Relationship Advice

[Nikki_0508]

If you know anyone in college or high school, please suggest to them not to get into a relationship. I am a college student that has just failed in a long term relationship. This guy was honest to god my everything. I even had a promise ring come in today. If both of our lives are better when we both leave college, I hope he and I can try again. These kids, the young adults, and myself need to be focusing on our mental health, education, and building for a career. No dating, No sex, If legal easy on the alcohol, No drugs, all the things people are doing now days. I pray for all you kids who are having to grow up in this world that you might be someone who does what is right, what is going to give you the best life possible. Please, i stress it so much, focus on you and your education. or else you will have the right person later in life but it will still be hard for so many reasons. Right now, you are what is important, building your education is what is important. Do not waste these opportunities on anyone please. As for those who have done well in young relationships, I congratulate you and wish you all the best. For those getting into them, for those in them, I am not against this, I just hope you and your partner have the correct guidance in these relationships. To the best of luck.

[Finchie40]

Break ups are hard , mainly when we give our heart to someone that turns around and shits on it. Most relationships are hard because most people in general are selfish people , that only really know how to love themselves , they don’t really know how to give the same way they want to receive. Most people say they want love and happiness and hope to find someone that loves them the same , but when things don’t go their way , they pretty much run to the highway. because most people have a hard time admitting to themselves that they were wrong , it’s always someone else’s fault , For any relationship to survive and for love to grow , you have to water the grass that you are already standing on , instead of thinking grass is greener on the other side. Both partners need to choose each other over everyone else in this world , whether you agree or disagree with your partner , your partner needs to be your top priority over everyone else period. if you can’t choose your partner , don’t expect them to choose you , If your partner can’t make you their top priority as well , then , you are best to walk away and realize you deserve someone that chooses you the same way you choose them , if they choose to walk away , let them go , someone that truly loves you will not walk away from you period , they will fight to keep you by their side. No relationship is perfect , because we all come from different paths in life , we all experienced things differently for the most part. if you can’t accept your partners’ flaws , don’t expect them to accept yours. It needs to go both ways. Never be an option to someone , if you treat someone like they are an option , don’t think for a second that you are a priority to them , that makes you an option as well and sadly that makes you a selfish person, by only wanting things your way. When you learn to remove your inner selfishness for someone , it makes it easier for you then to remove it for you , , if they choose not to make you a priority, do yourself a favor and walk away , We can’t force someone to love us , all we can do is treat someone the same way we want to be treated in return , it won’t always be perfect but when you choose your partner over choosing anyone else , your partner will more than likely choose you as well. It doesn’t matter what age you choose to get into a relationship with someone , All that matters is you choose each other through the good times and the bad. If you want
Your relationship to last the long haul , you have to stop acting like you are in it for the short haul , Choose them the same way you want them to choose you , the only time you should walk away from your partner is if they cheated on you , or they are physically abusive to you , or they are mentally trying to control you by telling you what you can and can not do by manipulating you. Other than that you fix what is broken between you both , no one else

[dynamicyandere]

I’m sorry to hear about the break up.


I hope you get back on your feet soon and have a great glow up! ✨


I agree that mental health is paramount and that one will have a lot of difficulty being a good partner if they’re not in the right mental state.


If they aren’t mentally and emotionally ready, they should have that resolved, or at least be actively working on improving that, while they’re with a patient, understanding, and accepting partner.


As for focusing on one’s career while being in a relationship, I believe that’s entirely possible. I’ve done it myself.


I’ve been in a relationship with a supportive partner and an unsupportive partner.


It makes a huge difference.


With my previous partner, I progressed extremely slowly because she didn’t care about my career and didn’t believe in me.


She even took my own money (we shared a joint account), that was supposed to be set aside to invest in my side-business, to purchase thousands of dollars worth of things for herself, without even asking me.


Now, with my current partner. Huge contrast.


She’s very understanding and supportive of me. While with her, I was able to perform at my very best — earning 4 pay raises within 16 months in a hyper-competitive work environment.


So, it all really depends on who you pick as a partner.


You and your partner should support each other’s goals and dreams and understand where each other is at in their lives.


That way, they can grow in their career, you can grow in your career, and you can also both enjoy a thriving relationship.


I admit, it can be a very tough thing to juggle.


But, it’s possible, if you cooperate, look out for each others’ future, and you both protect and nurture your relationship at the same time.

[TenderFantasy]

It depends. I sometimes wish I started earlier, but oh well lol. I think I do agree with you though. Young people who think they can "adult" and are "BETTER" than actual adults with real life experience of many years, I just laugh at them!

[Nikki_0508]

I had to adult as a teen. I would give anything to go back and be a kid, in the time itself i would have given anything to be a kid. growing up isn't worth rushing your childhood. i pity children who try to adult because they want to. they are in for a long life, one of great suffering unless they drop such an ideal.

[Unknownuseraccount]

After failed relationships I do agree with your post. In relationships we lose ourselves and when the person leaves we are left with the mess. It is very important to prioritize ourselves, our health, and our goals.

[Nikki_0508]

My ex lives by loving someone. If he is happy in a relationship, he is happy in life. I am the other way around. If i cannot personally find it in me to overcome struggles and be even a little happy, i can't be a good partner. Well, i can be a good partner. But i can't be the partner i strive to be and not being it destroys me mentally.

[ohsheeT]

I think what you said is very cool you're caring person with a beautiful heart

when we go to college the world changes everything changes it's a Brand New world brand new life

and with that life becomes more responsibilities and more choices
each and every day

when we were born we are all giving a gift and that gift is choice we get to choose we want to be in life by the things we say and do

at the same time life is an experience and we have to experience things to understand them

we only know what we know

and you have to go through those experiences to grow
if a bad things happens we think that we fell but we don't because failure is success you cannot succeed without a fall or failure that's what makes us grow that's what makes us become who we are

in a perfect world everything you said it is 100% true but really all the things that you've done all the things that you went through would you change your thing for me I have to say no because that's what made me who I am today is all those little experiences all those times that I fell and I had to get back up that's what made me who I am today and I would never change one thing

and you I would hope remember a couple things yes I'm sure you would deeply in love I'm sure that he might have taken your virginity and that created even a deeper Bond and I'm sure that you guys had lots of fun together but you have to also understand something

when somebody comes into our lives and we fall in love is because of one reason

the moment they come into your life doors start opening because you start new experiences with new things with new people one day you're sitting on the couch board and the next thing you're sitting in a roller coaster having fun with the person that you like

and every day that you do something new everyday you experience something new it's a new adventure because they open up those doors for you what you have to understand is each time that door opens and you experience that happiness you have to remember one thing that happiness came from the inside of you you're the only person that can make you happy you're the only person that can make you sad nobody else all those emotions are inside of you

when people come into our lives they open those doors for us to let those emotions out so we can feel our own emotions our own love our own happiness

people get depressed when they break up with somebody because now they have nobody to open up those doors but in all reality

you can open up your own doors because you're the one feeling the emotion behind it

everything you said in your question are you my take it was beautiful as poetic it was you you have a beautiful heart I think you need to open up some more doors and start experiencing more things I remember you're the only one that can make yourself happy or sad

[imtiaz45]

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Be open, honest, and transparent with your partner about your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Listen actively and empathetically to their perspective as well.

Respect each other's boundaries and individuality. While it's important to share experiences and interests, it's equally important to maintain separate identities and pursue personal growth.

Prioritize quality time together. Make time for regular dates, meaningful conversations, and shared activities to strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

Show appreciation and affection regularly. Small gestures of kindness, gratitude, and affection can go a long way in nurturing your relationship and making your partner feel loved and valued.

Finally, be patient, understanding, and supportive during challenging times. Every relationship faces ups and downs, but by facing challenges together with empathy and

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DzYd-6cpLUk

read

[Kelley1]

Young women should marry at ages 18 to 22 when their sexual market value has peaked. However, most don't because they are too stupid to learn that men date down for sex but they marry equals. Therefore, they chase after Chads, the hotest guys that will f**k them and reject their equals that want to marry them.

Perhaps at age 27, after 20 one-night-stands and several going nowhere relationships they finally learn the difference but by then they are left over women; having lost 2/3rds of their sexual market value, they are called Christmas cakes in Japan and oranges at the bottom of the basket in China.

That is the age when women look around and ask, "Where have all the nice guys gone?" That is, where are the guys they rejected in their prime. Of course, the nice guys are still there, but they don't want some old hide that has lost their bloom and have been f**ked by two dozen guys. Instead, they want the sweet, sexy young things they were at ages 18 to 22.

[TheSpaceGnome]

While I agree no drugs (including alcohol), I disagree with your post. After you graduate college, meeting your lifelong match becomes nearly impossible even without a career, adding a career into the mix just removes any hope because you just don't habe the time or same agegroup peer exposure that school brings you.

Its best to date in highschool or college and find your lifelong SO that way, then work on your career goals afterwards, and you should pick an SO who you have the same hobbies, interests, and career goals as, and start a family business together.

[TheSpaceGnome]

have*

[TheSpaceGnome]

By the way, I'm speaking from experience, I persued my education and career goals, now every woman near my age that i'd want in the US is taken already, so I'd need to immigrate to japan or bring over a woman here to get the kind of mental match I'm looking for.

[PeachyPie93]

Hahaha this reminds me of how I failed out of college my first run because I was totally obsessed with my first boyfriend and he lost his job because we were staying up late every night talking on the phone for hours. We did end up staying together for 8 years so it wasn't that big a deal, but my mom was pissed. I did have to pay back my loan but it was only $3,000 so no big deal lol.

[lightbulb27]

agree, it's an expensive education so can make money to survive. not even required, but a good idea for many fields.

messing around and distractions... bad idea. destroying brain cells... bad idea.

relationships are work and take time. some people form good life long ones. most don't.

the problem they are facing... their hormones that have been anoying them for a decade... are in full swing. humans have not evolved.

[Djaay]

Just bc u might have failed doesn't mean others can't succeed. I didn't fail my wife , kids , family or etc. Just bc cause some fail to see the stop sign at the corner , doesn't mean it's a bad thing for the stop sign to be on the corner. Sounds to me your putting yourself before another.

[Nikki_0508]

I didn't say all will fail. I support and congratulate everyone. I mean more in the sense dont go searching for someone. if they come to you, you're lucky. but dont go looking for someone just yet.

[Djaay]

Why not tho?

[Sevenpointfive]

i could explain this to you better but you seem to have your opinion and i don't want to ruin that. instead here's a good song that gives a little insight

https://www.youtube.com/embed/UWvh8gezm_c

[Anonymous]

Relationships in the USA are a thing of the past. They're done. Using someone for ass, status or money isn't a relationship-its prostitution. That's what it's all about in the U. S. now. Relationships require selflessness, sacrifice and patience, and those are 3 qualities Americans are completely devoid of.🤫

[Nikki_0508]

I cannot deny this.. sadly

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

Nothing is ever guaranteed and a relationship is not different. For the kids in uni, regret from action has the same impact later on as regret from inaction. If you dont cause mayhem, when you're young and its socially acceptable, you probably won't get another chance without larger implications. Do the things today, so you dont regret it tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Learning to navigate relationships--including sexual relationships--is a CRITICAL skill for success. You don't accomplish that by avoiding relationships and sex. You have to push forward and explore it, learning as you go. To do anything else is to guarantee failure.

[slatyb]

Promise ring? WTF is that? I hope you weren't raised in purity culture. That's leads young women into abusive relationships.

[Nikki_0508]

Many people in my family have had promise rings. Every marriage of which actually never ended in abuse. IN fact, most of them never did end.

[LazerBean]

Kinda silly for when people give advice about stuff that they're failures at.

[ButtFloggedTroll]

Thanks for summarizing the TLDR. I know all about this mytake and I agree, remember the picture of the woman being wrapped in spider web?

[TenderFantasy]

Why silly? Maybe she learned from them? Her mistakes? I know that I learn from most of my mistakes in life.

[Nikki_0508]

Are you saying that I am a failure at relationships?

[Anonymous]

Why do people think because they've personally have a shitty experinece that they should tell everyone else to not take the same path they did, when litterally thousands of other people have the complete opposite experience on the same path.

[Nikki_0508]

it is advice, not demand. people can get advice from anyone. not just me. it is up to them to take it or not. it is my personal experience, simply something a young adult or child can at least keep in mind.

[Glideess]

I think you're right that it's good to focus on yourself and improving, especially after breakups, but I don't think totally swearing off relationships in your early 20s is good. The main reason I don't regret my previous, failed relationships, is that I learned a lot from them and grew, even if it was painful at the time. I'd much rather go through growing pains in my early 20s so I'm ready when I meet the right girl at the right time, than start the process in my late 20s.

[strateguy632]

maybe you are right, wait til interested in marriage but nobody would listen to that religious idea.

[sean1234]

... and where is God and the bible in that paragraph?🤦🏻‍♂️

[Nikki_0508]

whattt?

[sean1234]

"... Right now, you are what is important..."?

What about God? Read the bible. I prefer KJV, anyways, without Jesus, all relationships are bound to fall apart.

[lorenzomichael]

Listen fuck it don't beat yourself up you're young. The hard part about it, is telling everybody it's off. But down play it like you ended it. Spare yourself the embarrassment. But don't give up on love. There are plenty of us guys in the world.

[KrakenAttackin]

You must have been dumped. Had you done the dumping your post would be very different and centered around "finding yourself".

[Nikki_0508]

I dumped him actually

[Jamie05rhs]

Good MyTake. I mostly agree. I wish I had followed this advice when I was younger.