I've written about ghosting before on GaG, and in my book, these are the three reasons why you should never do this. The biggest and most important, and the third will be a big one that I don’t think most people out there really talk or think about.
Some people think ghosting is necessary - mostly women have expressed this - and I would say that’s only true in situations where you have already told the person you don’t want to be involved or connected anymore, but they keep texting or trying to see you. At that point I see nothing wrong with just cutting them off when you’ve already told them what’s what but they won’t respect it. I would also say ghosting can be necessary in dysfunctional families where you’re the outcast. If you choose to stop having all contact with them, I can’t say I disagree with that.
However, a lot of people nowadays seem to think it’s just okay to stop talking to or completely abandon someone you were dating, were in an actual relationship with, etc. I have heard some of the most sickening, heart wrenching stories of people who had girlfriends/boyfriends or were literally married and out of nowhere their partner just disappears, blocking their number and even blocking them on social media, never once giving any reason or explanation for why they did this. I’ve experienced it before and I can’t even begin to tell you the level of stress and anxiety it gives you. I think the worst story I ever read was from a lady who had just moved into a place with her boyfriend of 4 years, and the next day the guy just disappears and blocks her on everything. Utterly cruel.
So now let’s go over the 3 reasons why you should never ghost someone.
It’s just wrong
Of course, the first is a no-brainer. It’s just wrong! Plain and simple. Cutting someone off who you were dating for no short time or in an official relationship with, or even if it’s friends or family, without any explanation is just plain wrong and cruel. Have some morals. Have some ethics. Have some common sense.
If you feel like you don’t want to be associated with somebody anymore just be honest about it. Don’t tell yourself the lies that you can’t do it because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, because you know well that disappearing on them and even blocking their number and whatnot without any reason is 10x more hurtful. Ghosting is what you’re doing out of your own selfish need to make things easier for you, not them. Grow a backbone and do the right thing.
They might not let it go
Some people - mostly women - tend to have the attitude that if they’re cutting you off “you’ll get the message.” They’ll definitely get it alright, but might not stop there. Sometimes we really have no idea who we’re dealing with and how ghosting can trigger someone. Thankfully most people realize that someone who ghosts them is just pretty scummy, and they move on. But there are other situations where a person who has been ghosted will not let it go. They can become devoted to coming after you, trying to talk to your family or friends, or even trying to make your life a living hellchecking.
So you have to ask yourself: was ghosting that person worth it? Wouldn’t it have been better to just let them know “Hey, I just don’t feel like this is working out. I don’t think you’re a bad person, but I don’t feel like it’s really working for me. Just needed to be honest and tell you instead of leaving you hanging. Hope you understand.”? They may have some questions and want to know why. I personally think you should give them the decency of answering as best as you can. Because what you say might help them to realize how they can improve, or take a look at themselves in any other way.
But what if you already did this and they still won’t let it go? Then you are validated in having a concrete reason to ghost or even get a restraining order. Otherwise, keep in mind that when you bounce on somebody with the attitude that “I don’t need to explain myself to anyone” or “they’ll get the message,” that the other person could be seriously triggered by that enough to not want to let it go.
You could run into them again
And here is our Twilight Zone moment, boys and girls. And possibly the biggest. You should never ghost someone because you might run into them again. Or even be at their mercy in some odd situation. You really never know. Say you dated some guy or girl for a few months, maybe a year. Or you were actually in a relationship for some time, or they were a friend you had, and in each of these scenarios you ghosted and just decided you were no longer interested or didn’t want to speak anymore without telling them why, and you blocked their number, blocked them on Facebook, etc. But some time down the road you run into them again.
They could be the doctor or nurse handling you when you have to go to the ER one night. They could be the mechanic who works on your car one day when you had to take it into a shop right away. They could be your manager on a new job you just got hired for and you meet them for the first time. Or even the cop who pulls you over for speeding. What will you do? How will you respond?
Life is funny and anything can happen. People can be brought back to us in any way and at any time. Never think it’s impossible. So think twice about ghosting, boys and girls.
Namaste, and good luck.
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