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Some reasons why victims have a hard time leaving their abuser, or reasons why some people seek abusive partners... (Page 2)
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No offense and nothing personal... But I think this is all bullshit... you can easily spot an abuser and bad characteristics from the very start... if you can't, you're a total idiot or just lying to yourself.. and you can always walk out after the first bad sign... Simple as that... People just make up all this stuff to convince themselves that what happened to them wasn't their fault based on their actions and choices... they can't even imagine that they were responsible because they will realize how stupid they are and maybe ruin their self image...
That is an understandable notion but I doubt you've ever witness it up close or been apart of a relationship like that. *I can tell you it isn't all bullshit*. I cannot speak for every case but it isn't as obvious as you think. At the onset, the abuser can hide it for quite some time before he/she goes back to their ways. I've seen it.
Plus you have to remember, in many cases, birds of a feather flock together. A girl who grows up around criminals but isn't one probably is more prone to date one and think nothing of it. Where a girl who grow up in a safe, normal environment is far less likely to date one. I don't think we need to do research on that to know that is probably true. You can never outwork you self-image. You should read the but psycho-cybernetics.
@MedHat-M You are oversimplifying it. If you think it’s bs, that’s fine, but do not go around and blame victims.
Well your wrong when your told everyday your worthless and ugly called a bitch cunt everyday you self worth it the window. You get stuck in the rut where you think that either they'll find you and you'll pay worse for running or you don't think your capable of doing it on your own. It takes a big impact on how you preserve yourself
P. S: it's quite long if you care to read.. You people just don't get it! ... You're so blinded you can't even understand what I'm saying.. I say don't be a fool and have standards when you choose people to be close to you and you'll never be in an abusive relationship.. and if you decide not to.. It's your choice.. Your responsibility towards yourself.. Your fault.. And You reply by describing and projecting what is it like being in an abusive relationship and how it affects you... Are you kidding? And for your information.. I'm not invincible.. Nobody is... I've been chewed up.. I've been chewed up real good.. I have an abusive family... I'm a true victim.. Because I didn't choose them I was literally born into them and I was literally helpless if I walked out the first time I would be a kid on the street... they ruined me psychologically but they didn't make me prone to repeat the cycle with someone else... It actually made me more attentive.. I have standards... yeah I can be adventurous and get intimate with someone I'm still yet to truly know them.. But the minute they start treating me ill.. I give it back to them... And I confront them right in their face... if i got the wrong answers and attitude.. Or i don't see consistency.. I drop them immediately... But again... That doesn't happen much because 90 percent of the time.. You can tell if someone is good or bad for you.. I can... People can... I got girls who come on to me and approach me all the time... Sometimes they're even total strangers... they can sense I'm a good guy... And me too.. All the girls i liked turned out to be the sweetest ever... If you end up with someone who treats you badly or give you a hard time... Which is the opposite of what should happen... You got problems
True, and sadly I know people who have been abused and just conform to ut and believe it's normal. I still haven't had my first relationship but I would like to think that if she was abusive with me I would identify it or know when I should back out of it. Well, In hindsight I should know butt I know in reality it isn't like that and who knows I may fall for hard and she might take advantage of that 🥲🥲
Yes, I always used to laugh at people who would get involved with somebody and would stay in the relationship thinking the other person would change. Then I found myself doing the same exact thing.
@exitseven yeah, that sucks especially when you're enamored by them 😞😞
I can tell you that the top reason why people stay in abusive relationships (usually its women), is because they see abuse as a normal part of their lives and also because they lack resources to survive on their own.
Yeah I thought being abused was normal until I escaped my first boyfriend
He would be raping or beating me and I would just think about how much I hated being a woman
That makes a lot of sense. Especially when you understand paradigms.
@William2198
Many people suffer because they didn’t work hard enough in school when they were young. When you don’t have a decent job that pays well , your chances on surviving well on your own is very slim. This is why so many women can’t afford to leave abusive husbands.
Interesting that you say this because from what I learned is that usually when women have that belief it's because at some point in time when they were children they had seen a woman take abuse from a man and they see that the woman does nothing and just takes it, so at the early age they associate that behavior as something normal that a woman must take. So they grow up to believe that it's ok and normal. That's a scientific one, but I also believe that some women simply always think they can fix a man so they continue to stick around.
This is a great take. I am a victim of abuse, both from a family member and relationships I’ve had... I know how hard it can be and how it can destroy you as a person. I’m 31 years old and I’m still broken.
Been in a emotionally and mentally abusive relationship now for going on 7 years it's hard to leave when you love the person and can't imagine them not in your life anymore. It's been so hard daily I know I need to leave but I can't ever find the strength to do so
My ex was emotionally abusive I got out in the end which I did sooner he trapped me in a way that was so cruel but I had a lucky escape from him he tried getting back with me a few months ago I told him where to go I never want to go through that again and I hope no one else does I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person
Women literally ASK to be hit. They don't respect men who are too scared to hit them. Either you dont and they leave you for someone else or they walk all over you like a doormat OR you hit them and they get so sexually aroused they are addicted to how good the orgasm is.
So the choice is get beat but have amazing orgasms or be with someone who won't hit you and be sexually unsatisfied. Pretty obvious why they go for sex with a side of violence.
It has nothing to do with being a victim 9x out of 10. Its just about sex.
You are talking about sex and being rough. That is not the topic.
No. Im talking about men hitting women. If you dont hit one of these women they won't respect you. If they dont respect you they cannot orgasm. Therefore they seek out men who hit them. Im definitely not talking about being "rough".
Do you hit men to make them respect you to?
@William2198 im not concerned with if men orgasm or not so i really dont care. But of course i do. Im an MMA fighter. But because of my fighting and my very traditional values, i get approached a lot by women literally asking me to hit them like beat them up not simply be rough but beat them up and its clearly them showing interest in me. I've had long conversations with them and generally it comes out they dont respect a man who won't keep a woman under control physically and they think those men are weak and they dont respect them. If i was to kick the shit out of them then they would know im not a pussy or simp its physical proof and thats what they want. Then they want to have sex with that man but a guy who won't they dont find attractive. I've personally experienced many women exactly like this. I've never personally met a woman who gets used as a punching bag and isn't like this. Thats why i say this is most of it in my experience.
I get what you mean but I do all of that without physical violence. Physical in my opinion has nothing to do with it. It is the effect of the physical which is on an emotional level and can be done without the physical violence. But yes I totally understand that thing you are talking about so I cannot say you're completely wrong. I just think the message is dangerous.
@William2198 well those are normal girls you can show of your dominance by throwing them on the bed and saying do what i say. There is a whole set of other women out there who will punch their man in the face if they think he's a bitch and they are dying for him to man up and beat her back so she knows who is boss. Quite a lot actually.
To be honest in most parts I agree with u and I agree as a girl that had experienced it in here life. Physical mental sexual every kind maybe. And sometimes its maybe just because we feel weak. When this kind of things happen so often and u keep fighting at one point u feel weak and just give up. Start praying to die. So it's not just because people r dumb or they care for the people that does this sh... To them it's sometimes because people feel weak to fight anymore.
People don't seek abusive partners. Abusers are on their best behavior until you make a decision to cohabitate. It's not a relationship, it's a cult.
It's a lack of independence and choice that makes one a victim of a cult.
People that end up in cults are usually runaways from home that have no other place to go. Choice and self reliance are both a cults kryptonite.
Just some speculation here. Women seem to dump guys that are boring. Have a stable job, healthy repetitive daily routine, are nice to them, etc. An abusive guy is probably more exciting, you're not sure what is going to happen next. So they may not like the abuse while it's happening but they like the contrast from the times the guy is nice to them. Low lows make for higher highs. A wild roller coaster of chaos vs a boring boat ride to financial security.
Does this idea have any legs?
not remotely. First of all, I've not met a boring guy, if 'you' are, that could be something to work on. Abusers lay on charm and money, but mine never did, they copy you, pretend to have everything in common, also they want to get together quickly, but that isn't what draws victims in. A 'good guy' (rare) would actually have likes and interests and even disagree about some things. See? It's SO dreamy when someone presents as a 'soul mate' with 'everything in common', and they get drawn in. A lot of the times, it's because there was a parent similar to the abuser, so those abused don't see 'red flags' that others see. Blaming an abuse survivor for abuse and personalizing it to your own issues is sad and selfish. Learn about what abuse victims go through, care to help them, don't blame women because men are 5 times more likely to have narcissistic personality disorder: their chances are 1 in 20 to meet one of these creatures while yours are more like 1 in 100. So, compassion is in order, even though 'you' have not experienced this.
-Part of them enjoys it, thus a majority of abuse victims end up with multiple partners that become abusers. Mental Illness is rough.
We take care of our women here on the far right, no abuse necessary, they are not entitled thots. They know how to behave like trad. ladies.
Good MyTake. It made me think about an abusive relationship I was in. I think that I was in love with the unpredictability of the whole thing. It was like Russian Roulette and I never knew when I was getting the live round.
This is very informative. Thank you for writing this myTake.
Good take. Typical 💩 bags preying on the weak and vulnerable.
People must learn to be totally independent and don't rely for nothing from other people.
Most people will hold you hostage if you do.
I like your response. Though, sadly, I wish their was an 'abuse away' spray of independence. We all want relationship. I am one of the most independent people I know. Most of the abuse victims on the support pages I'm on are actually highly independent women, when you read on sociopaths and narcissists, they prey on 'successful', 'independent' women because 1. it's 'more fun' for them to act/see themselves as 'successful' or look that way by being with them, 2. there is more they can take from them. In other situations, the man intentionally will encourage her to be dependent (I had one of those once, thank God the apartment complex was willing to the lease over to his name & understood when I myself didn't. A third situation I've seen was when a woman was disabled, the disability amount was lower and their were children in the picture so much more difficult to break away as they saw it. :( Sadly, their are also woman being sex trafficked from other countries and they are young victims, perhaps their families 'selling' them (true) and they pump them with drugs and then leave them on the streets.
So, I agree with all you said, it's just that, sure independence helps but most women are already striving for this, it's hard to spot an abuser in the crowd as they seem 'so' amazing (spend extra time on appearance, everyone knows them) or they give the 'best' sob story and the woman falls for it. They act normal until moving in with them, then after settled, 'boom', the abuse begins.
@concerned4u: I totally understand. Never let someone convince you to not having your own money. People can fake real good and change at any givin moment.
They don't often do this, but kind of you. I've not had one convince me to have money. Although, I had one put everything in 'my' name when I was too young to realize the 'set up' it was. I had a disability and was unable to work full time and my job wouldn't have paid for the place. God intervened, I got out, and told the apartment complex what happened, thank God, back then it didn't take much for them to switch it back, and they were super compassionate. It took months to convince him to let my name off of the electric bill. He basically wanted sex, someone who'd clean his place and cook for him and then began trying to erode my self esteem.
@concerned4u: Lesson learned. We often learn through screw ups.
My 1st boyfriend was super mean and I spent 3 years being beaten, degraded, and raped by the man I loved
How long did it take for you to leave that relationship?
@Unwanted_Soul it was 3 years,,ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Hmmm
In your own words, why did you love him even with all that?
@William2198 he was my first love and he took my virginity
Because women are scared to leave, and women should be scared, abusers especially men can be pretty scary in the eyes of women, that way she will never leave him due to fear, It feels so good to see a woman be scared. 😂
you are so intelligent and eloquent, this brought light to my own situation. thank you is an understatement
Glad I could help.. Let me know if you ever want to talk more, I’m willing to help the best I can.
please! I am also in healthcare by the way, im studying nursing I should say. but there are some comments he has made that have triggered me so severely for example when we met I was 30 lbs heavier and am still working on myself but during a fight one day which started cus he had a female anime character as his computer background and she was sexualized and i didn't like that of course, he commented saying kate beckinsale is hot and pretty, and she is super skinny so he was taking a shot at me and he said he needs to raise his standards and said he can do better etc. and this is after love bombing me for months saying im the most beautiful girl etc etc comments he does not make anymore or didn't for a while. the only thing helping me to think about leaving is remembering him saying things like that and other peoples disgusted reaction showing me how wrong he is. and he has told me this before too that he thought i would look skinny and perfect now since i was on a fitness journey to get fit and i fell into bad eating patterns etc not going to the gym now im doing the opposite :) but STILL, saying things like "im not as attracted to you as i want to be" etc. am i nuts or does he sound like a bad guy? I would love your thoughts.
He does sound like a bad guy… He sounds very emotionally abusive in my opinion. You don’t sound nuts at all.
Yeah dude sound like an asshole. A typical form of abuse works that way too, often displayed by narcissist in particular, is that in the beginning of the relationship they will Love bomb you, make you feel like the center of the universe then purposely take that away. Set the bar so high in the beginning that you are always left wanting more, leave you always wishing and wanting how like it was, but it will never be like it was. They just dangle a carrot in front of you, push you, manipulate you into doing their bidding in the hopes of having it "like it used to be", but that day will never come. It's ugly and horrible honestly.
It IS a complex topic. Thanks for the insights.
Might want to follow-up with piece on "Stockholm Syndrome", too.
This is useful information for those who know people who are in abusive relationships or are in one themselves.
This is excellent information. You should be writing text books.