Is There a Mr or Ms. Right?

[Bluegrimoire]

Finding "The One"

I think this probably has been talked about many times here. Here is #myTake on this one.

In my experiences and observations, people tend to attract people that are in some ways "at their level", only a small group of people socially active in wider and diverse social circles.

I think many of us are definitely looking for "The One". Somebody that would make all the relationships in the past not working out makes sense. Some perhaps believe that there is no such thing, while others believe in "soul mates".

Understanding Attraction

People tend to attract those that are similar to them in some ways, perhaps the same values, traits (physical or mental), habits, hobbies. It seems like an impossible search sometimes. I have been through several relationships some with bad breakups some with good breakups but from each I learn something of myself as much as I learn about the other party and about relationship dynamics in general. I have to say that in my perspective my relationship is getting better as I grew more mature. I am getting better at taking care of my woman and I am meeting with generally better women - better in a way that feels more suitable and fits me in many different levels.

Of all those encounters, good or bad, I have found that by building certain qualities in myself, I am becoming more inclined to meet with people that exhibit similar qualities and evidently women with those qualities.

Be True to Yourself

I now believe that the problem is not only that we are not meeting the right person but there are also possibilities that we are not being the right person ourselves. I believe that by making ourselves a better person, we are getting closer to meet with "The One", our "soul mate".

[Tdieseler]

One of the fantasies created by women that eventually becomes a standard that men have to get accustomed or adhere to. Is there a Mr or Mrs Right... yea... my former roommate's name was Leroy Wright lol
Just like the fiction of "the one" such a thing doesn't exist. Compatibility trumps all that, you have to be able to compensate for your partner's imperfection. when she is down, you stand steady, when you are down she does the same. All that said, I still can't trump what @pyramid_princess said... that is the true and short version. People cling on to this nonsense the same way they cling on to "happily ever after". Here is the zinger.. you are NEVER told what happens after. Also, if something happens to Mr or Mrs right or "the one", does that mean you have to be alone forever? NO... people remarry. If there was such a thing as...^^that^^ there would be no divorce, no remarriage, and maybe happily ever after may exist. Sadly there are 7billion people... each and everyone of them could be compatible but most aren't willing to make the effort, why? they don't even understand the concept of how to make a relationship work. Ignorance, selfishness, greed... etc.. play huge roles in this. Hence... even if someone met Mr. or Mrs. Right, they are stepped over for Mr Jock or Mrs Hottie.

[pyramid_princess]

Thanks!

[Tdieseler]

@pyramid_princess You are welcome, by the way, im going to be using your comment sometime soon, just a heads up lol. Its too good, gotta use it.

[pyramid_princess]

Awww thank you, thats a nice of you! Where are you using it?

[Tdieseler]

@pyramid_princess I don't know yet, but one of these days im sure I would have to use it as part of my opinion. i'll try to call you in if i do.

[pyramid_princess]

Lol okay , i have the copyright though haha

[Bluegrimoire]

Well, my opinion is quite clear in this. To sum up, I'd say it's practically a waste of time to look for 'the one' if we do not have thr attributes that we want from another person ourselves. Not by changing ourselves but mainly by understanding our strengths and weaknesses.

[Tdieseler]

@pyramid_princess... haha.. no you don't, i have heard that in other places before... you DO have GaG copyright though lol.
@Take Owner you are damn right. thats why i said its basically up to compatibility. Maybe at some point we'll talk about your take on marriage and the various (and sometimes stupid) requirements people have.

[pyramid_princess]

Haha yeah GAG copyright it is lol

[Bluegrimoire]

Well, perhaps sometimes. I am intrigued to see people's opinion. I am raised in a somewhat prude culture and have pretty strict moral values rooted in. If not for the internet and some fiction books, I'd be a stiff puritan.

[Tdieseler]

mine is a combination of background, personal experience, other people's experiences and lastly.. the internet. but anyone can lie online...

[Bluegrimoire]

Anyone can lie online, that's true for most people but me. I never lie online. ;)

[XNicholeMariex3]

I believe that no one is perfect, but someone could be perfect for you.

[Bluegrimoire]

I could accept that, but I believe that it's only half the equation. We need to also be 'perfect' for someone :)

[ImagineRelease]

I think it's more we need to search for people like ourselves. If we have integrity and respect and find someone like that we're more likely to feel a strong love for that person. but if we keep bringing in people unlike ourselves, OR if we have someone like us when we're lacking those qualities we'll always assume that other person is the problem. And then comes trust. Because we love those whom retain our trust.

[pyramid_princess]

To me a soul mate is someone who doesn't just see the good in me, but sees my flaws too and loves me anyway. Like Marilyn Monroes quoted, " if someone can't accept you at your worst, they sure dont deserve you at your best"

[Bluegrimoire]

True enough. But then again, that revolves around somebody else 'accepting' us as we are. I believe that we can always improve so that the worst of ourselves can be accepted by more people, either by controlling it so that it is more manageable or improving our best qualities to balance it out, hence there will be more potential soulmates for us.

[pyramid_princess]

Yes i agree, if you love someone you will try to improve your qualities like you say. I think making small sacrifices for someone you love is so important. I think if more people did do what you say, there would be less people breaking up and more term relationships

..

[Bluegrimoire]

I think what I put up there is common knowledge, but apparently most of us are too 'in a hurry' to accuse a significant other of not living up to our expectations while forgetting to assess whether or not we have meet their expectations. A relationship goes both ways and the problem I believe is imbalance, most of the time. Let's hope that we can get better first before hoping others to get better for us. :)

[pyramid_princess]

In some past i have expected more of others, cos i was willing to do that much more for them. I created my own heartache through setting my epectations of others too high.

[Bluegrimoire]

That is why I am trying not to expect, I'd give as much as I am able, within reason. The rest is the other person's choice. If things go bad. I have no regrets, I tried my best.

[pyramid_princess]

In the past i did regret the time , energy and trust i gave within a relationship, but i have learned that even though they didn't bring me what i did want, they have actually taught me what i dont want. So now i dont view any relationship as a waste of time.

[Tdieseler]

This... this makes sense. coming from a girl too? double whammy... you have my respect.

[aaliya2015]

The question is not if there is a Mr or Mrs Right, the questions should be is there a Mr or Mrs Wrong?

The answer will answer your question because if one exists the other will too.

[Bluegrimoire]

The real question is "Have you been the right person for your significant other?" That is the point I was trying to get across. "Striving to be Mr/Ms. Right" is by far more logical than "Finding Mr/Ms. Right".

[JackKerouac77]

There are many Mr/Mrs Rights... just gotta find the ones around you.

[Bluegrimoire]

That is a very positive view.

[molan]

My point exactly.

[VanillaSalt]

i dont believe in love... i believe in attraction... different levels of like... stronger the like coupled with specific personality traits makes a relationship last...

[Bluegrimoire]

Interesting view. It reminds me of something I saw in The Matrix Trilogy (I forgot which one). It is something around: "Love is just a word. What really matters is the connection the word implies. What would you give to hold on to the connection?"

[SpareMeYourBs]

I completely agree with Vanilla. Completely. I think once people stop chasing some fictitious goal that was put on TV years ago (The Waltons and Leave It To Beaver, etc.) Society on a whole could accomplish more things. people are dumb thinking they want or need a partner in life to share with.

Think of how much time and energy is WASTED on an unhealthy argument? Learning how to argue correctly can take years. Compare how much ACTUAL satisfaction you get sexually in the bedroom after 3-4 months.

Trust me... i set out wanting to believe all thiz that I have a strong opinion is bullshit. But after years and years of trial and error and blaming myself and my partner for selfishness. ... I am left with nothing but these cold hard truths. And I laugh because SO many people wanna believe in something that actually doesn't make us better... that doesn't make us stronger... and thats another thing: stronger for what? For who? MR/MRS RIGHT? LMFAO

[Bluegrimoire]

It is indeed selfishness that hurts us. Because we feel a sense of entitlement for everything we give out. We expect something in return for everything we believe we sacrificed. The happier people are those who let go of their selfishness, the reality is that this world is not perfect and expecting it to be is foolish. However, nothing is wrong in wanting something good, but we need to first be good ourselves. I have been hurt, time and time again, but to balance it I have felt a lot of happiness as well. Because I do not expect people to always be good, I would rather expect people to be true to themselves and me.

It's okay to be bitter, many of us are. But in most cases the world is dark because it is seen through a sunglasses.

[VanillaSalt]

I found a quote a few years back... "Love"... such a loose, vague, and unreliable word... still im one of them fools that needs someone else... people NEED others to live... were told what other people think dont matter its only what we think thats important... but in fact the opposite is true... its like dealing with antiques... the value of an antique is only equal to what someone is willing to pay for it... one person believes this antique coins worth thousands because of its age but another person dont care about its age and sees it simply as a few ounces of metal worth about as much as the metal... Our lives really only have value when people need us... living for yourself is no way to live...

[Bluegrimoire]

Nice quote. I love it. I do believe that 'love' and 'soulmate' are words that have meanings because we give them meanings. I personally don't believe and will not accept the notion that there is a Mr/Ms right, somebody spritually, divinely assigned to be our partner. However, there are people that we assign special values in our lives. Love is what some parents feel to their children, the willingness to give happiness without feeling the need to demand it back. This is what kept human race surviving. It's parents with a form of selfish 'love' that is mainly self-serving that raises broken children that makes the world and society in general a difficult plqce to live in.

[VanillaSalt]

your comment made me rethink what i said... i guess the relationship between a parent and a child would be love... giving everything for them without anything expected in return... but a relationship between 2 consenting adults is nothing like this... they expect as much as they put out and its not bad... so love between a parent and a child i guess i do believe in... but i can think of next to nothing that compared to the word love outside of parent and child relations...

[Bluegrimoire]

I tried, in all my relationship to give without expecting. But selfishness is really a powerful thing, it's hard not to feel a sense of entitlement after giving out a lot, investing emotionally. But I did try, and that alone helps me to not regret the time spent in the relationship.

I believe that it's that love, the love from a parent to a child that we must somehow replicate in our romantic relationships, it is ideal if it goes both ways. It will be difficult but not impossible. It's that leap of faith that breaks many of us, giving much and then expecting the best but then our partner failed to live up to the expectation.

It's our expectations from a partner versus our partner's circumstances and capabilities that usually hurts when not balanced properly.

[JoshyJames]

This question comes down to personal preferences what I define as ms right may be another man's definite ma wrong, same with women, what one woman describes as mr right will certainly not be what another woman describes as mr right.

[jjodllwedo]

this was beautiful. thanks for your take. it was really good. :) i have a feeling that i might actually be meeting the one rather soon actually.

[Bluegrimoire]

Thank you. Well, in ahort I believe that "finding the one" is not the right approach, "being the one" would be best. While the risk of being hurt is high, when you finally get to the right person, all the hurt will be a journey worth travelling. Best of luck :)

[jjodllwedo]

ah your right i shouldn't have put it that way ^^ thank you!

[Queen_naki5]

This is by far one of the best #Takes worth reading. Short and to the point. Very deep and honest.

[ConanGreenDay1]

You are racist

[Queen_naki5]

@ConanGreenDay1 excuse me?

[Bluegrimoire]

@Queen_naki5 Thank you! :)

[Anonymous]

Excellent point. It's never good to be a nickel chasing a dime.

[Bluegrimoire]

I am not an English native speaker and this is the first time for me to see that expression 'a nickel chasing a dime'. I like it, it sums my point adequately. :)

[Opinion Owner]

No problem but I can't take credit of those words. Thank author, marriage counsellor and motivational speaker Tony Gaskins because he said it first."Nickels wanting Dimes". He has a YouTube channel and in a lot of his videos he goes in depth about it from different angles. :)

[luvme56]

Awesome take.. bro... but i think i should add something for being yourself... if you pretend to be someone else; you will not find the one!

[croxy]

Without readign all this, I'm just going to say "no"

[Findesemana]

I don't believe in soulmates, but then i don't think there is a "one"... there are many people we can be compatible with.

[VIkMK]

Yes I believe, and that's the best thing that can happened to you. (rare but exist)

[Anonymous]

I believe that when u meet your perfect person you will know and love each other no matter what happens. And your match will do the same in return.

[SpareMeYourBs]

No there is not. There is only Mr/Mrs Right now

[muspelhem_3]

I like this take. It is pretty deep.

[WALL-E]

I met my soul mate, and she doesn't like me. :/

[Bluegrimoire]

This is a very good and honest opinion. This means that you might have found your 'soulmate' but have you yourself been 'the one' she was looking in a man? It is entirely possible that while she has built herself qualities that you appreciate, to her you haven't lived up to the qualities that she is looking for.