my body count is 5(2bfs), I was naive and trusted men too easily but now that I've had those experiences i know better. I've figured out I don't like casual sex at all, and am looking only for serious/long-term leads to marriage relationships (if I were single). Does that make me a slut? no I don't think so. I was looking for something serious and didn't understand how dating works and how to tell a player from a good honest guy that's all. I'm not interested in people who have a high body count, but it's unfair when men want a virgin when they've had at least twice the amount of partners the women has had. That is all.
1. Women Who Have More Non-Marital Sexual Partners Are Less Likely to Have Stable Marriages
2. More likely to have abortions
3. More likely to end up as single-mothers
4. Less overal happiness
5. More likely to be depressed
All this is especially the case when someone has started being sexual under the age of 18.
Never had sex until 20. Never had an abortion. Am pretty happy in general and always have been. Was married 17 years to man who was unstable, but kept hoping and trying with him. Depressed when the situation calls for it: dad and mom died, a few bad struggles: None of which had anything to do with having sex.
Thoughts were I could find love through sex. Found out that didn't work. So stopped doing that.
Yeah trying to find love through sex rarely works. Unfortunately, there are people who believe it does bring them that special love, only to find out the hard way that it doesn't. Also, I love how people try to dismiss the points made in this Take by using themselves as an example while ignoring the statistics provided. Just because it worked out well for YOU, does not mean it has for many other people. The statistics don't lie. And pointing to exceptions to the rule never disproves the rule itself.
I still think you have to have a combination of most of those issues for the stats to work out. I would venture to say that kids having sex Very young, kids being sexually abused in childhood are stats for confusion about sexuality. `I don't mean gender confusion, but for acting out sexually in destructive ways. People who have solid values don't do this. And there is a window of time when people are young and they have more sexual misadvetures. Maturity exposes that folly.
I certainly don't act that way any more and I see the mistake of doing that. I saw it when I was 27. I don't t hink anyone with common sense has sex with 50 people to get "sexual experience." Something's up with them. I had a friend who had sex with 1000 people in maybe five years. He died of AIDS, but why? He had a HOST of problems, familial and personality wise. And I know a man who got AIDS who DIDN'T sleep around. Had a handful of relatioinships. One was with someone he didn't know was an escort. I know, I'm quoting about men. First one wanted notches inh is belt. Second one, fell in love with the wrong person who was dishonest. I've had more than handful but no desire for notches. Was never my motive. I think other factors come into play. Sexual addiction has to be a giant one. Looking for love. There is the stat that very young girls have fantasies about having babies with a man who'll make pretty babies. Because when you're 15, it's romantic for a boy to get your pregnant. You don't think about what happens afterward... You're TOO YOUNG to...
The stats show a correlation, not a causation. They are many more reasons that could contribute to these stats other than just promiscuity. But since studies are clearly pointing out that there is a link between sleeping around with multiple people and all the points you've mentioned, I think that's reason enough to be caution.
I in particular don't care much about their body count, so long it's not half the town. That's what friends with benefits are there for: Women love sex as much as we do and in the end i want to bed with them and make love, so i don't hold it against them. I'm sure men would do the exact same thing if women would swarm them in their inbox. The saying is "the hand that feeds you". I mean like It's not like she's gonna show up on OnlyFans or PornHub or on 6ix9ines next music video, where these putas twerk half naked into the camera or grind on his crotch. Besides my libido is crazy high. Always has been.
but you are right about a few of those historical aspects like once a cheater, always a cheater.
Notice that you have not even mentioned relationships or marriage? Of course someone wouldn't care about another's sexual history is they aren't planning on starting a relationship. On top of that you're not concerning yourself with the fact that the women you're having sex might end up as single mothers, have a depression and would have difficulty bonding with other partners in the future. This take is about awareness. And statistics clearly show the damaging effects for the woman. Your only concern is the short term pleasure with the girl and nothing more. So there is no actual investment.
Also, this take never claimed that women don't enjoy sex as much as we do. A woman can still have and enjoy lots of sex, but with 1 partner. Just like my girlfriend and I do.
I don't really buy into statistics no matter how official they are. There are statistics for everything and each of them belong to one category, that contradicts the other category (including claims like waiting until marriage for sex turning out better than having had premarital sex, then someone published how terribly their plan went with that and that the wife ended up with vaginismus). Still. Even when we talk about relationships, I don't really care about body count. But that's just me. I'm not strongly judgmental about things. Like I said, I love sex and I have a high libido and men would do the exact same thing *if they could*. The top 10% of men they already do that. I don't blame women for it but I will blame if they lack personal accountabilities and responsibilities.
And that's the thing. Many of them lack the accountability and refuse to take responsibility for their own actions while shoving the blame to someone else. If you don't want to believe statistics, that's on you. Even without the statistics, my experience tells me that the numbers of sexual partners definitely does matter when you take things fruther from just bedroom. Literally every promiscuous girl I know has some issues
I look into the "root cause" of issues individually rather than the symptoms of it, then branding the girl as whatever. But perhaps that's because I ain't a bitter man and tend to look into both sides of the stories. I am not saying you belong to them or sound like one but still. Nowadays we live in an era, where some blues would brand me a white knight for even just agreeing with a woman's opinion or being flirty with them or whatever.
Yeah I personally tend to look at the overal/general perspective and apply it. While at the same time not neglect the importance of assessing the individual rather than apply a generalization. But since we live in a time where the things I've mentioned are so prevalant, it's often not inaccurate to assume certain things from certain people and behaviors
There might also be the demographics factor and the places. I see women on an almost daily basis. The women in my day-to-day routines do not look like they're on OnlyFans, PornHub or on 6ix9ines music videos or like they're the cheating type or gold diggers or anything of that sort. I currently live in a big city. I usually find, that the higher the population count is (and in accordance with the city size and the city's financial prospects and quality of living), the less the proportion of gold diggers/sluts there are and the more "adequate" the women too. I've been in places, where the population count was half a million, 5000 and over 1 million as well as in poor villages and slums, suburbs and big cities.
It happened before only one time and she'd be hiding behind anon and harass me in my questions. I blocked her fast enough tho and reported her as well. Some of these plonkers need to get a freaking life or just die.
I agree. What's even worse is that they even take advice from clueless strangers online, that pretend to know it all but they obviously don't 🤦 dear Almighty.
Goes to show the lack of proper guidance in real life. I honestly don't blame them for it. So many people growing up without a father or any proper role model to guide them personally. I'm glad I did grow up with a father who taught me lessons early that helped me not make so many mistakes. This is why I DESPISE people who are deadbeat fathers or single mothers who mother a child of a loser who isn't planning on taking care of the kid.
I'm not sure if that is of any correlation. I heard just as much stupidity from married plonkers. Including those, who abuse their kids, sack in their child support money for themselves and keep being poor for all eternity and call the medics healthcare scammers.
Oh definitely. Not every parent is actually fit to be a parent. So many kids are with toxic parents. My example of single mothers and deadbeat fathers happens to be shown statistically. People who grew up in healthy nuclear families are generally better off in the real world than kids raised by a single parent.
I would also add, that I have heard of a few stories, where single mothers battled their way out of however they were left after getting pregnant and then later on became successful, started to make lots of money and live above average lives whilst raising a kid (a daughter). Granted however that is like a 1 in 50 cases or so. I even know 1 former single mother and 1 former single father, who married, merged and opened their business in my local area. He's the CEO, she's the HR manager (and not only).
Yes, those are great stories to tell, unfortuntaly it does not apply to the majority. Pointing to exceptions to the rule does not disprove the rule itself. You know this.
Yeah all of these things are true. All I can say is that people can change. If a woman still rationalizes her promiscuity as a right of her gender or independence, then I’d suggest that you walk away as she’s most likely not ready to change. There needs to be some conviction to have a meaningful change.
Often, a promiscuous woman cannot be changed. Even though she has decided to stop sleeping with multiple people, the damage has been done and it will bite her in the ass down the line as studies have shown. So I'm not even gonna bother with her, to begin with.
Sure that’s your discretion. I just that humans are more resilient than that. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized so many mistakes I’ve made in life. I’ve really done some things that I’m regretful of that I didn’t realize were wrong when I was younger. As long as we grow from our mistakes we’re always becoming stronger. If you meet the love of your life and you’ve found out that she slept around a bit when she was in college because she was insecure and didn’t have guidance- would you reject her even though she’a now a Christian and has repented and it’s now been several years of her living life without promiscuity? Women commit sin for different reasons and men commit different kinds of sin for other reasons. I’ve committed a lot of sin man. Im not even trying to preach here though. I still love my girl and treat her well tagged with my family. I’d just try not to place such absolutes on life since life is extremely complex and challenging.
Yes I would reject her because as a person who has had great guidance from my parents, I don't want to have possible damaged goods on my hands. Just because someone turned religious and traditional, does not mean the damage has been undone from their past. She may very well never be promiscuous, but I'm not going to sit around and try and find out, especially not if I can get with women who don't have a ratched past. My current girlfriend didn't sleep around and has got proper guidance. So the odds of anything in her past poisoning the relationship are slim. I can't say the same for so many other men who happened to wife a woman who has been dicked down by so many men in college or who have daddy issues, end then end up getting divorce raped or cheated on.
Regardless of lack of proper guidance or not, sleeping around says much about a person and it's often done due to lack of impulse control and poor judgment skills in regards of long term consequences.
Haha I'm screwed then lol, I don't regret it, but gotta say I never got much from it all. At the time it wasn't even that I felt it was cool, I did feel like it was the only thing I brought to that friendship group and even now years later I still only feel mostly put back together from everything I experienced.
The reason I don't regret it though is it gave me perspective on what I like and dislike, it made me savour the ones that were good and nice, even if I got a certain stigma in my head, which shocked me everytime the guy would act opposite to that stigma. It's made me realise that I was allowed to have a say too and a few other things that could have took months if not longer to realise we're bad qualities in a single night. But I totally get what your saying, I would never advise people to sleep around, I wouldn't say to stay a virgin, but to choose a middle ground a partner doesn't have to be for life but make sure you can have fun with them
So I’m actually very honest about the low number of my previous relationships... but all I’m getting from this is that I should still lie right, since women (collectively) lie about that number, makes me feel like it’ll be multiplied so I have to minimise it so he perceives the true number. That doesn’t sit right with me. I feel like it does sound a little insecure and paranoid even though I do agree with some of what you wrote. I also believe that people can and do change if they want to. Some people do grow whilst others do not. You just have to be a bit smarter about recognising it.
The "multiply her given number" is mostly done with women one is sceptical about. If I'm actually dealing with a respectable and classy woman, I'm less inclined not to take her word for it in comparison to a girl who lives a certain lifestyle were stacking on number of sexual partners is prevalent. So in other words, it depends on the woman whether one takes her word for it or not.
Although there is never a guarantee, I still take my girlfriend's word about her sexual past considering she has proven over time she is not 'that' type of girl. Not to forget to mention the way she is raised and her personality do not support that lifestyle.
If you know you're a respectable person who got nothing to hide, then I see no reason for you to lie. It's mostly women who know they have a high number that tend to lie. Because even they think their number is quite high and would alter the way people will perceive her
Personally speaking I feel like having many sex partners isn't good nor bad. I mean I understand why some women like to experiment and such. Now don't get me wrong I personally wanna wait till I get married so I won't have to go threw the process of having to worry about the girl I have sex with getting pregnant. But if a girl wants to have sex with many partners, she can and like everything else in this world the good/bad will come back to bite you in the ass. So in short do I think women who have sex with different people shouldn't for there own health ( mentally and physically)? Yes honestly from a doctor's perspective anyway you have a higher chance of getting sick, or worse. But yea ladies do what you want, like I said earlier one day your gonna get what's coming to you from the past, for the past makes way to the present and the present pushes to the future. Nothing you do will be forgotten because Karma is a bitch.
I totally agree.. but not every woman lies about their body count though.. and not every short relationship has to do with cheating. But i get your idea and i agree... this is why i always tell my younger sister to stop hopping from boyfriend to boyfriend... it begins to look cheap when you get older.. i catched her lying about her amount of ex partners to her new boyfriend.. i told her there and then when he was there. Oh boy 😂
Of course not every woman lies, but as a man, there is almost no telling. Best thing a man could do is get with a girl who is not into the nightlife, drinking, surroundingherself with guys etc. lifestyles. Jij ook een fijne koningsdag!!👑🇳🇱🇳🇱
Ja je hebt helemaal gelijk. ik ben het met je eens. Maarja de meerderheid hier op G@G zijn niet zo slim joh... zien een titel en zijn meteen getriggered. Hahah Ik weet niet of deze plek het goede platform is om er over te praten. Hahaha Hetzelfde met Reddit. 😂
@goldentulip Echt he, ik zit af en toe echt te overwegen om hier weg te gaan. Aan Reddit ga ik niet eens beginnen. Ik ben hier niet zo actief meer met uitzondering van deze MyTake.
Deze website zit vol met sneeuwvlokjes die er niet tegen kunnen dat niet iedereen hun mening deelt. En je weet, wij Nederlanders staan bekend als een volk die zich vrij snel uit durft te spreken. Dat zijn veel mensen hier niet gewend. De enige reden waarom ik hier langer ben gebleven dan ik had verwacht is om de onderwerpen die hier besproken worden. Ik ben een paar intelligente en wijze gebruikers die weg zijn gegaan. Dus het gaat niet lang nemen voordat ik zelf ook weg ga. Maar voordat ik dat ga doen, ben ik van plan om nog een aantal controversiele MyTakes te schrijven. Zullen mensen hier niet leuk vinden hehehe
Jazeker... Ik heb Reddit geprobeert.. was er snel weg.. had geen zin in al die domme haters omdat ik toevallig een Té sterke mening had dat ze niet beviel.. Ik ben ook hier alleen hier gebleven omdat het af en toe wel eens handig is om andere perspectiven te vragen kwa mening. En heel soms is het wel leuk om what dingen van anderen te lezen. Maar ik word vaak geirriteerd van de mensen hier... het gaag erom dat je vrij uit een mening kunt delen.. maar velen hier gaan meteen in de aanval. Like.. je vraagt letterlijk om meningen hier. Hahaha daar staat de "Ask" toch voor. 😂 Najaaa Maar lekker mee doorgaan joh. Ik denk zelf ook dat de meeste Amerikanen hier ook een veel andere denkwijze hebben.. minder breed? Kwa dit onderwerp? "Young Choice become Adult Problems". Het is niet ineen keer weg je verleden.. laat zeker sporen achter. Dus ben het zeker met je eens. 😉 niks van aantrekken van deze mensen. You do you! 👏🏻
Wijze woorden. Ik trek het me zeker niet aan. Ik amuseer me wel aan sommigen hier 😂. Erg bedankt voor je positieve energie! 😊😁 Mogen sommigen hier wel van leren. En maak je niet druk over spellingfoutjes. Ik kwam ook later pas achter dat ik aardig what spelling en grammatica fouten heb achtergelaten. Komt meer door het snel typen.
Maar ja, ik merk inderdaad dat dit ook niet echt een website is waar je intellectuele conversaties kunt houden zonder dat je een aantal hebt die je beginnen aan te vallen, omdat ze zich beledigd voelen. Je vrijheid van meningsuiting is beperkt aan hun mening. Zo lijkt het hier te zijn... Ik ben echt blij dat ik een Nederlander ben. Naar mijn idee laten we ons niet zo snel meeslepen door gevoelens. In ieder geval niet op hetzelfde niveau als in Amerika.
Het is inmiddels Koningsdag. Nogmaals een fijne Koningsdag!🇳🇱
Haha Ja! Maarja what hadden we dan verwacht? Van een land die nog steeds denkt dat ze het beloofde land zijn en dat elke buitenlander die aardig tegen ze zijn meteen de Green Card willen pikken. Lol hahaha maar ondertussen alleen maar Obesity etc. Je weet vast waar ik naartoe wil. Hahaha Ja maar je hebt zeker gelijk en we mogen zeker dankbaar zijn dat we what meer realistisch zijn opgevoed? Velen zitten hier ook gewoon annoniem hun frustraties te uiten ofzo. Ja fijne Koningsdag👏🏻 Ga je nog lekker eten?
Ja ze voelen zich wel heel what. Iedere Amerikaan die naar Nederland is verhuisd geeft zelf toe dat ze niet terug willen. Ik ben inderdaad echt blij dat we what realistischer zijn opgevoed. Wij als volk kijken naar de wereld voor hoe het is, niet voor hoe we voelen dat het hoort te zijn. Ik denk dat onze mentaliteit zeker heeft geholpen in onze strijd en overleving tegen het water. We zijn niet het water gaan weg wensen of uit onze gedachten gaan blokkeren. Nee, we waren juist dijken gaan bouwen.
Alhoewel ik moet toegeven dat we helaas alle schijt importeren uit landen als Amerika. Hier word de jonge generatie beïnvloed vanalles uit Amerika. Best jammer... Ben blij dat ik een vriendin heb die net als ik ook een gezonde opvoeding heeft gehad en geen sneeuwvlokje is. Ik ga samen met haar koninsdag bij mijn ouders vieren. En ook bij haar ouders. Het eten regel ik zelf niet, maar iets lekkers gaat het zeker worden! En jijzelf?
I wish I didn't have a body count. My ex I was actually married to ended up being an abuser. He's doing all kinds of poly trash orgy garbage stuff, doing his own thing. I feel like a dirty rag, but my boyfriend is a virgin and is nice enough to ignore my past but I desperately wish I saved it for him.
Not that I completely agree with this mytake but I don't get why so many people are pissed. If someone doesn't want to date a person with high body count then it's his/her choice. Obviously sleeping around is a bad thing to them, don't try to convince them that it's a good thing, rather just date people that are like you or think the same way.
I go with the Madonna/whore theory. It's always sounded right to me.
A man wants a whore in the bedroom but a Madonna to raise his children. They are torn between needing both. Pretty impossible to find in one women. And it's part of the reason why I think men were designed by nature to be polyamorous (which also explains why the cheat so much... they are constantly on the hunt for that perfect Madonna/whore.)
Yeah so many men can't choose between the two, while wanting to have their cake and eat it too. I personally chose the 'Madonna' and I honestly don't regret it
Sex, Trust, Respect, Create tringle of healthy and successful relationship. Number of sexual partners and it impacts on behavior depends on religious, ego, preferences. Reality is that sex is pleasent to encurage procreation which is real purpose of any living form as gens want to survive. Same like bacterias and viruses. Having too many partners without breeding or too little has impact on behavior of individual. Creating fobias, insecurities, hormonal rollacoster or lack of intrests. Sex like any other activity has it own learning process. Number of different partners however doesn't guarantee development or progress. Simple rules of like reapeating same mistakes which are becoming a habit or crave for perfection apply. Therefore it is individual matter regarding the number
Adding more likely to carry an STD But then again it depends on their sexual health. Someone who has lots of sexual partners but has better systems and rules to keep safe during sex compared to someone with a few sexual partners but does not know how to keep protected is probably better.
Also what counts as a high number of sexual partners. Some people say 4 and others say 20. Maybe not as much as Barney from HIMYM but it really depends on the person.
Also they just might just choose the wrong people which makes relationships short. In that case maybe having some open dialogue could change this persons view of themselves.
I am not particularly interested in a woman’s body count, nor am I in a position to throw the first stone. Sex is to be enjoyed and to, occasionally, produce children. The only past sexual act that would be a deal breaker for me would be if she had been with a man (or men) of another race. BBC riders need not apply. Other than that, I have probably seen and/or done it all myself. What interests me is her state of mind when she is with me and what she wants. Had I been born a good-looking women, I would probably have become a depraved slut of epic proportions, so I can hardly condemn a woman whose vaginal walls and mouth have milked many a penis.
As long as we're both wanting the same thing in a relationship, I don't care about her past as much as I care about how she is trying to be now. If she's willing to date me she's obviously willing to work with my past so I think I can work with hers as well.
That's a good thought, but unfortunately, it seems to be more complicated than that. Often bad habits from the past find their way into the future. Hence why companies and governmental institutions rarely accept ex-convicts. Same goes with relationships. If a girl has cheated (multiple times) in the past, don't be surprised if she will cheat on you sooner or later. Same goes with someone who has been promiscuous in the past.
Exactly. I can't ask her to take a risk I'm not willing to take, and working toward a common goal is better than one person trying to catch up or pull the other up anyway (in my opinion). I don't think having a high body count is the only indicator of a possibly bad past that will affect the future and I want a woman who is willing to work to keep a good relationship. I know ex-convicts I know they can still make good people or they can not. I know what's a deal breaker for me and what isn't.
Oh body count is definitely not the only indicator of a bad past. I've encountered virgins who had plenty of issues and would be in every man's best interest to stay away from. It just so happens that a woman who has slept around often carries (emotional) baggage. And that's something I'm honestly not willing to deal with. I don't have baggage myself that my significant other doesn't have to deal with it, so why should I have to get with someone who does. I'm not planning on getting with someone who has made plenty of poor decisions in the past that would bite her and ME back in the future. A woman with a promiscuous past is often not to be trusted in a long term relationship. That's pretty much what my point is.
Working towards a common goal is great, but with the right person. Not with someoen who would at any moment allow her impulses to take over once again and let you down. In the end, you are absolutely free to pick and choose who you want. And you're also free to believe what you want. Just make sure you know you are warned beforehand when getting with certain people (in this case with someone who has been promiscuous). And don't be surprised nor play victim when you would experience that which you have been warned about.
Dude yes that's what I'm saying too. I agree with you. I'm just on the other side of the boat. I have shit I don't want to drag down a "perfect" woman with, and that a perfect woman would never understand the appeal of in the first place. I don't want someone who would be surprised that I may start to slip back into old habits when things get tough and doesn't know how to handle it or even recognize it because she's never seen shit before. And I certainly don't want to be the gateway bad relationship to some innocent flower girl, or the reason she carries baggage into all the future relationships, or gives up on men in general.
I want a woman who did and dealt with shit, knows it was shit, and wants better. Cause they're more likely to recognize when things are going wrong, know the danger of not dealing with problems immediately, not be afraid to hurt or leave me or the relationship to keep things from getting worse, and recognize my doing so in return vs if I'm being a dick.
I wouldn't work well with a woman with no dirt, and neither of us would be good for each other, for very similar reasons that you and a woman with dirt wouldn't work well together either. It goes both ways. I agree with you. I'm just looking at it from the other way.
Oh definitely! It sure goes both ways. I mean I was dealing with my own shit before starting dating again. I was getting over a heartache and mild-depression after a relationship before I jumped in another one and make the new girl deal with my shit. I made sure to deal with my own problems so my new partner wouldn't have to deal with them. All in all, it sure is good to know how to deal with certain issues that may come with a new partner. But that knowledge and experience doesn't have to come with having sex with multiple people. The majority of promiscuous people I know are oblivious to the real world. Because they lack proper (parental) guidance and are rabbit fucking instead of reading and gaining knowledge.
Wait wait hang on, so all you have to do to make it so baggage or the past doesn't effect future relationships is just deal with it? And then you're good? That negates your whole mytake. If a woman has a high body count because she was promiscuous in her past, but she's taken a break and dealt with that and is now dating again, then why should you think her past will cause problems for the relationship any more than your past will? No, experience doesn't have to be with body count, but it has to be with something. You don't learn how to deal with an abusive partner by never having had an abusive partner before. You don't learn how to resist cheating without ever having dealt with the temptation to cheat. If that's how you think about it your whole argument only applies to women actively being promiscuous, not ones who only used to be but don't want to be anymore.
Depends on the baggage you speak of. Some baggage’s are dealt with and others are permanent. A mild depression from a temporary heartache is much different than someone who isn’t truly over their past partners. That’s also a thing that many people have to deal with anyway. A person who ha
Having a high body count is not something you can just wish away and definitely not the baggage that comes with it. A woman who has slept around is generally less happy compared to women who have focused entirely on 1 partner. If I happen to sleep around with so many girls, then it’s easier for me to see the next girl just like that. While if I mainly focus on girls to actually love, cherish and have a relationship with. That’s a different story. My mild-depression was caused by a breakup of someone I loved. Not because of bad habits.
Someone who has had 1 breakup can still (statistically) get into meaningful relationships. While someone who slept around is more likely to breakup or divorce and thus lead less successful relationships (according to statistics). So there is actually no comparison between the two.
Being promiscuous is not something you can just “deal with”. It’s something that seems to haunt you in the future. Often those who cheated in the past cheat in the future aswel. A serial dater who allegedly “decided” to stick to one person is probably going to jump ship once again when shit hits the fan. Same goes with someone who is promiscuous. Men who generally have no issues sleep around won’t be seen having a long-term monogamous relationship. The same rule applies with promiscuous women and stats clearly show this.
One of my personal experiences: One of my exes is a serial dater. While we were in a relationship, she so-called "loved" me and we were in a monogamous relationship. During the relationship I had to deal with a bunch of red flags that typically come with someone who is a serial dater. And guess what, this girl who so-called "loved" me instantly started contacting her previous "guy friends" and dudes she was hitting it off with as soon as I broke up with her. And probably jumped on another dick. Actions speak louder than words.
From what I've seen and experienced myself. Out of all the women who things went really well and gave minimum red flags, those happen to be the women whom I know or at least am convinced that they are the type to not be promiscuous. While the promiscuous women I know in my life always bring drama to either my life or that of others that I know. And many other men also speak from experience. Hence why places like the manosphere exist and are growing bigger and bigger rapidly. Why? Because what they have experienced and preach resonate with so many men out there
Yes someone who has dealt with their past is different than someone who isn't over their past, AKA has a present bad habit AKA it isn't actually in the past at all. That's what I said. Your points would only apply to someone who hasn't dealt with their past by your new logic.
Habits are hard to break but they can be broken. And once they're broken all you have to do is not pick them back up again, which if you have a partner who is familiar with red flags is much easier to do than if you have a partner who you could pick the habit up again with without them noticing or confronting you until it gets bad. If you and your partner are both familiar with that stuff, you can much more easily keep from you or them picking things up again just by communicating, which you should do anyways in a relationship. It's really not that hard. But a familiar partner works better. That's why I'm still agreeing with what you originally said.
But now you seem to be disagreeing with yourself. Just because you dealt with a past thing doesn't mean it no longer exists and is no longer an indicator of the future. If you have a bad breakup again I bet you'll probably get depressed again unless you take measures to prevent it either before or during. And if a former cheater is presented with the opportunity they'll probably cheat again unless they set measures to keep themselves from doing so, either before or during. You may have less baggage and you may have baggage that is not a deal breaker for many people, but the same principles apply to any baggage or habit from the past.
If you get with someone who is currently promiscuous but says they love you, obviously they still have a problem. If you get with someone who used to be promiscuous, but has dealt with it, they're still more likely to fall back into that but good preventative measures and communication keeps that from happening. It seems like your ex didn't do anything wrong until you left, but was starting to slip. Not saying you shouldn't have broke up with her based on red flags. You should be able to tell fairly quickly if someone is actually trying to move on from their past or not.
Unfortunately, many people have NOT got over their past on a cognitive level. Often, depends on what happened in the past, they still aren’t over certain things on an unconscious level. Habits are hard to break indeed, and often, people fail at actually breaking them. Hence why so many cheaters continue to cheat. Hence why so many serial daters continue to be serial daters and hence why so many promiscuous people fail to remain in a successful monogamous relationship. That’s why I don’t bother with people who indulge in bad habits such as promiscuity on their own free will.
I’m actually not disagreeing with myself. I’m simply separating past events that are actually very common in a way that the majority of people go through from events that people indulge in and cause bad habits that eventually bite them back in the arse. Who knows, maybe I’m not fully over my breakup without realizing myself. Afterall, there was a study that explains that men never truly get over a heartbreak. But since this is a natural thing people go through, both promiscuous and non-promiscuous people, it’s actually not something to be compared to baggage caused by things such as promiscuity. If I happen to have a bad breakup again, I’d most definitely be hurt again if I happen to be emotionally invested in a relationship once again. Whether I’d become depressed again or not is something I don’t know. I didn’t become depressed by my previous ex, but that’s because I wasn’t invested in the relationship as much as I was with the ex that did cause me heartache. But in the case of my previous ex. It was high time for me to break up with her because she definitely showed me all the signs that she was still carrying her baggage of the past with her and allow it to affect our relationship.
My current girlfriend also carries a childhood drama of sexual harassment. Gladly not to a point that it actually affects our relationship and sex-life, but enough for her to cry when thinking about it and going to therapy to had it sorted out. That’s something I’m much more willing to deal with compared to someone who is on the verge in getting back into promiscuous acts given the right circumstances.
But yeah in the end, we all have baggage. We just have to pick and choose which baggage we’re willing to deal with and which we don’t.
Okay so you're just differentiating between circumstantial baggage where something mainly outside the person caused harm, and individual baggage where that person caused the harm largely themselves? That's fair. Those are different things. But they can both be on the same level of severity/risk for relapse, and are both difficult to actually deal with.
I think it's unfair of you to assume everyone with self-inflicted baggage who tried to deal with it won't have actually dealt with it just because most people don't even try. If they would jump right back in given the chance, obviously they haven't dealt with it. If they are still living that lifestyle, obviously they haven't dealt with it and haven't tried to. If they are still showing huge red flags concerning it, obviously they haven't dealt with it.
I actively practiced destructive habits for a little over 2 years. I dealt with it alone for 1 year, and been in a good relationship for little over a year now. There's been a couple close calls but in over 2 years I think just 2 close calls is a pretty big improvement, and a pretty good indicator I have successfully broken the habit. So now there's only the risk of picking it back up again, which is less likely because my partner knows about my past and we can communicate well about problems in the present.
So, the past issues matters because it indicates what future issues will be, and not having any past issues means you don't know what future issues to look for. Typically people work better with other people in their own category. Someone for who past is in the past as in they have dealt with it, can avoid those issues in the future. It just takes a little more intention. Just like someone with no past issues can still have issue in the future if they don't pay attention. Does that make sense?
Certain self-inflicted baggage is redeemable. Let’s say someone stopped smoking or stopped consuming alcohol. I find that much more tolerable than someone who has been sleeping around. The body recovers from substance abuse in a different way than promiscuity. These are two different things. Not only is the thought of having a partner who has been dicked down by half the town intolerable to me, but also because you never know what’s going on in her mind after having lived a promiscuous life. Many men complain about their promiscuous partner getting back with exes or having back-ups dudes planned. And these were only two examples. The thing is, you say it’s unfair, but I don’t think it’s fair for me either to deal with issues that I don’t have myself. I’m not obligated to get with someone who is full of red flags if I can get with someone who doesn’t bring unresolved issues and dealbreakers.
I would be more tolerable to my partner falling back into a certain habits that are fixable again. But a promiscuous person who would suddenly fall back into promiscuity instantly violates the fundamental boundaries of a monogamous relationship and therefore I see no reason to be with them anymore. Let’s say my girlfriend had a drinking problem in the past (for the sake of argument). If my girl starts drinking again, I’m more willing to work with her on that. Promiscuity? Not so much. I instantly kick her out of my life.
Even the people who don’t have much baggage still can learn from others. I don’t need to have done crack in order to know that doing crack is bad. I don’t need to get with an ex-cheater to know I risk getting cheated on myself. I can educate myself on matters without needing to indulge in them myself. The only thing that I can’t do is speak out of experience. I can only speak out of experience and advice of others. I prefer getting with someone who hasn’t indulged in self-destructive habits and knows how and why they actively avoid them, than to get with someone who has done, learned the hard way and still carries the risk of falling back into them.
That's fine you can have boundaries, you can have preferences and limits and whatnot and you should live by the ones you hold. It's fine to divide what you will and won't tolerate from a partner, and to involve their past in that. I never said that was a bad idea in fact I said that was a good idea. You do that by all means. My limits are different than yours and that's fine that's good that's not what I'm arguing about here.
(Also I meant that if you never fell into that trap or knew someone well who did, it will probably be harder to recognize the signs and understand/guard against the temptation when they or you might fall into the trap in the future. If you've already fallen in you know what to expect and so you have a bit of an edge in experience as well as the weakness of nostalgia. Also not here to argue that though, and I'm sure it's debatable).
At this point, all I'm saying is the person who has actually dealt with their past won't be too much higher risk to repeating the bad parts than a person with a clean past is at risk to start some new bad habit in the future. Alcoholics can recover. So can cheats. That happens in different ways specifically but ultimately it is a retraining, redisciplining of the self and the mind and the body, and a recovery from the damaging patterns of thought and behavior that ruled your mind and body. The temptation will always be a little stronger for people who knew it well before, even if they have dealt with it, but that never means it's irresistible.
And I repeat: if they would INSTANTLY GO BACK then they have OBVIOUSLY NOT DEALT WITH IT and if they are STILL ENGAGED IN THAT LIFESTYLE then they have OBVIOUSLY NOT DEALT WITH IT. Those are not cases of relapses those are cases of bad liars or oblivious partners, and I would appreciate if you didn't pretend like someone actively living a detrimental lifestyle is at the same risk of committing detrimental behavior as someone who has previously lived that way but has since worked to get out of it and now actively lives a healthy lifestyle and guards against detrimental behavior.
You recognize people with circumstantial, not-self-i flicted damage can recover. You recognize that people with past issues you are not as strongly against can recover and can even recover again if they happen to relapse. I don't understand why you can't recognize that this same possibility extends also to the past issues you see as absolutely the worst and irredeemable. You don't have to be okay with those people just because they can improve themselves, again you're entitled to set them well outside you're limits and your forgiveness. That's your right. But to deny that they can achieve the same kind of improvement that everyone else with past issues can achieve is just deliberate ignorance at this point, it doesn't even make sense it just makes things harder.
Simple: As I've said before, I find promiscuity an absolute dealbreaker in itself, regardless if the women happens to have passed that phase and isn't repeating it again. There will always be some residu to come and bite you in the ass later down the line. And just the thought about her sleeping with a bunch of dudes, selling herself cheap is what I find disgusting and does not deserve respect in my eyes. If there are men who are okay with being the person to wife someone who has been dicked down by half the town, that's their choice. But I'm not going to pretend I got a gem on my hands while everyone could have purchased it for nothing. I simply look down on these women in regards to long-term commitment.
Other than that, lots of promiscuous women tend to carry their baggage in the future deliberately or not deliberately. I'm simply not willing to to try and find out. Because many of them haven't recovered and aren't truly willing to recover. They just live in the moment and want to "move on". That's no proper way to deal with unresolved baggage. Because the moment shit hits the fan, they are extremely tempted to jump back into their old habits. Hence why the stats show that there is a correlation between more failed relationships, overall less happiness and promiscuity.
There are self-inflicted bad habits I'm willing to tolerate, and others I don't. If I'm going to commit and gamble with things such as marriage, I'm going to do my absolute best to avoid red flags that have been statistically proven to higher the chances of failed relationships and marriage. Something many people do not keep in consideration and therefore get bit in the ass down the line while playing victim.
The question is not whether or not someone can achieve success from getting over the bad habit. We both know the answer to that. The real question is what are the odds of them truly achieving that success. And for many people. the answer seems to be a no. And thus I'm not going to try and find out the hard way.
"The question is not whether or not someone can achieve success from getting over the bad habit. We both know the answer to that."
What is it tell me what that answer is. I wanna see you say it.
"The real question is what are the odds of them truly achieving that success. And for many people. the answer seems to be a no. And thus I'm not going to try and find out the hard way."
You already said it didn't matter if they achieved that success you still wouldn't want them because of their past. So no, you're issue isn't the gamble or the risk, and that's fine, but don't pretend like if a woman who cheated/slept around in the past could be guaranteed never to do it again that you would be any more inclined to value her or want her because of that.
I said you can keep your deal breakers so keep them and keep this issue separate. I don't care whether you would want them or not. I care whether you recognize that they can improve.
"Because many of them haven't recovered and aren't truly willing to recover. They just live in the moment and want to "move on". That's no proper way to deal with unresolved baggage."
I agree, that's no proper way to deal with baggage, and if they don't truly want to recover and truly put the effort in, they will guaranteed NOT recover. But just because most don't try and so the statistics are skewed by that doesn't mean that the people who actually do try have almost 0% chance of success. They have almost as much chance of success as any other past issue if they put as much effort in as is needed for other just as serious issues. Every issue if it's on the same level of severity (severity not meaning badness, but level of entanglement the person was in it) has just as much likelihood that the issue will come back to bite them, and just as much likelihood to recover. Does that make sense? And if it doesn't, please tell me why? Logically?
The possibility of them getting over a bad habit successfully is there. Not sure why you want me to say it out loud since this is common sense. My reasons are both a gamble of risk and not. In this particular case, it’s a a mix of both. So even though a girl may be successfully over it, I’m still not going to be accepting of it. That’s just my preference. And I never pretended otherwise. I’ve CLEARLY explained to you that I am not accepting of a woman’s promiscuous past not only because the risk is always there, but also because she has overstepped every boundary I have for a (potential) partner.
I do recognize that people can improve. Key word: CAN. Whether they truly improve is often a case of a no for many people. THAT’s what matters to me.
“But just because most don't try and so the statistics are skewed by that doesn't mean that the people who actually do try have almost 0% chance of success. “
Where did I ever make or imply such a thing? I’m not interested in someone’s attempt to try and be successful. I’m only interested in those who are successful. And in this particular topic, a person who never had this issue, to begin with.
@cjmtherfcker I don't see why what women generally look for in men matters, it's just what she/I specifically want in a partner that matters.
And am I stupid did "she's obviously willing to work with my past" not imply that I also have a patchy history? Yes. She has given me several passes as well considering the circumstances we started /are continuing under.
Im not telling you to break up with your lady. Im saying dont let aa woman determine what your standards are. 1in 5 children born in wedlock are not the husbands. This why men value virtue in a longterm mate. Dont let women tell you that shit ain't important or belittle it, because they don't have to make that calculation
@cjmtherfcker as you shouldn't tell me what to do. Besides this is a hypothetical question. My woman has never cheated. She had problems but that ain't one.
But I'm not worried she's gonna start back up any of those other things either, for the same reason she's not worried im gonna start up anything again. It's called communication you heard of it? We can tell each other if we have trouble, and work it out before it leads to anything like that.
Well sounds like you and your lady are Happy. Im happy for you. Unfortunately i have learned to trust actions over words. Hope it works out for you man
@cjmtherfcker we are happy, thanks. And yes actions are way more important but they don't come from nowhere, that's why we talk about that stuff before it can escalate to actions. I hope you're happy as well and things work out for you.
It sure is one of those ingredients. An ingredient that happens to often be lacking within people who have a rich sexual history. That's why I stay away from potential partners who do have that rich sexual history because I want to build a strong connection with someone
I had a close female friend. We used to tell each other everything that was going on in our lives. Oddly enough we both lost our virginity on the same night a hundred miles apart. She told me about losing her virginity and that she felt somehow that I would be disappointed in her. We had a very long talk about what had happened to each of us. The conclusion was that it would be okay if we loved the other person which neither of us did.
Thanks bro! What I find funny about the triggered ones is that they are quick to throw shade to me as a person and also fail to debunk anything I've said in the Take. It's an obvious way to deal with frustration about the truth which they can't stand hearing. So they start hating the messenger because of the message. These snowflakes are always amusing 😂
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Here come the Simps and butthurt angry promiscuous women.
my body count is 5(2bfs), I was naive and trusted men too easily but now that I've had those experiences i know better. I've figured out I don't like casual sex at all, and am looking only for serious/long-term leads to marriage relationships (if I were single). Does that make me a slut? no I don't think so. I was looking for something serious and didn't understand how dating works and how to tell a player from a good honest guy that's all. I'm not interested in people who have a high body count, but it's unfair when men want a virgin when they've had at least twice the amount of partners the women has had. That is all.
1. Women Who Have More Non-Marital Sexual
Partners Are Less Likely to Have Stable Marriages
2. More likely to have abortions
3. More likely to end up as single-mothers
4. Less overal happiness
5. More likely to be depressed
All this is especially the case when someone has started being sexual under the age of 18.
Never had sex until 20. Never had an abortion. Am pretty happy in general and always have been. Was married 17 years to man who was unstable, but kept hoping and trying with him. Depressed when the situation calls for it: dad and mom died, a few bad struggles: None of which had anything to do with having sex.
Thoughts were I could find love through sex. Found out that didn't work. So stopped doing that.
Yeah trying to find love through sex rarely works. Unfortunately, there are people who believe it does bring them that special love, only to find out the hard way that it doesn't. Also, I love how people try to dismiss the points made in this Take by using themselves as an example while ignoring the statistics provided. Just because it worked out well for YOU, does not mean it has for many other people. The statistics don't lie. And pointing to exceptions to the rule never disproves the rule itself.
I still think you have to have a combination of most of those issues for the stats to work out. I would venture to say that kids having sex Very young, kids being sexually abused in childhood are stats for confusion about sexuality. `I don't mean gender confusion, but for acting out sexually in destructive ways.
People who have solid values don't do this. And there is a window of time when people are young and they have more sexual misadvetures. Maturity exposes that folly.
I certainly don't act that way any more and I see the mistake of doing that. I saw it when I was 27.
I don't t hink anyone with common sense has sex with 50 people to get "sexual experience." Something's up with them.
I had a friend who had sex with 1000 people in maybe five years. He died of AIDS, but why? He had a HOST of problems, familial and personality wise. And I know a man who got AIDS who DIDN'T sleep around. Had a handful of relatioinships. One was with someone he didn't know was an escort. I know, I'm quoting about men. First one wanted notches inh is belt. Second one, fell in love with the wrong person who was dishonest.
I've had more than handful but no desire for notches. Was never my motive. I think other factors come into play. Sexual addiction has to be a giant one. Looking for love. There is the stat that very young girls have fantasies about having babies with a man who'll make pretty babies. Because when you're 15, it's romantic for a boy to get your pregnant. You don't think about what happens afterward... You're TOO YOUNG to...
The stats show a correlation, not a causation. They are many more reasons that could contribute to these stats other than just promiscuity. But since studies are clearly pointing out that there is a link between sleeping around with multiple people and all the points you've mentioned, I think that's reason enough to be caution.
I in particular don't care much about their body count, so long it's not half the town. That's what friends with benefits are there for: Women love sex as much as we do and in the end i want to bed with them and make love, so i don't hold it against them. I'm sure men would do the exact same thing if women would swarm them in their inbox. The saying is "the hand that feeds you". I mean like It's not like she's gonna show up on OnlyFans or PornHub or on 6ix9ines next music video, where these putas twerk half naked into the camera or grind on his crotch. Besides my libido is crazy high. Always has been.
but you are right about a few of those historical aspects like once a cheater, always a cheater.
Notice that you have not even mentioned relationships or marriage? Of course someone wouldn't care about another's sexual history is they aren't planning on starting a relationship. On top of that you're not concerning yourself with the fact that the women you're having sex might end up as single mothers, have a depression and would have difficulty bonding with other partners in the future. This take is about awareness. And statistics clearly show the damaging effects for the woman. Your only concern is the short term pleasure with the girl and nothing more. So there is no actual investment.
Also, this take never claimed that women don't enjoy sex as much as we do. A woman can still have and enjoy lots of sex, but with 1 partner. Just like my girlfriend and I do.
I don't really buy into statistics no matter how official they are. There are statistics for everything and each of them belong to one category, that contradicts the other category (including claims like waiting until marriage for sex turning out better than having had premarital sex, then someone published how terribly their plan went with that and that the wife ended up with vaginismus).
Still. Even when we talk about relationships, I don't really care about body count. But that's just me. I'm not strongly judgmental about things. Like I said, I love sex and I have a high libido and men would do the exact same thing *if they could*. The top 10% of men they already do that. I don't blame women for it but I will blame if they lack personal accountabilities and responsibilities.
And that's the thing. Many of them lack the accountability and refuse to take responsibility for their own actions while shoving the blame to someone else. If you don't want to believe statistics, that's on you. Even without the statistics, my experience tells me that the numbers of sexual partners definitely does matter when you take things fruther from just bedroom. Literally every promiscuous girl I know has some issues
I look into the "root cause" of issues individually rather than the symptoms of it, then branding the girl as whatever.
But perhaps that's because I ain't a bitter man and tend to look into both sides of the stories. I am not saying you belong to them or sound like one but still. Nowadays we live in an era, where some blues would brand me a white knight for even just agreeing with a woman's opinion or being flirty with them or whatever.
Yeah I personally tend to look at the overal/general perspective and apply it. While at the same time not neglect the importance of assessing the individual rather than apply a generalization. But since we live in a time where the things I've mentioned are so prevalant, it's often not inaccurate to assume certain things from certain people and behaviors
There might also be the demographics factor and the places. I see women on an almost daily basis. The women in my day-to-day routines do not look like they're on OnlyFans, PornHub or on 6ix9ines music videos or like they're the cheating type or gold diggers or anything of that sort. I currently live in a big city. I usually find, that the higher the population count is (and in accordance with the city size and the city's financial prospects and quality of living), the less the proportion of gold diggers/sluts there are and the more "adequate" the women too. I've been in places, where the population count was half a million, 5000 and over 1 million as well as in poor villages and slums, suburbs and big cities.
And of course some gold digger downvoted me despite speaking in their favor. No good deed goes unpunished.
I think you might have triggered someone so badly in the past that she is now stalking you and disliking everything you said
It happened before only one time and she'd be hiding behind anon and harass me in my questions. I blocked her fast enough tho and reported her as well.
Some of these plonkers need to get a freaking life or just die.
I swear people take this website way too seriously
I agree. What's even worse is that they even take advice from clueless strangers online, that pretend to know it all but they obviously don't 🤦 dear Almighty.
Goes to show the lack of proper guidance in real life. I honestly don't blame them for it. So many people growing up without a father or any proper role model to guide them personally. I'm glad I did grow up with a father who taught me lessons early that helped me not make so many mistakes. This is why I DESPISE people who are deadbeat fathers or single mothers who mother a child of a loser who isn't planning on taking care of the kid.
I'm not sure if that is of any correlation. I heard just as much stupidity from married plonkers. Including those, who abuse their kids, sack in their child support money for themselves and keep being poor for all eternity and call the medics healthcare scammers.
Oh definitely. Not every parent is actually fit to be a parent. So many kids are with toxic parents. My example of single mothers and deadbeat fathers happens to be shown statistically. People who grew up in healthy nuclear families are generally better off in the real world than kids raised by a single parent.
I would also add, that I have heard of a few stories, where single mothers battled their way out of however they were left after getting pregnant and then later on became successful, started to make lots of money and live above average lives whilst raising a kid (a daughter). Granted however that is like a 1 in 50 cases or so. I even know 1 former single mother and 1 former single father, who married, merged and opened their business in my local area. He's the CEO, she's the HR manager (and not only).
Yes, those are great stories to tell, unfortuntaly it does not apply to the majority. Pointing to exceptions to the rule does not disprove the rule itself. You know this.
Sure do!
Yeah all of these things are true. All I can say is that people can change. If a woman still rationalizes her promiscuity as a right of her gender or independence, then I’d suggest that you walk away as she’s most likely not ready to change. There needs to be some conviction to have a meaningful change.
Often, a promiscuous woman cannot be changed. Even though she has decided to stop sleeping with multiple people, the damage has been done and it will bite her in the ass down the line as studies have shown. So I'm not even gonna bother with her, to begin with.
Sure that’s your discretion. I just that humans are more resilient than that. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized so many mistakes I’ve made in life. I’ve really done some things that I’m regretful of that I didn’t realize were wrong when I was younger. As long as we grow from our mistakes we’re always becoming stronger. If you meet the love of your life and you’ve found out that she slept around a bit when she was in college because she was insecure and didn’t have guidance- would you reject her even though she’a now a Christian and has repented and it’s now been several years of her living life without promiscuity? Women commit sin for different reasons and men commit different kinds of sin for other reasons. I’ve committed a lot of sin man. Im not even trying to preach here though. I still love my girl and treat her well tagged with my family. I’d just try not to place such absolutes on life since life is extremely complex and challenging.
Yes I would reject her because as a person who has had great guidance from my parents, I don't want to have possible damaged goods on my hands. Just because someone turned religious and traditional, does not mean the damage has been undone from their past. She may very well never be promiscuous, but I'm not going to sit around and try and find out, especially not if I can get with women who don't have a ratched past. My current girlfriend didn't sleep around and has got proper guidance. So the odds of anything in her past poisoning the relationship are slim. I can't say the same for so many other men who happened to wife a woman who has been dicked down by so many men in college or who have daddy issues, end then end up getting divorce raped or cheated on.
Regardless of lack of proper guidance or not, sleeping around says much about a person and it's often done due to lack of impulse control and poor judgment skills in regards of long term consequences.
Sure, that’s fair.
Haha I'm screwed then lol, I don't regret it, but gotta say I never got much from it all. At the time it wasn't even that I felt it was cool, I did feel like it was the only thing I brought to that friendship group and even now years later I still only feel mostly put back together from everything I experienced.
The reason I don't regret it though is it gave me perspective on what I like and dislike, it made me savour the ones that were good and nice, even if I got a certain stigma in my head, which shocked me everytime the guy would act opposite to that stigma. It's made me realise that I was allowed to have a say too and a few other things that could have took months if not longer to realise we're bad qualities in a single night. But I totally get what your saying, I would never advise people to sleep around, I wouldn't say to stay a virgin, but to choose a middle ground a partner doesn't have to be for life but make sure you can have fun with them
So I’m actually very honest about the low number of my previous relationships... but all I’m getting from this is that I should still lie right, since women (collectively) lie about that number, makes me feel like it’ll be multiplied so I have to minimise it so he perceives the true number. That doesn’t sit right with me. I feel like it does sound a little insecure and paranoid even though I do agree with some of what you wrote. I also believe that people can and do change if they want to. Some people do grow whilst others do not. You just have to be a bit smarter about recognising it.
The "multiply her given number" is mostly done with women one is sceptical about. If I'm actually dealing with a respectable and classy woman, I'm less inclined not to take her word for it in comparison to a girl who lives a certain lifestyle were stacking on number of sexual partners is prevalent. So in other words, it depends on the woman whether one takes her word for it or not.
Although there is never a guarantee, I still take my girlfriend's word about her sexual past considering she has proven over time she is not 'that' type of girl. Not to forget to mention the way she is raised and her personality do not support that lifestyle.
If you know you're a respectable person who got nothing to hide, then I see no reason for you to lie. It's mostly women who know they have a high number that tend to lie. Because even they think their number is quite high and would alter the way people will perceive her
Personally speaking I feel like having many sex partners isn't good nor bad. I mean I understand why some women like to experiment and such. Now don't get me wrong I personally wanna wait till I get married so I won't have to go threw the process of having to worry about the girl I have sex with getting pregnant. But if a girl wants to have sex with many partners, she can and like everything else in this world the good/bad will come back to bite you in the ass. So in short do I think women who have sex with different people shouldn't for there own health ( mentally and physically)? Yes honestly from a doctor's perspective anyway you have a higher chance of getting sick, or worse. But yea ladies do what you want, like I said earlier one day your gonna get what's coming to you from the past, for the past makes way to the present and the present pushes to the future. Nothing you do will be forgotten because Karma is a bitch.
I totally agree.. but not every woman lies about their body count though.. and not every short relationship has to do with cheating. But i get your idea and i agree... this is why i always tell my younger sister to stop hopping from boyfriend to boyfriend... it begins to look cheap when you get older.. i catched her lying about her amount of ex partners to her new boyfriend.. i told her there and then when he was there. Oh boy 😂
Ow by the way ~ Fijne Koningsdag! Haha 😉🇳🇱
Of course not every woman lies, but as a man, there is almost no telling. Best thing a man could do is get with a girl who is not into the nightlife, drinking, surroundingherself with guys etc. lifestyles.
Jij ook een fijne koningsdag!!👑🇳🇱🇳🇱
Ja je hebt helemaal gelijk. ik ben het met je eens. Maarja de meerderheid hier op G@G zijn niet zo slim joh... zien een titel en zijn meteen getriggered. Hahah Ik weet niet of deze plek het goede platform is om er over te praten. Hahaha Hetzelfde met Reddit. 😂
@goldentulip Echt he, ik zit af en toe echt te overwegen om hier weg te gaan. Aan Reddit ga ik niet eens beginnen. Ik ben hier niet zo actief meer met uitzondering van deze MyTake.
Deze website zit vol met sneeuwvlokjes die er niet tegen kunnen dat niet iedereen hun mening deelt. En je weet, wij Nederlanders staan bekend als een volk die zich vrij snel uit durft te spreken. Dat zijn veel mensen hier niet gewend. De enige reden waarom ik hier langer ben gebleven dan ik had verwacht is om de onderwerpen die hier besproken worden. Ik ben een paar intelligente en wijze gebruikers die weg zijn gegaan. Dus het gaat niet lang nemen voordat ik zelf ook weg ga. Maar voordat ik dat ga doen, ben ik van plan om nog een aantal controversiele MyTakes te schrijven. Zullen mensen hier niet leuk vinden hehehe
Jazeker... Ik heb Reddit geprobeert.. was er snel weg.. had geen zin in al die domme haters omdat ik toevallig een Té sterke mening had dat ze niet beviel.. Ik ben ook hier alleen hier gebleven omdat het af en toe wel eens handig is om andere perspectiven te vragen kwa mening. En heel soms is het wel leuk om what dingen van anderen te lezen. Maar ik word vaak geirriteerd van de mensen hier... het gaag erom dat je vrij uit een mening kunt delen.. maar velen hier gaan meteen in de aanval. Like.. je vraagt letterlijk om meningen hier. Hahaha daar staat de "Ask" toch voor. 😂 Najaaa Maar lekker mee doorgaan joh. Ik denk zelf ook dat de meeste Amerikanen hier ook een veel andere denkwijze hebben.. minder breed? Kwa dit onderwerp? "Young Choice become Adult Problems". Het is niet ineen keer weg je verleden.. laat zeker sporen achter. Dus ben het zeker met je eens. 😉 niks van aantrekken van deze mensen. You do you! 👏🏻
Jeez zoveel Typos..🤐 Dikke vingers. Hah
Wijze woorden. Ik trek het me zeker niet aan. Ik amuseer me wel aan sommigen hier 😂. Erg bedankt voor je positieve energie! 😊😁 Mogen sommigen hier wel van leren. En maak je niet druk over spellingfoutjes. Ik kwam ook later pas achter dat ik aardig what spelling en grammatica fouten heb achtergelaten. Komt meer door het snel typen.
Maar ja, ik merk inderdaad dat dit ook niet echt een website is waar je intellectuele conversaties kunt houden zonder dat je een aantal hebt die je beginnen aan te vallen, omdat ze zich beledigd voelen. Je vrijheid van meningsuiting is beperkt aan hun mening. Zo lijkt het hier te zijn... Ik ben echt blij dat ik een Nederlander ben. Naar mijn idee laten we ons niet zo snel meeslepen door gevoelens. In ieder geval niet op hetzelfde niveau als in Amerika.
Het is inmiddels Koningsdag. Nogmaals een fijne Koningsdag!🇳🇱
Haha Ja! Maarja what hadden we dan verwacht? Van een land die nog steeds denkt dat ze het beloofde land zijn en dat elke buitenlander die aardig tegen ze zijn meteen de Green Card willen pikken. Lol hahaha maar ondertussen alleen maar Obesity etc. Je weet vast waar ik naartoe wil. Hahaha Ja maar je hebt zeker gelijk en we mogen zeker dankbaar zijn dat we what meer realistisch zijn opgevoed? Velen zitten hier ook gewoon annoniem hun frustraties te uiten ofzo. Ja fijne Koningsdag👏🏻 Ga je nog lekker eten?
Ja ze voelen zich wel heel what. Iedere Amerikaan die naar Nederland is verhuisd geeft zelf toe dat ze niet terug willen. Ik ben inderdaad echt blij dat we what realistischer zijn opgevoed. Wij als volk kijken naar de wereld voor hoe het is, niet voor hoe we voelen dat het hoort te zijn. Ik denk dat onze mentaliteit zeker heeft geholpen in onze strijd en overleving tegen het water. We zijn niet het water gaan weg wensen of uit onze gedachten gaan blokkeren. Nee, we waren juist dijken gaan bouwen.
Alhoewel ik moet toegeven dat we helaas alle schijt importeren uit landen als Amerika. Hier word de jonge generatie beïnvloed vanalles uit Amerika. Best jammer... Ben blij dat ik een vriendin heb die net als ik ook een gezonde opvoeding heeft gehad en geen sneeuwvlokje is. Ik ga samen met haar koninsdag bij mijn ouders vieren. En ook bij haar ouders. Het eten regel ik zelf niet, maar iets lekkers gaat het zeker worden! En jijzelf?
I wish I didn't have a body count. My ex I was actually married to ended up being an abuser. He's doing all kinds of poly trash orgy garbage stuff, doing his own thing. I feel like a dirty rag, but my boyfriend is a virgin and is nice enough to ignore my past but I desperately wish I saved it for him.
Not that I completely agree with this mytake but I don't get why so many people are pissed. If someone doesn't want to date a person with high body count then it's his/her choice. Obviously sleeping around is a bad thing to them, don't try to convince them that it's a good thing, rather just date people that are like you or think the same way.
Nailed it! I agree with you
I go with the Madonna/whore theory. It's always sounded right to me.
A man wants a whore in the bedroom but a Madonna to raise his children. They are torn between needing both. Pretty impossible to find in one women. And it's part of the reason why I think men were designed by nature to be polyamorous (which also explains why the cheat so much... they are constantly on the hunt for that perfect Madonna/whore.)
Yeah so many men can't choose between the two, while wanting to have their cake and eat it too. I personally chose the 'Madonna' and I honestly don't regret it
In the end the Madonna is by far the better choice. But also much harder to find.
Sex,
Trust,
Respect,
Create tringle of healthy and successful relationship.
Number of sexual partners and it impacts on behavior depends on religious, ego, preferences.
Reality is that sex is pleasent to encurage procreation which is real purpose of any living form as gens want to survive. Same like bacterias and viruses.
Having too many partners without breeding or too little has impact on behavior of individual.
Creating fobias, insecurities, hormonal rollacoster or lack of intrests.
Sex like any other activity has it own learning process.
Number of different partners however doesn't guarantee development or progress. Simple rules of like reapeating same mistakes which are becoming a habit or crave for perfection apply.
Therefore it is individual matter regarding the number
It does matter.
Adding more likely to carry an STD
But then again it depends on their sexual health. Someone who has lots of sexual partners but has better systems and rules to keep safe during sex compared to someone with a few sexual partners but does not know how to keep protected is probably better.
Also what counts as a high number of sexual partners. Some people say 4 and others say 20. Maybe not as much as Barney from HIMYM but it really depends on the person.
Also they just might just choose the wrong people which makes relationships short. In that case maybe having some open dialogue could change this persons view of themselves.
But then again 'Old habits die hard'.
I am more forgiving than OP.
I am not particularly interested in a woman’s body count, nor am I in a position to throw the first stone.
Sex is to be enjoyed and to, occasionally, produce children.
The only past sexual act that would be a deal breaker for me would be if she had been with a man (or men) of another race. BBC riders need not apply.
Other than that, I have probably seen and/or done it all myself.
What interests me is her state of mind when she is with me and what she wants.
Had I been born a good-looking women, I would probably have become a depraved slut of epic proportions, so I can hardly condemn a woman whose vaginal walls and mouth have milked many a penis.
As long as we're both wanting the same thing in a relationship, I don't care about her past as much as I care about how she is trying to be now. If she's willing to date me she's obviously willing to work with my past so I think I can work with hers as well.
That's a good thought, but unfortunately, it seems to be more complicated than that. Often bad habits from the past find their way into the future. Hence why companies and governmental institutions rarely accept ex-convicts. Same goes with relationships. If a girl has cheated (multiple times) in the past, don't be surprised if she will cheat on you sooner or later. Same goes with someone who has been promiscuous in the past.
Exactly. I can't ask her to take a risk I'm not willing to take, and working toward a common goal is better than one person trying to catch up or pull the other up anyway (in my opinion). I don't think having a high body count is the only indicator of a possibly bad past that will affect the future and I want a woman who is willing to work to keep a good relationship. I know ex-convicts I know they can still make good people or they can not. I know what's a deal breaker for me and what isn't.
Oh body count is definitely not the only indicator of a bad past. I've encountered virgins who had plenty of issues and would be in every man's best interest to stay away from. It just so happens that a woman who has slept around often carries (emotional) baggage. And that's something I'm honestly not willing to deal with. I don't have baggage myself that my significant other doesn't have to deal with it, so why should I have to get with someone who does. I'm not planning on getting with someone who has made plenty of poor decisions in the past that would bite her and ME back in the future. A woman with a promiscuous past is often not to be trusted in a long term relationship. That's pretty much what my point is.
Working towards a common goal is great, but with the right person. Not with someoen who would at any moment allow her impulses to take over once again and let you down. In the end, you are absolutely free to pick and choose who you want. And you're also free to believe what you want. Just make sure you know you are warned beforehand when getting with certain people (in this case with someone who has been promiscuous). And don't be surprised nor play victim when you would experience that which you have been warned about.
Dude yes that's what I'm saying too. I agree with you. I'm just on the other side of the boat. I have shit I don't want to drag down a "perfect" woman with, and that a perfect woman would never understand the appeal of in the first place. I don't want someone who would be surprised that I may start to slip back into old habits when things get tough and doesn't know how to handle it or even recognize it because she's never seen shit before. And I certainly don't want to be the gateway bad relationship to some innocent flower girl, or the reason she carries baggage into all the future relationships, or gives up on men in general.
I want a woman who did and dealt with shit, knows it was shit, and wants better. Cause they're more likely to recognize when things are going wrong, know the danger of not dealing with problems immediately, not be afraid to hurt or leave me or the relationship to keep things from getting worse, and recognize my doing so in return vs if I'm being a dick.
I wouldn't work well with a woman with no dirt, and neither of us would be good for each other, for very similar reasons that you and a woman with dirt wouldn't work well together either. It goes both ways. I agree with you. I'm just looking at it from the other way.
Oh definitely! It sure goes both ways. I mean I was dealing with my own shit before starting dating again. I was getting over a heartache and mild-depression after a relationship before I jumped in another one and make the new girl deal with my shit. I made sure to deal with my own problems so my new partner wouldn't have to deal with them. All in all, it sure is good to know how to deal with certain issues that may come with a new partner. But that knowledge and experience doesn't have to come with having sex with multiple people. The majority of promiscuous people I know are oblivious to the real world. Because they lack proper (parental) guidance and are rabbit fucking instead of reading and gaining knowledge.
Wait wait hang on, so all you have to do to make it so baggage or the past doesn't effect future relationships is just deal with it? And then you're good? That negates your whole mytake. If a woman has a high body count because she was promiscuous in her past, but she's taken a break and dealt with that and is now dating again, then why should you think her past will cause problems for the relationship any more than your past will? No, experience doesn't have to be with body count, but it has to be with something. You don't learn how to deal with an abusive partner by never having had an abusive partner before. You don't learn how to resist cheating without ever having dealt with the temptation to cheat. If that's how you think about it your whole argument only applies to women actively being promiscuous, not ones who only used to be but don't want to be anymore.
Depends on the baggage you speak of. Some baggage’s are dealt with and others are permanent. A mild depression from a temporary heartache is much different than someone who isn’t truly over their past partners. That’s also a thing that many people have to deal with anyway. A person who ha
Having a high body count is not something you can just wish away and definitely not the baggage that comes with it. A woman who has slept around is generally less happy compared to women who have focused entirely on 1 partner. If I happen to sleep around with so many girls, then it’s easier for me to see the next girl just like that. While if I mainly focus on girls to actually love, cherish and have a relationship with. That’s a different story. My mild-depression was caused by a breakup of someone I loved. Not because of bad habits.
Someone who has had 1 breakup can still (statistically) get into meaningful relationships. While someone who slept around is more likely to breakup or divorce and thus lead less successful relationships (according to statistics). So there is actually no comparison between the two.
Being promiscuous is not something you can just “deal with”. It’s something that seems to haunt you in the future. Often those who cheated in the past cheat in the future aswel. A serial dater who allegedly “decided” to stick to one person is probably going to jump ship once again when shit hits the fan. Same goes with someone who is promiscuous. Men who generally have no issues sleep around won’t be seen having a long-term monogamous relationship. The same rule applies with promiscuous women and stats clearly show this.
One of my personal experiences: One of my exes is a serial dater. While we were in a relationship, she so-called "loved" me and we were in a monogamous relationship. During the relationship I had to deal with a bunch of red flags that typically come with someone who is a serial dater. And guess what, this girl who so-called "loved" me instantly started contacting her previous "guy friends" and dudes she was hitting it off with as soon as I broke up with her. And probably jumped on another dick. Actions speak louder than words.
From what I've seen and experienced myself. Out of all the women who things went really well and gave minimum red flags, those happen to be the women whom I know or at least am convinced that they are the type to not be promiscuous. While the promiscuous women I know in my life always bring drama to either my life or that of others that I know. And many other men also speak from experience. Hence why places like the manosphere exist and are growing bigger and bigger rapidly. Why? Because what they have experienced and preach resonate with so many men out there
Yes someone who has dealt with their past is different than someone who isn't over their past, AKA has a present bad habit AKA it isn't actually in the past at all. That's what I said. Your points would only apply to someone who hasn't dealt with their past by your new logic.
Habits are hard to break but they can be broken. And once they're broken all you have to do is not pick them back up again, which if you have a partner who is familiar with red flags is much easier to do than if you have a partner who you could pick the habit up again with without them noticing or confronting you until it gets bad. If you and your partner are both familiar with that stuff, you can much more easily keep from you or them picking things up again just by communicating, which you should do anyways in a relationship. It's really not that hard. But a familiar partner works better. That's why I'm still agreeing with what you originally said.
But now you seem to be disagreeing with yourself. Just because you dealt with a past thing doesn't mean it no longer exists and is no longer an indicator of the future. If you have a bad breakup again I bet you'll probably get depressed again unless you take measures to prevent it either before or during. And if a former cheater is presented with the opportunity they'll probably cheat again unless they set measures to keep themselves from doing so, either before or during. You may have less baggage and you may have baggage that is not a deal breaker for many people, but the same principles apply to any baggage or habit from the past.
If you get with someone who is currently promiscuous but says they love you, obviously they still have a problem. If you get with someone who used to be promiscuous, but has dealt with it, they're still more likely to fall back into that but good preventative measures and communication keeps that from happening. It seems like your ex didn't do anything wrong until you left, but was starting to slip. Not saying you shouldn't have broke up with her based on red flags. You should be able to tell fairly quickly if someone is actually trying to move on from their past or not.
Unfortunately, many people have NOT got over their past on a cognitive level. Often, depends on what happened in the past, they still aren’t over certain things on an unconscious level. Habits are hard to break indeed, and often, people fail at actually breaking them. Hence why so many cheaters continue to cheat. Hence why so many serial daters continue to be serial daters and hence why so many promiscuous people fail to remain in a successful monogamous relationship.
That’s why I don’t bother with people who indulge in bad habits such as promiscuity on their own free will.
I’m actually not disagreeing with myself. I’m simply separating past events that are actually very common in a way that the majority of people go through from events that people indulge in and cause bad habits that eventually bite them back in the arse. Who knows, maybe I’m not fully over my breakup without realizing myself. Afterall, there was a study that explains that men never truly get over a heartbreak. But since this is a natural thing people go through, both promiscuous and non-promiscuous people, it’s actually not something to be compared to baggage caused by things such as promiscuity. If I happen to have a bad breakup again, I’d most definitely be hurt again if I happen to be emotionally invested in a relationship once again. Whether I’d become depressed again or not is something I don’t know. I didn’t become depressed by my previous ex, but that’s because I wasn’t invested in the relationship as much as I was with the ex that did cause me heartache. But in the case of my previous ex. It was high time for me to break up with her because she definitely showed me all the signs that she was still carrying her baggage of the past with her and allow it to affect our relationship.
My current girlfriend also carries a childhood drama of sexual harassment. Gladly not to a point that it actually affects our relationship and sex-life, but enough for her to cry when thinking about it and going to therapy to had it sorted out. That’s something I’m much more willing to deal with compared to someone who is on the verge in getting back into promiscuous acts given the right circumstances.
But yeah in the end, we all have baggage. We just have to pick and choose which baggage we’re willing to deal with and which we don’t.
Okay so you're just differentiating between circumstantial baggage where something mainly outside the person caused harm, and individual baggage where that person caused the harm largely themselves? That's fair. Those are different things. But they can both be on the same level of severity/risk for relapse, and are both difficult to actually deal with.
I think it's unfair of you to assume everyone with self-inflicted baggage who tried to deal with it won't have actually dealt with it just because most people don't even try. If they would jump right back in given the chance, obviously they haven't dealt with it. If they are still living that lifestyle, obviously they haven't dealt with it and haven't tried to. If they are still showing huge red flags concerning it, obviously they haven't dealt with it.
I actively practiced destructive habits for a little over 2 years. I dealt with it alone for 1 year, and been in a good relationship for little over a year now. There's been a couple close calls but in over 2 years I think just 2 close calls is a pretty big improvement, and a pretty good indicator I have successfully broken the habit. So now there's only the risk of picking it back up again, which is less likely because my partner knows about my past and we can communicate well about problems in the present.
So, the past issues matters because it indicates what future issues will be, and not having any past issues means you don't know what future issues to look for. Typically people work better with other people in their own category. Someone for who past is in the past as in they have dealt with it, can avoid those issues in the future. It just takes a little more intention. Just like someone with no past issues can still have issue in the future if they don't pay attention. Does that make sense?
Certain self-inflicted baggage is redeemable. Let’s say someone stopped smoking or stopped consuming alcohol. I find that much more tolerable than someone who has been sleeping around. The body recovers from substance abuse in a different way than promiscuity. These are two different things. Not only is the thought of having a partner who has been dicked down by half the town intolerable to me, but also because you never know what’s going on in her mind after having lived a promiscuous life. Many men complain about their promiscuous partner getting back with exes or having back-ups dudes planned. And these were only two examples. The thing is, you say it’s unfair, but I don’t think it’s fair for me either to deal with issues that I don’t have myself. I’m not obligated to get with someone who is full of red flags if I can get with someone who doesn’t bring unresolved issues and dealbreakers.
I would be more tolerable to my partner falling back into a certain habits that are fixable again. But a promiscuous person who would suddenly fall back into promiscuity instantly violates the fundamental boundaries of a monogamous relationship and therefore I see no reason to be with them anymore. Let’s say my girlfriend had a drinking problem in the past (for the sake of argument). If my girl starts drinking again, I’m more willing to work with her on that. Promiscuity? Not so much. I instantly kick her out of my life.
Even the people who don’t have much baggage still can learn from others. I don’t need to have done crack in order to know that doing crack is bad. I don’t need to get with an ex-cheater to know I risk getting cheated on myself. I can educate myself on matters without needing to indulge in them myself. The only thing that I can’t do is speak out of experience. I can only speak out of experience and advice of others. I prefer getting with someone who hasn’t indulged in self-destructive habits and knows how and why they actively avoid them, than to get with someone who has done, learned the hard way and still carries the risk of falling back into them.
That's fine you can have boundaries, you can have preferences and limits and whatnot and you should live by the ones you hold. It's fine to divide what you will and won't tolerate from a partner, and to involve their past in that. I never said that was a bad idea in fact I said that was a good idea. You do that by all means. My limits are different than yours and that's fine that's good that's not what I'm arguing about here.
(Also I meant that if you never fell into that trap or knew someone well who did, it will probably be harder to recognize the signs and understand/guard against the temptation when they or you might fall into the trap in the future. If you've already fallen in you know what to expect and so you have a bit of an edge in experience as well as the weakness of nostalgia. Also not here to argue that though, and I'm sure it's debatable).
At this point, all I'm saying is the person who has actually dealt with their past won't be too much higher risk to repeating the bad parts than a person with a clean past is at risk to start some new bad habit in the future. Alcoholics can recover. So can cheats. That happens in different ways specifically but ultimately it is a retraining, redisciplining of the self and the mind and the body, and a recovery from the damaging patterns of thought and behavior that ruled your mind and body. The temptation will always be a little stronger for people who knew it well before, even if they have dealt with it, but that never means it's irresistible.
And I repeat: if they would INSTANTLY GO BACK then they have OBVIOUSLY NOT DEALT WITH IT and if they are STILL ENGAGED IN THAT LIFESTYLE then they have OBVIOUSLY NOT DEALT WITH IT. Those are not cases of relapses those are cases of bad liars or oblivious partners, and I would appreciate if you didn't pretend like someone actively living a detrimental lifestyle is at the same risk of committing detrimental behavior as someone who has previously lived that way but has since worked to get out of it and now actively lives a healthy lifestyle and guards against detrimental behavior.
You recognize people with circumstantial, not-self-i flicted damage can recover. You recognize that people with past issues you are not as strongly against can recover and can even recover again if they happen to relapse. I don't understand why you can't recognize that this same possibility extends also to the past issues you see as absolutely the worst and irredeemable. You don't have to be okay with those people just because they can improve themselves, again you're entitled to set them well outside you're limits and your forgiveness. That's your right. But to deny that they can achieve the same kind of improvement that everyone else with past issues can achieve is just deliberate ignorance at this point, it doesn't even make sense it just makes things harder.
Simple: As I've said before, I find promiscuity an absolute dealbreaker in itself, regardless if the women happens to have passed that phase and isn't repeating it again. There will always be some residu to come and bite you in the ass later down the line. And just the thought about her sleeping with a bunch of dudes, selling herself cheap is what I find disgusting and does not deserve respect in my eyes. If there are men who are okay with being the person to wife someone who has been dicked down by half the town, that's their choice. But I'm not going to pretend I got a gem on my hands while everyone could have purchased it for nothing. I simply look down on these women in regards to long-term commitment.
Other than that, lots of promiscuous women tend to carry their baggage in the future deliberately or not deliberately. I'm simply not willing to to try and find out. Because many of them haven't recovered and aren't truly willing to recover. They just live in the moment and want to "move on". That's no proper way to deal with unresolved baggage. Because the moment shit hits the fan, they are extremely tempted to jump back into their old habits. Hence why the stats show that there is a correlation between more failed relationships, overall less happiness and promiscuity.
There are self-inflicted bad habits I'm willing to tolerate, and others I don't. If I'm going to commit and gamble with things such as marriage, I'm going to do my absolute best to avoid red flags that have been statistically proven to higher the chances of failed relationships and marriage. Something many people do not keep in consideration and therefore get bit in the ass down the line while playing victim.
The question is not whether or not someone can achieve success from getting over the bad habit. We both know the answer to that. The real question is what are the odds of them truly achieving that success. And for many people. the answer seems to be a no. And thus I'm not going to try and find out the hard way.
"The question is not whether or not someone can achieve success from getting over the bad habit. We both know the answer to that."
What is it tell me what that answer is. I wanna see you say it.
"The real question is what are the odds of them truly achieving that success. And for many people. the answer seems to be a no. And thus I'm not going to try and find out the hard way."
You already said it didn't matter if they achieved that success you still wouldn't want them because of their past. So no, you're issue isn't the gamble or the risk, and that's fine, but don't pretend like if a woman who cheated/slept around in the past could be guaranteed never to do it again that you would be any more inclined to value her or want her because of that.
I said you can keep your deal breakers so keep them and keep this issue separate. I don't care whether you would want them or not. I care whether you recognize that they can improve.
"Because many of them haven't recovered and aren't truly willing to recover. They just live in the moment and want to "move on". That's no proper way to deal with unresolved baggage."
I agree, that's no proper way to deal with baggage, and if they don't truly want to recover and truly put the effort in, they will guaranteed NOT recover. But just because most don't try and so the statistics are skewed by that doesn't mean that the people who actually do try have almost 0% chance of success. They have almost as much chance of success as any other past issue if they put as much effort in as is needed for other just as serious issues. Every issue if it's on the same level of severity (severity not meaning badness, but level of entanglement the person was in it) has just as much likelihood that the issue will come back to bite them, and just as much likelihood to recover. Does that make sense? And if it doesn't, please tell me why? Logically?
The possibility of them getting over a bad habit successfully is there. Not sure why you want me to say it out loud since this is common sense. My reasons are both a gamble of risk and not. In this particular case, it’s a a mix of both. So even though a girl may be successfully over it, I’m still not going to be accepting of it. That’s just my preference. And I never pretended otherwise. I’ve CLEARLY explained to you that I am not accepting of a woman’s promiscuous past not only because the risk is always there, but also because she has overstepped every boundary I have for a (potential) partner.
I do recognize that people can improve. Key word: CAN. Whether they truly improve is often a case of a no for many people. THAT’s what matters to me.
“But just because most don't try and so the statistics are skewed by that doesn't mean that the people who actually do try have almost 0% chance of success. “
Where did I ever make or imply such a thing? I’m not interested in someone’s attempt to try and be successful. I’m only interested in those who are successful. And in this particular topic, a person who never had this issue, to begin with.
Fuck nevermind, just re-read my last reply if you wanna I don't wanna keep going anymore. Good day
Good idea. I think I'm done overexplaining something that's not so deep, to begin with. Have a good one aswel.
Thats irrellevant. Is she going to give you a break on any of the things women value in men, Money, confidence etc
@cjmtherfcker I don't see why what women generally look for in men matters, it's just what she/I specifically want in a partner that matters.
And am I stupid did "she's obviously willing to work with my past" not imply that I also have a patchy history? Yes. She has given me several passes as well considering the circumstances we started /are continuing under.
Im not telling you to break up with your lady. Im saying dont let aa woman determine what your standards are. 1in 5 children born in wedlock are not the husbands. This why men value virtue in a longterm mate. Dont let women tell you that shit ain't important or belittle it, because they don't have to make that calculation
@cjmtherfcker Very well said! It's good to see another person with a good head on his shoulders
@cjmtherfcker as you shouldn't tell me what to do. Besides this is a hypothetical question. My woman has never cheated. She had problems but that ain't one.
But I'm not worried she's gonna start back up any of those other things either, for the same reason she's not worried im gonna start up anything again. It's called communication you heard of it? We can tell each other if we have trouble, and work it out before it leads to anything like that.
Well sounds like you and your lady are Happy. Im happy for you. Unfortunately i have learned to trust actions over words.
Hope it works out for you man
@cjmtherfcker we are happy, thanks. And yes actions are way more important but they don't come from nowhere, that's why we talk about that stuff before it can escalate to actions. I hope you're happy as well and things work out for you.
I'd just add that being love is the key ingredient to a happily ever after
It sure is one of those ingredients. An ingredient that happens to often be lacking within people who have a rich sexual history. That's why I stay away from potential partners who do have that rich sexual history because I want to build a strong connection with someone
There is no such thing as happily ever after. Life goes on, and love wears out. People fall out of love about as fast as they try to get into it.
The past matters, because when you invest in her, she might become part of your future.
I had a close female friend. We used to tell each other everything that was going on in our lives. Oddly enough we both lost our virginity on the same night a hundred miles apart. She told me about losing her virginity and that she felt somehow that I would be disappointed in her.
We had a very long talk about what had happened to each of us. The conclusion was that it would be okay if we loved the other person which neither of us did.
KING this is so true! So many triggered western sluts, feminazis and other shit show btches but true women know her value more than anyone!
Thanks bro! What I find funny about the triggered ones is that they are quick to throw shade to me as a person and also fail to debunk anything I've said in the Take. It's an obvious way to deal with frustration about the truth which they can't stand hearing. So they start hating the messenger because of the message. These snowflakes are always amusing 😂