue, but why? I mean, deep down, why is it a bother to you? You can give a superficial reason of how it determines their potential for cheating down the road (It doesn't. Poor communication and an unsatisfying relationship are the primary factors). You could say it has to do with the potential for diseases (Then get tested before you have sex with them. Practice safe sex!). You could have a litany of reasons, but the thing is, it is a double standard applied to women more often than men. So then I ask myself, why would that be? Is it the conquest of claiming her virginity? Is it an ownership thing as if her past sexual relationships give them ownership of her body? Is it a learned behavior from our past where women didn't have the same rights they did today? In the end, I have decided the reason is insecurity. Whether it be being afraid of being compared to others in their past or the insecurity that they cannot build a lasting relationship through communication, kindness and hard work or even the insecurity that they didn't have the same level of sexual experiences as their partner.

Insecurity pops up as a common theme in these kinds of posts. Hiding behind a false sense of intellectual superiority when in reality it is the equivalent of a child sticking their fingers in their ears, squinting their eyes tightly and refusing to acknowledge facts. These kinds of posts bring in "proof" from things like Tinder or a random message board, but when faced with actual numbers from government agencies, the insecurity rears it's head again.

It's ok to have insecurities, we all have them. In fact, let me give you a great example of it. Women are sexually harassed at a far greater rate than men are. This puts a large amount of pressure for women just to feel safe existing in some environments. To make this simpler to understand let's use the following example:

If you are a child in school and you have a bully pick on you you might take measures to avoid them. Some of you braver ones may try to confront them, but then you get knocked back down. Now take that bully and multiply it to a large portion of the male population. Suddenly there is no real place to hide from it. Each day you go to school, you get comments made at you, you get stared at because they are thinking negative thoughts about you, and you are never quite sure which one is going to take the next step and use force on you just for their satisfaction. You get home after facing this all day long and your father comes up to you and says, "Stop being a wimp. You could have fought back. Why were you even there to begin with? You could have walked another way." In an attempt to make peace with them and just trying to exist, you try and give them what they want, but then suddenly all of those bullies know you are giving it away and they want to claim it for themselves. It's a no win situation.

Whether you think sexual harassment is a big deal or not, it is still wrong and it happens way more than you think. That doesn't even count the victims of attempted or completed r*pe. 1 in 6 women face the reality of that, nearly 4 of 5 face the former just by itself.



Non Tinder statistics
Non Tinder statistics

The continued harassment takes it's toll. Some just give in thinking they need to so they avoid further conflict or having it forced upon them. It reinforces those insecurities a lot of women already have about themselves.

That's not to say there are those out there who willingly want to do it. I say, more power to you. Experience your sexual awakening and to those attempting to shame them, stop. It is not your decision who they are with and neither is your right to know it. It has no bearing on the kind of relationship you can build if you both want it.

Don't let your insecurities be a pass to bully others and don't let them prevent you from finding a fulfilling relationship.

Thank you.

Why the number of sexual partners doesn't matter. A counterpoint to @Truthbringer.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • HugoThe2nd
    I fully agree, I haven't met one person who was strongly derisive of promiscuity or "body counts" and at the same time did not emanate a strong aura of doubt over their own adequacy.

    These people like to deride others for their behavior to feel better about the fact that they aren't engaging in those things probably because they themselves are inadequate.
    The try to convince themselves that their "exclusiveness" is a deliberate choice, rather than the result of their own shortcomings.

    Then they carry resentment and make up nonsense about how promiscuous people don't respect themselves or aren't respected by others, which is total nonsense.

    I've respected all of the people I've been with, I don't think my female friends and acquaintances who have engaged with me are "sluts" or that I'm "using them" somehow.
    A person getting sexual with me is always a personal and flattering thing, I don't care what they do with others.

    Besides, if I go inside someone and they go "oh shit" while their cheeks are turning red and they are groping my hair, why the hell would I start thinking about the men who this lady has been with?

    I mean, no judgement there, but if the thing that pops up into your mind while you are fucking someone is other dudes... maybe you should try something else, yo.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      The funny thing is if they just opened their pool of potential women a bit more they might actually get that sex they want without having to pay for it.

      These guys want this pristine ideal version of what they think a woman is but it's never the reality. We are people with our own thoughts and needs and that isn't always going to match theirs. Their quixotic pursuit of finding this needle in a haystack is what ends up frustrating them in the end.

    • HugoThe2nd

      The funniest thing is that the "needle in the haystack" is inevitably going to have the same issues they have.
      She will probably base her own worth around the concept of "exclusivity" and what not, tell herself that a valuable woman must behave this certain way to be deemed respected and valuable.

      And then they are drawn together for dumb, misguided reasons and will probably end up with absolutely horrendous intimacy without a shred of chemistry because their biases will prevent them from being open about their sexual desires.

      I know a woman who was frustrated and miserable throughout all of her relationships because she was afraid to tell her partners that she had a large sex drive and that what she actually wants is "to be fucked like a whore" because this didn't align with her ideal of how a lady should be and thought that it will make her partners slut shame her or whatever.
      This of course made her think of cheating because the idea of actually enjoying herself without tiptoeing, guilt and constant paying attention to her partner's expectations and boundaries started appealing to her.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Trust me, for a lot of years I stay repressed myself until recently where I finally tried something new and found myself falling easily into a sub role when it comes to sex. As you can tell by my post I am not that way otherwise. I have opinions, I feel like sharing them and I don't really like guys like him trying to devalue a woman's worth. I let that be my thing for way too long. If I can help other girls realize it sooner then I will.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • MzAsh
    I’d argue that it’s best to disqualify a man who has a strong concern for how many partners she’s slept with in the past.

    If he has a concern for his own sexual health and safety, that’s fair, but that’s a separate issue and he can ask about that specifically.

    What you definitely want to avoid is a guy who won’t trust your answer (whether you tell him it’s 1 guy or 100 guys), any guy who is interested in a dick measuring content with your former lovers, and definitely avoid any guy who think your value is lower because your number is higher than the ideal number he had in mind.

    The way a man thinks about you, women, and sexual dynamics is so important. So many women settle for men who don’t respect them as well as they should.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      This is why I try to be vocal when I can about it. We let our own insecurities force us into these mindsets of "well I am not going to do better than this" and settle for those who are bad for us.

      A person who is really wanting to be with you should love you despite your flaws, not judge you for them.

      Girls out there who have doubts, you are better than you think. Love yourself. I know I already love you no matter who you choose to be, sister.

    • MzAsh

      Speaking of flaws, a lot of these guys are getting bad advice from relationship coaches who have drug addictions, fraudulent activity, and extensive criminal histories. Yet they want to act like they’re in a place to judge a woman’s sexual history. It’s so important to be aware of this and be ahead of their game.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      They are con artists through and through. These insecure ones are an easy grift for them.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • GirlyGal20
    Nice take, I've only had sex with 5 men so far, the earlier times in part because I was naive and didn't understand the men and how to navigate the dating world. I only like something serious and hated casual sex when I tried it. I hate hate when people try to encourage me to sleep around or cheat or be more sexually free or whatever, frankly it makes me feel gross. A partner who's had a lot more sex then I have I would be a bit wary of, (also I'd see them as a bit sleezy)? Promiscuity in men isn't attractive to me, and the ones I've met usually end up being cocky pricks in the way they speak to me. It's really crazy to me however that there's men out there who sleep with what 30?50 women? 100? and say that only a virgin is worthy for a LTR. It's a bit hypocritical.. I'd understand if they had a low number or if they were virgins themselves but setting a standard set of rules for their futur girlfriend that they don't follow is wild. judging by some of the ages of some of the men who say this (want a virgin, 18-25) I do wonder if they'll ever find someone at all.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      It's sort of like a self perpetuating factory of frustration.

      ¹Be picky and condescending to women who are comfortable with themselves.
      ²Complain that women have it easier in finding sex
      ³Complain that they are not the ones getting that supposed easy to get sex.
      ⁴Complain how picky women are and that we are all feminist liberals who are changing traditional values

  • loves2learn
    YESSSSS! Preach sista. Thank you for calling him out!!! He’s always spouting that one sided sexist bullshit about how men can have millions of partners and women only one. Drives me batty!

    I love that you posted this. ❤️
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      My absolute pleasure to do so 😊

    • Ugh. For some reason I can’t reply to @theflack38 but he makes me want to vomit. 🤢

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      No worries, I got you there too

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  • bamesjond0069
    I mean i am hot and have a big dick and lots of sluts chase me because i fuck amazing. Literally have had escorts want to be my fuck buddy because i can do it and fulfill them none of the thousands of men can. That being said, i dont want them.

    1. As a a guy who fucked said prostitutes as friends with benefits as well as virgin girls and everything in between, less experienced women give their all to a relationship and it feels like true love. Where more experienced women do not and it feels more like, im here for sex and benefits of whatever kind, and a hint of desperation. Its not cute its not nice at all.

    2. There is a cost to sex. If i fuck a virgin it means im the only man who has it. One of a kind prize. Thats valuable! If i fuck a slut every man got it for free and now im supposed to marry her or some shit? Hell no. Thats embarassing asf. And something everyone got for free is not valuable.

    3. Lastly ofc there is other factors but women who sleep around cheat and divorce more. Period full stop. Nothing you can say changes that or negates that.

    I've literally been in porn and fucked in front of 10 people on set and had it put online. Im not insecure about my performance at all. That kind of thinking might be for a small amount of men but its definitely from a females imagination to being a major concern of men.
    • Ez-Bri-Z



    • Gray-Wisp

      3 is the primary reason it's bad. At least if marriage and children are the goal.

  • TheSpaceGnome
    I don't have insecurities.

    Having lots of partners puts that person as high infectious disease risk even if currently they don't have a disease, simply because of how they choose to live, I would only date someone who is terrified of stds to the point of not using a public toilet unless they figured out how to pee standing up with a vag, let alone sleeping with lots of people.

    If they had lots of partners by my age or under, it also makes them way less picky than me, which means we won't get along at all. like even very long as just friends.

    If they had lots of sexual partners they also aren't worried about birth control failing, which means either she wants kids and thus I don't want her, or she doesn't want kids but it isn't smart enough for me.

    I would prefer a penetrative sex virgin (ie someone who never had actual sex where pregnancy can occur), because I'm also that type of person. and if she had oral sex or got fingerbanged, it has to be only 1 or 2 people, 3 max, and it would have to have been serious relationships that didn't work out for those times (i won't touch a person who would have casual sex with a 10 foot pole testing or not), she would need to have cut off contact with them after it didn't work out, and an std test has to prove she was clean.
    • I also do not for a single second buy into the idea that 1 in 6 women have had someone attempt to rape them, rapists are not that common, nor is running into them.

    • you could post any link from the net and it won't change my mind.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      If you choose to be willfully in denial that is your choice, I can't change that. These are based on actual reported crimes to the department of justice and there are so many more that never get reported at all so that number is actually bound to likely be higher.

      As you stated, if you are worried about STD's then get tested before having sex with a person. Heck, that just seems to be a best practice in general.

      You are welcome to have your preferences. We all have things that we do and don't want in a partner. A person having multiple partners doesn't lower their actual value except to those like yourself.

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  • Celtero
    Well you see, if a woman has a special gift and she gives it to me it makes me feel very unique and important to her. When I learn that 20 other men received this gift before me then I no longer feel that way.

    Very simple, yes?

    Relationshits with whores are nothing special, just another short term fuck-buddy arrangement.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Does this work in reverse for you too? If a guy hooks up with a lot of people am I allowed to think of him as a whole too?

    • Celtero


      Problem is, most women don't have a problem with manwhores, so that sort of behavior is rewarded.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      That's over generalization, but it doesn't generally matter because we aren't as obsessed over the past number of sexual partners as guys seem to be. The guys who are confident in themselves don't mind either. It's just those who feel insecure or feel a need to be some sort of conqueror that have an issue from what I have seen.

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  • TheFlak38
    I didn't even take the time to read your bullshit. The number matters very much for women in particular and you can throw temper tantrums about it all you want. Women who fuck billions of men are dirty sluts. Men who fuck billions of women are alpha males. Deal with it.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Thank you for your opinion and confirmation of my point 😊

  • anylolone
    1: Sex and rape are a different thing.
    2: That statistic is bogus. Rape requires coercion (which is different from pressure/insistence), being unconscious or force.
    3. The number of partners I had clearly mattered to all women I dated.

    I had a feminist ask if she raped me because she pressured me when I was almost puking my gutts out. Really put a different context on the subject.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Sex is sex regardless if consented to or not. People hold it against victims of it as if they wanted it to happen.

      I am not sure which statistic you are referring to specifically to counter argue on the second one.

      That is confirmation bias.

    • Rape does not count as a sexual partner.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      It absolutely shouldn't and yet I've seen posts and see in society where victims of rape hold it against them as if they had a choice. Look no further than the abortion debate and how they are trying to block abortions even in the case of rape.

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  • Lilbrown
    The number of sexual partner shouldn't matter but it does. I really prefer a partner that values herself. Allowing countless partner is not a good look. And no, I do not think men should have countless partners either..
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I don't know if the idea of valuing yourself should be tied to sex like that. Moral values should be tied to things like how much good for you do for others.

      It's ok if you feel your preferences are for you and your partner to have a limited sexual background with others, but the idea that someone who does enjoy having sex is somehow less valuable doesn't quite sit well with me.

      One of my closer friends used to do sex work when they were younger, today they are married and I dont think their husband minds in the slightest and I dont think any value has been taken in my eyes either.

      I do question a society who forgives murderers or animal abusers just because they play a sport well, but a woman (or man) who isn't hurting anyone and just having sex is somehow vilified.

      It's kind of silly.

      Also, this became sort of a personal rant. Sorry about that lol

    • Lilbrown

      What is the most intimate of acts among humans? Sex!!!

      We will not allow a stranger to take food off our plate but allow numerous individuals to enter our bodies. We will not allow numerous people to drive our cars but we will copulate with them. My point is we value everything but our intimacy.

      I will expand later

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      First off, I would give from my plate if someone needed food that badly.

      Second, sex isn't this magical thing that is the end all be all of love. It doesn't need to romanticized the way it is. People should not be shamed for wanting to experience it. This is why we have full grown adults who don't even know how their own anatomy works, let alone the opposite sex.

      You know what I find more intimate than sex? Making a real connection with someone. Not even in a sexual or romantic way. It's a social pact that says, I am finding a way to give part of who I am inside to accept a part of you in return.

      People can share their bodies and get nothing out of it, but share your heart and find that the joy and the pain are that much more intense.

  • RedSauce
    In summary - it doesn't matter because it's a stupid thing to worry about
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Pretty much, but that wouldn't have made an interesting read lol

    • RedSauce

      Can't argue with that

    • @RedSauce. So you would marry the town pump? Your family will be so proud.

  • CasaNorba
    Ok so you used Insecurity and sex assault (something extremely irrelevant to the subject) to validate your point. in other words just any typical feminists out there you are implementing that women are never at fault for having multiple sex partners in there lives.

    till then this says enough. you literally have no argument here, you are just butthurt by @TruthBringer mytake because he spoke the truth that most of you women hate hearing, but somehow your ego won't rest until you at least throw shades at him somehow
    • CasaNorba

      ok buddy not sure what the hell you were trying to proof with your Dr Seuss poetry.

      "The only sex I'll ever get is with my right hand"

      yeah SEX is the only combat women like you have when you dont have shit to say in response. thanks for proving my point even further

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Nice try kiddo, but im married to another woman which if I look at the scoreboard is one more than you. 😚

    • CasaNorba

      oh wow I'm so jealous!

      I got 100 more than you and I'm not even married nor do I have to put up with PMS of another

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  • vald9inches
    The so called past that people talk about when women had no rights and were abused and treated as objects and property and their absolute value derives from whether or not they are virgins i have experienced first hand in the middle east. I have seen it many times how girls are hareassed over there even my little sister.
    I believe insecurity plays a huge role as you said but i also believe that some backward religious guys want to subjugate women for their own deprived sexual gratification and want to own them as sex slaves. And because this belief in purity or being a virgin somehow is aligned with beauty is so oooooold and has been done for thousands if years with abrahamic religions some women believe they need to be oppressed to make their future husband and god happy buts all a propaganda to enslave women and girls to the sick fetishes of old sheep herders. Sadly so many people now a days "slut" shame girls simply because they want to be equal human beings too...
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      It puts them in a position they are not used to. It scares them that women are becoming more empowered and they are losing that control over us.

      (Not to be confused with my dom/sub friends. Quick shout out to you lovely folks)

  • KrakenAttackin
    Wow, so much misguided bullshit in one short article. You are just trying to rationalizing humping your way through life and while still insisting you are "high quality" entitled to a high quality man. The reality is quite a bit different.

    The bottom line is this: You can't turn a whore into a housewife. Full Stop. NO man of high quality wants a woman who has fucked and sucked dozens of guys. NO man of high quality has to put up with a woman who has fucked and sucked dozens of guys.

    If you want to engage in self delusion, so be it. But my words are the little voice in the back of your head telling you what you already know to be true.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Way to get generalize. I have only had 1 partner I've ever let do anything to me and that is my wife. I also told you in an another thread that I am married to another woman. If you had approached this civilly and asked questions then I could have gently reminded you of that.

      I am so tired of seeing all this high quality nonsense. Quality doesn't come from the number of people you have slept with. It comes from how you treat others. People who bash others for living their life are the lowest of the low when it comes to quality.

      Your voice here does nothing for me other than remind me that intolerance is still way too prevalent in this world and it makes me sad.

    • You will NEVER convince men (except for simps and white knights) that a woman who has had a large number of sexual partners is a high-value woman, anymore than you will be able to convince a Lion that straw tastes better than Zebra. You are trying to convince yourself of something that is directly contrary to human genetics.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Guess that makes those guys who focus on that low value then. *shrug*

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  • ChrisMaster69
    Yeah fully agree with it, fully old thing lol.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Thank you 😊

    • Well you know the flak I get 😂😂

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Lol I do. Let us face the slings and arrows together, my friend.

  • Agape93
  • Anonymous
    I don't shame promiscuous women, I just won't date them. Sorry but you can't tell me a woman who has casual sex with 20 men is a good prospect for dating and marriage.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Why? Are you worried about having to date them too? I just don't get it. Friend of mine used to do sex work for a living. Easily been with over a hundred people and yet they are married and living the dream. It's not a person's past who defines them, it's who they are now that does.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, it's who a person is now that matters, but the past is the best predicter of the future. Would you trust someone who murdered 20 people if they said they had changed their ways?

      But don't take my word for it. Statistics show clearly that the more sexual partners a person has had, the less likely they are to be happy in marriage. The same pattern is true for how likely they are to get divorced.

      Why the number of sexual partners doesn't matter. A counterpoint to @Truthbringer.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Wanna take a deep dive into why I think that may be?

      I dont believe it has a thing to do with the number of partners they had. What I believe is the underlying issues is communication.

      People who bounce between partners either are just completely comfortable in their sexuality and are fine with seeing what is out there or, in my opinion, not very good at communicating what they want or need in a relationship. I also think that they may not even be communicating with themselves to know what they truly want.

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