Dating, Hooking Up, Being in a Relationship and What They Mean

[CHARismatic110]

Hey Guys and Girls!

It's so complicated to put a title on things as far as dating and relationships go these days. And there are so many "rules"! I was having a conversation with some friends the other day and this topic came up. We were trying to figure out just what goes on into each category. It seems that my views were a little different than others so I decided to come here and write myTake on this whole debate. Read on!

Dating: Casual or Exclusive.

"Oh we're not together, we're just dating!"

I don't know how many times I've heard that statement. I used to wonder what the difference was or if there even was one, but as I've gotten older I've come to realize that there most definitely is a difference. By definition according to good old Wikipedia, dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. Uhhh yea, something like that right? In layman's terms, dating is simply going out with someone you could potentially see yourself in a relationship with. Where it's gets tricky for me is when people say that they're dating multiple people. I was under the impression that when you date someone, it's just you and them. I was wrong. Apparently when you're dating, unless it is agreed on by both parties that you will only see each other, it is open game. Meaning a person can date 2 and 3 people at a time. I learned this the hard way. It is important to communicate and make sure to be on the same page. Some people don't like to date more than one person at a time. They like to be date exclusively. Other people prefer to date casually. Either way is fine, but you just need to make sure that both of you are in agreement. It seems that most of the time casual dating leads to exclusive dating anyway. Another mistake some people make is thinking that exclusively dating automatically means that you're in a relationship. Again this is where communication comes into play. Understand this: YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP UNTIL BOTH OF YOU AGREE THAT YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Plain and simple. I'll get more into that in the relationship part though. Back to dating! In my opinion dating is pretty much a process of elimination. And this is where the others disagreed. They feel like there are people that date with no intentions of ever becoming exclusive and eventually entering a relationship. They just wanna have fun. That's not dating. That my friends, is what I call "hooking up".

Hooking Up: What Exactly Does That Entail?

So you're talking this new guy/girl and you guys are hitting it off. You go out on a date and then come back to one your places. Once there you guys kiss. The kiss leads to more kissing which leads to a full on make out session with slight groping. And that's as far as it goes. When you talk about it with your friends (because lets be honest, you WILL talk about it) and they ask how far it went which answer do you give?

A. We hooked up but we didn't have sex.

B. We made out but we didn't hook up.

My personal answer would be A. To me hooking up is any kind of kissing (on the mouth, neck area, chest/breast area) touching and feeling (over it under the clothes) and that's it. Sex is sex. Oral included. I thought this was common sense. But not everyone thinks that way. Enter option B. Some people look at hooking up like another term for having sex. So who's right? I guess it all kind of falls under the same category. You can not do all the kissing, touching stuff and still have sex. And you can do all that and not have sex. I guess it's a preference. Let's just call anything over a few kisses a hook up for arguments sake.

Relationships: The End Result

Usually the result of people who've been exclusively dating and are ready for the next stage. I say exclusively because I just don't think that you can go from casually dating multiple people to jumping into a relationship with one of them. I mean you could, but I'm doubtful that it would last long. But that's just me. Anyway, being deciding to be in an actual relationship is not as simple as it sounds. First things first, it is SO IMPORTANT to make sure that both parties are ready and in agreement that that is what they want to do. You can't do that without communicating. DTR! Define the relationship people! Make it clear what you want. Make sure you are listening to and understanding what they want. These 2 things should be aligning. If they aren't then you should wait to start a relationship. Don't go into a relationship if you aren't completely sure that you guys are on the same page. Also don't go into it thinking that you can change something. Most times you can't and that was made clear from the beginning.

Closing Remarks

One of the things that my friends and I agree on is that communicating is important in all 3 of this topics. Whether you're still in the dating stage or just hooking up or starting a relationship, the key is to make sure that you and you're partner understand each other and are on the same page. It'll make things so much easier. Be safe in all that you do and I hope you guys enjoy myTake on this! Thanks! ✌✌✌

[kheserthorpe]

My get a lot of women asking me for advice about this and one answer I can almost never get clearly is what they think the difference between exclusive dating and a relationship is.

Back in the dark ages when I was actually dating, people didn't act like 'relationship' was a major thing. Some people did have ONS. Some people did go on dates without being a couple. But once they were exclusive (which was often immediately) they were a couple till they split.

What's changed? The rise of friends with benefits . And for people who have friends with benefits a 'relationship' is a major difference. I think that thinking has infected the rest of the world.

As far as I can tell a relationship basically means you're dating exclusively, you will make some effort to overcome problems, you will break up officially not just vanish. And that's it, as a minimum.

So if you know each other well I see no reason not to try a relationship right away.

Casual dating is more for people who don't know each other well bit have some mutual interest in seeing if there is potential.

[CHARismatic110]

I feel like there is a difference between exclusively dating and being in a relationship. I think that when people are exclusively dating they're still in the learning each other stage. And yes you can still be learning each other in a relationship but 2 people who are exclusively dating are still feeling each other out. After a few dates you may decide that you aren't that into him/her. That's why some people prefer to date more than one person at a time because it kind of speeds up the process of elimination.

[kheserthorpe]

Well if you weren't friends first and are only a few dates in then sure you're just 'dating'.

And I do understand you could do that exclusively or not.

But I talk to people who have been dating and sleeping together for months wondering if a relationship would be rushing things. I don't know what they're talking about tbh.

[CHARismatic110]

Well most people that are dating haven't been friends first. They become friends during the process. And yes there are people that have been dating and sleeping together but don't call what they have a relationship and I think that's because the idea of saying that you're in an actual relationship scares some people. It's like once you put an official title on things it goes downhill because people complicate things. That's why it's important to DTR.

[kheserthorpe]

I think for some people defining things forces them to acknowledge they don't see things remotely the same. In which case they should split. By not talking they can drift along each imagining it's what they hope.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree. But why would you wanna waste time like that. Eventually it's gonna end anyway, and probably not on good terms. Talking and acknowledging things isn't always fun, but it helps in the long fun.

[justdoitgirl]

After reading this im speechless

[CHARismatic110]

Why?

[alphadoggystyle]

Very much agreed on the communication part. The main reason i created this account here is because of a girl who lead me on and then simply refused to communicate with me afterwards. Its very disrespectful to not allow for communication when your partner is trying to do it. Dont just interpret the persons actions and expect the worst intentions, ask and if the person hasn't given you a reason already why he/she isn't trustworthy, at least try to trust he is being genuine, while keeping expectations in check.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree. And I know your situation lol. But it's so easy to get signals crossed or to misinterpret something someone said or did. That's why it pays to open up your mouth and speak on it!

[alphadoggystyle]

I would personally always ask if i noticed some strange behavior from my dating partner. Rather than make assumptions (you make an ass of yourself when you do that lol).

However i begin to realize that early on for some women, it can be a smart idea for the guy to be vague so she gets curious about your intentions.. this can keep her coming back. I really dont want to be that guy but so much i learn and hear from others makes me think this is important. But maybe for immature girls mainly

[CHARismatic110]

See no. That's playing games. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If she doesn't get it then it's because she doesn't want to. But definitely don't assume. If I sense a guy is being vague or holding back I take that as them not being interested.

[alphadoggystyle]

yeah i guess it depends on the girl what works, so better to be yourself so you automatically filter out the ones that dont fit.

[CHARismatic110]

Exactly. Always be yourself. If he/she doesn't like it then that's their loss.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Yep. I ALWAYS ask what people mean when then use certain words. Not just in romantic relationships, but every other time as well (unless I can pick up the context).

I'd probably talk more than most with the gal I'm dating / courting / etc with than most men.

[CHARismatic110]

It's always good to ask questions. In everything. And that's great! I like my guy to be able to talk to me. Communication is an important part of the foundation of a healthy relationship.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Yep for sure. On a date, I would actually put the phone on silent and DND (Do Not Disturb) so I can focus on the girl entirely and what we're talking about.

[funkipunk]

Very good article! I agree with your breakdown/description of all of the terms!

Communication is key :)

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you! Communication is a huge part of what makes a relationship successful.

[Findesemana]

dating to me is getting to know each other... together is when there is exclusivity...

[CHARismatic110]

Which is basically what I said except for some people like to only get to know one person at a time as opposed to multiple people.

[Anonymous]

this comes a bit too late for me :(

[CHARismatic110]

Meaning what?

[Opinion Owner]

The bit about the dating and relationship. Its the kind of thing that would be helpful to be taught in schools, rather than the constant reminders you're expected to go to university in order to succeed in life.

by the way, not 13 y/o I'm 17. And still made that mistake. Exceedingly pissed off at myself.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol well 17 is still plenty young. You still have time. I mean you're gonna make mistakes. That goes without saying, but what you take away from them is important. You're probably just getting started with dating and all. You'll be fine!