“You Deserve Someone Better”: The Nicest Way to Break a Heart?

[Anonymous]

The famous sentence we hear after a breakup:

“You are so good… You deserve better.”

It sounds good at first, right? You think the other person has your best interests at heart, that they deem you worthy of more than you deserve. But as time goes by, this sentence starts to get a little more confusing. Because what does it really mean? Is it really said with good intentions, or is it just to avoid emotional responsibility?

“You Are So Good” = “I Am Bad”?
The person who hears this sentence usually has difficulty accepting their own inadequacies and failures in the relationship. That’s why they try to make an excuse. Saying “You are so good, but I couldn’t love you as you should” seems like a more polite way of saying “I don’t deserve you”. But this can actually make the other person feel inadequate. Because saying “You are so good” can be an excuse to distance yourself or find a comfortable way out.

Is She or He Really Thinking of Me?
This sentence may be a sentence in which the other party is not upset with you, but is simply trying to reassure himself. Saying, “You deserve better” may actually be a covert way of saying, “I don’t deserve you, so I have to leave.” In this case, although the person says something like this to avoid upsetting you, they actually clearly want to leave, but they have difficulty taking responsibility for it.

The Hidden Message: “You Were Too Much”
In many cases, there may be another meaning behind this sentence: “You were too much, I couldn’t love you.” In other words, this sentence may actually be a kind of defense like “I didn’t love you, but I had my reasons.” People who are looking for an easier way out when ending a relationship may tell the other person not to be upset by saying, “You deserve better,” but they are actually running away emotionally.

True Kindness: Clarity

If a person loves and truly cares about you, they should be honest and clear when leaving a relationship. Instead of saying, "You deserve better," you could say:

• "My feelings for you have changed."
• "I'm not happy in this relationship."
• "I think we should go our separate ways."

These are ways to be honest and respectful with the other person, no matter how painful it may be. Clarity clears up confusion and allows a person to confront their own feelings.

If someone has said to you, “You deserve better,” know that the problem is not with you. Maybe you are really good, but the other person was not worthy of your love. Or maybe the effort you made at the time was too much for them. No matter what, don’t blame yourself. This does not reflect your worth. True love comes with emotional clarity and honesty, someone leaving does not make you worthy of better. It is just the result of their leaving.

[Summeroflove]

Do I think a lot of people are being honest? No but take rejection for what it is at least they are giving you closure unlike cowards who don’t. I think some people do still care for the person even love the person at some level but they know the relationship isn’t going to work. Ending things on good terms or as good as possible is best then being miserable with one another.

But what you said is completely honest as well as gives clear closure. Not saying “I need a break” from a relationship but really they mean forever. But the other person thinks that it may be a few months but that the relationship isn’t over. It leaves them confused as well as heartbroken to see them with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Because they never did get that closure

[MannMitAntworten]

I had an ex-fiancé who used a variation of that among other things. Years later I would learn it was her guilty conscience festering. She had been cheating. I didn’t know till severals later when I started seeing a nosy woman who pried deeply in my past relationships and thought our end of that particular relationship was bizarre so she looked her up and found a blog by her that mentioned our ‘relationship’ -not that we were engaged when her now husband came into the picture the same month we became engaged. I read that and apparently she at the tine of reading this blog, just had a son who she happens to bestow with my same first name. Interesting …

[Nikki1989]

That is just as weak as the “It's not you, it's me” line.

[Finchie40]

It’s the cowardly way , basically they are implying that they did something wrong or planning to do something wrong that will jeopardize the relationship, it’s their way of not admitting the truth because they are afraid to accept the fact that they are a POS. If a partner says those words to you , just say thanks for understanding because I wasn’t sure about this other person until now , and then walk away

[AndrésC64]

I think it can be an honest statement. I know this isn't real, but it reminds me of Jenny and Forest in Forrest Gump. She knew he loved her and that he wanted to marry her. But she knew that she would not be good for him. He deserved better.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No thats code for they are cheating on you.
Honesty is always the best policy.

[bddddd]

No, he just wanted to make himself feel good

[bddddd]

Adults deal with things differently.