Don't "Ghost" ANYONE

[PinkPandaBear180]

Incase anyone isn't aware of what "ghosting" is, I'll quickly define the term. Ghosting - Abruptly ending all electronic (or sometimes face to face) communication with another person (Texting, Facebook, twitter, email, ect). I personally am a victim of ghosting and after experiencing the aftermath myself, I'm trying to never do it anyone. Here's what happens to a person when you ghost them...and this is also why...

you should NEVER ghost anyone.

1. Utter Confusion

The first week is extremely confusing. At first, when she didn't text back I just assumed she was busy like usual. As the week continued, my next conclusion was she just might have not gotten my text so I sent a simple "hey" again. This continued for about a week and a half. It never occurred to me that I was being ghosted, in fact, that was the last thing on my mind. I went from believing she was busy to her phone broke, to even assuming she might have gotten in trouble with her parents and had it taken away. I literally had no clue. About 2-3 weeks in, I finally figured out that she was just not texting me because we were apparently "done" talking.

2. The Confusion Continues

Even after I realized that she had in fact ghosted me, I spent days poring over our last texts and thinking about our last few face to face interactions to figure out what I did wrong. Our last texts seemed happy/joking around and so did our last face to face interaction. I spent so much time just thinking about what I did wrong. Maybe it was just me, maybe I just live a completely sad life, but this consumed my time for weeks. Eventually, about 3 weeks after it happened, I gave up on figuring out what was going on.

3. I tried to "Win" her back

In the weeks following the initial ghosting, I decided I was going to win her back. I was going to prove to her that I would not do whatever I did wrong again. Obviously I did not come right and tell her this, but I thought that through my actions, I could show her I still had what it took to be a good friend/possible SO. Though she was still polite in person, it became quite obvious that she no longer cared about my life.

4. I became depressed

Again, maybe this is just because I lived such a lonely, sad life :P. I really cared about this girl and not just as a potential girl friend. I truly valued our friendship and it's hard to say that I wouldn't take her friendship back in a heartbeat now even though I know better. I spent my time wondering if all my future relationships would end this way. I wondered if there was something about me that made me "not worth" the trouble. What really got to me was that I had not even earned her respect (in 8+ months of friendship/talking) to the point that she would tell me if she thought it was best we didn't talk anymore. I started questioning if I even knew her at all because the girl I talked to would not have acted this way.

5. Things got awkward...

We were in a situation that required us to still have several face to face interactions after this experience. Neither one of us seemed to know how to react. She seemed... so much different than the girl I used to know. To this day we barely acknowledge each other. We are still in the situation that requires us to work together, but we never have casual conversations anymore.

Sooo.... What's the Point of this you ask?

You are probably wondering, what the point of my sob story is. Why does it matter to you? Simple: DON'T GHOST OTHER PEOPLE. If you are in a situation in which you feel that communication with a person is no longer best, be mature about it and tell them. Don't "let it fade" or anything like that because you'll just leave the person confused and wondering. I would've been able to let it go so much quicker if I knew where we stood. To this day I don't even know if she hates me or if we're neutral. I can't tell. Don't do this to someone else.

[Anonymous]

As uncomfortable as it may be to tell someone you're no longer interested. I've been there myself, the problem with being ghosted a lot is that sometimes you could seem to hit it off with someone on a date and maybe they'll text you saying let's meet again and schedule plans only for them to flake or ghost. When you don't get any explanation, it makes you feel like you're a big fuck up and you second guess yourself.

It's like how do we know what mistakes not to make again when no one tells us?

[brittanyg6]

I would not take it personal. That girl could have been dating other guys and just liked him a little more. It could be many reasons.

[Opinion Owner]

@brittanyg6 Yeah but when it happens to you so often, not just from one girl or a few, but a lot. You start to wonder what you might be doing wrong? I'm not desperate for a relationship, but it gets tiring having to constantly search for a new one.

[brittanyg6]

Dont go looking. Just let it come to you.

[Opinion Owner]

@brittanyg6 thanks for most helpful but sometimes it's hard to let it just come to you when you have a hard time meeting people.

[Opinion Owner]

I think the best approach is to put yourself out there but don't make it a priority.

[Elarra]

I've been ghosted and it doesn't feel good. But I don't believe ghosting is wholly wrong if you had a good reason. I had a friend ghost her boyfriend but that's because he was abusive and ended up hitting her. So she just blocked his number and never talked to him again. He kept sending her messages on Facebook and Twitter and she had to block him on all her social media.

Ghosting is only wrong when there are other avenues and it's not deserved.

[A_the_K]

I just experienced getting ghosted by someone. Was searching on google for exoeriences of other people and came across this. It has been a week since he has disappeared so i can relate to the initial stages you have outlined.

It's really confusing for me right now. I am also sad and angry. We had hit it off immediately and while we both admitted we liked the other, i could see us being at least friends if nothing more (given our circumstances which is besides the point i feel).

We had been texting for over 2 weeks everyday for all day and my last conversation with him was normal too. He was as excited as always and sent me a nice goodnight text saying he really liked talking to me and felt close to me. That was the last text i got. I messaged him the next day but it seemed he had signed out of the app. No replies. After a few days i messaged him again but he was still signed out of the app. Nothing had hinted that he would be just disappearing like this, there were no red flags etc.

And now i'm just left wondering if he truly specifically ghosted on me or if something happened and he has just not logged back on the app because of some other reason. A part of me also feels, that he would have contacted me by now at least if it was something else.

I guess i just gotta accept that whatever the reason he might not be coming back. It is difficult because i really like talking to him and miss him. With time, i believe.

[CoolSky01]

i had a similiar experience, but after being nice for a while i got fed up and switched to bitch mode, and a new hair cut and style helped as well, she was all over me after i became an asshole.

my point is not that people should be assholes its : dont value anyone else more than yourself as long as you are not in a committed loving relationship with that person, no girl and i literally mean no girl has the right to insult or play me or even think she's better than me.

simply put if a girl tries gaming me i am not gonna think twice about cutting her out of my life i could care less about one less drama queen.

[Kaaarinaaa]

You're so fucking right!
This one guy, I met him last year and it was going good, I asked him to met and that was awful anyway we still texted a little. But he always texted less, so I thought that he isn't Interested and stopped texting him and than he texted me again and we had a great conversation, and I thought that's maybe just his character, who knows, and so it went on that I would text him first a few times, stop as I thought shit and than he would text me and on our last meet up he even told me at the end we should go to dinner together, but he never wanted that, he already decided he doesn't want to see me again, but still he told me some future plans, after never getting a text I was so confused, I texted him asking if he still wants something or not and he finally said no and I could move on

[ChromAzonyx108]

It really messes with one's mind when someone ghostes. You wonder what is it about you that is so bad, so wrong, that they cease to interact with you. And you may never know the answer to that.

I don't think I've ever ghosted someone. I've lost contact with people but that is different. If someone were to message me then I wouldn't ignore them.

[MikkiM]

haha, to be ghosted is much worster than to ghost

either one of the two, its still worst

So im practising these two,.. so i will assure that ghosting never happens to my entire life again

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Meh. I don't owe any woman anything. Not time, not attention, not my money, and certainly not an explanation if I decide I want no further interaction.

[booo159]

that is ACTUALLY so true.
i've been ghosted. and it doesn't feel nice.
it makes you hate the person, so even if that person wanted to come back, you can't accept it.

[meatballs21]

I have ghosted and been ghosted. Some people just won't get the hint unless you disappear.

[king_casanova]

It just means that she was using you the whole time and that she was actually a shallow bitch. She found some greener grass.

[TrollG0D]

If I'm no longer interested and I have no more use for someone, why should I tell that person another word? I'll keep ghosting.

[PinkPandaBear180]

It's out of respect. It's also a courtesy. Besides, you won't have the person chasing you for weeks-months if you make it clear you're done with them. There is literally no good side to ghosting unless the person is a real creep... or if you're a real jerk. That's all.

[TrollG0D]

I'm not sure how you connected ghosting to disrespect, but if I'm done with you, I'm done with you. I don't care what you do from there on, if you become annoying I'll just end up blocking you. Simple. Why should I tell someone I'm done with another word?

[Anonymous]

I ghosted my ex girlfriend because I am the one who want to initiate a breakup but I don't want to be the bad guy so I stayed away from her, hoping she would take the hint after a huge argument.